Yet Another Flashback to the Distant Past:

	The Guardians of Earth were in disarray.  Only three 
remained alive and uncorrupted, though Senshi Pluto 
assured them that their prince had escaped to the Moon 
Kingdom.  This did them no good, however, for they were 
at the far end of the Solar System from the Moon.  Nor 
could they turn their attention to attacking the usurper 
Beryl, for a fleet of her allies was approaching, an 
alliance of Xoth, Gamma Cygni, and T'srat.  They would be 
supporting the fleets of the Outer Worlds, which would 
be going forth to do battle with the invaders.  

	The fleet left in three hours, and they were 
spending the time before they left trying to decide if 
they really should go with it, or if they should return to 
Earth and try to take Beryl's head.  Ruby favored the 
latter, while Sapphire insisted the spirits foretold 
disaster if the fleet left without them.  Opal had yet to 
speak.

	Ruby had never liked Sapphire, who was of medium 
height and skinny, with a soft face and long brown hair.  
His big brown eyes were often unfocused, usually 
because he was looking into the spirit world.  His 
tendency to suddenly address invisible creatures didn't 
help.  "They will die to no purpose if we do not aid them.  
Shut up, Xilla!  Yes, I told them about the photon drives!  
Anyway, as I was saying...no I can't find your mother for 
you right now!"  He waved his fist at a couch.  "If we 
return to Earth, we will never find Beryl in time."

	"I'm the Guardian of Time, not you," Ruby said.  "If 
anyone around here is going to predict the future, it's 
me."

	"I don't need time powers to tell you we don't have 
time to search the entire planet!"

	"Well, it's not like she's going to be hiding at the 
bottom of the ocean!"  Ruby turned to Opal.  "What do you 
think?"

	The Guardian of Pluto, in whose vacation home they 
were having this argument, said, "Beryl is not fated to 
die at our hands.  The Moon Kingdom will strike her 
down."  He was short and thin, his skin pale, and his eyes 
underlined with bags that made him look like he should 
have gone to bed days ago.  Like Senshi Saturn, to him 
was given power over Creation and Destruction, Chance 
and Fate.  Her powers were strongest over living beings, 
while his applied best to the inanimate world.  He could 
find a board's weak spot and shatter it, or render it 
virtually immune to decay.  And like her, he could see 
some of the strands of destiny, though he could not alter 
them, and the vagaries of chance, over which he did wield 
some power.  "I know you crave revenge for what 
happened to Diamond, Ruby, but you must stay your hand.  
Not in this life will you gain any revenge."

	Ruby frowned and turned on Sapphire.  "I thought 
you loved him!  That you'd want to avenge him!"

	Sapphire's face turned dark.  "He wasted his entire 
life chasing YOU when you would NEVER love him!  Do you 
think I don't miss him?  That I don't want to kill Beryl?  
Dammit, I LOVED HIM!  But killing Beryl won't bring him 
back!  And we weren't given these powers to serve our 
own petty need for vengeance!  If we don't help the Outer 
Fleet, the entire system will be burned and destroyed by 
a bunch of monsters!  Do you want that?  Do you want to 
see this entire city burn because you were too busy 
chasing Beryl?"  He turned and kicked the air.  "GO AWAY!"  
Turning back to Ruby, he started to speak again, then fell 
silent, glowering at him.

	Ruby frowned and turned to stare at the wall.  
"Dammit.  Alright, I'll go."

	"Okay.  Let's make our plans," Opal said.

*****************

	Children of Fire
	A Sailor Moon/Ranma Elseworld

	Chapter 4: It's Kill Ranma Day

	http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/SMR/

	By
	John Biles

*****************

	Haruka sat on a bench and watched Ukyou drill fanatically.  She was 
impressed by Ukyou's speed and grace with the clumsy looking giant 
spatula, and Ukyou's aim was quite good as well with her throwing 
spatulas.  This Ranma is toast, she thought.  Unless he's damn good.  

	Haruka had figured out the secret Ukyou was trying to keep; the 
poster had been the clue she needed, though she wouldn't say anything.  
Best to let Ukyou think she was getting away with it.  They were both girls, 
so it didn't really matter.  I wonder how long I can keep it up, Haruka asked 
herself.  

	"Well, if Ranma is a tree, then I think you're guaranteed victory," 
Haruka observed as Ukyou beat up a sturdy oak.

	Ukyou laughed.  "I wish.  She'll wish it too when I'm done with 
her."

	"Then what?"

	"Eh?"

	Haruka stood up.  "Whatcha gonna do when you win?"

	Ukyou hadn't really thought about that much.  "Run an okonomiyaki 
shop, I think.  Once I finish high school."

	"You can come be my personal chef when I'm a famous racer."

	Ukyou laughed.  "Right.  I'll remember that."

	She's cute, Haruka thought.  Once she gets this vengeance thing 
out of her system, maybe I should try something.  But until she's gotten 
over it, best to wait, I think.

	He's cute, Ukyou thought.  Maybe once I deal with that bastard 
Ranma... I'd have to let him know I'm a woman.  But that wouldn't be a 
problem, though I'd have to switch schools.  But first, I have to punish 
Ranma and his father for what he did.

*************

	Ranma laid in his tent and finished his homework by his lantern.  
He'd given up on his math homework earlier in the day because it just 
wasn't working, but he'd had a burst of inspiration, and now it was all 
flowing perfectly.  Problem after problem succumbed to his pencil, and by 
the time he got to the last question, he was feeling proud of himself.  

	"Hah!  Take that, algebra!"

	Rei's head suddenly popped in through the tent flap.  "Are you 
really going to sleep out here every night until the duel?"

	"Well, Usagi and Shampoo are in my room, so unless I came inside 
and slept with you, where else is there?"

	She frowned.  "It's just not right, them kicking you out like that."

	He shrugged.  "I'm used to worse than this.  At least I won't get 
squashed by Pop."

	"I'm surprised Usagi didn't try and sleep with you again," she said, 
sounding a little irritated.

	"I told her I needed to do homework.  She's slept out here with 
me twice, and both times we kept talking until we passed out."

	Rei frowned.  "Talking about what?"

	"Training misadventures.  Fights we've been in.  Arguing over the 
best way to counter various moves.  It's great having a friend I can talk 
about all that stuff with."

	"That's all?"  Rei sounded dubious.

