[This is a beginning of a project that I have undertaken that is
tentatively called the "Biblical Files" -- short character pieces for each
of the major characters, at crucial junctures in their lives. Some of the
titles directly relate back to the book of the Bible they are titled
after; some do not. These stories, once I have written more of them, will
be found at Heaven Can Wait, http://iago.nac.net/~alanna/xeno.html. This,
the first in the series, deals with Grahf.]
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Squaresoft owns everything. Don't sue; I'm
poor.
Genesis
O my Lord, my God, my God. God, I hear You. I can hear You. I can hear You
in my blood, in my skin, in my breath and my heartbeat. I can hear
You; can You hear me? Can You hear my cries? Can You hear my words, do You
even know I am here? Naked I have come to You, O my Lord, like a flower
brought to the desert for its beauty and rarity but dying, dying in the
heat and the power of the sun's rays. I am dying in the warmth of Your
regard, O my Lord, brought low and shamed in the radiance of Your warmth
and Your presence, left dizzied and shaking in the power of You, my God.
My God, how could You have forsaken me? How could You have left me there,
alone and bereft, without her presence and her beauteous warmth to shelter
me and guard me? I trusted in You but her face was Your face, her light
was Your light; she spoke with Your voice and showed me her love which was
Your love. I had turned from you, my Lord, but she brought me back to Your
arms. How could You have taken that from me? How could You leave me
without her to show me the way to Your splendor? I am no Job, with faith
unshaken through my trials; I needed her faith to show me my own, needed
her love to show me Your love. Lord, I was not worthy to receive her, but
she said the word and I was healed. And then she was taken from me, O my
Lord -- what do I have left? How might I feel Your love when my own sleeps
with her in the cold, cold ground?
And so I have come to You, my Lord, O my Lord, to find your
presence and ask of You my question: /how could You have done such a
thing/? And I hear no answer from Your radiance, feel no response but Your
cold disdain and hot power. You are so powerful, O my Lord, powerful
enough to change the world with but one word, with but one gesture... so
powerful, my Lord, and I can feel the power You contain, for Yours is the
kingdom, the power, and the glory, now and forever, Amen. What could I do,
if I had that power? Could I bring her back, or is she but a fading
memory, distant and gone and living only in the scraps of voice I recall,
the stray strand of her hair that still lies on the pillow she slept
upon? Is there hope for me and my love, or is all that I have left the
carrion comfort of Your touch and Your imperial regard? I pray to you, O
God, my God, using the words she taught me, our father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done -- Thy will, O
Lord, and not my own, but O Lord, is it too much to ask for a blessing of
Your power to do Your work? Grant unto me, O Lord, the power of Your
hands, to do the work You have left uncompleted, to lift my hand and
breathe back the life into her fragile heart. I have come to You, Lord, I
call upon You in the name of all that is held holy.
Do you hear me, O Lord? Is my voice nothing but a single cry in
the darkness to you now? God of Gods, Light of Light, true God from true
God -- Lord, /I believe/ now, I believe, I believe in You, I believe in
everything that she ever led me to; how could I not, when Your radiance is
before my eyes? I am here, Lord, I am before You, O Lord -- /won't you
finally love me now?/
Denise Paolucci * alanna@cybernothing.org
"It is very nearly impossible to become an educated person in a country
so distrustful of the independent mind." -- James Baldwin
http://www.cybernothing.org/~alanna/index.html