Whee, and away we go...
Doing this one solo, no revue crue.
"Evolve, Pantyhose, Evolve!"
The makings of a true comedic masterpiece. ^_^
Ash Ketchum was not having a good day.
Which is about normal. ^_^
His newest Pokemon was proving to be quite recalicrant.
The first time he had tried to train his newest Pokemon...
Repeat of the Primeape incident?
Misty tossed it back with one of those I-don't-care-about-
this-stupid-thing-anyway looks on her face that foreshadowed even
more future resentment for Ash.
Translation: Misty's going to remember to harass him about the bike some
more.
"Now listen!" Ash said forcefully to the pokeball. "I'm a
Pokemon trainer, you're a Pokemon. I train you, and you get
stronger. That's the way it works."
Well, he's beginning to get the idea anyway...
"But... but... it's a Pokemon! It's supposed to fight, so
it can evolve." His voice dropped into a resentful murmur. "At
the very least, it isn't supposed to be trying to maim me."
Okay, despite the fact that this is intended to be silly, I feel obliged to
inject some actual character commentary here:
The comment "It's supposed to fight, so it can evolve." is out of character
for Ash. He's one of the rare breed of Pokemon trainers that doesn't
believe in forcing Pokemon to evolve. He let Pikachu choose whether or not
it would evolve into Raichu, and didn't force it when it rejected the
Thunderstone, and he defended his Bulbasaur's decision when it refused to
evolve into Ivysaur. (Also, while Ash isn't against Pokemon evolution, he
has a very good reason to be wary of it: Charizard.)
Anyway, enough rantish. Back to ficish...
There's been some great villainous duos in history.
Bonnie and Clyde.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Not to be confused with Butch and Cassidy, the other incompetent Team
Rocketeers...
Mork and Mindy.
<facefault>
And then there's Jessie and James. They had all the makings
of a great team of bad guys: the same fashion sense, a catchy
theme entrance, and great hair. Unfortunately, they had something
else: a complete absence of competence.
Prepare for bubble(head)! Make it double! ^_^
All anyone really needed to know to understand Jessie and
James is that their nominal sidekick, Meowth, was the smartest
one; also, that this didn't so much compliment Meowth as it
insulted Jessie and James.
Meowth! That's right!
If the collective intelligence of Team Rocket was a car, it
would be powered by a hamster and a wheel. And the hamster would
be overweight.
<falls over laughing> Couldn't have said it better myself.
"Pantyhose! What a scrumptious name!" James said, peering
through an incredibly sophisticated pair of binoculars. Team
Rocket always had great equipment--bombs, ice-rocket guns,
helium balloons shaped for some reason like Meowth--but this was
They'd use Jigglypuff-shaped balloons, but that'd just be asking for it.
"Meowth... more to the point, you two, wouldn't this be an
excellent chance to grab Pikachu? Those three are occupied with
that new Pokemon, and the poor thing's looking _awfully_ lonely."
Jessie tapped a finger on her lips in thought. "But that new
Pokemon looked _very_ strong... and very rare, as well."
"It also looked like it was gonna yank that kid's head off,"
Meowth pointed out.
"Let's get Pikachu," Jessie said quickly.
<snigger>
Pikachu forlornly wandered away from the crowd. Once
it had been the apple... or banana... of Ash's eye. The
glory had been its. The fame. The applause...
All taken away by a big ugly Pantyhose.
You know, there's cause for alarm somewhere in that statement, on several
levels...
In short, they all stared. Then they leapt out of the bushes
they were hiding in... and started jumping up and down on the pit.
Nothing.
"Well, what now?" James said.
"Meowth, I'm thinking!" Meowth said.
The leaves gave way.
You'd think they'd *learn* sooner or later...then again this is Team Rocket
we're talking about...
"Shhh... is it me, or is that..."
"WOW! That's PI-" James managed to blurt out
before being quickly slammed down by Meowth and Jessie.
ROFL! Perfect characterization of the ditziest bishounen...
"I don't get it," Ash said, with the edge of a whine to his
voice. "Why doesn't it want to evolve and get strong?"
"Maybe it's like Charizard," Brock mused. "Or Pikachu,
even. Some Pokemon don't want to cooperate with their trainers.
You have to show them whose boss."
Actually, Pikachu knows who's boss. Pikachu's the boss. After all, it can
shock. Ash can't shock back. ^_^
Misty sniffed. "Well, you're certainly not good enough to
train a Pantyhose."
<snerk> She's one to talk...let's see her try it...
Brock had picked up the pokeball and was tapping it with his
finger. "Maybe the Pokemon doesn't respect your strength, Ash.
Pantyhose is so strong, maybe it expects you to be able to do the
same things it does."
<falls over laughing at the sheer absurdity of that image>
"Pikachu!" Ash called, suddenly worried. "Pikachu? Where
are you?"
Laughter from the sky. Familiar laughter.
Horse-like laughter...
"Prepare for trouble..."
"Make it double..."
"To protect the world from--"
"Pidgeotto, bring them down," Ash said wearily, tossing out a
pokeball with a resigned gesture.
<cheers> Yes! Interrupt the motto!