	"Yep.  And she knows a million funny stories.  I think I made her 
laugh a few times too.  Pop's done some crazy stuff.  You gotta get her to 
tell you the story about the watermelons."

	"Maybe after I kick her butt."

	Ranma frowned slightly.  "I really think you oughta call off that 
duel.  It's just...girls shouldn't fight like that."

	"Hey, I'm trying to keep YOU from having to marry her!"

	"Even if you lose, I ain't gonna marry Usagi because of no stupid 
Amazon law."

	"And she insulted me.  I'd have to squash her for that."

	"She's gonna kick your ass," Ranma said.  "I'll do my best to help 
you prepare, but you're toast.  If you can disarm her, you might have a 
chance, but not much hope of doing that."

	"Why not?"

	"The hard part is going to be getting in close enough to hit her 
without her slapping you around with the staff.  You don't have enough 
skill yet to vault over her or to get around her quickly enough."  He 
scratched his head, thinking.  "You could...hmm.  Why don't you come in 
and sit down, and we can try and come up with a plan."

	She came in and sat down on the extra sleeping bag, which was still 
spread out.  "Your dad's?"

	"Yep.  You can see how big it is," Ranma said, rolling over onto his 
back.  "Man, I hope the zoo is taking good care of him."

	"I'm sure they will.  Pandas are rare and valuable."

	"Yeah, I know. I'm surprised he never tried having me sell him to 
raise money."

	"What did you do for money on the road?"

	"A lot of odd jobs.  Also, Pop did a lot of teaching.  He looks like a 
slob, but he knows a lot of unusual techniques.  That's why I'm so good."

	Good at bragging anyway, Rei thought.  "Grandpa says your father 
studied here with him for a while, too.  He was trying to atone for 
something, but Grandpa won't talk about it."

	"It musta been before we started our trip," Ranma said.  

	"Probably," Rei said.  "So how are you doing in school?"

	"Not so great, but I'm not failing, either.  I'll catch up; I'm used to 
it.  I always used to miss weeks at a time on some training trip, so I 
learned how to cram and make it up.  Sorta."

	"Maybe we ought to get Ami to tutor you," Rei suggested.

	"I'll be fine.  I'm sure she's busy studying for herself.  And doing 
Sailor business."  He thought a moment.  "I hope Jadeite and his buddies 
don't try anything during your duel."

	"Me neither."

	"Well, until Ami can find where they hide, no point in worrying 
about them.  Now, as to your duel....Hmm.  This is going to take some 
thought.  How high can you jump?"

	"Not too high in normal form."

	"Hmm.  We'll have to try another tactic, then..."

**********
	
	"Are you sure you don't want me to walk you home, Setsuna-
chan?"  Dr. Tofu asked her.

	"I'll be fine," she said.  "But thanks for asking."  She picked up her 
purse.  "I'd expected going through the inventory would keep us late."

	"Okay. See you tomorrow!"  Dr. Tofu waved.  I thought she lived 
the other direction, he thought.

	Setsuna took off running as soon as she was out of sight.  Against 
the odds, the work had taken a good fifteen minutes longer than it should 
have, and she wasn't even sure why.  Now she'd have to sprint to end up 
where Ranma would land along her way home tonight.  She wasn't sure 
exactly why he was going to be punted into the air, but that didn't matter.  
This would be how they would meet in this life, and how she would 
begin...begin...

	Her brain began to spin as she thought about the last time she had 
been able to spend with Ruby, Guardian of Saturn, her...her fiancee.  She 
told herself again that she was being obsessive, that waiting 25,000 years 
for him to be reborn was a stupid thing to do.  But she didn't care.  Unlike 
the others, she'd always sacrificed her life on the altar of her duty.  This is 
my reward, she told herself.  

	The hardest part was going to be not pushing too hard.  Her heart 
still beat with passion for him, even after all the years, but he wouldn't 
remember her at first.  She knew she was going to want to kiss him the 
second she saw him, but she couldn't afford to.

	Ruby was like that.  Push him too hard before he was ready, and 
he'd get stubborn, even if he really wanted something.  She was sure he 
would love her on first sight.  She was sure he would have found someone 
else.  She was sure he would die from the impact.  She was sure he would 
go home with her.  Her future sight failed her, for she could not 
distinguish between the truth and her fantasies of good and ill when it 
came to him.

	She paused, looking around in confusion.  This wasn't the bridge 
where he would land.  She'd been so busy planning, she'd gone 
completely the wrong direction.  Instead of a bridge, she stood before a 
school gate.  No, not even a school, it was a dormitory.  Greenwood 
dormitory.  There was a big sign announcing a duel between two people 
for the hand of Ranma Saotome.

	She stared in shock.  The princess and HER fighting?  Over MY 
RUBY?  It couldn't be real.  It had to be a trick.  Yes, that was it, a trick.  
Setsuna felt her heart pound.  He's mine.  Mine.  I waited twenty-five 
thousand years for him, dammit!  He's supposed to love me.  You two can 
fight over Endymion or share him or whatever! 

	Burning the time of the duel into her mind, she turned and began 
to plan.  Something would have to be done about this.  Obviously, I must 
have missed something important, if things have gone off track this badly, 
she thought.   And now I've missed my rendezvous at the bridge with 
Ruby, too, she realized.  

	I need sleep, she decided.  I'm not thinking clearly because I'm 
tired.  Yes, of course.  Tired.  Sleep would be what is best for me.

	With a flash of violet light, she teleported home and went to bed.

************

	Rei lay on her back on top of Genma's sleeping bag.  The strategy 
meeting had degenerated somewhat.  "Do you remember anything about 
the Silver Millenium?"

	"A little bit.  I've had some dreams.  I was enaged to someone; 
probably Pop screwed things up in that life too."

	Rei laughed.  "Engaged to who?"

	"I can't remember.  Her name was..." He frowned.  "She was one 
of the Senshi, I know that much.  And she had really nice legs and the most 
beautiful eyes, though they were often kinda sad.  She was the daughter 
of a king.  And that's all I can remember."  Well, besides the really grotty 
dream, but I won't mention THAT, Ranma thought.  Rei'd freak.  

	"She wasn't...the Moon Princess, was she?"

	Ranma shook his head.  "The Moon Princess was...I can't 
remember, but very different looking.  I don't think I saw her very often.  I 
remember my best friend was Diamond.  We grew up together.  I 
remember us running along the Great Dam which protected the Land of 
Silver Lakes from drowning.  He was the best buddy a man could have.  I 
dunno why this Youma bastard is pretending to be him, but I'll make him 
pay for it."

