Subject: [FFML] [FFML][Ranma] Secrets Of My Heart
From: "Angela Jewell" <jewellangela@hotmail.com>
Date: 10/28/1999, 7:20 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Angela Jewell <jewellangela@hotmail.com>

The Characters of Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I wounldn't even think of claiming them as my own for fear of being hunted
alive or thrown to the lions...

                     Secrets Of My Heart
__________________________________________________________

    He stands before me in his black tuxedo, his sapphire eyes staring lovingly into mine.
    It's hard to believe it's happening. I mean, REALLY happening. No interruptions, no missing groom... everything for once is perfect.
    And the words, all the names he use to call me. I don't think he realized it at the time... but they hurt.
    Of course they don't anymore. How could they? He's standing here with *ME.* Not any of his 'cute' fiancees. And this time it's of his own free will.
    But sometimes I can still hear them laughing. The bitter, cruel sounds haunt me in my dreams.
    They didn't think I could hear them...  but I heard them. They mocked me behind my back... whispering. And after a while... I started to believe what they said. The lies. It's hard not to; they were conditioning me.
    Uncute. Violent. Thoughtless. Cruel. Unfeminine.
    They all mean the same. They're imperfections. A smudge on a surface that you continually try to scrub off. But, it's who you are. You can't change it.
    Of course you can try... but all you're really doing is hiding behind a mask. Hiding from who you really are.
    Why should I have to conform? Be different? Change? It's all the same to me. They don't give a damn about anything but themselves. They only belittle me to make themselves feel good.
    It's jealousy. That's what it is.
    They know that it's me he loves, and it scares them.
    It scares me too.
    And the words... the things they call me still... I can't help but see the truth in them. Hearing the same thing over and over again starts to have that affect on a person. You can't help but listen to their side, and after a while... it all starts to make sense. Like a puzzle you've always tried to put together but could never finish because of missing pieces. Well... there's the pieces. They're holding them out to you. Now all you have to do is take them and place them where they belong.
    So that's exactly what I do, and it doesn't bother me in the least. So what if they call me violent. I get mad, I act on it. So I use a mallet, Wow! big deal! None of them can claim to be innocent where violence is concerned. Spatulas. Ribbons. Bonborries. Poisons. You tell me which is worse.
    Besides, I'm comfortable with who I am. I could care less what THEY think of me anyway. What HE thinks of me is what counts.
    He slips the ring onto my finger, and I can't help but smile when I notice his hands are shaking. It helps make the reality of the situation sink in. I've won. They've lost. A final confirmation that this isn't all a dream.
    God, it better not be a dream... or if it is I don't ever want to wake up.
    The priest looks at us happily as he says the words we've both been longing to hear, "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."
    My love releases the long breath he was holding and laughs softly, relief clear on his face. He doesn't have to say what he's thinking, I'm thinking the same thing.
    I don't know when it happened, when I fell in love with him. Even when my head was screaming at me not to, my heart wouldn't listen. 'He'll hurt you' a part of my mind whispered. 'He's just using you.' another part insisted. But they were wrong. He wasn't like the others. All the boys that hounded me at school. He didn't even seem to like me let alone want to marry me. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place...
    As he kisses me I feel lightheaded. The world around me fades away... and I don't even care! It's just him and me, the way it was meant to be. And at last I feel complete.
    I'm no longer Tendo Akane. Now, I'm Saotome Akane. I don't know why it took us so long...
    I'm just glad that in the end, when it mattered the most, I listened to my heart.
_____________________________________________________________

send all C&C or flames to:
jewellangela@hotmail.com
(I'd prefer not to have to read any flames though)

 Don't worry... I'm still working on Chapter 5 of The Game. It'll be out... well... I'm not sure... whenever I finish it I guess :)


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