So Jesse and James did something entirely out of character;
they did the right thing at the right time, rather than the wrong
thing at the wrong time, or the right thing at the wrong time, or
the wrong thing at the right time... well, they basically didn't
screw up like they usually did. A few dozen rockets erupted from
the bores of the launchers the Dysfunctional Duo pulled from
nowhere, and Pidgeotto was embedded in a block of ice almost before
it even got off the ground.
Amazing. They actually kept a piece of perfectly good equipment that
backfired on them at the time it was originally used.
"Oh, and by the way..." Jesse held up a familiar glass
containtment vessel, in which a dozy Pikachu was entrapped.
"We've got Pikachu, so SUCKS TO BE YOU!"
<snicker>
"Oh, man," he said. "This sucks."
BTW, Brock *does* have a Zubat, but that'd only be able to follow them...
Still the NAME! How did the brat know his name? Tarou
tried to shake his fist, but there was no room to shake it. If
he spent much more time in here, he'd go insane; it was like
being encased in breathable concrete.
Eww. Probably the second most unflattering depiction of being inside a
Pokeball I've ever seen...
And it was then that Jessie and James got their first
good look at the rare specimen.
"Oooh, those muscles!" Jessie exclaimed.
"Pantyhose is the _perfect_ name for such a magnificent
beast!" James added.
And mass facefaulting ensued.
Jessie and James swooned, back to back. "Style... grace...
the strength to endure _without_ any unsightly runs. All summed
up in that name--PANTYHOSE!"
Thrice.
Ash and company went still, as Pantyhose froze for a moment
and stared at Team Rocket. And then they broke into loud cheers
at the mayhem that ensued, thereby impressing on their young
minds that violence was, indeed, the way to solve problems, even
more than talking.
Heheheheeheh.
By the end, Team Rocket's balloon was deflated and hanging
>from a tree, and the basket was in pieces on the ground. Jessie,
James and Meowth lay in an unconscious heap nearby, and Weezin
had been knocked off into the distance by one mighty blow of
Pantyhose's fist.
All the better for Weezing...it needed to be put out of its misery ages
ago...
The light faded, and Pantyhose was changed. His fur had
become scales, and his tentacles now appeared metallic; rather
than an eel's head, a long barbed spiked tipped his tail.
<blinks> He turned into Blade's GRIT character?
He threw back his head, and bellowed, "GARTERHOSE!"
<facefault> Well, I suppose it's a step up from Pantyhose...
"Bye." Ash waved, and tried to suppress a sniffle. "I'll
never forget you, Garterhose."
"Pikapi!" Pikachu tugged at Ash's pants, then scampered off
after Misty and Brock. With a last regretful glance at the
mighty Garterhose, Ash headed off after his friends.
"We would've made a great team," he muttered with a sigh.
A great hand fell upon his shoulder.
Naturally...
Unbelievable... the _strength_, the _power_...
...the _rust_...
The fact that he felt the need to say "Garterhose" every
time he opened his jaws.
<snicker>
Ash pulled a pokeball. With speed belying his size, Tarou
grabbed it and, careful not to touch the button, crushed it into
power between his thumb and forefinger.
"...I guess you don't want to go in a pokeball, do you?"
"GARTERHOOOOOOOOSE!"
And so, a beautiful friendship was begun.
Well, no, not really.
Heh.
"Hey Ash, why does Garterhose keep on pouring hot water over
himself and screaming?"
"I dunno. Maybe it's some kind of ritual they do after they
evolve."
"Or maybe it's getting ready for mating season."
O_o ...don't need to go there...
Q: Alan seems very hostile. Did he have a bad childhood?
David: I dunno. Ask him. *inches away*
Alan: I had to club baby seals to surive!
O_o Right. And I suppose you had to serve them up as club sandwiches to a
spiky red-haired freak named Jack?
Q: Cute, fluffy, big-eyed baby seals?
Alan: Yes. They were most adorable... aaaah! Aaaah! DADDY!
Daddy! I don't _want_ to go in the Room of Fire again!
<backs away quickly>
We're sorry there wasn't 1,000 elephants like we said there'd be.
That was just a lie to make you read the story... because we're
so lonely... so very, very lonely.
Awww....have a Pikachu plushie. And a Garterhose plushie. And
Jigglypuff...no, not a plushie. The real thing. See?
o/~Jigglypuff, jigglyyyypuuffffffff....jigglypuff, jigglyyy....o/~
"Jigglypuff? Jiggly, jigglypuff puff? ... PUFFFF!!"
[and out comes the marker...]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's Sigglypuff!
o/~Sigglypuff, sigglyyypuff...sigglypuff, siggly...o/~
"Looks like the Wild West!" - Genki
"You mean like a cowboy movie?" - Suezo
"I reckon I do, pardner..." - Genki
"Yippie-kye-chi!" -Mocchi
"Please, Misty! Only one of us can hallucinate at a time!" --Ash
"...nice...doggies...chi..." - Mocchi
TODAY'S MYSTERY
Several songfics have been written in parody of Lou Bega's
"Mambo No. 5". None of the authors can spell 'mambo' correctly.
The Eternal Lost Lurker
(Ack! My birthday is the same as Bill Gates'? O_O!!)
I've got one hand in my pocket, and the other one's givin' you the
finger...
lurkerdrome@megami.net
http://lurkerdrome.megami.net
"You _fell_off_ your _ass_?! o.O;;;;;"
*This .sig has been sanitized for your protection**