	"All I can remember was that I grew up talking to spirits.  The Moon 
Kingdom's searchers didn't find me; the spirits told me to go to them.  
Somehow, I got from Mars to the Moon without ever leaving the ground."

	Ranma blinked.  "That's some trick."

	"I walked the high spirit roads that bound the worlds together.  
They're still there, but I don't know where they are now.  And I remember 
loving someone as well.  Someone with hair like gold, and eyes like the 
sky."  I can't believe I'm telling Ranma this, she thought, but he did tell 
me about how he'd loved someone.  "I wonder if we'll meet the ones we 
loved again."

 	"I think we will, but I dunno if lightning will strike twice.  I
mean, I ain't just Ruby 2, the Next Day."

	Rei laughed.  "Ever had a girlfriend, Ranma?"

	"Nope.  Been too busy on the road.  You ever had a boyfriend?"

	"Nope.  Been too busy in the temple, and just never met the right 
guy."

	He rolled over.  "You probably scared 'em off being too bossy."

	"And you probably scared them off by being too rude."

	"I ain't half as rude as you are bossy!"

	"I am not bossy!  I just know what people should be doing better 
than they do most of the time!"

	"That's called being BOSSY!"

	"Stop calling me that!"

	"See?  Now you're trying to tell me what to do!"

	Rei rose to her feet.  "You're just...so..."

	"Right?"

	"Annoying!  It's no wonder you never had a girlfriend!  I can't see 
how any woman could stand to come close enough to you to kiss you!"  
She turned to storm off.

	"I'd have an easier time getting a boyfriend with my girl body while 
kicking them in the head than you would!"  Ranma shouted back.

	Rei turned in the door with a wicked grin.  "So that's what you 
really want?  A boyfriend?"

	Ranma turned beet red.  "Hell no!  I was just saying I'm better 
looking than you both ways!"

	"You've got a bigger head, anyway," Rei said.  "Too bad it's 
EMPTY!"  She stormed out.

	"At least I ain't..."  Ranma slumped down and sighed.  I didn't 
mean to start a fight, but she...we....aargh, Rei turns my brain into mush, 
Ranma thought.  I was hoping she'd stay a while longer, but she had to get 
all high and mighty when I tried to give her a little advice.  She would get 
more boyfriends if she wasn't so rude.  Geez, and I thought girls liked 
getting advice on that sorta stuff.

	He cleared away all his school stuff, and went to bed.

**********

	The next afternoon, Ami and Ranma sat on the porch of the temple 
as Ami worked on tutoring Ranma with some of his classes.  "English 
sentences are normally subject-verb-object in form."

	"Except for what?"

	"Except when it isn't."

	Ranma screwed up his face. "That doesn't help much."

	"Well, all natural languages are somewhat illogical, but English 
borrows so much from other languages that it's often especially illogical.   
Anyway, so translating this sentence..."

	Ami was cut off by the sound of two cats meowing in confusion 
across the courtyard.  Luna and Ikuko-neko were staring at each other.   
After a moment of silence, Ikuko said, "You too?"

	"I...I didn't think there were any other High Cats left on Earth but 
Artemis and I," Luna said.

	"High Cats?"

	Now they both stared in confusion at each other.  Ranma shouted, 
"That's Usagi's mom.  She got cursed to become a cat."

	Kenji-neko emerged from under the porch, walking over to Luna 
and Ikuko.  "Hi there."

	"Artemis!  Where have you BEEN?" Luna shouted.

	"Eh?  My name is Kenji."  He nuzzled his wife in a bad choice of 
timing.

	"Oh, I see.  You decided to abandon our mission and go rutting in 
the dust!  Is that it?"  Luna snarled.

	"They're humans," Ami stated getting up to come over.

	"My eyesight isn't that bad," Luna said.

	"We really are human.  You're a talking cat?"  Kenji-neko asked.

	"A High Cat.  We seem to have..uh..."  How much do they know, 
Luna wondered.  "We're very rare."

	Ranma came over with Ami.  "They must have fallen in the pool of 
drowned High Cat, since they can talk.  You know...I never even asked 
myself how they could talk with cat vocal cords."

	Usagi came out of the temple.  "Hey, Ranma, what's going on?"  
She had a hammer in one hand.

	"Hey, tell Luna about what happened with your folks."

	"Oh wow, another talking cat?"

	"Another one?"  Luna asked.

	"Yeah, we met this one who looked kinda like Dad on our way 
here."

	Kenji-neko nodded.  "Maybe he was your 'Artemis'."

	"Do you know where he was going?"  Luna asked eagerly.

	"Trying to find someone named 'The Gambling King'.  He never 
said why."

	Luna snorted.  "I can guess far too easily."  Artemis, you are an 
idiot, she thought.

	Ami picked up Luna and petted her.  "Luna is my friend.  She lives 
at my house."

	"Wow, having a talking pet is cool!"  Usagi said.  "I bet she's
not a brat like Shingo."

	Shingo darted out from behind a tree and nipped Usagi's leg.  "I'm 
not a brat!"

	She started to chase him across the yard. "I'm gonna have you 
declawed and spayed!"

	"Ya gotta catch me first!"

	Ikuko-neko sighed.  "Being a mother isn't easy.  Especially when 
half the time your daughter starts thinking you are her pet."

	"So what brought you here, Luna?" Ami asked.  I guess Luna 
doesn't care if Usagi's family knows she can talk.

	Luna glanced at the other cats.  "Kasumi was moping too much 
because her injuries are still healing, and I couldn't take it any more."

	"Well, you can help me teach Ranma English."

	"I don't know any English."

	"You can help me get confused, then," Ranma said, laughing.

**********

	Mamoru wiped the sweat from his brow; he'd been working all 
afternoon in the Kunou family gardens.  However, he was done for the 
day.  All he wanted was a glass of water before he left.  He had failed to 
take the massive scale of the Kunou home into account.  After a good ten 
minutes, he still couldn't find the kitchen.  

	The sound of music, a combination of piano and violin caught his 
attention, drawing him towards what turned out to be the music room, 
where the Kunou boy and a beautiful woman with long blue-green hair 
were playing a duet.  He watched them silently, entranced by their music 
and her beauty.  

