Notes:
I changed the name, this is the former "Ayanami wa hito ni naru".
I need some prereaders so I don't have to show such low revisions
to the general public..
I've started a webpage for the story at:
http://www.lysator.liu.se/~garnax/fanfics.html
C&C please :P (Might be a few tempus errors in there..)
The prologue has been changed very little, just one sentence changed
so far..
I've changed how dialog/thoughts is written.. you decide if you
like it or not (and then let me know).. I've chosen a Rei that
might be somewhat non-canon.. but since I can't find much info
other than how she acts in the anime I've drawn my own
conclusions as to why she behaves as she does.. read at the
end of the fic for my thoughts.. Flame me via email..
[Fanfic][NGE][Spoiler] Becoming Human - Chapter 1 - Revelations
______________________
Becoming Human
����������������������
Author: Mats Fors�n (garnax@lysator.liu.se)
(Formerly named "Ayanami wa hito ni naru")
This story starts in the 22nd episode. It diverges exactly at the
middle of the episode when the angel appears. This is my first
attempt at a fanfic just to see if I suck as bad as I think I do..
C&C greatly appreciated...
Seeing as there doesn't seem to be any clearcut answer in NGE as to
how Ayanami Rei works, especially with regards to the transfer of
soul/memory between clones I've written down how I see it and
applied that to the fanfic, read at the end of the text if interested.
Previous chapters and my other stories can be found at:
http://www.lysator.liu.se/~garnax/fanfics.html
Neon Genesis Evangelion and everything isn't mine. Don't sue me.
Revision 0.2, 1999-10-23
Thanks go to:
---------
Chapter 1 - Revelations
---------
Rei wakes up with a start. She opens her eyes but closes them
instantly as bright light assaults them mercilessly. Blinking her eyes
to accustom them to the light she starts to take in her surroundings.
She seems to be lying down since she is now looking up at an unfamiliar
ceiling. Raising her head she sees that she is lying down on a normal
bed with white sheets. She notices an IV hookup in her left arm which
is dripping some colorless liquid into her bloodstream. Sensors are
affixed on her chest that lead to a beeping machine she tentatively
identifies as a cardiograph. The room she is in is plain and only
contains her bed and some built-in closets on one wall. One other
wall has two big windows leading outside. All the evidence leads her
to the only plausible conclusion, she is in a hospital room.
The room looks big enough for three more beds but she is alone, probably
for security reasons. She glances out the window and notices that the
sun is shining bright from a cloudless sky. Since the last she can
recollect is rain she surmises that some time has passed since she
came to be here.
Wait, why is she here? Her last memory is that of excruciating pain
while being subjected to some sort of ray from the 15:th Angel. Since
she is still here she has to guess that she either survived or that
another clone has been awakened. Since everything else is also here
the only conclusion can be that the Angel was stopped.
She checks herself more thoroughly but can find no signs of any
physical damages. Her head starts to spin though from all the moving
around and she soon collapses back into sleep.
-------
An indeterminable time later Rei slowly wakes up to the sound of
someone calling her name out softly. Opening her eyes all she sees
is a blue blur in front of her face, however it quickly solidifies
into the face of Major Katsuragi Misato. Yawning a bit Rei stretches
and sits up. Facing Misato she looks into her eyes as is her custom.
Misato stopped calling Rei's name when she started stirring and
looks down at her concernedly.
"Rei? Are you feeling alright?"
After a moments thought Rei answers this with her usual eloquence.
"Hai."
Rei can't help feeling that there is something wrong though,
something... missing... something... different. Seeing the
confusion on Rei's face Misato can't help but ask:
"Are you sure?"
Rei thinks some more about it but can't identify what she is
feeling. There is definitely a sense of loss, but she doesn't
seem to be missing anything. She considers simply ignoring
the question but since Misato is her superior officer she has
to be informed.
"I feel strange."
Misato blinks at this unexpected answer and puzzles it over for
a while. She hesitates a bit before asking:
"How do you mean, strange?"
Rei tries to examine the feeling but doesn't understand it. She
can't remember ever feeling that way before and can't find any
words to describe it.
"I don't know."
Misato hmms and thinks it over.
'Might be a mild concussion.. strange.. the physical we performed
while she was asleep didn't point at anything like that. I'll have
to have Ritsuko run more thorough checks.'
"What is the last thing you remember?"
Rei doesn't have to think long before framing her answer.
"Pain. In the EVA."
Misato looks relieved at that and explains the situation.
"That is not to be unexpected. After Asuka killed the angel we
found you comatose in the entry plug. You have been here in the
hospital for over two weeks in a coma."
