(This only has one 'part'; I split up what was going to be three into two chapters. #4 should be out in a week or two.)
SPOOF CHASE PRODUCTIONS
(http://spoof.maison-otaku.net/)
PRESENTS...
[ Slayers Demiurge ]
book three
"Transition"
A Slayers Fanfic Series by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(Certain characters copyright H. Kanzaka / R. Araizumi,
obviously. If I ever even considered claiming that those
were my own characters I'd probably be thrown into a small
cell where I'd be forced to eat my own writer's block to live.)
Check out the web center with fanart and more, at
--> http://pixelscapes.com/slayers/demiurge <--
-=-
When a bard sits down to tell a story, a story of heroes and legend,
there's an assumed convention in place known as time compression.
The rule works like this : Nobody wants to hear three hours of prose
poetry to a lightly strummed lute that can be summarized as 'And then they
rode from City A to City B, and the trip took three weeks'. In general, an
audience wants to get to the good bits, like the bloody swordfight that
happens in City A and the damsel in distress who was wooed into questionable
activities in City B, before being dumped so the hero could sneak off to City
C.
But what this convention denies is the quiet times in between City A and
City B. A time when everybody can unwind, enjoy a nice repetitive / dull as
six year old nails trip, and be nice and rested for the incredible battle they
have to survive in City B. If heroes really had to bop from place to place at
rapid fire and do heroic deeds in both, we'd have fewer heroes, or more heroes
with post traumatic stress disorder, neither of which makes for good stories.
Besides, a lot of interesting things can happen en route to certain
death, so it's good to enjoy it while it lasts...
--------------
three part one
--------------
Lina kicked a nearby rock and grumbled several curses in multiple
languages. "This is BORING!" she shouted (as she was prone to do). Then she
resumed pacing in the tight oval which had already begun to wear into the
cheap rug.
"Oh, I don't know, it could be worse," Penny said, enjoying a
complimentary pulp book of rumors about famous people that had been provided
in the waiting area. She fed another complementary peanut to the non-
complementary Wandering Monster Table. (How the table ate was a mystery.
Usually, one moment you'd be looking, next you wouldn't, next thing you know
the food was gone. If you tried to just watch, it'd be too shy to enjoy
dinner.)
"I still say we should just buy some horses to get to Darata. Horses
move nice and fast, faster than walking, and you don't have to sit around for
five hours waiting for them!" Lina protested. "What's so great about this
boat you've got us passage on, anyway?"
"It's a Hydroplane!" Penny proclaimed, putting down the pulp paper. "Not
a BOAT. Really, Lina, live in the now!"
"This isn't one of those magical flying vehicles you were raving about
before, is it?" Lina asked suspiciously. "Where you push levers and zoom
around the sky?"
"Oh, of course not. I mean, a vehicle that flies from place to place is
silly," Penny laughed.
"Good, good--"
"It sort of hops over very long distances," Penny said. "You can't go
really really fast in the water but you can't stay in the air very long
without coming back down, so it sails like a ship while building steam for a
short, fast machine powered flight and keeps alternating. Doesn't that sound
FUN?"
Lina turned green. "No, it doesn't sound fun!" she complained. "All
that lurching around, waiting to crash back into the ocean at high speed!
Least pleasant and most dangerous transportation I've ever heard of!"
"It's not all THAT bad. We took one out to Amusement Reef summer before
last, and had a lot of fun. They've got rooms you can sleep in on the way,
and there's dancing, and food--"
"Food?" Lina asked, hearing the magic word. Her stomach rumbled in
agreement with her brain.
"GOURMET food," Penny added, clueing in fast to Lina's goals in life.
"Hydroplane! I'm all for it! Sounds fun!" Lina decided. "I hope it
gets here soon. VERY soon. I'm starving. Where's Zoey Bananas, anyway?"
"That's Zoamel Gustav!"
"Whatever. Haven't seen him in an hour. Where'd old tall, pale and
smashing go?"
[*]
Usually, when one thinks of a port town, they would think of
A) Salty dogs and/or Swarthy sailors and/or Hardy lads
B) Seagulls
C) Wooden crates
D) Prostitutes
E) Gambling, looting, thievery, murder, arson, that sort of thing.
While it's true that Zeifelia was still a very traditional country, very
much liking the salty dogs who move wooden crates and consort with prostitutes
while gambling and looting, they also liked profit. Profit came from
shipping, yes, but it also came from the booming personal transportation trade
-- getting people around the world in whatever crazy vehicle had just been
invented. The newer the concept, the more popular.
Thus, if the half of the port Lina and company had visited was on the
west, they would probably be tangling with mean lookin' sailors on dirty docks
with bad pollution. As is, they were in the 'nice' half where tourists
unloaded matching luggage, enjoyed cocktails, and listened to piano in port
bars. Which is why Zoamel was playing music and not fighting off twenty men
at once.
Zoamel ignored the half-empty drink he had placed on a coaster on the
grand piano, and continued to play. Playing to a nearly-packed house, sweet
melodies of a classical symphony delighting young and old alike... but mostly
female.
Lina stomped her way over to the enclosed bar area and had to wedge
herself through the throng of women who had gathered to listen to Zoamel's
music, swoon, and whisper to each other how handsome this new piano player
was. (Getting through THAT kind of crowd was actually harder than plowing
through a gang of sword toting sailors.)
Before she could shout at him for wasting time and drawing undue
attention to them, three of the girls clamped a hand over her mouth, and three
on one is definitely bad odds.
