DISCLAIMER: Of course these characters were created by
Rumiko Takahashi-san, you silly-billy-goo-goo.
-----------------
Ranma 1/2: "A Matter of Romantic Chemistry - pt. 2"
By Lady Tesser and Jack Staik
----------------
Rumors had started like wildfire that week at the high
school. The fact that Ranma and Akane had been seen acting
like they were finally in love (then their disappearance
after the typhoon), combined with the sudden appearance of
Ranko, was good grist for the rumor mill.
But it was nothing compared to the rumor that a huge orgy
was going on at Ukyo Kounji's restaurant during the typhoon.
"Hey, Nabiki-san!" a student yelled in the lunchline. "How
about a scoop on the orgy? Who was there?"
"Give me fifteen thousand yen!" she yelled back, holding her
lunch tray in front of her, then turned to Ranko and
whispered. "Will you *please* button your top, at least?"
Ranko smirked at her lunch companion. "Why so prudish all of
a sudden, Biki-chan? You've sold enough naughty photos of
this body to rival Playboy. I'll bet that there isn't a guy
here who doesn't own at least one."
"You weren't family then!" she replied testily. "I don't
sell nudies of family!"
"Not even Akane?"
"There's a difference between suggestive and smutty!" Nabiki
insisted. "Not a single guy except Ranma - and Ryoga, the
pervert - know what Akane looks like naked! And if I knew
this engagement thing would work out - and that you existed
- no one would know what *you* look like, either!"
Ranko glanced around the busy cafeteria, noticing that half
of the male students had various amounts of drool dribbling
down their chins. The other half were being beaten by
girlfriends for looking at the redheaded temptation.
"You know, perhaps you're right, Biki," Ranko said
thoughtfully. "Perhaps I'll tone it down a bit."
Nabiki smiled, elbowing her way through the crowd and to a
table.
"Hey, Ranko, where's Ranma and Akane?"
"Yeah, what happened to them?"
"I hear Akane's pregnant with Ranma's lovechild."
"Really? Oh, wow!"
"I hear they ran off to America and got married there."
"And that they're living in a commune."
"Nah, it's a multiple marriage."
"Do you think Akane will have twins?"
"I wonder if she has sex with him when he turns into a
girl?"
"He doesn't turn into a girl anymore, idiot! See? There's
his girl half!"
Nabiki sighed and Ranko plastered an idiot grin across her
face to hide her laughter.
"NO!! NO!!" came the cry from across the room. "YOU'LL NEVER
MAKE ME GO BACK TO THAT DEMON-FILLED HELLHOLE!!"
"Who's that?" a student asked.
"The janitor," another responded. "Didn't you here? The
gym's haunted."
"You're kidding!" the first one said.
"Really! Yesterday, he and some of the coaches heard this
horrible wailing and moaning noise. It came from nowhere! It
was so strange and eerie, they ran out and haven't been back
since!"
"I heard Gosunkugi tried an exorcism," a third student
chimed in, "and ran out like he had bats in his hair."
"Bats in his belfry, maybe," the first student grumbled. The
other two chuckled.
Nabiki and Ranko looked at each other, then slapped hands
over their mouths to keep from laughing out loud.
Ranko was pretty sure her Niichan and Akane-chan were
enjoying themselves way too much for their own good. Perhaps
Akane could break down his guard. Unlikely, but it was fun
to think about.
She offered a prayer to Ranma and Akane, and made a note to
check on them in a few days ... just to make sure they're
still alive. (The idea of newspaper headlines stating 'Young
Lovers Found Dead in Secret Attic' and the investigator
being quoted as saying 'Cause of death: heart failure.'
would not be good.) She giggled to herself.
She couldn't think about that now; she had to prepare for
her 'interview' with Tofu-sensei that evening. She hadn't
enough experience to judge properly, she admitted to
herself, and needed some advice on what to wear.
* * * * * * * * * *
"DIE, HIBIKI!!!" the Amazon boy cried, swinging an over-
sized mace toward a wall.
Ryoga Hibiki had jumped the stone wall only seconds ago, but
the heavy projectile plowed through, sending chucks of rock
spraying in all directions.
"Can you tell me *why* you're trying to kill me, at
least??" Ryoga asked in exasperation.
"Because," Mousse growled, "As soon as Ranma gets out of the
way, you try to steal my Shampoo!!"
