All of the anime characters mentioned are copyrighted by various anime
artists, video companies, and other such multimedias. The Apocalypse is
copyrighted by the Bible and other prophetic works. Caution: Not to be
read while bleaching one's hair so you can look like a blonde Nene...
Anime Apocalyspe!
"Day 1: The Beginning of the End or I Really Need to Get a New
Calendar..."
(Belldandy, Urd, Skuld and Keiichi are sitting around the round table,
eating breakfast.)
Skuld: Mmm...Oneechan, you make the best breakfast!
Belldandy: Why, thank you Skuld.
Keiichi: The eggs were great, Bell-chan. (They hug. Skuld and Urd make
gagging faces behind their backs.) Anyway, now that we're permanently
together and there's no problems and such...
Belldandy: Yes?
Keiichi: Well, I'd like to see what your dad, er Kami-sama, really looks
like. (The Goddesses have this horrific look on their faces.) I've never
really seen him, and if we're going to be together forever, I'd like to
see what he really looks like. Not this glowing aura I keep seeing.
(Keiichi finally notices that the goddesses' worrying look on their
faces.) Um, is there something wrong?
Skuld: Um, you really shouldn't even try. It's not a good idea to
request that.
Urd: Yeah. It's not a good idea.
Keiichi: Is there something wrong with wanting to meet Kami-sama
face-to-face. Bell-chan?
Belldandy: I'm sorry, Keiichi, but I have to agree with my sisters.
Father's glory, power, and aura is such that if you looked at him as he
really is, everything that you've gotten up to this point would fade
away, instantly. (cradling Keiichi) And I wouldn't want my Keiichi to
simply evaporate.
Keiichi: Really? (Belldandy nods.)
Urd: And besides, it be really, really silly.
Keiichi: Why?
Belldandy: Because Kami-sama, our father, created the heavens and the
earth and he does not like having mortals getting to cozy with
Kami-sama. Then everyone would think that humans rule over the gods, and
we can't have that.
Skuld: Then Bill Gates would try to transform Yggdrasi into a Windows
program. Bad things would happen.
Keiichi: So why I am even considered getting married with his daughter?
Urd: He doesn't care about anyone else, but he does have his own
integrity to maintain.
Keiichi (nodding): Oh... (He looks somewhat puzzled. Suddenly, there's
the sound of the doorbell ringing.) I'll get it! (He leaves. The
goddesses start to looks really worried as soon as he leaves.)
Belldandy: Oh, dear. I was afraid that Keiichi would ask us that.
Urd: I had expected him to ask this, but not this soon.
Skuld (rolling her eyes a bit): You did not, Urd.
Urd: Did too. (The two sisters start arguing. Belldandy steps in between
them.)
Belldandy: Enough. He's asked and we've got to convince him it wouldn't
be a good idea. (She glances towards the right, looking a bit sad.) It
would be so terrible to his ideals and faith if he knew...
Keiichi's voice: What the heck?! Someone left us a rabbit on the front
step! (The goddesses look at each other in horror.)
Urd: Oh, no...
Skuld: He's here!
Belldandy (muttering): Daddy no baka.
(Keiichi walks in with a furry little rabbit everyone knows as Mokona,
hugging Keiichi.)
Mokona: Pu!
Keiichi: Isn't he cute, Bell-chan? And his forehead looks a lot like
yours...
Belldandy (loudly whispering): Daddy? (Keiichi's eyes enlarge and he
falls over. Mokona hugs the fallen boy.)
Mokona: Pu, Pu!
Skuld: Daddy...you really didn't have to...
Urd (smiling a bit): Hello, daddy. And how long are you staying?
Mokona (grinning, big-sweating): Puuu. (Skuld and Belldandy looked
stunned.)
Skuld & Belldandy: A week?!
Skuld: Are you sure, Daddy?
Belldandy: Do you think it's a good idea? (Mokona nods and grins. He
grabs onto Keiichi as he starts to get up.)
Keiichi: Kami-sama's a bunny...
Mokona: Pu.