	He didn't know the tune, but he listened to the whole thing, then 
applauded when they finished.  She must be his girlfriend, he thought.  
Doesn't look related.

        She jumped slighty, and he turned and nodded. "Michiru-san, this
is Chiba Mamoru, our new gardener.  Mamoru-san, this is Kai'ou Michiru, 
my fiancee."

	Michiru visibly winced.  "Our parents arranged it."

	"Truly we are a match made in heaven," Kunou said.  "Yet I find 
your maidenly reticience enchanting."

	"Nice to meet you," Michiru said, bowing slighty.  Mamoru bowed 
back.  "Does this mean the gardens will no longer look like a horror movie 
from the 30s?"

	"I hope so."

	"Good, good.  If I'm still stuck coming here by the time you're 
done, I look forward to seeing the garden actually be green."

	"Find some flowers to match my musical maiden's lovely locks," 
Kunou requested.

	"I'll do my best," Mamoru said, wheels beginning to turn in his 
head.

************

	"C'mon, sis, you gotta loan me some of your youma," Feldspar said 
to Tourmaline.  They were in Tourmaline's ornate quarters, one of the 
most colorful and elaborately decorated suites in Queen Beryl's palace.  
They sat on chairs carved from solid hunks of tourmaline and onyx, 
magically treated to be soft and adjustable to one's form and figure.  
Tapestries decorated the walls, and the bed was huge, plush, and covered 
with soft satin sheets imported by Tourmaline from the world of the 
mortals.  

	"Most of mine are borrowed, AND heavily committed.  Also, my 
youma are rather more skilled at seduction than combat.  They're also not 
suicidal.  Why bother attacking the Sailor Senshi when we can get what we 
want with far less danger?"  Tourmaline lounged back in her chair lazily.  
"I'm sure Daddy can help you if you need cannon fodder, but why waste 
time on revenge?"

	"She's important. I can feel it," Feldspar said heatedly.

	"In other words, she kicked your ass and you want to get even."

	"Dammit, Tourmaline, the Senshi keep wrecking all our plans!  We 
have to do something about them."

	Not my plans, Tourmaline thought.  I've had a few run-ins with the 
vice squad, but they're easy to deal with, and now I have a few Yakuza 
leaders eating out of my hands.  And the Senshi would NEVER come near 
my operations, not even by accident, unless they're far less innocent than 
they look.  "What makes you so sure they'll be at this duel?"

	"The woman who saved their asses is one of the duelists."

	Tourmaline looked at the banner again.  Royal hairstyle of the Moon 
Kingdom, she thought.  She was willing to bet no one but herself and 
Sardonyx, the Archivist, had actually looked through the tattered oldest 
records in this century.  Mostly because almost everyone but her and 
Sardonyx were vengeance-focused morons.  Sadly including much of her 
family.  I suppose Jadeite would recognize any members of the Moon 
Kingdom's royal family on sight, she thought.  Perhaps I should show him 
this banner.  "The only help I can give you is to advise you to wait
until the two duellists exhaust each other to launch the attack.  I'm not
much of a warrior, and neither are my youma."

	"C'mon, sis, you can do better than that."

	"If I didn't think this was a waste of time, I might try a little 
harder.  But I do, and it is."

	"Hrmph."  Feldspar stood up.  "I should have known better than to 
expect you to help for free."

	"I'm trying to keep you from making an idiot of yourself, or
getting killed!  Every youma Jadeite has turned loose on them has died.
So did Aquamarine, one of the youma who it was your responsibility to
keep alive."  Her voice was harsh on that last sentence.

	Feldspar winced.  "She knew the risks."

	"She died pointlessly," Tourmaline said.  "Even if you kill this 
woman, the Sailor Senshi will still be out there.  And everytime they show 
up, they seem to have more help, but our numbers aren't getting any 
larger."

	"We should mass our forces and hunt them down!"

	"We don't have the energy!  Have you forgotten how much energy 
it takes to cross between worlds?  How do you plan to get the energy to 
take a posse of youma with you, anyway?"

	"I'll find a way," she said firmly.

 	"Well, if I didn't think this was stupid, I would give you some,
but as it is...you're on your own.  And when they spank you and send you 
home, I'm going to say I told you so.  Leave Senshi-hunting to Jade-chan."

	"Mom thinks it's a good idea!"

	"Mom gave up trying to restrain you a long time ago.  But I 
wouldn't want to become an only child, so I have to try."

	Feldspar shifted nervously on her feet.  "Do you really think..."

	"Yes."

	"I have to do it."

	Tourmaline sighed.  "I know.  But I had to try to stop you.  Please 
don't make Mom cry, okay?"

 	Feldspar nodded quietly and left.  Tourmaline watched her go,
then got up, went over, and flopped down on the bed, frustrated.  Why do
I have to be the sane woman in a madhouse, she asked herself.  Now I'm 
going to have to put some plans on hold so I can make sure she doesn't 
wreck everything.  

**************

	Ranma was headed to the bath when Usagi found him; he'd been 
teaching students again, and now he needed to get clean.  She had a 
bundle of clothing under one arm, and a fresh towel.  "You about to take a 
bath?" she asked.

	He panicked.  "You can't like...I mean...it wouldn't be right."

	She giggled.  "So you want me to take a bath with you, but you're 
afraid Rei would beat you up?"

	"Yes!  I mean no...I mean..."  He began to babble.

	"I can wait," she said.  "Although I did want to ask you if it's
okay if I come out and stay with you again."

	"Uh...that's not a good idea.  It drives Rei nuts."

	"Then I'll ask her to join us.  That would be fair."

	Ranma twitched.  "I don't need a duel in my tent."

	Usagi pouted.  "But you don't snore like oneechan."

	"About this duel...you'll go easy on Rei, won't you?  I mean, you 
could probably accidentally kill her."

	Usagi frowned at Ranma.  "I have enough control that I would never 
hurt anyone more than I meant to.  And I don't want to hurt Rei.  She's 
nice, even though she tries to hide it sometimes.  And I respect her."
She sounded a little irritated.

	"I didn't mean it like that. It's like...you're a lot better than
her.  And she's probably gonna freak and not fight smart like I would.
She's just a girl."

	"And I'm NOT?"  Usagi asked.  She sounded more angry now.