"Aw, come *on*!" Ryoga sighed, leaping above the still
swinging mace. "I don't love Shampoo! She's as crazy as
you!"
"Don't you dare insult my Goddess!" Mousse continued,
bringing out a potato peeler from his robe sleeve, making a
line toward Ryoga's lower regions.
"Eeep!" the Lost Boy blocked and deflected the peeler to the
side with his combat umbrella. Then connected his foot to
the side of Mousse's head, sending him flying right into a
nearby puddle, a reminder of the typhoon.
A bespectacled duck splashed around in the puddle, regaining
his bearings, only to discover that his *new* sworn enemy
had disappeared.
Cologne nodded slowly, a smile stretched across her wide
mouth.
<Very good, Hibiki, very good. You would do the Amazon
nation honor by marrying my great-granddaughter. Now, to
convince you that you are in love with her ... >
* * * * * * * * * *
Shampoo was playing 'peek-a-boo' with Chibi-Happi, as they
were temporarily naming him until the tribe officiated his
adoption into the clan with his Amazon name.
"{Peek-a-boo, I see you!}" she sang in the dialect of the
Amazons. (After all, he'd be raised an Amazon, there's no
need for him to learn Japanese until later.)
Chibi-Happi gurgled and squealed, giggling at the purple-
haired young woman. He tried to grab at the bells hanging
from her hair, their chiming fascinating him to no end.
"{You are *so* kawaii!}" Shampoo cooed. "{I am going to
raise you to be a good man who doesn't steal panties. You'll
be such a cute boy. Maybe you'll marry one of my and Ryoga's
daughters!}"
Shampoo sighed, grinning silly. She enjoyed not having to
chase and tempt and act like a bimbo for Ranma. Ryoga was
different ... he was more respectful towards women, meek and
modest with them. She always found it cute, and now she
realized all the repressed fantasies she had of him.
Unlike with Ranma, she *could* see herself married to Ryoga,
with their own place and their children running around, both
of them teaching adorable little Shampoos and adorable
little Ryogas how to fight and make adorable little ki-
blasts. She would come home after a hard day with the
militia or at the council hall, and Ryoga would have dinner
ready and a nice cup of tea for her.
Then, all the delightful nights (or afternoons, depending
upon her fancy) of both of them in happy violence. He'll
*learn* to appreciate her taste for chocolate sauce and silk
scarves and all sorts of role-playing.
She smiled, and went back to making faces for Chibi-Happi to
giggle at, kicking his little feet in the air.
Goddess, she loved being a mother at last!
* * * * * * * * * *
(Later that day, at the Tendo Dojo ... )
Ranko changed her dress for the fifth time that afternoon.
She stood in front of the full-length mirror in the room she
shared with Kasumi. Kasumi was smiling indulgently at her.
"It's only Tofu-sensei, Ko-chan," she stated, sipping her
tea and going back to her romance novel.
"Right ... " the redhead replied, zipping the front of a
leopard print shirt up over her cleavage, then unzipping it
back down. She made a face. "Errr, rotten!"
She stripped again, pulling on a dragon print Chinese dress
of emerald green.
"Ooh," the eldest Tendo daughter chirped. "That's nice!"
"Is it appropriate, though?" Ranko babbled. "I don't want to
offend him."
A blank look crossed Kasumi's face, then she lit up. Could
it be that Ko-chan ... ?
"Oh, my ... " she murmured, smiling. "Oh my, oh my, oh my."
Ranko didn't hear her, as she was attempting to brush her
hair out to the long fullness of her red mane. She studied
her large blue eyes in the mirror and turned to face Kasumi.
"Well?"
"Beautiful."
Ranko hugged her tightly. "Arigato."
"Now go on. I'll have dinner ready when you get home."
"All right."
* * * * * * * * * *
Outside the Dojo, a cloaked figure leapt to the top of the
house.
<The Old Pervert hangs out around here, usually trying to
glomp onto fem-boy and his butch fiancee. I can ambush him
here and then - WHAM! He's mine!>
He saw a female figure in green walking away from the house.
Being male and lonely, he looked appraisingly - then noticed
the hair.
<Fem-boy,> he thought, disgusted. <It looks like the
transgender freak's slid all the way over. Too bad he's a
guy - great butt.> With a quick bound, he sailed into the
air and landed in the street in front of the redhead.
Ranko rolled her eyes. "I do *not* need this," she mumbled.
"Don't worry, fem-boy. I'm not here to whip you again. I was
looking for the freak."