She glances down at Rei to see how she is reacting but can't see
any change. She sighs and wonders what, if anything, can get this girl
to react.
"Shinji and Asuka have been coming to visit you every day before school."
Misato notices that Rei's eyes widen a little at the mention of Shinji
and can't help but grin internally. She was going to have to have a chat
with Shinji about this..
Rei doesn't understand the feeling she got when Misato mentioned Shinji,
it was a different feeling than the other feeling though.
'Feelings are just too confusing, I should ignore them as commander
Ikari said. But this is about Shinji, and he is Ikari's son.. I'll
just forget these feelings for now...'.
Thus putting her mind at rest Rei's mind turns to more important matters.
"How is Unit 00?"
Misato is taken aback by the question but replies slowly.
"It was unharmed by the Angel, the attack was purely mental. You know,
it didn't seem to be affecting you at first, but then you suddenly
started screaming and didn't stop until just before the Angel died.
Do you remember anything?"
Rei nods.
"I think it was trying to communicate."
Misato blinks.
"Why do you think that?"
Rei searches her memory and tries to recall what observations lead to
that conclusion before.
"It was showing me memories from my past."
"What memories?"
Rei is about to respond when she recalls the standing order from
commander Ikari not to reveal any information about her rather 'unique'
status. But Major Katsuragi is a superior officer and she is required
to answer all questions. Since commander Ikari's orders are more
important she is forced to respond evasively.
"I cannot say."
Misato peers down at Rei with an unbelieving stare.
"Why not?"
"I cannot say."
"Do you remember what memories it showed you?"
"Yes."
"Then why can't you say what memories it is?"
"I cannot say."
Misato groans audibly.
'Getting answers from Rei is like pulling nails out of a board..
barehanded.'
Seeing as this line of questioning wasn't leading anywhere she tries
another slant.
"What types of memories was it?"
Rei thinks it over.
"I believe they could be called unpleasant ones."
Misato looks down at Rei quizzically but decides to give up for now.
There would be time later for a more thorough interview. With her
job done her professionalism slips and she looks worriedly down at Rei.
Seeing as how Rei just lies there she decides to try to cheer her up.
She aims her winning smile at her.
"Well.. You seem all better now, I bet you will be up and running
in no time!"
Rei just stares back at her.
"It will be good to return to my duties."
Misato groans again and sighs.
'You just can't figure out this girl.. I can't help but wonder how
Gendo raised her...'
She looks down again at Rei again and notices that she has fallen back
and is staring right up at the ceiling. She reflexively glances
upwards to check what Rei is looking at but sees nothing out of the
ordinary. She clears her throat and starts to talk.
"You should know what happened while you were out cold. After you
started screaming Shinji begged to be released to come help you
but Gendo refused."
Misato frowns at that but continues.
"Instead he sent Asuka down into Terminal Dogma with Unit 02 to get
some lance.. The lance of.. uhh.. "
Misato racks her brains trying to recall the name.
'Let's see.. it was a kind silly name for a lance.. eh.. the long
lance.. no... the lance of..'
Rei unexpectedly looks at her and states:
"The Lance of Longinus".
Misato stares at her in shock and asks:
"How did you know? Not even I had clearance enough to know about it
and I'm the head of operations!"
Rei shifts her gaze back to the ceiling.
"I cannot say"
Misato sighs.
'Yet another secret I'm kept in the dark of.'
"After she retrieved the Lance of Longinus she returned to the surface
and threw it straight through the Angel completely destroying it."
Misato's mind gets sidetracked as she thinks how good that was for Asuka.
She finally killed an angel all on her own, one which even 'Wonder Girl'
had failed with. It had raised her spirits immensely and she was almost
back to her old sync ratio. It was good to see her out of her depression.
Putting those thoughts aside she continues:
"You actually stopped screaming just a little while before the Angel
was killed, we still haven't figured that part out. After it died
Asuka brought your EVA down into the base where we extracted your
entry plug and you've been lying here since..."
Misato glances down at Rei who has closed her eyes and wonders if she
is still listening.
"Although we can't find anything wrong with you Ritsuko wants to
keep you here for a while to run a few tests. That OK?"
Rei sleepily agrees.
"Hai."
It doesn't take long before dizziness overcomes Rei and she falls asleep
again. Misato stays and looks at her for a while before finally shrugging
and returning to her duties.
-------
Rei was startled awake by a most curious sensation. Looking around she
could ascertain that she wasn't in the hospital any more but was standing
in her plugsuit outside in Tokyo-3. She didn't get time to examine anything
more before she heard a familiar voice speak up from a few paces away.
Glancing in that direction she could indeed see the back of The Second
Child.
