Ya! Sure! Ranma 1/2 belongs to me!
*Nabiki appears with a calculator*
"That'll cost you $299999.99 yen."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
'Guo Qu Zhi Suo'
(Key to the Past)
==================
Chapter 1: A Birthday to Remember?
==================================
Ranma gulped. He had been in really tough situations before, but never
one like this. {I'm going to die!} he thought as his eyes traveled up to the
top of the unrecognizable gooey substance with randomly stuck candles piling
up from the table leaning over his head. {I'm really going to die!}
It was a birthday cake -- an Akane Tendo copyright birthday cake.
And at that moment, Ranma suddenly had the supernatural powers to see
into the future. He could see it so vividly...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Eat -all- this?!"
"Well, as a matter a fact, yes. It's obvious! There isn't anyone here
more than qualified to eat this," Nabiki pointed.
"Oh yeah? What about pop?!"
The lying panda took out a sign. [Don't look at me! I'm just an
ordinary panda. And I don't eat birthday cakes.]
"Just go to hell, old man!!" Ranma yelled as he gave the panda a flying
trip to somewhere out there. Then he turned towards the others. "You guys
really -hate- me that much? To kill me?!"
"RANMA!!!" A huge demon head loomed over the ponytail martial artist
revealing its huge, long tongue. "Just eat it! For the sake of Akane, and
all of us!!!"
"You jerk!! How dare you don't want to eat my cooking!" screamed Akane
with a huge mallet ready to strike.
"Oh my. Ranma, I really think you should. It's Akane's efforts after
all."
"Eat!"
"Eat!!"
"Eat!!!"
[Eat!!!!] (Yep! Somehow, he had gotten back!)
The group (except Kasumi of course, couldn't imagine her doing this)
began to approach the trapped boy and filled his mouth with the so-called
cake with force.
"ARRGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
An RIP block fell into place with the following wordings
HERE LIES RANMA SAOTOME.
REST IN PIECES
He was a greedy eater with a poor stomach!
That jerk! He didn't know what -good- cooking
is when he sees one!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Drops of sweat poured endlessly down Ranma's head as he replayed the
scene over and over again. {I'm dead meat! I'm dead meat! I'm dead meat!}
Somehow, he couldn't find a way to escape this.
He had to fight every bit of his will not to insult Akane ever since
she entered the dojo with this gooey stuff. {What did she put in it anyway?}
After all, today was her birthday, and it seemed to mean very much to her...
and to the others too!
The dojo was transformed into a party place with 'Happy Birthday,
Akane' hanging all over the place, even the pond, the front yard, the
corridors, everywhere, was either placed with banners or bright dazzling
neon lights.
And ever now and then, Soun would bellow through the huge loudspeakers
placed all over the entire front yard. "Today's the day!! It's Akane's
birthday!!! It's my youngest daughter, Akane's birthday!!! OHHH!!! My baby
is a year older! How time flies! Why, it seems like only yesterday when she
needed her diapers changed..." Except for the constant interruptions by a
panda's growl at the background, Soun continued his babbling, revealing
Akane's entire life -- when she started to walk, the exact day when she
called him papa and other minor stuffs.
"Is this what you meant by a quiet, family birthday party?" commented
Nabiki as she entered the dojo. "Here's you present."
"Thanks!" Akane took the present and opened it. "Uh... Nabiki, what's
this?"
"Photos and films of you. You know, I could earn a lot with these,
-but- it's your birthday, so I guess the eager boys will just have to wait
until I get my next batch of photos."
"NABIKI!!"
"Well, the photo of you and Ranma are bonuses."
"Why do I-"
"I thought this is just a family party, so what's all this food? You
know it's too much even for us," shot Nabiki, stopping Akane from what she
wanted to say. "Are you inviting some of your friends?"
"I didn't invite any," answered Akane as she scooped another spoonful
of lava-like substance out from the bowl in her hands and into the food
dish. Then she placed a label -- spaghetti -- beside it. " I didn't tell
anyone that today's my birthday either."
"Why?" asked Nabiki, mentally calculating how much she could earn for
this piece of information... Or, maybe how much she could get by sending the
arrivals to the Dr. Tofu after eating Akane's cooking.
"Because I want to see if anyone remembers it."
That instant, Soun's voice boomed through the loudspeakers again.
"Oh!!! It's my Akane's birthday!!! And I'm so very, very happy!!! Sob! Sob!!
Sniff! Brrriii!!! Go away, Genma! You're bothering me!"
"I don't think anyone could possibly forget it," stated Nabiki as she
watched her sister placed a huge plate of charcoal-like stuff on the table
and labeled it 'Roast Turkey'.
"Akane, are you sure you don't need my help with the food?" asked
Katsumi, placing a bowl of fruit salad she had made on the table. The fruit
salad was the only thing present on the table that looked edible.