Ranko smiled. "Sorry, mistaken identity. I'm Ranma's sister,
Ranko. He's not here. And Happosai's ... gone."
"Out on a panty raid?" he smirked.
"No. For all practical intents and purposes, he's as good as
dead."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Tarou snapped. "Did he get
killed?"
"Look, just go to the Dojo, and they'll explain everything.
I'm busy. Now, if you'll excuse me -"
"Hold it, Ranma-"
"Ranko!"
"Whatever! I want the freak, and I need to know if he's
alive or dead!"
"Look, Pantyhose -"
"Don't call me that, Ranma!"
"Don't call me Ranma! if you want him, go to the Nekohanten!
Now get lost!"
Pantyhose waved a hand dismissively. "Like the Amazons would
let him get in a mile of them! Now what about Happosai?"
Ranko let her battle aura flare up. "I have to get to the
clinic NOW, you obsessed weirdo! Save it for later!"
"Who cares about your pathetic little games, fem-boy?"
"THAT'S IT!" she yelled. "KACHU TENSHIN AMIGURIKEN!!"
Pantyhose was shocked by the suddenness of the blow, as well
as the sheer savagery. Ranma had never launched an attack so
brutally before.
Of course, he didn't think of it like that. It was hard to
think clearly after being kneed in the groin several hundred
times in less than a second.
As Pantyhose writhed on the pavement, Ranko carefully
stepped on his face as she left, still very pissed.
"Damned mutated freak!" she mumbled under her breath. "Too
stupid to change his own name himself."
* * * * * * * * * *
Nodoka looked over at the bed as she got her robe on, gazing
at Ichiro's sleeping face.
She had taken Ichiro to his house, but his wife was still
lost, and he hadn't been able to locate Ryoga. She had just
intended to allow him to stay at her house as a guest,
certain all of the emotions were behind her.
Her good intentions lasted less than five minutes before
they were tearing at each other's clothes on the living room
sofa.
She kicked herself mentally for allowing it to happen again
(and again, and again). She knew that had they not been
married to other people, she likely would have attempted to
become Ichiro's wife. He had all the kindness and love that
Genma had once had, combined with a gentle strength (and the
ability to make her emit sounds in the high ultrasonic
range).
Nodoka looked in the mirror. She saw, not for the first
time, the strong resemblance between herself and Ranko.
She'd have to ask (discreetly, of course) about her
provenance. Cousins, perhaps?
She wanted to make peace with Ranko; she'd always wanted a
daughter, and had hoped to have one of her own one day.
She'd attempted to turn 'Ranko Tendo' into a foster
daughter, and might yet succeed with Ranko Saotome.
Yes, today she'd go over to the Tendo home and talk with
Ranko. She'd forgive the girl her unseemly outburst, and
they could become fast friends.
And, of course, Ranma and Akane's wedding. She'd already
made initial preparations - luckily, she knew a Shinto
priest who could perform a traditional ceremony cheap. As
soon as her son and his fiancee returned from their trip,
they could proceed with the ceremony.
(And hopefully, in nine months - or less, if Ranma took
after his biological father - she could look forward to
being a grandmother; All the joys of motherhood, but none of
the dirty diapers.)
Sighing, she went to fix Ichiro and herself a late lunch.
* * * * * * * * * *
Nabiki spent the afternoon poking around her father's den.
What she overheard the Old Men say the other day after
dinner had made her wonder what they were up to. Evidently,
their little plan with Nodoka forcing her sister and Ranma
to the altar had failed miserably (kind of hard to hit a
moving target - the happy couple had left right after the
typhoon).
Yet, it still tugged and tugged at her curiosity. Until at
last she had the house virtually to herself. Her sister and
fiance were safely hiding out, Ko-chan had gone to the
clinic, and the Old Men were at the bathhouse. Kasumi
happily making dinner at the moment was all Nabiki needed.
She had turned the desk and filing cabinets inside out,
finding all sorts of useful and puzzling documents.
Incorporation papers, contracts, various financial
statements.
A huge financial structure was outlined in the documents.
Put together, they painted a very odd picture; over the past
twenty years, her father and Genma Saotome had created a
huge network of dummy corporations, in which one of them
would be the CEO and contract with a company of which the
other was the CEO for services which were never delivered.
Yet there was no money. The bare minimums were kept in
banks, and token amounts were paid on outstanding balances.
