DB Sommer wrote:
% weee. At long last, it's back:
There's a pig in my yard.
% I have the irristable urge to make some sort of hentai comment in
response to that, but nothing comes to mind.
You might try "I've never heard it called that before." This is a good
all-purpose one, and has the advantage of sounding even more pervo when
it doesn't fit well.
about the size of a pickle jar,
with a bit of cloth tied about his neck. I only spotted him because I
heard a little snuffling grunt as I was fishing for my keys. Opening
the door, I set my groceries inside and sit on the steps to watch.
% Ah. I remember this. Wasn't this at the end of chapter 3, though?
No. Chapter three ends with Tatewaki in the mental ward. This has
always been intended as the opening of chapter four.
"Are you lost?"
He nods this time, and so I gather him into my hands. He struggles at
first, but calms as I cradle him against my chest.
% Yep. that's good ole Ryouga.
He's fallen asleep.
% Passed out, more likely.
See my monograph "The Paralytic Effect of Bosoms on the Young Hibiki."
<grin>
Next morning comes, and I lock Kuroneko in the house as I leave for
school. He seems unhappy, and thumps the door a few times as I leave.
% I'd say 'depart' instead of 'leave' simply because the second word in the
next sentence is 'left.' I minor nit, I know, but they seemed a bit too
close.
I've left
I'll come up with something.
"France." Why not?
% Because the French are weird. ^_^
The French have been getting their asses kicked back and forth for over
a thousand years. This has made them suspicious and cranky.
"My dear Kodachi, I've seen you
look at him. You practically wet yourself.
% A bit crude for Nabby.
Well, until I have something better....
I move to tear the photo in half, but it puts itself in my bookbag.
% Got to hate it when they do that.
I recently had a flatbed scanner break into my home and take my money.
"NO!" shouts Ryoga. He shoves Ranma away and plants himself between
us. "I won't let you take advantage of this innocent young girl!"
% Hehe. And Kodachi manages to gain a suitor.
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" bellows Ryoga, and the two are at it again.
% Nice Ryouga reaction
Touchy, ain't he?
Akane grabs my arm, swinging me around to face her. "Listen," she says
with quiet intensity. "He's just a boy, okay? Boys are jerks. It's
stupid to cry because some jerk won't pay attention to you." She seems
to consider something for a moment, then continues. "Anyway, forget
about him. You don't need him. You'll just make yourself crazy."
% Too late. No. wait, She's getting better. Never mind.
He doesn't want to go out with me. How silly I've been. He doesn't
want to go out with me because I've been a boring little mouse. How
dull. Crying, moping, cringing with shame--but no more. I'll have a
little pride, and be exciting and strong. I can win him. I will win
him.
% I do believe this might bode ill.
There are better things that could be boding here.
Home. I pelt
% pelt?
Run quickly, dash, the skin of a fur-bearing animal.
Ranma pulls a face.
% 'makes' sounds better than 'pulls' to me
I don't like 'makes.' Maybe I can find a third word.
"Oh, he's trained to do that," I say. "Let me put him up." Kuroneko
struggles as I take him over to the house, and tries to push his way out
before I can close the door. "Stop," I scold. "You're being bad."
Eventually, I get the door closed, and he appears at a window, snout
pressed against the glass.
% Hehehe. I like the way you write Ryouga too.
"You *did* win, right?"
% She's got him.
A good firm grip on the ego.
% Waaa! It's too short. I still want more.
D.B. Sommer
If you sit on a rock for three years, you will receive your reward.
-- David