"Shhh!" they hissed in unison. "He's almost done!"
Indeed, Zoamel's music was coming to a pleasant, low-key crescendo. His
eyelids remained closed the whole time, reading the notes off the back of his
mind, playing them out with such gentle precision and emotion to make a
swarthy... okay, maybe not a swarthy man weep, but at least tear up a little.
The current crowd was already about to bawl.
Then he hit the last five closing notes, each one slower and softer than
the other, and the song was over. A respectable silence echoed, before the
applause, and tips dropped into his drink glass, liquid or no. Soon he had
more spare change than he had bourbon.
Zoamel stood, and bowed once, a sweeping gesture, but stepped away from
the piano before any groupies hounded him, pulling Lina along with him.
"...since WHEN are you a musician??" Lina protested, keeping her voice
down, not to alarm anybody admiring Zoamel from afar.
"Since approximately four hundred and fifty years ago," Zoamel said
calmly, sitting and starting to fish money out of his drink. "I was not
always Zoamel Gustav, you realize. I have had a rather successful tenure as
four different shapes in my lifetime as a Demiurge. One fading after the
other, but I never forget."
"The more you tell me about this, the less I want to BE one," Lina
reminded him, turning her chair around to straddle it and make herself
comfortable. "I am me. Me I am, Lina I be, that's how it is. I'd rather not
blur off into the sunset when people forget me and then pop up as, like,
Znordar, God of Nasal Blockages!"
"I said I would aid you," Zoamel reminded, sipping his rich beverage.
"Mmm. And I will."
"Right, right. Now, the question is, HOW? Who exactly are we going to
see in Darata? You mentioned a Demiurge that 'got out'...?"
"I'm afraid I no longer know where he is. But I have.. an old associate,
who works out of Darata at this time," Zoamel explained. "He will be able to
provide us with a lead, and perhaps even the location of the Tooth Fairy."
Lina let her mouth hang open in shock for a bit. It's easier than
resisting the muscles that want it to sag there. Zoamel paid no attention,
finishing his drink, and nudging it aside carefully.
Finally, Lina snapped her fingers. "OI! Drink! Anything!" she ordered.
A waitress swooped in, with a glass, which Lina took, paying for with some of
the loose change on the table.
Then she tossed the drink in Zoamel's face.
"...is something vexing you?" Zoamel asked, not flinching in the
slightest from the splash. But he did fish a handkerchief out of his shirt
pocket.
"I said I wanted a SOLUTION to my little condition, not a fairy tale!"
Lina complained. "You mean to tell me the WHOLE POINT of this quest is to go
find the Tooth Fairy?"
"That is what I implied, yes."
"The magical woman with sparkly wings who swaps your kiddie teeth for
cash when you're asleep?"
"The same."
"Zoamel... the Tooth Fairy doesn't EXIST, okay? Nobody believes in her,
not even kids. They know it's just their parents playing a joke. Hell, a kid
down the block plucked out most of his teeth and his parents, so worried about
shattering his frail childhood innocence, made him independently wealthy! He
was laughing all the way to the bank--"
"Why do you think nobody truly believes in the Tooth Fairy anymore?"
Zoamel asked, like dropping a baited hook into a lake in front of a large
mouthed bass.
"Well, duh! Because the Tooth Fairy doesn't exist!!"
"Not anymore, no."
"Right. ---what?"
"Not anymore," Zoamel said. "The Tooth Fairy managed to stop being a
Demiurge. When that happened, belief in her faded away, to little more than a
joke. Just as people shape us with belief, we shape belief, in certain
situations. We are going to find where she has retired, and find out how it
was done. I'm afraid I don't know how she managed to do this, myself, since I
never considered being something I am not."
Lina scratched her chin.. and smiled. As if she was always in on the
joke and found it real clever, rather than taking it hook like and sinker.
"Right! Well, that makes perfect sense! So your contact in Darata can find
the Ex-Fairy. Terrific! Look, we'd better get out there, the Hydrowhatsit's
gonna be here soon. Don't want to miss the half-boat."
"Very well," Zoamel said, pocketing the rest of his tips. "Although I do
miss the music. There is very little opportunity for music and song in
Martina's cult, as much as I appreciate their worship. But sometimes, I would
miracle a stray rat to nudge open the window of the temple, and listen to the
music from across the street..."
"Yeah, that's nice. We should--"
"Unfortunately, Melody is no more," Zoamel said, with a dark tone to his
voice, rather than the pleasant nostalgia of only a moment before. "That song
I played is all that truly remains. But you knew that already. We all saw
the aftermath."
Lina paused. Her memory flickered, putting things together.. as she
stared at Zoamel. "Wait, you mean...? The fire from last night..."
"I'm afraid she is no more," Zoamel said, pushing his chair aside. "Her
followers, her temple, and then her. Perhaps it's best for you to leave the
fold, Lina. The Demiurges are quickly becoming an endangered species. The
age of reason has made us obsolete... or rather, is making us obsolete quite
aggressively."
[*]
Clenching sheets, tossing and turning, the sweat oozing through cracks in
his skin like a volcano ready to burst...
The dream never changes. Not the order of events, not the cut off times,
nothing.
I'm home, he thinks, as he gazes over the sleepy forest town. Adjusts
his mask, so he won't alarm anyone who knew him--
I think there is a way, she had said, thumbing through book after book,
from a poorly made shelf. A sad, but beloved little library. My studies may
TECHNICALLY be banned, but I can't turn you away. We're family!