By reflex, Nabiki totaled the amount spent each year on
keeping this paper tiger of a financial empire afloat - and
recognized the amount instantly. The "Special Miscellaneous"
fund in the household budget, which Nabiki had assumed her
father spent on booze, gambling, and trips to sex clubs,
like any decent Japanese man. Instead, he spent it on ...
this.
But why? It seemed pointless.
At last, turning up nothing that could tell her what her
daddy and Genma were up to, she crawled up on the desk and
sat down in meditation.
Nabiki didn't care much for the esoterics of the mental
exercise, but it did have it's uses; if one knew how, one
could tap into the gut center to find what she is looking
for.
It was a trick she learned from Kasumi, who inherited their
mother's gift for 'second sight'. Not enough to become a
seeress, but to have a feeling of knowingness. She supposed
that was why her older sister covered up her awareness with
a studied surprise.
She closed her eyes and cleared her mind, feeling the space
around her. She reached her ki down into the desk under her,
slipping into the crevices and corners to find anything she
hadn't found before.
Ah, there! Between the drawers and the wall of the desk in
the far back.
She slid off the desk and pulled a drawer out, probing her
arm to the back to locate the folder. Seconds later, she
pulled a manila legal size folder out of the desk. She
assembled the desk back together and stole out of the den
and into her upstairs room.
"Well, daddy, let's see why you've been pushing little
sister into marrying Ranma-kun all this time," she murmured
to herself, opening the folder.
She read the yellowed papers silently. A puzzled look
crossed her face. "Ranma's maternal grandfather's will!"
She continued reading, finding out what kind of man Nodoka's
father was from the snide comments concerning certain
relatives and the irony of what they received.
<Mean bastard, ruthless, miserly, perverse and nasty sense
of humor ... if he weren't dead, I'd marry him.> The only
ones he treated with kindness in the document were his late
wife and his daughter ... and Ranma ...
"'To my grandson, Ranma Saotome, son of my lovely daughter
Nodoka and her idiot husband Genma Saotome, I leave the rest
of my fortune, holdings, lands, and titles, to be received
on his twenty-fifth birthday, or when he marries, whichever
occurs first.'"
"Oh, my," Nabiki breathed. She hopped up and went to the
phone, dialing a credit firm she had an account with.
"Hi, Hiro? Nabiki. I need information on a trust fund. The
name is ..." She gave the pertinent information and waited.
Her hand was shaking as she hung up the phone. "Thirteen -
BILLION - yen???" she gasped. [Author's note - approximately
$100 million US]
<This is serious. Daddy and Genma-baka are going to swindle
Ranma and Akane out of their inheritance.> She sat down on
her bed, sorting out everything. <Ranma and Akane are below
the age of majority. They marry, and their financial matters
would be handled by their legal guardians - Genma and
Otosan.>
<All those dummy companies would instantly be flooded with
cash - which would vanish into a mess of accounting
cubbyholes, secret accounts, et cetera. The Old farts retire
to Tahiti, leaving Ranma and Akane a broken-down old dojo.>
Nabiki's eyes flashed. "And they were cutting ME out, too!!
NO ONE cuts Nabiki Tendo out of a business deal! They will
PAY!!"
Nabiki started to meditate upon a plan of action.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ranma and Akane snuggled in each other's arms.
Ranma found himself marvelling at her fragile beauty, hiding
the strength underneath. He had begun to grow accustomed to
watching her naked form (they hadn't really been dressed in
a couple of days), but he never stopped thinking of her as
beautiful.
He lightly ran his fingertips along her side.
Akane moaned and stirred, opening her eyes. "Hello,
stranger," she said dreamily. "If you're going to rape me,
do it quick, before my fiance shows up."
Ranma giggled. "Good morning, pervert," he said, gently
kissing her forehead.
"Morning?" she asked. "You sure?"
"Dunno," he answered. "I just woke up."
Akane thought a moment. "When did I become the pervert?"
"Since we got here," Ranma replied, smiling. "I never even
*heard* of half the stuff you put us through."
Akane giggled, wriggling against him. "When we go home, I'll
let you read my secret stash of ecchi manga. Guaranteed to
make you wish you had tentacles."
Ranma kissed her gently along the side of her neck. Akane
felt the proof of his arousal pressing against her.
"I just thought of something," she said.
"You can still think?" he said with comic exaggeration. "I
must be doing something wrong."