Urd: Daddy said, "Who else but a bunny would have told Adam and Eve to
'Go Forth and Multiply?'" (Keiich looks very confused.)
Keiichi: And...why---
Skuld: Well, isn't it obvious? You gave Kami-sama the invitation to meet
him, and he's responded? (Wagging a finger.) You know, you really
shouldn't have wished that.
Urd: Plus, you get to have him stay here for a week.
Keiichi: A week?
Mokona: Pu...
Belldandy: Two weeks? Oh, Father, I hope you're joking. (Mokona grins as
he shakes his head no. Keiichi, scratches his head.)
Keiichi: Okay...so I have to talk to a bunny all week.
Mokona: Pu! (Keiichi looks strangely at Mokona.)
Keiichi: And why do you keep saying "Pu?"
Skuld: It's how angels the dieties talk to one another, usually on
formal occasions, or if you're around Daddy.
Keiichi: But...can he talk in my language? (Mokona grins as wings pop
out of his little football-shaped body.)
Mokona (in a deep voice): Of course I can. (Keiichi pikus.)
Keiichi: Um...oh, dear.
Mokona: After all I've done to you and seeing how you've responded to
all of my challenges, I feel that you have earned the right to marry my
daughter Belldandy, although I do have to mind you, you are not her
first husband. (Keiichi suddenly breaks up into a thousand little pieces
and crumbles onto the ground, in a Ally McBeal kind of way. Suddenly we
see Keiichi looking at a somewhat timid and frightened Belldandy.)
Keiichi: I'm not her first?
Mokona: In fact all three of 'em has had husbands or lovers before. I
wouldn't exactly call any of my daughters virgins. Heck, they all have
three different mothers.
Keiichi: So, they're really step-sisters to each other.
Urd: It's a deity-kinda thing. All of the gods have had at least two or
three different lovers, spouses throughout their times. Even me.
Skuld (sighing): Except Hades, but then again, he loves playing divorce
court god...
Keiichi: Even you've been married Skuld?
Skuld (blushing): Well, yeah. I married Apollo for a while, before he
ran off with his sister Artemis. We had one kid. A girl.
Keiichi: Artemis? I know Apollo's the god of the sun...
Mokona: Artemis is is twin sister of the hunt and the moon. Also turns
into a mean werewolf sometimes. (Lands on Keiichi's lap.) Say, is he
still paying you child support?
Skuld: No, that ended sixteen years ago. That reminds me, should I even
tell her she's a goddess? I mean...
Mokona: No, I would like the honor of telling her that myself. (Skuld
eyes starts to get big.)
Skuld: Y-y-you want to tell her?
Mokona: Absolutely. Besides, I'm ready to reboot this world and start
all over again.
Keiichi: R-r-reboot this world?
Skuld: You mean?
Mokona: Yep, I have completed a program that will upgrade the Earth from
Pu version 1.01 to Pu version 2.01. Of course the upgrading program
itself will an adventure for itself. But, I need some people to help me
complete this task. Because---
Belldandy, Urd, Skuld (sighing and looking upward): "I can't do this by
myself, you know."
Mokona (smiling): Exactly.
Keiichi: Y-y-y-ou mean you...
Mokona: My dear son-in-law, you have to understand. Yggdrasil, as my
daughters have shown you, is a computer program, very similar to that of
a Multi-user dungeon game that your sister seems to enjoy playing. It's
been needing an upgrade for a long time, but if I just cold-reboot the
computer and install the new one, it would simply kill everyone and
everything.
Keiichi: Everything?
Mokona: Yes, and I can't let that happen, even to the demons and those
living on the evil side. I just can't let that happen. They work under
me, you know.
Belldandy: And you're going to bring people together to get this done?
Mokona: Well, I've picked out my four horsemen, the trumpeters, the
people that will spew out the plagues, and my armies of good. I've gotta
get those humans that will be able to play those parts. And then, I'm
gonna really have some fun. (Mokona starts to hop and dance around,
smiling as always.) And my granddaughter's the first girl I want.
Belldandy: Girls?