"Oh, well... Taking matters into his own hands, defying Operations. He
got what he asked for."
Rei can't help but feel that this has happened already. She glances
around and sees Unit 00 and 02 standing not too far away but can find no
sign of Unit 01. Turning back to Asuka she observes her as she continues
ranting.
"Just because he got a little better score than mine, he had to go show
me how it ought to be done."
Asuka laughs and turns around.
"What a dumkopf!"
Rei started feeling this odd sensation in her chest as Asuka kept
bad-mouthing Shinji. Stepping up to her she looked her in the eyes.
Asuka seems taken aback but retaliates quickly.
"What? Are my comments about Shinji pissing you off?"
Rei wonders if that is what she is feeling. Getting a strange feeling
of deja vu she asks back:
"Do you pilot Eva just for the praise of others?"
Asuka angrily retorts:
"No! I don't need anybody's approval but my own!"
Rei felt the strange feeling growing stronger and was at a loss at what
to do. Just as she was thinking of saying something back she was
distracted by a loud noise. Glancing up into the sky she could see
hundreds of planes converging on their position. Rei starts to feel
perplexed.
'Wait.. this isn't what should happen.. right? Wasn't I supposed to
be in my EVA for this?'
Rei keeps looking on in confusion as the planes arrive and hundreds of
N2 bombs start falling towards the Sea of Dirac. Her throat constricts
as the bombs fall right into the black emptiness. The next thing she
sees is the shadow in the sky starting to crack. Soon blood starts
to pour out of the wounds. She gets a strange feeling in her heart as
she sees Unit 01 fall out in several pieces. Her gaze locks on to the
head where she can plainly see a huge gash where the entry plug is
supposed to be.
'No.. No.. This isn't what happened... Shinji didn't die.. Shinji
isn't replaceable.. no..'
-------
Rei could feel someone shaking her and opened her eyes. She looked
around dazedly but she seemed to be back in the hospital room. Bending
over her shaking her was Shinji. Seeing she had woken up he blushed
and took a few fast steps backwards.
"Gomen! You.. seemed to have a bad dream.. and I.. just couldn't
stand seeing you.. like that.. and.. and.."
Rei doesn't understand how this could be, one moment she was talking
to Major Katsuragi, the next she was battling the 12:th Angel and then
she was back in the hospital room with Shinji. Noticing something
Shinji was saying she asked out loud:
"A.. dream?"
Shinji stopped trying to sink into the floor and looked at Rei
curiously.
"Yeah.. a bad dream by the looks of it.. You were shaking
and whispering 'No'..."
Rei wrestles with the concept of dreaming, she knows what it is but
it has never happened to her before. Meanwhile Shinji works up the
courage to walk back to the bed and looks down at Rei.
"What was the dream about? Talking about helps sometime..."
Rei felt another of those strange emotions at hearing Shinji feel
interested in her well being, not even commander Ikari did that. She
was after all replaceable. As she thought of telling Shinji about her
dream she could feel her face growing hot, most peculiar.
"It was... about you.."
Shinji gulps at this and looks around for a quick exit.
'Yeesh.. she was having a nightmare about me? What did I do wrong?'
Gathering his wits he managed to stutter out:
"M-m-me? What about me?"
Silently he was bracing himself for the worst.
"You died."
Shinji had expected a lot worse and only managed to blurt out:
"Nani?"
"In my... dream.. you died battling the 12:th angel. It felt.. strange."
Shinji who had managed to get himself together some asked softly:
"You were scared because I died?"
Rei thinks back and tries to imagine what feeling that could be.. It
had felt like someone had taken a cold hand and squeezed her heart..
But that was just silly, it must have been her imagination. Setting
her mind firmly back in its place she said:
"I don't know.. It didn't feel.. good?"
Shinji blinks at this.
"You're asking me?"
Rei nods.
"I've never felt that feeling before, it confuses me.... When you
died.. it felt like.. part of me died too.."
Shinji reddens visibly.
'Does this mean.. she cares for me?'
Rei continues:
"It felt strange.. I remember I wished I had died instead, since
I am replaceable and you are not..."
Shinji gasps at this and grabs Rei by the shoulders.
"No! You are not replaceable! Whoever told you that was wrong!"
Rei is taken aback by his outburst. She knows she was replaceable since
commander Ikari has told her so, why was Shinji saying something else?
Confused by this she could only come to the conclusion that Shinji
also was confused and had understood things wrong. She would have to
correct him later sometime, for now she would just play along.
"Arigatou, Shinji-kun."