Akane giggled. "Nothing wrong with *that*, lover. I was just
wondering - if I'm the pervert, does that make you the
tomboy?"
Ranma looked confused, then smiled. "I suppose."
Akane grabbed the glass of water near the bedroll and
splashed Ranma.
"HEY!!" Ranma-onna protested. "What was *that* for??"
"If you're going to be the tomboy, you should look the
part," Akane explained, rolling on top of her.
"What are you doing?!?" Ranma asked (for the hundredth time
since they came up here).
"Hush, girlie - you're my bitch now!" Akane growled, a smile
on her face. "Damn, but I always wondered about stuff like
this!"
* * * * * * * * * *
Ranko approached the Nerima Medical Clinic. Her fists were
still clutched, her teeth still clenched, and her delicate
step was reduced to a sheer stomp.
It was people with Pantyhose's attitude that upset her most.
She spent all of her life inside the head of a boy, been
fighting and arguing like one when she possessed Ranma to
cover up her existence. Being called 'fem-boy' by the drip
was the highest offense. And him not even *listening* to her
either was as bad!
"UGH!" she flung the door open. "OF ALL THE PIG-HEADED,
BAKA, IDIOTIC - "
Doctor Tofu looked up from the clipboard in his hands,
seeing his new receptionist with a red hot anger aura lit up
around her. He briefly admired the way her impressive chest
heaved with her hard breathing. He quickly snapped out of it
and put his clipboard down.
"Good afternoon, Ranko-chan," he smiled, taking her arm
firmly. "Perhaps you'd like some tea and discuss your
duties."
Ranko calmed down enough to let him guide her to his office,
yet still retained her rage, her body straining in
suppressed action. Tofu checked her emotional meter, and
decided it was best to be understanding and try to calm her
down. She was looking to start a fight to let out all the
anger.
He plunked her down in the chair in front of his desk and
she leapt back up.
"Creep should be tied to a bamboo stake ... " she muttered,
pacing around the doctor's office.
He chuckled, pouring tea from the warm pot behind his desk.
"Who should be?"
"Pantyhose Taro!"
Tofu nodded slowly. He had heard of the boy who was cursed
with a variety of odd creatures. He arrived while the doctor
was on his sabbatical, and had never met the boy face-to-
face. From what Ranma, Ranko, and the rest of the Jusenkyo
alumni had told him, this Pantyhose was not one to want to
provoke.
"Tell me what happened," he said, sitting down on his desk.
Ranko recounted the whole conversation, eventually calming
enough to sit down and accept the tea from him.
"But I don't get it!" she moaned in disgust. "I'm *not*
Ranma. I don't look like onna-Ranma now. I'm me. I'm Ranko
Saotome."
Tofu shook his head sadly, reaching out to pat her shoulder
in friendly affection.
"I'm afraid people will take a long while to recognize you
as your own being rather than as Ranma's female half."
"But I'm actually not his female half, I'm his anima ... or
was ... " she closed her eyes. "Tofu-sensei, I am female,
correct?"
<Wonderfully female!> "Undeniably female. All the physical,
emotional, and mental structures are there."
"I am Ranko Saotome?"
<Wonderfully Ko-chan!> Tofu cleared his throat. "That is the
name you have chosen."
She looked up to meet his brown eyes. "I'm sorry, Tofu-
sensei, I didn't mean to ... " she hesitantly paused, highly
aware that his hand had slid down from her shoulder to her
hand.
They both looked down at his hand covering hers on the
armrest. She was startled by his hands - rough textured but
gentle in their touch, so much larger compared to her own.
She ... liked his touch. It was calming, yet pulsed with ...
with ...
He quickly pulled his hand back and murmured, "Gomen nasai,
Ranko-chan."
She remained speechless. <No, it was just my imagination.>
she firmly decided.
"Anyway, you must learn your duties at the clinic."
"Yes, I must," she cleared her throat and set her tea down.
"What does my position entail?"
Glad to get a distraction, the doctor began describing the
duties of the job; records, appointments, and so forth.
"And above all ... confidentiality! What occurs here goes no
further. The sacred bond between physician and patient
requires it."
Ranko nodded.
"You can start immediately - the <chuckle> evening shift
should be beginning soon." As he walked her to the
receptionist's desk, he added, "And don't let the flying
leopards spook you too much."
"Alright," she replied.
As she checked the appointment book, she suddenly froze.
<FLYING LEOPARDS???>
----------------
(to be continued)