	Ranma waved his arms about.  "No, no I didn't mean it like that!  
She does martial arts, we ARE martial arts.  Ya know?  Only way Rei's 
gonna beat you is if you show up drunk, nail one of your feet to the
floor, and keep your eyes closed the whole time.  She's not like one of
your Amazon sisters who can take a huge beating.  Maybe if she could use
her sailor powers, but..."

	"You're really worried about her," Usagi said softly.

	"Can't you just back off on this?  I mean, I ain't gonna just
marry whoever wins.  And you taunted her into this; it wasn't her idea."

	"I need to marry you to keep my honor among the Amazons, 
Ranma.  And they're the only ones who can help me get my family back to 
normal.  I have to do this.  I know I can't make you marry me, but I can
at least set you free so I can try to win your heart.  I'm not doing this
just for Amazon law.  I couldn't."  Her voice was soft and nervous.

	Ranma stared at the ground, feeling a mixture of fear and 
excitement.  He'd never had a girl say something like that to him before, 
not that he'd had much interaction with women in the past.  He didn't 
know what to say, but finally managed to say, "You really want to marry 
me?  I mean...I...uh..."

	"I...uh...you'd better take your bath now," she said, blushing.  
"I'll come back when you're done."  She sprinted off at high speed, 
crashing into Rei who was just coming round the corner.

	Ranma sighed, slapped his forehead, and went into the bath as
the riot began.  Women are insane.

***************

	Usagi tried to sleep, but Shampoo's snoring was keeping her
awake again.  She wondered if Ranma was thinking of her.  Probably he's 
dreaming about co-starring with Jackie Chan, she concluded, and sighed.  

 	Just as she finally began to drift off, she was awakened by a cat 
walking up her chest and standing on her breasts.  "Usagi," her mother 
whispered.  "We need to talk."

 	"Not nocturnal like you.  Come back later," Usagi muttered.  "Must 
sleep."

	"Now, while Shampoo's asleep."

	Usagi groaned and threw on a nightrobe, then went out in the 
hallway with Ikuko-neko.  "Shingo didn't claim she threw him into traffic 
again, did he?"

	"Usagi, I don't approve of this duel."

	"Mom, you don't ever approve of anything."

	"You taunted her into it when you knew she couldn't win."

	"Amazon method #45 for settling problems."

	Ikuko-neko nipped Usagi's foot.  "Don't make me hamstring you, 
dear."

	"Owwwiee!"  Usagi jumped around.  "I don't bite YOU, Mom!"

	"We can find another way to settle this," Ikuko said.  "Violence
is never the best solution."

	"And biting me isn't violence?"  Usagi banged her head on the
wall as she hopped about, then fell down.  "Oww!  Why is this floor so
hard?"

	"Stop exaggerating," Ikuko-neko said.  "I've seen someone smack 
you in the head with a quarterstaff, and all you did was wince a bit and 
stagger."

	"Amazons don't go around biting each other!  I hope."  Usagi sat 
down against the wall.  "She's in love with him.  I can't marry him if she 
doesn't back off, because I think he cares about her too.  So I don't know 
what to do.  I don't want to just break them up, but I like him also.  A
lot."

	"You just met him recently!  Well, not counting the tournament."

	"You told me you knew you wanted to marry Dad the day you met."

	Ikuko-neko blushed.  "That was different."

	"How?"

	"It...uh...It's not right to try to break them up!"

	"But I think...I hope...I think he likes me too."

	"You can't both marry him.  And what kind of guy likes two women 
at once?"

	"It just...it feels so right when I'm with him.  Finally, a guy I
can talk to about fighting and camping and adventures.  He's got some
great stories...he and his Dad have done a lot of cool stuff I wish I
could have done with Dad.  His father's really trained him well.  He's
kinda rough at times, but I'm used to people being rough."  Usagi
laughed.  "I bet if my eight year old self met me now, I wouldn't
recognize myself.  I was a lazy, whiny, cowardly brat.  I just...I just
wish Rei and I could be friends."

	"Well, not beating her up would likely help."  Ikuko-neko came 
over and climbed up into Usagi's lap.  "Usagi, you don't have to do this
to help us get back to normal.  I'd rather be a cat forever than have you
forced to do bad things to help us."

	Usagi petted her mother.  "It's a duel.  She could say no or back
out of it, but she'd feel like a coward.  Better I beat her and let her
have an honorable defeat now.  I tried to talk her out of it, but it
didn't work, anyway.  But really, whatever happens, it's going to be in
Ranma's hands in the end."  She lifted her mother and put her aside.
"We'll find a way to get through this.  We always do."

	"I hope so."

*************

	Kasumi answered the door when Rei knocked on it, the next day.  
She was dressed in a simple blue sundress with black penny-farthing 
bicycles imprinted on it.   She'd pulled her hair back into a pony-tail
with a blue ribbon, and her fingernails showed evidence of clumsy efforts
to apply nail polish.  "Hi, Rei-chan.  Ami's in the parlor making a mess."

	Rei blinked doubly.  Why is Kasumi all dressed up?  And who taught 
her how to use nail polish?  They need to be shot.  Ami making a MESS? 
she thought.  I must be going deaf.  "A mess?"

	"She's painting or something."

	"She paints?"

	"I didn't know either.  Anyway, I need to go to the doctor and see 
if these bandages are ready to come off."  Kasumi stepped out of the way 
and let Rei in.  "See you later!"  It was only as she left that Rei really 
noticed the bandages on Kasumi's arms and legs.

	She's walking around like she's not hurt at all, Rei thought.  I
guess she's just tough.  She headed through the huge house; why a doctor
who was never home and her lone child needed a house big enough to hold a 
good two dozen or more people, Rei didn't know.

	It was elegantly furnished, though, and decorated with many 
beautiful paintings.  Many of them were done by Ami's father; she hadn't 
realized Ami also painted, though.

	Ami was wearing a long, dull brown paint-splattered smock over 
her clothing when Rei found her.  The canvas was up on an easel, and much 
of it was still dull brown, since Ami was just getting started.  Rei stood 
silently and watched Ami's meticulous strokes sketch the outline of a white 
marble palace beneath a black starry sky with the Earth hanging over it in 
the upper right hand corner.  Ami painted quickly but precisely, in a style 
that looked familiar to Rei, but she couldn't quite place it.  Dim memories 
of art appreciation class failed to fully surface.

	It was only when Ami turned to drink from a nearby glass of water 
that she spotted Rei and broke the silence.  "Oh, hi, Rei."

	"Hi."  Rei walked over.  "Wow, you're good and quick."