Shinji noticed he was holding Rei and quickly removed his hands while
blushing furiously. Just as he was going to apologize for it the door
flew open. From just outside the door we hear in a loud voice:
"Baka Shinji! Are you drooling over her unconscious body again!?"
Shinji immediately reddens even more and starts stammering out
apologies to left and right. Entering through the door with an
imperious gait we see The Second Child, Soryuu Asuka Langley, in
all her glory. Her gaze narrows as she looks at the conscious Rei.
"So.. You survived? No doubt thanks to my awesome rescue."
Asuka laughs heartily and walks up to Rei and Shinji.
"Wonder Girl and the Invincible Shinji.. hah.. not so mighty now are
we? Couldn't even take out a little Angel.. hmpf.. I don't know why
I consort with the likes of you.."
Shinji starts to protest futilely while Rei just looks at Asuka without
any noticeable reaction. Asuka notices this and sneers in her direction.
"What? The little doll got broken? Can't talk?"
Rei starts feeling that same emotion she felt in her dream.
"I am not a doll."
Asuka hmpfs.
"Really? hmpf.. You'd still carry out any order from Gendo wouldn't
you?"
"Hai."
"Hah! Just like a doll.. can't think for yourself.. oh well.. fun as
it is to hold a conversation with you time is running away.. come
on Shinji.. Time to go to school!"
With that Asuka starts dragging Shinji towards the door while he
kept looking at Rei and mouthing apologies. Soon enough the both of
them were outside and had closed the door.
Rei blinks at the proceedings and decides to sleep some more to
recuperate.
-------
Ritsuko walks down the hallway reading the results of the physical
done on Rei. Nothing was out of the ordinary that she could see but
she had the nagging feeling that something was different. She would
just have to run a complete set of tests with a simulated EVA.
Realizing where she was she thought of visiting Rei in person.
'Misato said she was awake.. so she should be good enough for a few
tests...'
Heading in a different direction she continues reading the report and
starts making a mental checklist of tests to run. Noticing she had
walked too far in her musings she doubles back a few doors and arrived
at the room Rei was in.
'Hmm.. do I knock or don't I...'
Deciding to play it nice after a few moments she reaches out and
knocks on the door. After a few seconds she hears shuffling from
inside. Finally Rei's voice is heard through the door.
"Yes?"
"It's me, Ritsuko. Are you ready for some tests?"
"Hai."
"Be at the simulation room in 20 minutes."
"Hai."
Her mission complete Ritsuko continues on to the simulation room
to set things up.
------
Rei sits up in the bed and glances around for her clothes. Not
seeing them anywhere she gets off the bed and starts searching the
closets.
Her legs feel a bit wobbly for the first few steps but she straightens
up and walks normally after a few paces. Searching the few closets
that are in the room she finds a hospital gown which she dons.
She can't find her passcard anywhere and she knows there are several
security stations between her present location and the simulation room.
While obviously not possible without her passcard, she must be there
within 15 minutes. Mulling it over for a bit she decides that she
requires an escort. Taking a final look around the room she leaves
through the door.
------
Private Shigeru looks to both sides of the door he is guarding before
putting his machine gun against the wall. Still glancing left and right
he takes out a cigarette pack and extracts a cigarette. With shaking
hands he takes out a lighter and starts to light it.
'Damn.. I can't wait any longer.. Better finish it quick before
the sarge notices it..'
So intent is he on his little misdemeanor that he doesn't notice Rei
softly padding up to his back. He slowly takes a long drag from his
cigarette.
"Excuse me."
Shigeru chokes on the smoke and tries to hide the cigarette within his
hand as he turns around. In his minds eye he can see how the sarge
assigns him toilet-scrubbing duty for smoking on watch. What he didn't
expect was a 15 year old albino girl. Still wheezing from the smoke
he tries to make head or tails of the situation.
'Let's see.. we're deep in a high security military facility.. I
was just caught smoking on the watch.. However, I was caught by
a little girl.. Wait.. wait.. a little girl?'
He gives the girl another look. She is dressed in a hospital gown
and nothing more. Unexpectedly she pipes up:
"I require an escort to the EVA simulation room."
Shigeru blinks.
'What? Not only is the girl here but she's ordering me around? Who
does she think.. wait.. she isn't of the pilots is she?'
He clears his throat and decides to ask it.
"You're not one of the pilots are you?"
The girl nods affirmatively.
'Oh shit.. wait.. should I just take her there.. or salute her... or...'
Having no idea how to handle the situation he chooses the safe option.
"Hang on.. I have to clear this with command.."
He fishes out his intercom and calls for Major Katsuragi. Within moments
her voice can be heard.
"Yes? What is it?"