You don't have to, his voice spoke as she moved around the dusty mill.
I'm used to disappointment. I've tried everything there is.
"You're used to the old way of doing things. I can reverse Grandfather's
sin, Zel-kun. I've studied it, studied it with the scientific method, I think
I can put this right--"
--the night, night so silent, usually there's a thunderstorm, there ought
to be a thunderstorm. But just silence, unrelenting calm. Tension.
Unrelenting tension.
The first pains, as the device funnels its power into him. On the edge
of hearing, an overjoyed shout, it's working, it's working. Look down. See
the circle. A circle of pure, perfect skin, human flesh, spreading outward,
genetics rewritten, a spread like an inverted virus--
Screams, screams as the shadows flicker, as she's cut down like wheat
before a thresher. The high priest declaring this experiment illegal under
some absurd law, some anti-technology fright that had gripped the backwater
town, irrationality, fear and loathing, ever since hearing about the Mazoku at
the North Pole and--
The circle dying, reverting to stone. Silent. Someone suggests
disposing of the 'freak', just as they had the madwoman.
And then blood. Relentless blood. And in the end, Zelgadis stood over
his enemies, the ones responsible, over her body as well, his own stone shell
heaving with exhaustion, with emotional strain, as he turned the blade around
and found he couldn't carve a rock of ages with simple steel--
Zelgadis awoke. He didn't scream when he woke; that wasn't his nature.
But the nightmare shattered what little rest he was getting, making him sit
bolt upright, the metal frame of his bed creaking from the shock of the
motion.
What had woken him? His dream usually lasted longer than that.
The bell, of course. The steam whistle bell on his quarters. He pulled
a shirt on over his craggy body, buttoning it across the perfectly smooth
circle of unusually light gray stone, and answered the call.
The doors slid apart with a sharp HISS. Everything around here had that
hiss, the pneumatic hiss, the great steam conduits that powered all machines
in the Imperial Palace of Sairaag.
"It's morning, Zelgadis," she said, walking in, her heels clicking as
they always did on the metal. She sat at his work desk, pulling some maps and
mission briefing papers from her clipboard. "I think we stand a good chance
of removing the one in Darata next. The seeds of revolt we organized are
taking hold. It was a good plan, I have to commend you."
"It only stands to reason," Zelgadis stated, walking over, to stand
behind Elizabeth, the unofficial Empress of Sairaag. "They're like children.
Fear drives them, rumors control them, chaos takes them. Are they ready to be
led, however?"
"Weapon shipments are almost ready at the portal room. You and Roy will
deliver, lead them into battle, they'll handle the rest. I trust you were
successful last night?"
Zelgadis fished an object from his pack, hanging by the bedside -- a palm
sized white disc, with a glowing purple and gray cross. Screws held the
object shut, a material not like stone, not like metal...
He tossed the device to Elizabeth, who caught it neatly, and stored it in
her lab coat's many pockets.
"No resistance to speak of. The cultists were not warriors, and the
Eradicator did its job. Roy was too drunk to work, but it didn't matter,"
Zelgadis said... starting to rub Elizabeth's shoulders through the lab coat,
carefully, so as not to hurt her. "I don't see what you see in your brother.
He's next to worthless. I'm not just saying that because I accidentally
resorted to magic to free him, I genuinely dislike the man. Besides, you know
I'm capable of handling the campaign without his bravado and unpredictable
emotional issues."
Elizabeth turned, in the hard metal chair. "I would rather he die than
you," she said, simply. "You are too important to me. And yes, your emotions
are under better control... unless you don't want them to be. I know you.
Ever since you first came to Sairaag, hoping to continue the research, and I
wasn't afraid of your skin..."
She stood. The two shared a kiss. It wasn't a very passionate one, but
as a gesture, it was effective enough to suit the purposes. Zelgadis stepped
over to his bedside, hauling his modified Sairaag-issued gunblade up on its
strap, and turning to go.
"I won't be long," he said. "This poses no significant problem."
"I'll be waiting for your return," Elizabeth said, regaining the 3% of
composure she had lost. "Soon, Zelgadis. Soon we will complete her research.
She will not have died in vain."
[*]
To say the Aquatic Mongoose looked a little strange is to say that the
waters it sailed on were a little damp and the sky it flew through was
partially composed of oxygen. It was a very, very odd craft, unlike anything
Lina had seen to date.
Granted, she was familiar with really huge nasty machines. There was
Martina's original Zoamel v. 0.9b, which managed to level most of a city
before exploding and taking out the rest. There was that huge yellow
orihalcon tank built by the elves that managed to destroy most of a city
before Lina knocked it into a mountain, doing less damage than Martina's...
Given that the only machines Lina had any working knowledge of were
psychotic death machines that lowered property values, she was a little
hesitant to set foot in another large one. Especially not the Mongoose.
It was like someone couldn't decide if they wanted a watercraft with cool
fins and spoilers and large propellers and a few sails just in case, or an
aircraft with larger propellers, huge metal wings that flapped awkwardly in
the air or funny looking propellant exhaust pipes that you could stuff three
fourths of an army in and not plug completely.
"You're CERTAIN this thing is safe?" Lina asked. Although her stomach
had already made up its mind and was tugging her along up the entrance ramp,
all the same.
"Positively positive," Penny answered, walking ahead without much worry,
carrying the Table so it wouldn't slip off the ramp and fall to a watery grave
much to Lina's disappointment. "They're a lot of fun. It's like being in a
huge flying house, and waking up the next day where you want to be!"