	Ami blushed a little.  "I've got a long ways to go."

	"I never realized you painted."

	"Well, we haven't known each other that long.  I don't know what 
your hobbies are, really, other than singing.  And most of my stuff, I
don't think it's good enough to show people.  And Dad tends to make off
with the best ones to hang up in his apartment.  And Mom in her bedroom
and office."

	If this isn't good enough to show people, I don't know what is, Rei 
thought.  "This looks familiar."

	"I think it's the Moon Palace.  I saw it in a dream."  Ami turned
back to it.  "I was painting the palace in the dream."

	"I hope you don't dream about falling off any cliffs, then."

	Ami blinked, then laughed.  "So what brings you over here?"

	"I'm just...trying to figure out how I'm gonna win this duel."

	Ami tried to decide if it was more important to support her
friend or prevent her friend being maimed, then settled on the latter.
"Rei, you really ought to call this off.  Fighting over a guy like that
is stupid, especially when he thinks it's a bad idea."

	"If I back down, she and Shampoo will just toss him over their 
shoulders and carry him off."  Rei frowned.  "And half the city knows
about this."

	"Rei, if you don't use your senshi powers, you can't possibly
beat Usagi in a fight.  I'm sure she won't hurt you too bad, but I don't
want to have to carry you to the hospital or something.  I'm sure Mother
would be happy to put you back together again, but it's just not a good
idea.  Unless maybe you can change it into some other kind of contest."

	"Ahah!  That's it!  Turn it into a feminine graces contest.
That barbarian wouldn't have a chance!"  Rei jumped about happily.
"That makes much more sense than a fight over marrying someone, anyway."

	Marginally more sense, Ami thought.

************

	Dr. Tofu finished unwrapping the bandages on Kasumi's left leg, 
which he noticed was well muscled and would have been quite attractive if 
it hadn't been so bruised.  "Well, it looks like the cuts have healed
enough here, but I think I'll pack it with fresh herbs to help the
bruises.  Does it hurt much?"

	"No, but I'm used to pain," Kasumi said.

	"From your martial arts training," Setsuna said, getting fresh
herbs out of the cabinet and some clean bandages.  

	"Yeah."  She paused.  "How did you know..."

	"You didn't get those injuries from playing tennis," Setsuna 
replied.  "And you told us last time, remember?"

	"Oh yes."  She watched Setsuna come over and start bandaging 
her.  "How long have you been training with Dr. Tofu, Setsuna?"

	"Just a few months."

	"Oh.  You seem to know what you're doing quite well."  Kasumi 
glanced over at Dr. Tofu, who seemed quite relaxed about leaving Kasumi 
in Setsuna's hands.

	"She's very good," Dr. Tofu said.

	"You learn a few things in twenty five thousand years of life," 
Setsuna said, then mentally slapped herself.  I've got to get used to 
dealing with humans who shouldn't know how old I am, she told herself.  
But no one ever takes me seriously now because they think I'm just a 
teenager.  She wondered again if this had been the best choice, then 
thought of Ranma and she was sure it was.  

	"What?"

	"Just one of Setsuna's little jokes," Dr. Tofu said, laughing.
"Like the time she tried to claim she'd met Tokugawa when I was having an 
argument with one of my patients about him."

	Setsuna tied off the bandage.  "And now for your other leg, and 
then your arms.  I'm glad you wore clothing that wouldn't get in the
way."

	Kasumi blushed slightly.  "I look like I'm making a weird fashion 
statement or something.  An old lady asked me if it was the new thing 
among kids."

	Dr. Tofu laughed.  "I'm sure one of these days swathing your arms 
and legs will be a 'cool' thing.  So how are things going for you at home?"

	"Everything's going well.  That place where I got hurt has closed 
down."  She frowned and wondered if she'd ever find out if the woman 
had been related to her.  "Some of the people who lived near it claimed 
the Sailor Senshi had fought some monsters there."

	Dr. Tofu laughed.  "With aid from the hengeyokai no doubt."

	"So you don't believe in them?"  Setsuna asked.

	"Just an urban myth," Dr. Tofu said.  "If monsters were really 
going around attacking people, there would be evidence.  It would be on 
the news.  There are some strange powers in the world, but they usually 
don't like cities.  And if there are any monsters, I'm sure Betty will
keep them away, right Betty?"  He moved her skull's jaws and said in a
falsetto voice, "Of course I will, Dr. Tofu.  Unless they work for you."

	Setsuna and Kasumi both laughed.  "You could always make me 
laugh," Kasumi said.  "I remember you telling me that laughing away my 
pains was the best thing for me when I was little."

	"So what do you think of this duel I've seen signs for?  Ever
heard of these two girls on the martial arts circuit?"  Dr. Tofu asked.

	Setsuna began working on Kasumi's right arm.

	"The ones fighting over Ranma?  One of them is Ami's friend, Rei.  
But they must both be idiots for fighting over a loser like Ranma."
Kasumi continued on, not noticing Setsuna begin to twitch.  "The man
comes from a family of thugs and thieves, and he's pathetic.  I have no
idea about this Usagi girl, though.   I'm sure whoever wins will be
miserable with him."  Setsuna began to shake, trying to hold back her
anger at Kasumi's statements, wondering why she was getting so
ludicrously overwrought, wrapping the bandage tighter and tighter, until
finally, Kasumi yelped.

	"Setsuna, what are you doing?"  Dr. Tofu asked.  "That's too 
tight."

	"I'm sorry, I got distracted by Kasumi's story," Setsuna said, 
drawing in her anger and stamping on it.  Using Dead Scream on one of Dr. 
Tofu's patients is a no-no, she told herself.  "Perhaps he has qualities
you just can't see," she said to Kasumi.  "Do you really know him well
enough to judge him so harshly?"

	"Everyone knows his family is slime.  My father liked his, but
he's the only one.  They trained together or something.  But Ranma is
just loud, and rude, and uneducated, and weak too.  I could have stomped
him flat while blindfolded."

	Setsuna frowned and focused on wrapping bandages instead of 
transforming and smiting Kasumi.  It wasn't easy.

***************

	Jadeite sat on a chair carved from a solid ruby that would have
been priceless on Earth.  As it was, it was hard and cold, and
uncomfortable, and he would have gladly traded it for a folding chair
with a sale value of ten bucks picked up at Anything But Ice.  Since he'd
never heard of the place, he didn't even think of doing this.  