"I've got a little girl here who says she's a pilot. She wants an
escort to the EVA simulation room.. what should I do?"
"Hand the intercom to her."
Shigeru shrugs and does as asked. The girl murmurs a few words into the
intercom intermittently and finally hands it back to him. The major's
voice soon sounds in his ears.
"Okay.. You're to take her there immediately.. She has lost her passcard
so you are to take her through all security stations.. I'll assign a
guard to replace you at your position.. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Ma'am!"
Shigeru turns off the intercom and looks over at the girl. She is
already walking down the corridor in the right direction. Picking up his
machine gun he hurries up to her and takes a position behind her to the
right. The girl seems to know where she is going so he follows quietly.
'Phew.. at least she won't report my smoking to the sarge..'
-------
Ritsuko glances at her watch, two seconds left until Rei should be here.
Glancing up at the door she notices that it opens at just the right time
and Rei steps in.
"Get into your plugsuit and enter simulation entry plug #1."
"Hai."
Rei walks over to the door leading to the changing rooms. Within a few
minutes she is fully decked and sitting in the entry plug. She closes
her eyes and prepares for the standard harmonics test.
After about half an hour of testing Ritsuko can find no major anomalies.
Her sync ratio was down a few percent but that could be attributed to
the traumatic events the last time she was in an EVA. She considers the
next step and contacts Rei in the simulation plug.
"Rei, I'll schedule a test with Unit 00 for tomorrow. Be here at
10 AM, you are exempt from school tomorrow."
Inside the plug Rei opens her eyes.
"Hai."
"Now get on out of here.."
"Hai."
Minutes later Rei walks out of the simulation plug and makes her course
to the changing room.
------
Rei enters the changing room and heads towards her locker. She opens it
and notices that the only clothes she has is the hospital gown from
earlier. After looking at it for a few moments she decides to check
the other lockers to see if there is anything else for her to wear.
As she is about to open her fourth locker someone enters the changing
room, glancing over her shoulder she notices that it is commander Ikari
and brightens up.
"Hello Rei, how are you feeling?"
Rei walks up to Gendo and actually sports a small smile on her face.
Commander Ikari had explained numerous times how fun it was to talk to
him and he was really nice. Now she couldn't help but wonder if it was
fun to be with Shinji too.
"Just fine, I feel normal."
Gendo nods at this and examines her. She doesn't seem to be any different
but there is only one way to know for sure.
"Rei, it is time for another session with the dummy plug."
"Hai."
Gendo turns around and gestures for Rei to walk ahead of her. Soon they
both exit the room and head for the elevator to Terminal Dogma.
------
Rei steps into the cylinder which closes and rapidly fills with LCL.
She closes her eyes as she has so many times before and tries to reach
out to her clones.
Ikari stands outside looking in at her.
'Hmm.. If what we fear is true has happened, she might have to be
replaced.. the project is more important than individual lives..'
Rei is starting to grow puzzled, something was very wrong. It hadn't
taken her this long to contact the clones since the first time she
tried. Concentrating even more she strengthens her calling.
Ikari checks a monitor which shows the current sync ratio.
'Hmm.. 0%.. Damn.. I have to keep this from SEELE until I can figure
out a way to use this...'
Rei suddenly opens her eyes, something is definitely wrong. She can't
synch with her clones as she has always done! Looking out she can see
commander Ikari standing there with a concerned look on his face.
------
Chapter End
-------
What has happened to Rei? Will Gendo 'replace' her? Find out in the
exciting next episode!
-------
Here is how I perceive Rei:
Rei was created by Gendo and company for the sole purpose of initiating
third impact. Gendo indoctrinated her her entire life to suppress her
emotions and thus become his perfect tool. Since it would be stupid to
make such a weapon without any safeguards he purposefully made sure she
liked him. As an example just look how she talks to him compared to
other people. Thus Rei thinks emotions are superfluous and accepts anything
Gendo tells her as truth. I mean, Gendo couldn't have her refuse Third
Impact just because she cared for someone right? (Yes, Gendo is a SOB)
She probably carries her emotions on to Shinji because he is Gendo's son.
Shinji is the only one other than Gendo she shows emotions too.. When
Asuka badmouths him she actually speaks up..
They cannot activate another clone while one is alive since that clone
is using part of Lilith's soul to keep it conscious. Attempts at waking
multiple clones have just ended up with one active one and the rest
braindead. When Rei dies the soul-part returns to Lilith and can then
be used for the next clone.
This is just pure speculation on my part but it doesn't seem to clash
too much with canon NGE but if someone else has a better idea I welcome
discussing it privately. (don't spam the FFML)
/ Mats Fors�n, garnax@lysator.liu.se