"No thanks, sis," answered Akane cheerfully. "It's only the fruit salad
I can't make. The rest, I could handle."
Giving a low happy sigh, she placed the last batch of homemade birthday
cookies on the table. {It doesn't look that nice but that doesn't mean it
won't taste good!} she thought and gave herself a clap of satisfactory. {Now
for the guests...} She turned, expecting to see someone at the door.
The dojo's door was wide open and welcoming, but there was no one in
sight. A chill wind blew, signifying the silent moment.
"Why isn't anyone coming?" Akane asked aloud a moment later.
"Let me see... no invitation, no notification... You kicked Kuro to the
moon two hours ago... Ryoga's still lost as usual... Nah! I don't know!"
murmured Nabiki.
The panda, who had just entered the dojo, cast a sideway look at the
killer food on the table and raised his sign. [Maybe -something- scared them
off!]
Ignoring the panda, Akane began to wonder if it were a good idea by not
telling anyone about her birthday. Secretly, she was kind of expecting
maybe... a surprised party by her friends. That's why she had prepared so
much food -- to treat them when they arrive. But so far, everything was
disappointing...
But come to think of it, it was also part of her fault. She had never
mentioned to anyone about her birthday, so how could anyone know about it?
Yet every year, she did the same thing, waiting for some surprised birthday
party, just for her... and every year the food, which she had prepared with
so much effort, just went into the rubbish dump. And this year, she was
determined not to let it happen again.
{Oh... I wonder if he remembers...} Subconsciously, her curious soft
brown eyes traveled towards Ranma, who had been very quiet for the past few
minutes. {Strange, he looks as if he's going to die the next minute. Maybe
he just forgets something and is very guilty about it, something like...
Wait a minute! Something like -her- birthday present?! He wouldn't!!! That
jerk, he's gonna get it now!!}
Still staring wearily at Akane's home-made-to-kill birthday cake,
Akane's birthday present was the last thing on Ranma's mind, even when her
mallet found itself on his head.
"Ranma!!!" Akane yelled, her battle aura flaring furiously. "How could
you!!! You jerk!!" Her mallet swung at him again.
Ranma dodged it easily. "Aw! Why did you do that for?! I haven't even
insult your killer cooking yet!"
"What?! Die! Ranma!" she screamed, and attacked him with her multiple
mallet strikes.
"What do you thing you're doing, you uncute tomboy!" shouted Ranma as
he ducked and dodged her strikes. "You can't even get me! Nya, nya, nya,
nya, nya! Birrrr..."
BOOM!!!!
The dojo's wall crashed down on him even before he could utter a word,
and so did Akane's mallet, and then, a bicycle landed on top of him and
worst of all, the fell right onto Akane's killer cake.
"Ranma! Go date with Shampoo, yes?" cried the Chinese girl still
paddling the unmoving bicycle. "Huh? Where future husband?"
Nabiki pointed below Shampoo's bicycle. "He's somewhere inside the huge
cake, probably enjoying himself."
"Shampoo! Why are you here?!" fumed Akane.
"What pervert girl do to Ranma?!"
* * * * *
"Let me get this straight. You are here for my birthday?!"
"No. Shampoo here to save future husband from pervert girl poison
cooking."
"Uh! Shampoo stop hugging me already!" Ranma struggled to get out of
her grip.
Akane struggled to ignore what Shampoo had said or was doing. She held
up Shampoo's matchbox size present "But then, this..."
"Ai ya! Grandmother said not nice no give present to birthday girl, so
call Shampoo take anything in her rubbish box to give pervert girl. Shampoo
simply take, don't know what inside, maybe demon inside would swallow up
pervert girl for Shampoo."
"Err... am I supposed to say thanks for this?"
While Akane carefully tore off the present, Ranma watched tensely in
case something terrible really happen. Who knew what might Cologne's stuffs
do, even if they were rubbish?
"It's beautiful!" Akane exclaimed, holding up a round, big marble type
stone. As the light shone on the stone, it reflex into brilliant rainbow
colors, that seemed to be swirling slowly inside the pale clear white stone.
Akane examined the mysterious beautiful stone in awe. "Thanks Shampoo! This
is really nice! Ah! I don't believe I'm thanking you!"
"No demon inside?" sounded Shampoo quite disappointedly.
"SHAMPOOO!!!!!" The wind brought along a faraway approaching yell.
Moments later, Mousse burst into the dojo. "Go on a date with me!!!!" He
cried grabbing a rather furry huge hand.
[I'm not interested in you.]The panda beside the door lazily raise his
sign with his other free hand and smacked it into Mousse face.
"No, I mean it!! What does Ranma have that I doesn't have?" Mousse made
another blind grab.
"Errr... sight?" Nabiki yanked her hands away from the blind boys
grasp.
"GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!" yelled the huge looming demon head.
"Shampoo!!! Where are you?!"
"That's my hand, you dammit!" yelled Ranma as he smashed Mousse on to
the floor.
"Ah! Ranma save Shampoo! Shampoo so happy!" The Amazon prepared herself
to give her savior another loving hug.
"Get away from him, Shampoo!!!" yelled Akane, since she was not
supposed to attack anyone who had given her such a wonderful gift, she
kicked Ranma instead and send him flying towards the wall.
Before Ranma could hit the wall, a dozen of yellow ribbons wrapped
themselves around him, and pulled him up towards the window. Black rose
petals fell into the dojo.
"Ohhohhohhohoo!! Ranma darling, I heard that Akane's trying to poison
you! Don't worry I'm here to save you!" said Kodochi sweetly. "But first,
give me a grateful loving kiss." She began to sprinkle her numbing poison on
the tied up martial artist.
"Arggghh! Let go of me!"
"Kodachi! What did you just said?!" Akane yelled angrily, throwing her
mallet at her.
That instant, Shampoo leaped up towards the window, and grabbed Ranma
away from Kodachi's deadly kiss. "Yeah! Shampoo save Ranma, not crazy girl!!
Ranma give Shampoo grateful love kiss."
"Shampoo! Why go after a useless man like Ranma when you have me?"
cried Mousse finally getting the right person.
"Ai ya! Mousse! Zou kai! (Go away!)" shouted Shampoo in Chinese and
hammered him on the head.
"Women! Stop fighting over me!" Ranma called out untangling the ribbons
around him. "I know I'm really handsome and charming, not to mention strong
and the one and only-"
"Idiot, butthead, moron," interrupted Nabiki, yawning in boredom.
"Hey! Nabiki no say that about Ranma!!"
"Ranma-sama, you're awake! Let's continue our kiss."
"What?! Waited a minute! Kodochi get away- Aghhh! What the-" Akane
yelled suddenly in surprised. The pale stone in her hands was glowing in
bright white light, getting brighter and brighter every second.
"Akane! Be careful!" Ranma snatched the glowing stone, which was now
dazzlingly bright away from her. "Shampoo! What's happening?" He rushed
towards the eye-widened girl for her explanation.
But Shampoo just shook her head in surprised confusion. "Shampoo not
know."
At that exact moment, Cologne hopped in urgently through the window
shouting for Shampoo. "Shampoo! That stone you got! It's not rubbish! That
precious had belonged to me ever since I'm twelve! Shampoo, give it back!"
As she saw the stone's glow, Cologne's eye widen and her mouth opened just
in time to utter an 'uh oh' before the stone decided to react.
The white glowing light suddenly shot out like beams, and then Ranma
gave and sudden fearful yell as he felt a sucking force acting on him.
"Ahhh!!! The stone! It's sucking me in!!!"
Indeed it was. By the time the other looked at him, his entire head was
somehow already inside the small round glowing stone and his body was
struggling to free himself. Ranma's hand desperately lashed out for anything
to useful, and caught a grip of the tablecloth. Standing beside him, Shampoo
tried to pull the boy out, her other hand also tightly gripping the other
side of the tablecloth.
"Ranma!!!" Akane screamed. Everything happened so fast, -- too fast for
anyone to react-- and that second later, the stone shot out all its beam,
pulling Ranma, Shampoo and together with the whole tablecloth, which had
wrapped itself around Akane's cooking due to the sudden pull, into the
stone.
Then it fall from the midair onto the floor, bouncing slightly, and
then lay in quiet peacefulness on the floor, acting like any ordinary,
innocent, beautiful stone.
* * * * *
"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Ranma felt himself falling... and falling into deep darkness... falling
in an endless hole, where he may never touch the ground again. And worst of
all, some of Akane's cooking fell into his mouth while he was screaming his
lungs off!
Will he survive Akane's cooking? Tune in on the next Chapter!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh! For a little entertainment, lets have a look at what's Ryoga doing
during this whole sequence....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ryoga : "WHERE THE HELL AM I NOW!!!!!!"
Kuno : "No place special, just the moon. I come here all the time!"
Ryoga : "The moon!! How did I get here?! How are we going to get back
on earth?! I have to get to Akane's birthday party!!!!"
Kuno : "What?! My sweet goddess of love is having a birthday
party!!! Oh! My love, don't wet your eye waiting for my
arrival. For thou, I shall be there, in a flash, quick as
lightning. Dry you tears, my sweet Akane, I'M COMING!!!!!!!!"
(How can they even -breathe- on the moon?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Written by Yucca
<YRutee@hotmail.com>
Ah! Come come now, C&C, all of you!!!
Note: 'Guo Qu Zhi Suo' is a Chinese phrase.
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