	Instead, he stared at the wall of his dark, gloomy thinking and 
energy collecting room.  All his plans had failed.  The Sailor Senshi kept 
stumbling into them.  His chief lieutenant, Diamond, was a moron, 
although at least he was a tough one who didn't get himself killed.  He 
would give the man that much credit.  

	And now Tourmaline was coming to taunt him or try to flaunt her 
chest at him.  She didn't quite grasp there was only one woman for him, 
and she had died thousands of years ago.  Although he was certainly 
tempted at times.  Still, she was probably just trying to manipulate him 
the way she did with anyone else who wasn't gay or female.  But she did 
have a nice body, and if he hadn't known her when she was a six year old, 
he might have tried something, anyway.

	"Hello, Tourmaline," he said.

	He could hear her smile.  "So you do have this little place
warded," she said.  "And so skillfully I couldn't detect them.  Nicely
done."  Her voice was more serious than usual.  "I have a present for
you, Jadeite."

	He made the chair swivel, wishing he could make it become padded 
as well.  Dressed in one of her slinky violet dresses, apparently
invented by someone who didn't understand it was possible to make a
blouse that closed in the front, she was carrying some sort of paper
banner, and he wondered what sort of joke she was up to this time.  "I
suppose it's an advertising banner for Sailor Senshi brand cereal?"

	Tourmaline blinked.  "Hey, good idea.  And they couldn't sue 
without revealing their secret identities."

	"..."

	"But that's not what I came here about."  She held up the banner, 
which had pictures of two women, who according to the banner, were 
going to beat each other up over some guy.  "Take a look at this," she 
said, pointing at the blonde.  He looked again and his eyes widened for a 
moment.  The girl was wearing the haircut of the ruling family of the
Moon Kingdom.  "She could be the Moon Princess.  And Feldspar told me
she's helping the Sailor Senshi."

	Jadeite frowned and wondered again exactly what the connection 
between the Sailor Senshi and the old bodyguards of the Royal Family of 
the Moon Kingdom was.  They wore the old uniforms, but they were so 
much less competent, though still competent enough to thwart him.  He 
frowned, and wondered if perhaps Nephrite was right in his belief that 
these children were indeed the Queen's Guard reborn.  All they knew for 
sure was that Serenity's heir had been reborn.  

	But if they had been reborn, it could mean that this 'Sailor
Mars' was his beloved Eowyn.  She certainly showed Eowyn's passion, yet
Eowyn would never had made half the mistakes Sailor Mars had.  

	"Hello?  Earth to Jadeite, come in Jadeite," Tourmaline said.
He would have thought she was worried if she was capable of caring about 
anyone outside her family, a condition of being which had yet to be 
proven, in his opinion.  

 	"Very clever of you to spot this.  I believe you may have found
our quarry.  Now, we must plan a trap to catch her, and scoop up the
Sailor Brats as well."  He tapped a finger against his cheek
thoughtfully.  "So this blonde is the one who defeated Feldspar?"

	Tourmaline nodded, then looked around, although he couldn't tell 
what she was looking for.  "Got any spare chairs, Jade-chan?"

	"You wouldn't want to sit on any of them if I did," he said.  
"Unless you come sit in my lap, I can't be of much help."

	So she did.

	It took him a few seconds to recover, and several more when she 
ran a finger up his left arm.  "Hmm.  Your arms feel tense," she said.
"I know some good massage tricks."

	If he had been a 'toon, steam would have come out of his ears.
"I should have known better than to..."

	She leaned back against his chest.  "I always think best when
I'm sufficiently warm."

	"With the way you dress, you must find it hard to ever think, 
then," he replied.

	She laughed and drew a mark in the air.  "One point for m'lord 
Jadeite," she replied.  "Now, let us make our plans.  Or we could
adjourn to one of my holdings on Earth.  Several of my love hotels have 
soundproofed rooms, so no one could spy on us."

	"This will do," he said, beginning to sweat.
	  
***********

	Ranma stuffed an entire burger into his mouth and devoured it 
with a single bite.  He quickly chewed, then said, "Thanks for helping me 
with this stupid poetry project, Naru."

	"No problem," Naru said, smiling shyly back at him.  "Since you 
helped me with the geometry, I owed you."

	"Yeah, well, my life is one big applied geometry problem, so it 
comes easy to me," he replied.  "At least that's one class I have no
trouble with."

	"I bet you're good at pool," she said.

	"I don't like to swim," he said quickly.

	She blinked.  "I mean the game."

	"Oh, billiards."

	"No, I feel fine."

	They stared at each other in mutual incomprehension, then
Ranma noticed someone at a booth across Burger Emperor from them.  "I
think someone's watching us," he whispered.

	He grabbed her hand when she started to turn to look.  "Don't 
look," he whispered.  "She might be some kind of mad stalker."

	Naru's face started to turn red.  Ranma's holding my hand, she 
thought.  Everything else in the universe began to fade away into a mist
of sweet smelling perfume and flowers floating about Ranma's head.  In
her mind's eye, he smiled with his teeth showing, and they glinted at
her.  While Ranma probably continued to talk to her, all she could hear
was him saying, "Run away with me, Naru."

	Ranma, on the other hand, saw her glaze over, and concluded
this was probably a preliminary to another monster attack.  Which meant
the woman with the green-black hair and reddish eyes was probably to
blame, even though she was kinda cute, and if she wasn't likely a
monster, and he didn't already have two women claiming to be his one true
bride, he might have tried asking out.  "I'm gonna go to the bathroom,"
he said to Naru, who babbled something incoherent at him about the
Riviera.  That confirmed his suspicions.

	The woman watched him head over to the bathroom, although she 
looked like she was trying to pretend she wasn't watching him, and he 
concluded she either had to be a youma or a perv.  Either way, best to
take no chances.  He quickly got out his communicator and called Rei.
Rei didn't answer, so he called Ami.  "Ami, I think there's a youma here
or something.  She's put some kind of magick whammy on Naru.  She's got 
green-black hair and reddish eyes."

	"Right.  I'll contact Rei and get right over."

	"She didn't answer her communicator.  Too bad these things don't 
have an answering machine thing in them."

 	"Hmm.  I'll work on one.  I'll try calling Rei, then I'm on my
way."

	"Thanks."