The porter offered to carry bags, despite a lack of them, and refused to
leave until Zoamel tipped him with half of his pocket money.
The interior hallways were trimmed to the nines with expensive rugs,
tapestries, fragile looking chandeliers that you don't want to stand under,
and so on. Lina tapped a strip of wall decorations -- pure gold. She could
sense gold by touch, after years of exposure to it.
"Expensive," she commented aloud.
"Don't worry, I took my trust fund out from the place mom had hidden it,"
Penny said casually.
"You WHAT?"
"Well, I didn't want to go on to business school, since I was going to
adventure for a living, and that meant the money was going to waste, sooo..."
"Oi, oi. Your mom's gonna kill us," Lina grumbled.
"Relax! She won't care. She doesn't care about anything," Penny said,
going from jovial to moody in the span of three sentences. She checked the
cabin number they had stepped up to, matching it on the ticket, and opened the
door...
Right into the heart of luxury. Even the bed sheets sparkled.
"So! Here we are," Penny said. "We--"
Lina blew past her like an orange and purple comet, pouncing on the bed,
plucking a tiny foil wrapped square up as the spoils of victory.
"Complementary mints!!" she declared, unwrapping and popping it into her
mouth. "Phew. I needed the sugar."
Zoamel walked in calmly, after the rush had passed. Appraised the
surroundings, gave a cursory nod. "This is nice," he understated, and turned
to go. "Don't worry, I do not sleep, so I won't interrupt your privacy on the
trip. I'll just be exploring this curious vessel for awhile."
"Yeah, yeah, knock yourself out," Lina said, too enrapt in the glories of
freshly pressed sheets and fluffy pillows to pay much attention to the reality
around her. "I could get used to the future. Ahhhhhh. Sleep like a dream of
a feather on the softest cloud at the highest mountain and then some!"
A stone table landed on her head most uncomfortably.
"Demiurge!" it chirped.
Penny looked up in time to see the table rebound off the ceiling and land
on her own bed, all four legs waggling around in the air as it landed on its
back. Or top. However one could possibly describe the anatomy of a Wandering
Monster Table.
"Hey!" she protested, scooping it up and cuddling it as well as one can
cuddle morphic stone. "Don't hurt poor Table-chan! He's just trying to
play."
"'Table-chan'?? Let him go play on the plank!" Lina barked. "Honestly,
Penny, that thing's already SERVED its purpose. It identified me, yahoo. I
don't think we're going to hit any other instances of monster identification!
Why didn't we sell him when we got to port like I suggested?"
"Well, he's.... he's cute," Penny defended, stroking the table along its
surface. It cooed in a very joineryesque way. "And he doesn't mean any harm,
and I don't see why you have to be so mean to him. I thought Lina Inverse was
only antisocial towards criminals?"
"Hey, I am NOT antisocial!!" Lina barked. "Now go away. I've got lots
of luxury to enjoy and room service to order and questing to plan or
something."
"...I don't think you want to order room service," Penny said, picking up
a pamphlet from her bedside.
"I have the hunger of ten men right now! Aside from that skimpy
breakfast, I haven't had a meal of proper size in--"
"There's a full ten course banquet tonight in the main ballroom," Penny
explained, pointing to the flyer.
"Of course, I can always wait a little longer!" Lina decided, on her feet
and snatching the paper away in a nanosecond. "Yahoo! Now, THIS is the only
way to travel. Who needs horses?! Let's see, drinks, music, dancing,
foooood... and.......... FORMAL WEAR?!"
[*]
Of all the complaints leveled against magic by various scienticians,
technocrats and savants, one in particular is hard to disagree with : It's not
very practical.
Sorcerers can bend the world. They can destroy things in a large variety
of ways, heal people, knock things over, heal people, blow stuff up, set traps
that blow people up or curse people and make them explode when they're least
expecting it. Fireball, Flare Arrow, Dragon Slave, Restore, Curse,
Resurrect, maybe a few cool effects like Reverse Time... and that's basically
it in terms of variety. At least, that's all the magic people bother to
learn, under the assumption that it's all you need to know.
"But," philosophers state, "Can magic produce a single apple? Can it be
as glorious as the work of the Lord?" Then some irate sorcerer sets them on
fire, but that's besides the point. Magic has yet to develop spells people
REALLY need... such as Purge Door to Door Solicitor, Speed Checkout Counter
Efficiency, Silence Small Yapping Dogs, or in this case, Summon Formal Wear.
For the sorcerer on the go, wardrobe runs light and tends to have little
range. Lina, in particular, usually kept some spare capes and a second,
identical outfit around -- and that was it.
Much to Lina's disgust, Penny had actually thought ahead and had some
formal clothes with her. Along with casual clothes, winter clothes,
toiletries, personal knick knacks, a diary, some spare weapon parts, oil for
blades, an illustrated atlas of the world and a teddy bear. Carrying the pack
she held it all in was a good way to develop strong abs.
Unfortunately, when she opened her pack, it exploded.
"It's sewing it all back together that's hard to do when all you wanted
was a toothbrush or something," she pointed out, unfolding the dress /
passport to a nice dinner, while Lina stewed in frustration.
Of course, given that all that stood between her and a feast of the ages
was a dress, Lina was not going to give up easily. She'd simply approach the
situation in a very Lina Inverse way, relying on cunning, strategy and careful
application of the fine art of magic.
She blew the hinges off a cabin door and stole a dress from another
passenger who was her size.
