At 12:04 AM 11/25/99 -0500, DB Sommer wrote:
Timerunner wrote:
"Good morning. I am Katsuragi Misato, Captain, Operations
Commander, deputy head of Public Relations, and I represent the
organization known simply as NERV. Welcome to the NERV recruitment
seminar."
"Oh, my God!" Sakamoto whispered. "She's a babe!"
"She's the Operations Commander!" Kobayashi breathed.
"She's my neighbor!" Godai exclaimed.
The only fact that really matters. ^_^
Sakamoto and Kobayashi stared at Godai.
"It's true!" Godai said. "She's that beer-chugging woman who
lives a room down from me. It's just that I've never seen her like
this before."
ie: sober.
[snip]
"Greetings, Kanrinin-san," Yotsuya said, tipping his hat to
Kyoko. He was decked out in his trench coat again, and he looked like
he stayed
had stayed
Oops. Right.
up the night before.
"Welcome back," Kyoko said, pausing her front-step-sweeping.
"May I ask where were you all night?"
"At my job," Yotsuya replied casually. "Say, isn't young Godai's
application for internship today?"
And he deftly changes the subject.
Has anyone written a fic where his job is explained?
(evil grin) I think you just read it.
"Why, yes," Kyoko replied. "I hope he does well. It'd be good
job experience for him."
"I suppose so, but what skills could he possibly bring to the
outfit
'organization' seems better to me than 'outfit' when referring to NERV
Hmm. I guess.
"Well," Godai said, "I was really surprised when I saw you come
out. You're really pretty when you want to be."
Of course, that implies she's not pretty at other times. (That's the way a
woman woudl interpet the comment, in any case. ^_^)
How true.
[snip]
Hmm. Only one grammar comment, and even that was more a personal opinion
than pointing out a mistake. Nice work. The story is moving along slowly,
but surely.
Thanks. It's getting there...
Thanks for your detailed C&C again. It's hard to find good C&C these
days... ^^;
=====
TimeRunner's Web Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
=====
Indeed, it seems to me, one of the most vital qualities for a writer to
have is an ability to see the potentialities for impending doom in
everything that happens.
- Dwight Swain