None of the characters used are mine.
MEAL OF DEATH
by Lucres Annuiteas
Akane stared angrily at Ranma, almost as if she
were daring him to refuse her.
"COME ON, Ranma. You haven't even tried it yet."
She gritted her teeth and held the plate of food in
front of said-person's nose. The strong smell caused
him to tilt his head back.
What Akane had thought of as food was a large mass
of greyish-green matter smeared across a small lump of
brown-looking material. It resembled nothing of what
Ranma would call food. The red bubbles that
occasionally rose out of it did nothing to heighten
any desire he might have (but didn't) had to taste
such a foul-looking concoction. He looked back up at
Akane and swallowed fearfully, before opening his
mouth again to answer her.
"Okay. I'll eat it. Actually, it kinda looks
delicious!" Ranma exclaimed.
"Ooooh! You jer--Huh? What did you say?" Akane
asked, shocked.
"I said I'd eat it."
Akane's eyes glazed over as she thought of what had
just happened. Ranma actually agreed to eat her food?
This NEVER happened. In fact, she never even EXPECTED
it to EVER happen. Her thoughts turned to happiness as
she thought of the possibilities.
If he was actually going to eat her food, maybe it
meant that he had changed. Maybe he was going to start
acting nice, considerate person, instead of the
INconsiderate jerk he normally was.
She smiled as she shook herself out of her reverie
and pleasurable fantasies.
Only to find the plate 'food' at her feet and Ranma
nowhere in sight.
"Argh...Ranma! You jerk!"
$ E N D $
Opening with fanfiction cliches tends to turn off
a lot of readers, who have seen such openings millions
of times. And after reading that many openings, most
probably delete any fic that begins with one. If you
can make it interesting enough or put a little twist
on it, though, you could capture the reader's
attention and lose the risk of scaring off potential
regulars, which I think was the point Mr. Kleppe was
trying to bring up.
However, I do agree that a lot of people get their
exposure to Ranma 1/2 from the anime. Getting a feel
for a series from the manga is just a preference for
some, and telling others that's where they should get
their characterizations can only be a preference. And
having that Ranma Project site constantly thrown at
you _can_ get annoying (don't forget,
http://ranmascan.dhs.org). (Doh! Now he's got me doing
it...)
When I read the story, the action seemed very
confused and winding. Like previous responses said,
you might want to get rid of all that excess material.
It might also help if you didn't dwell too much on the
'Akane's bad cooking' thing, too, if that's how you
want to keep the opening.
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L.A.
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