As a result, the dress almost but didn't quite not nearly fit properly,
and was exactly the color she didn't want it to be, bright pink. (There's an
old, amusing story Lina prefers not to tell because she doesn't find it
amusing at all. Famed sorcerers are usually given colors, such as Rezo the
Red Priest. Lina wanted a color. The high guild, in infinite wisdom, named
her Lina the Pink, since it was a proper color for a young girl. She left the
guildhouse a glowing, red hot crater, but the color was unfortunately by that
point official. This has been another obscure Lina Fact(tm).)
Penny's dress wasn't that much better; it fit her, granted, but it was
plain and quite dull gray. It was a dress designed by a town more used to
making armor than dresses. Still, the goal was not to win a beauty contest,
the goal was to obtain dinner. Which was a smashing success.
[*]
"Keep it coming!!" Lina shouted at the harried waiter, who had already
brought out four more plates for her to put away and was starting to wear down
from exhaustion. She carved at the finest meats and cheeses with her knife,
shoveling away, giving nary a thought to table manners or the odd looks she
got from more refined, dignified and above all rich travelers.
The whole affair wasn't her scene, other than the dinner table. Fancy
chandeliers hung from the ceiling (and creaked ominously each time the Aquatic
Mongoose bounced off the waves and regained airtime), two fireplaces crackled,
and a six piece band played waltz after waltz after waltz. Lina pretty much
ignored everything except the four foot by four foot space filled with food in
front of her.
"Isn't this great?" Penny said, smiling.. taking it all in, as she had
already finished a small salad, which was enough for her, against all
genetics. "It's so beautiful. It's a lot like this ball Dad was guarding one
time in town for the local duchy that he brought me to, where everybody was
dancing and exchanging these really formal jokes that weren't very funny but
if you didn't laugh you could probably get your head cut off, which wasn't a
good thing but the clothes were really quite nice..."
"Mmhmm," Lina agreed without listening too closely.
"I bet you've attended a lot of events like this, with you being a world
famous sorceress and world-saving heroine, right?"
"Mmhmm. Um, what? No, no, not really," Lina said, after swallowing.
"Usually I just chow down at inns and taverns. Nobody invites me to anything
like this."
"Huh? Why? You're an important person!"
"It's like you said before, isn't it?" Lina asked, waving a drumstick.
"I do such a GREAT job at saving the world that nobody notices. Ungrateful, I
say. I could do with some large donations from various nations in thanks for
keeping the world from falling apart. Instead, what do I get? Usually some
crummy inn where the beds aren't very soft and the food is overcooked...
Penny? Hey, are you listening?"
No, Penny was not listening. She was in fact staring across the room
with a very wistful glaze to her eyes, and a slight blush. Lina snapped her
fingers in front of Penny's eyes a few times, then dared to see what she was
looking at...
"Oh, it's just Zoamel," Lina said. "Who's that he's dancing with? Or
rather, who's in that group he's dancing with?"
"*sigh*," Penny sighed. "I wish he'd ask me to dance instead..."
Lina eyed her funny. "You've been going all gushy over that guy..
correction.. that god entity ever since we met him. What's the big deal?
It's creeping the hell out of me. Like you ignore everything else when he's
around!"
"...he just reminds me of someone, is all," Penny said, tearing her eyes
away. "And.. well, he IS handsome."
"Hmph!"
"He is! He has good cheekbones. And he's smart, and wise beyond his
years, and very sensitive. He cares about people, like that poor Demiurge
from across his street! He's not nearly as loud and boastful as most boys
back home, either. Why're you so grumpy, anyway?"
"Well, for starters, we're on a quest, okay? Not a boy hunt!" Lina
complained. "You have to stay FOCUSED. Besides, he's hundreds of years older
than you are and is the physical manifestation of belief consensus, not some
nice kid from down the street! You should be paying attention to the bigger
goals here instead of fogging your brain over like this whenever he's around.
It's not becoming of a tough as nails bandit killing legendary heroine!"
"Who says the heroine can't find romance on the way?" Penny protested.
"I don't have to be tough as nails. The prince always gets the girl by the
end of the book, I don't see why it can't be the other way around, too."
"You read too many stories! That's not how it works," Lina said. "I've
been on more adventures than you've read about, young lady! It's about
profit, first and foremost, heroism second at select times when profit isn't
available, and anything else third. You take risks and get into danger and
can't get attached to anything except your sword and your cape!"
"I don't have a cape!"
"I know! Instead you run around in armor that leaves your bellybutton
exposed, just as bad as Naga. Probably trying to attract those boys you seem
all ga-ga over, instead of avoiding being chopped in two! I swear, kids
today, it's an outrage..."
(Little did Lina realize, but it had slipped into one of Those Generation
Gap Arguments. They had momentum, once the ball got rolling, and someone
would get crushed under a ton of speeding discontent by the time it was
over...)
"Well, at least MY costume doesn't look like it was designed for
Halloween by a color blind epileptic!" Penny fought back with, using
instinctive Inverse verbal sparring abilities. "Sorceress costumes always
look weird... and my boyfriend thought my adventuring costume looked just
FINE, thank you!"
"Oh, is THAT the 'old sempai' you babbled about?" Lina asked. "And is
THAT why I was the only one who was glowing when those cultists cast that
stupid Detect Virgin spell?"
Various passengers/diners caaaarefully moved their chairs away from the
two by this point. The orchestra played just a little bit louder, to
compensate...
Penny turned beet red. "Th-that's none of your business!"