Mokona: Of course! I have selected four young, esquisite, beautiful, and
powerful girls to be my four wrestling ladies of the apcolypse.
Belldandy (frowning): Daddy, have you been hanging around Sable again?
(Mokona blushs.)
Mokona: Ah, you caught me, Belldandy. I can never get anything past you.
Keiichi: And what's my part in this?
Mokona: You are going to be the groom at the first wedding after the
apoloypse. (Keiichi and Belldandy gasp, upon which Belldandy smiles and
hugs Mokona.)
Belldandy (in a somewhat high-pitched gleeful sounding whine): Oh, thank
you, thank you, thank you Daddy! (Keiichi holds Belldandy's hands after
she nearly crushes Mokona. The bunny bugs his eyes out during the hug.)
Keiichi: You mean we're going to get married after the apocalypse is
over? How can that be?
Mokona: It's one of those prophecies I let someone utter sometime ago. I
think it was to a certain John while he was in exile on a greek island.
Oh, well. Consider this your just reward after what I've done to you.
Keiichi: Well, um, Kami-sama...
Mokona: Call me Mokona.
Keiichi: Oh...okay, Mokona. Thank you.
Mokona: Oh, and there's one other think I'd like you to do...(Keiichi
starts to look nervous.)
Keiichi: Um, is it too dangerous?
(The scene switches to the far, far deep depths of hell. Fill in your
version of hell in here. Here, we see Satan, Beelizbub, Lucifer, and a
couple of other demons playing cards along with Mara, who's the dealer.)
Mara: Okay, five-card stud. Jack's wild.
Satan: I'll see your five souls and raise you five, Beelizbub.
Bellizbub: Okay, Satan, I'll call your five.
Mara: The dealer folds.
Lucifer: I'll raise fifteen souls and call.
Satan: You always fold, Mara. You aren't exactly one of the better
gamblers I've seen.
Mara: Well, sire, with all due respect, you aren't such a good poker
dealer yourself. (Satan shows three aces. Beelizbub displays a royal
flush. Lucifer displays five jokers.) You've gotta learn how to cheat.
(Suddenly, Keiichi appears. Everyone looks surprised and startled, and
cards, souls, and a '40 Edsel are flung all over the place.)
Satan: What mortal dares interrupt the great Satan himself during a
poker game?! (Mara glares at Keiichi.)
Mara: Keiichi! Well, what a wonderful surprise. What are you doing here?
Keiichi: Um, well, Kami-sama has sent me to inform you that he's
selecting his four horsemen right now and you have seven days to prepare
your army for the apocoypse.
Lucifer: He's isn't serious, is he?
Akane Tendou's voice: What do you mean I'm the antichrist?!?!?!
(Everyone looks up & starts to sweat, profusely.)
Bellizbub: Okay, boss. He's serious.
Satan: Pika. (Mara, Bellizbub, the other card-playing demons, and
Keiichi turn to Satan. Satan starts to big-sweat. Lucifer takes off the
Satan costume to reveal Pikachu.)
Pikachu: Pika?
Lucifer: Blimy! You mean for all these hundreds of thousands of years,
we've been following a stinking animal?! (Pikachu promptly electrocutes
Lucifer. )
Mara: I guess that Zippy strip is right...Pokemon is evil...
*****
Is Akane Tendou the anti-christ? Who's the other three "ladies of the
apoloypse"? Why is Pikachu the devil? Tune in next week as we hear Soun
cry...
Soun (cry) Waaahhh! My daughter's the antichrist.
Nabiki: Funny, I would have bet that Kasumi would be the antichrist.
Ranma: Why Kasumi?
Nabiki: She's the person you'd least expect...
Kasumi (looking worried): I guess this isn't the time to explain why I
sold Father's and Mr. Saotome's souls for a lifetime supply of cleaning
supplies...
Soun (cry): My daughter sold my soul for Amway products!!! Waaaahhhh!!!
That's next time on Anime Apocalypse...Day 2!
*******************
Comments, Criticism, or Religious Discussions are Welcome. I'd also
enjoy those Girl Scout thin mints in lieu of any comments...