"When *I* was your age, I wasn't all boy crazy, letting that cloud my
judgement," Lina speeched, getting up from her chair, sliding it backwards.
"I was SERIOUS about this, about what I wanted to make of myself. I actually
listened to my elders and got experience at adventuring, instead of relying on
stories and drama and shouting 'Forsooth!' all the time!"
"Maybe if you were a little less SERIOUS about this, Dad wouldn't have
had to wait so long to ask you to marry him!" Penny fought back with. "And if
you were a little MORE boy crazy, he wouldn't be so depressed NOW about how to
keep pushing him away!"
"H-HEY! I am not your mother!" Lina protested, alarmed at the words
coming from her mouth..
"No, you aren't!" Penny shouted. "So you've got no say in the clothes I
wear or the things I like or how I run my life. Leave me alone, mom!"
"Fine!" Lina said, tossing her hands up in surrender. "Go and date
Zoamel or whoever and ignore everything else. *I* have a quest to handle, and
a curse to get rid of! I'm a professional!"
"Fine!"
"FINE!"
The two girls turned sharply, and walked right away from each other.
Lina went to the buffet and started to load up a bowl with twenty of
everything. Penny, on the other hand, marched right out of the ballroom, to
the main deck.
"And GET A HAIRCUT!" Lina shouted after her, although she wasn't sure
why.
The situation over, diners and dancers immediately whispered in little
chats asking what that was all about.
One figure, in a small throng of admirers, ignored all the chattering; he
focused on the young girl who had just run out the door.
"Excuse me, ladies," Zoamel said, stepping away from the crowd. "I fear
I must attend to something. Please forgive my departure."
They were too busy swooning to protest, as he walked calmly out of the
ballroom.
[*]
The Aquatic Mongoose was at the peak of one of the many flight arcs. It
soared like a majestic megaton metal eagle, over choppy seas, through the
brilliantly moonlit night. A sight from its observation decks was a sight to
behold, a sight impossible to find in the days before mass transit.
Penny didn't care. She wasn't paying attention to the scenery, she was
leaning over the railing and feeling miserable. She didn't WANT to get into
some huge argument, not with Lina Inverse, not with her ideal... it just had
happened.
If he was here, he'd know what to say about it. All Penny could think
was: Stupid, stupid, stupid--
"Excuse me, Miss Gabriev?"
Penny whirled in place, leaning hard against the railing.. her heart
skipping exactly one and a half beats.
Zoamel stepped forward. "I hope I'm not intruding, but you DID leave in
a rather awkward and swift fashion--"
The old god had conquered armies, led individuals on vengeance quests
aplenty, and had a brief stint inspiring men to compose the most beautiful
music imaginable. But he had yet to learn how to deal with someone who had
just thrown themselves into your arms to cry on your shoulder. Which is
precisely what Penny did.
She didn't say anything, or perhaps didn't want to say anything, but just
to stand there and let whatever it was out. Zoamel didn't mind, even if he
was perplexed, and put his arms around her for comfort all the same. And
stayed put, taking it.
Minutes passed, until Penny had vented enough to speak, and to want to
speak.
"...I wanted this to go so well," she said quietly.
"Excuse me?" Zoamel asked, surprised as the silence was broken.
"The quest," Penny said. "My quest. Lina. My future. Everything.
...maybe my old sempai was right."
Ah, now Zoamel understood. He had seen a 'psychologist' in action
through one of his worshippers, notably when a refund was directly extracted,
and tried a tactic: keep asking questions. "Right about what?"
"And this. About me. About.. adventuring." Penny stepped away, to lean
against the railing again, this time to look at the moon, soak it in. "He
thought it was amusing, at first. The costume, the initial attempts at being
heroic. Joked about being my sidekick. But then, when he went on to the
university in Sairaag, instead of the community school like he said he
would... he said how he really felt."
This felt more familiar. "You were.. involved with him, then?"
"Oh, no. I mean, not that much. Not seriously. He didn't think it was
serious," Penny said, correcting herself each time. "We had so much in
common. We both liked science classes, I mean, even if he was a year ahead of
me. We spent time together talking, and sharing our thoughts... we talked
about all the cool stuff going on in the world that our parents were afraid
of. The age of reason, what was possible..."
"But there was a split in views at one point," Zoamel noted, knowing
where this was going.
"...yes. There was. See, I liked the traditional job of adventuress,
and he wanted to be an engineer... but he thought I was kidding, Zoamel. He
laughed when I explained finally what I wanted to BE, how serious I was about
it; but he only said how SILLY being a heroine sounded. How.. 'last century'
it sounded. And then he left, for college, without even realizing how much
that hurt. And that was that..."
Zoamel produced a handkerchief, since as a gentleman, he always had one
handy. She fetched it right as she started to tear up again, and dabbed.
"But I don't miss him," Penny lied. "He went his way, I went mine. He
didn't seem to mind leaving so I shouldn't either. I guess there wasn't much
there, and, you know, I've got all this.. adventuring to get on with, with
Lina, although I don't know if she'll want to speak with me again after what I
said, and.... you know.... ...maybe he was right. Maybe I made a mistake.
Becoming a heroine, or trying to, at least, I haven't had any success at all,
and even Lina thinks I'm not doing it right and... and..."
The old god gave Penny a sympathy hug, without warning. She blinked a
few times, and blushed, although he couldn't see it...
"I know," he explained. "It's perfectly understandable, Miss Gabriev. A
vengeance god understands the ways of the heart, or more specifically, the
ways in which it can break. It sounds to me as if it was doomed from the
start, however... a difference in attitudes."
"Doomed..." Penny repeated. It beared repeating. Zoamel let her go,
stepped back, to look her in the eyes.
"But that doesn't mean your life is over," he noted. "There is a kind of
vengeance in this situation which you can use to grow, to heal. Don't doubt
yourself from his words. Believe in yourself. Work to be the finest heroine
you can imagine. One worthy of Lina's legend itself. Then, you will have
proven him wrong, and survived beyond him. In some ways, vengeance can be the
most constructive, positive thing imaginable."
Penny looked at the man with awe. It was wisdom; a very simple, plain
answer to her problem, one so simple and plain she hadn't been able to see it
in a haze of confusion...
"You realize, I charge three prayers and a 'Hail Zoamel' for each nugget
of advice," Zoamel probably joked.
A laugh out loud, from Penny, as she smiled at it. "Hail Zoamel, Hail
Zoamel. Seriously... thanks. I mean.. thank you. I'll try it. Try to
become the best adventuress I can, I mean. Just you wait and see! But...
what about Lina? I mean..."
"As for Miss Inverse, she is.. a rather firey tempered woman," Zoamel
explained. "I know of her legend. And I wouldn't worry about any arguments.
The best thing you can do, as I see it, is to apologize, even if you don't
need to. It placates her ego and helps her confidence, as well as ensuring
smooth relations."
"...that's bizarre," Penny said, a little puzzled (and amused).
"Yes, well, Lina is not like others, you see," Zoamel smiled. "Trust me.
Show at her door tomorrow with a full breakfast on a tray, apologize for the
disagreement, and you will be in her good graces. And as for the actual
disagreement, don't worry about it. I don't know what it was over, but people
can say silly things in anger in general, and I doubt it's important."
In the distance, an island exploded.
[*]
This is because in a fit of frustration only seconds earlier, Lina had
opened the window in her cabin, aimed at the nearest desert island, and
invoked the power word.
"DRAGON SLAAAVE!!!"
The island had melted in a white-hot blur of magical energy, boiling away
in a split second.
Now she felt a bit better.
Lina stalked around the empty cabin better than celery. It really ate at
her. Not only Penny, but how she REACTED to Penny. She reacted like an old
woman. Like an ADULT. Like her MOTHER.
"This sucks, this sucks, this SUCKS!" Lina growled, pulling at her hair.
"Jeez, you'd think being ME would be the easiest thing to be, but I can't tell
what 'ME' is supposed to be other than what I know Me is supposed to do!"
The Wandering Monster Table nodded along, although whether or not it
understood anything was open for debate.
"Is it too much to ask? Tell me that, tell me," Lina continued to rant,
trying not to think about the absurdity of ranting to a piece of animated
furniture. "All I wanted in life was four square meals a day, a soft bed, and
the ability to stomp anything into the dirt I wanted to, specifically to get
meals and a nice bed. To seek adventure and excitement and really wild
things, but not THIS wild! Not 'Oh, hello, Lina, you missed the last twenty
years and your friends all grew up and you're a god now and hey, here's your
daughter' wild!"
She sat down on the bed hard enough to make the springs creak in protest.
"And here I am acting like some old fuddy duddy," she continued. "I
mean, not that I actually approve of chasing everything male like Martina
does... did. Does still, I think. But really! Honestly. I mean.. you know.
It sucks."
The table cheerfully tried a few cartwheels to cheer her up. It didn't
work.
"Here I am, bemoaning my fate to a table," Lina grumbled. "This isn't
good. I've got to find a way to get human again. And then I'll be the ONLY
true Lina Inverse, since I don't even COUNT whatsername, that apathetic loon.
...poor Gourry."
Before she could get any farther on that thought, her mind changed gears.
"Now I've got to do something about Penny," she decided, getting back on
her feet. "I've got nothing to apologize for, of course, I mean, of course
not. But I should sit down with her, and explain, 'No, I'm NOT your mother.'
And so on. I mean, I AM her age! I feel like I'm her age. She's taller than
me, for crying out loud! There shouldn't BE some huge gap between us. Right.
So we'll talk.. girl stuff...."
No girl stuff sprang to mind.
Lina had never enjoyed talking girl stuff, even when she was a girl --
because technically she stopped considering herself a child long, long ago.
Around age ten, when she left home...
Meaning she WAS an adult, at heart. And hadn't really thought about that
properly until now. Now, when she was an adult at heart, mind, temporal
dislocation, and all other factors except matured physique.
Sure, she could ACT immature (as many people enjoyed pointing out to her
before meeting a variety of nasty ends), but she never really had Amelia's
youthful spirit, or even Naga's somewhat odd innocence... she was Lina. Lina,
dead serious when she has to be, bitter and jaded to a world she knew inside
and out, playing the system constantly and acting like any mature opportunist
would. Making a CAREER and a living instead of actively slacking and having
fun like other girls her age...
"No wonder I acted like that," Lina thought out loud. The weight of it
felt like a century of compressed ignorance. "Good L-sama. I really AM
old..."
The Wandering Monster Table perched on her shoulder encouragingly, and
she swatted it off, irritated.
No, this sort of realization wasn't going to be solved by an adorable
mascot character's silly antics. The moment you realize you're an adult in
all senses, particularly legally, there's one event that must transpire.
She opened the cabin door, stepped out into the hall, and set off to get
blisteringly drunk. And if the bartender laughed at her little girl's body
she'd slug him one and fetch the bottle herself.
[*]
Penny had meant to return to her cabin for awhile, but never got around
to it. It wasn't that she'd have to face Lina again (because she wasn't as
worried about that now, thanks to Zoamel-san) but it was because she was
having too much fun.
After he'd helped her with her self-doubt, and they wondered exactly why
that island went boom, the topic had changed to other things going boom Zoamel
had seen. He had a million and one stories, stories of wars and battles and
even schoolyard fights where a god of vengeance would naturally belong, and
how he helped things work out.
And then Penny brought up some of her schoolyard stories as well, how she
broke the bully's nose who took her lunch money the first day she was in
school, how her mother hated that, how she got instant fame with every other
kid in town. Some early exploits into learning weaponsmithing by watching the
local smith after school, her dreams of being a heroine, and so on.
And they talked and they talked and they talked...
And they found a piano in the long empty ballroom, and Zoamel played some
songs, and Penny would listen, and they'd talk and they'd laugh and just feel
so GOOD about life, quest or not, problems or not. All this, and more, until
the sun was coming up, and today had become tomorrow.
"It's funny," Penny said, walking towards the cabin, leaning a little on
Zoamel because of her seeping exhaustion. "I don't feel tired at all. Hee
hee. You know, you're REALLY an interesting person, Zoamel-san."
"Everybody's interesting, really, some just are better at telling how
interesting they are in ways that sound interesting," Zoamel said. "I learned
my technique from a muse of bards. She had a voice like silk that men would
hang on for hours and hours, without touching their drinks, no matter how dry
their throats might become..."
"...a muse?" Penny asked. "A woman?"
"A face that would launch a thousand ships. Well, that was one of her
lines about some other woman, but I suppose it could apply. She really was
far more poetic than myself, but I make do when I have to..."
Jealousy boiled over quietly.
"Ah, you seem to be home, or at least in a cabin currently representative
thereof, Miss Gabriev," Zoamel stated, as they approached the door. "I bid
you adieu. We will be landing in Darata shortly, and I must fetch my things
from my room. Until then, as short as it may be."
Jealousy went away when he kissed the back of her hand. She pulled it
back after and swore never to wash it again unless she got some kind of
flesheating disease. "Ah.. you can call me Penny, really," she corrected.
"And I'll just wake Lina up and we can--"
"OOOOOOOH a wizard's staff as a knob on the end of it, knob on the end of
it, knob on the end of it...."
The horror that slumped its way along the hallway towards them would have
been mistaken for a goblin, easily. But goblins don't usually have orange
hair, no matter how messy it was.
Lina looked up at the pair, one eye trying to focus on each different
person, both failing. "Oh, hello," she said, swinging a bottle. "Don't mind
me, I am... I decided to try being an adult for real. For a change. I don't
know when four of you got here but hello. How are you?"
"Err.. Lina?" Penny asked. "You've been drinking?"
"Why not? I'm legally allowed to, being forty seven years old and all.
It's a new and interesting experience that a mature and responsible person is
due in time," Lina said. Thought it over. Tossed her bottle aside. "And I
think I am going to sick up really badly in a second."
Zoamel handed her a portable trash can and after a minute and a half of
painful retching sounds, Lina was ready to speak again.
"...being old sucks. I think I'll try to be at least a little younger,
until I get a grip on things," Lina decided. "You understand?"
"No," Penny replied, bewildered. Being half-dead on her feet herself,
with exhaustion rather than alcohol, wasn't helping matters any.
"Good. Are we there yet?"
A voice crackled over the primitive brass megaphones, mounted
conveniently in every hallway. Lina cupped her ears in hangover induced
agony.
"*Your attention please, your attention please,*" the voice intoned.
"*Due to civil unrest in the city-state of Darata, we will be unable to land
at port. Instead, we will be landing at Atlass City, fifty miles due north.
Aquatic Mongoose Airshiplines apologizes, and will be offering refunds, and
the delay will only be one more day...*"
The entire ship lurched, skipping off the water as it rotated. A nice,
slow rotation that would end up in a LONG roundabout trip to the place they
didn't want to go...
Penny and Lina considered the situation.
"I'm going to bed," they both decided simultaneously, momentarily
fumbling for the cabin doorknob at the same time.
"We really do have to get to Darata," Zoamel reminded. Concern mounted
in his voice, as she looked at the distant city, through the bay window in the
hallway. "If there's unrest, we should get there as soon as possible...
otherwise, we might not FIND the one we need alive..."
"He can take a raincheck. I'm too sick to quest today," Lina mumbled,
eyes drooping.
"I must remind you, Miss Inverse, that this is the only contact I have
who would know where the Tooth Fairy is, and if we lose him--"
"Zzzzz," Lina replied, already asleep on her feet and leaning against one
wall, next to the open door. As was Penny, on the other side of the door.
Zoamel sighed. They didn't understand, of course. But they soon would.
Calmly, but with speed, he scooped up the bags left in the cabin, packing
the Wandering Monster Table up much to its protest. Secured the bags over one
shoulder, along with Penny's prized naginata. Locked up the cabin, nice and
neat. He was a tidy god, after all.
With a flick of the wrist, he undid the safety lock on the huge windows
overlooking the water, and pushed them open.
Then he scooped up the two smaller girls, one under each arm, before they
could get their sleepy selves together well enough to protest.
"I rather hope you'll forgive me," he said, before jumping out the
window.
The Aquatic Mongoose sped on towards the horizon, short three passengers.
[To Be Continued]