 	He went back out, and Naru was busily talking to her soda.  The 
youma woman was still there, although now she'd been joined by an older 
man with short brown hair and thick glasses that hid his eyes.  Maybe it's 
Diamond and...uh..the other one, Ranma thought.  I'll just play it cool
until we finish eating and I can get Naru to safety without them
realizing I'm on to them.  

	Naru suddenly unglazed.  "Ummm...did I say anything...uh...strange?"

	"Done eating?"

	"Yeah, pretty much."

	"Let's go.  We can study at your place or something.  I got a bad 
feeling."  I wonder if she actually heard anything I told her earlier.

	"Well, you wouldn't get heartburn if you didn't stuff yourself,"
she said, getting up.

	"I got needs," he said, and they took off.

*************

	Ami ran into Burger Emperor, having run as fast as she could.  
There was no sign of Ranma, or Naru, or monsters.  However, she did spot 
someone she knew.  She went over to him.  "Hi, Dr. Tofu.  Thank you for 
helping Kasumi."

	"No problem," he replied.  "Ami, have you met my assistant, 
Setsuna?"  He pointed over to the beautiful young lady with green-black 
hair sitting on the other bench in the booth.  

	She smiled.  "Nice to meet you, Ami.  I'm Mei'ou Setsuna."

	Ami shook her hand, then suddenly realized she must be the one 
who Ranma had thought was a youma.  Probably, she was just appreciating 
his looks, and Ranma misunderstood, she thought.  "I'm Mizuno Ami.  Nice 
to meet you!"  Ranma's going to feel like an idiot when I tell him about 
this.

***************

	It wasn't until after he left Naru's house and started heading
home that she was able to talk to him in private.  They walked together
through the pleasantly cool evening air.  "She's just Dr. Tofu's
assistant," Ami said.

	"Then why was she staring at me?"

	"Women do look at men for reasons other than eating their soul, 
you know," she said.

	She regretted saying that soon afterwards.  He grinned. "Yeah, I 
am a stud."

	"Ranma, you can't let this stupid duel go through."

	"I think Rei's talking to Usagi and Grandpa about it right now.
They threw me out of the house.  Gonna turn it into something else."

 	I fear I may have created a monster, she thought.  "I have a bad 
feeling about this."

	"Me too, but short of beating them up so they can't move, I can't 
figure out how to stop it.  Got any ideas with your genius IQ?"

	"Unfortunately, I haven't had a class on how to deal with people 
being silly."

************

	Shampoo and Grandpa sat and went over the schedule of planned 
events again, after Rei and Usagi had both gone to bed.  "We need a 
neutral judge," Grandpa said.

	"Get the genius girl.  It was her idea," Shampoo replied.

	He nodded.  "Okay.  So we've winnowed the list down to:  
Carpentry, Child care, Cleaning, Combat, Cooking, Dancing, Feminine
Grace, Sewing, Singing, and Sprinting.  Hmm, we're going to need a child
or two."

	"Shampoo will take care of that.  Shampoo still thinks 'putting
out' should be on that list."

	Grandpa blinked.  "Are you sure that's what you mean?"

 	"Ummm...'making the beast with two backs', 'rutting', 'mad 
copulation in the dust'?"  Shampoo read a series of phrases out of a 
Chinese-Japanese phrasebook.  

	"You mean sex."

	"They already both female," Shampoo replied.

	They both stared at each other blankly for a minute.  Finally, 
Grandpa said, "No 'rutting'."

 	"'Rutting' is a very important part of husband-wife relationship,"  
Shampoo insisted.  "Plus, Usagi needs to learn if he's any good, too.  A 
husband who can't put out well is no good."

	"They're too young."

	"I'm only two months older than her," Shampoo said, "And I've 
done it."

	He blinked.  "You just now learned to say 'I'?"

	"You try learning Japanese from Usagi, and we'd see how well
you do, sometimes," Shampoo said.  "You should hear her try to speak 
Mandarin.  Or Greek."

	"Anyway, no sex."

	"Everyone has a sex."

	They stared at each other again, then Grandpa said, "This is
sacred ground.  No 'rutting' by unmarried people here."  At least not by
some Amazon and my future grandson-in-law.  She'd probably use some
Amazon secret sex magic trick on him, he thought.  

	"Ahh, taboo.  I understand.  We could rent a love hotel for it."

	"No, no, no!"

	"Don't..."  She flipped through the phrasebook.  "'Come to 
possess a bovine.'"

	Grandpa banged his head on the table.

************

	Ryouga stared at the huge house; it was almost a mansion.  He 
checked his map again.  Hmm.  This was supposed to be the Hikawa 
Temple, but it didn't look like a temple at all.  Where were the Torii and 
the prayer ribbons and the priests?  Well, the priests might be inside, 
but...

	He went up and knocked on the door.  A young woman, about his 
own age, with short blue-black hair answered.  Her light blue vest, dark 
blue shirt, and knee-length dark green skirt didn't look much like a
miko's garb.  "Hi, can I help you?"  she asked.

	"Umm...is this the Hikawa temple?"

	She blinked.  "Not at all.  What gave you that idea?"

	"Umm...am I reading my map wrong?" he asked her, showing her 
the map.

	"That's a map of Peking," she said.  "That someone doodled on."

	"No wonder the old man was laughing when I left," Ryouga said, 
frowning.  "Do you know which way it is?"

	Ami gave him detailed directions, and wrote them on the back of 
the map for good measure.  "There you go."

	He bowed.  "Thank you very much!"

	"Tell Rei that Ami sent you.  She'll be glad to help you with 
whatever you need."  

	"She's one of the priestesses?"

	"Hai!"

	"Okay, I will.  Thank you very much!"  He bowed, turned, and 
walked off.  Ami watched him go for a minute, then closed the door.  What 
a strange fellow, she thought.  But he seemed nice.  I hope he doesn't 
have any trouble with the directions.

*************

	Usagi slumped down onto the ground and wiped the sweat off her 
brow.  "Well, everything is fixed."

	"Just in time for you and Rei to break it all again," Shingo-neko 
said from the porch.

	"Oh, be quiet," Usagi snapped.  

	"You go rest," Shampoo said.  "Wash up and everything.  The 
contest is tomorrow, and you'll need to be in full form for everything."

	Grandpa looked at everything.  "I have to say you're good at 
carpentry."

	"That's because Amazons like to make dramatic entrances through 
walls, but don't like living in a house full of holes," Usagi replied.
"It's one of the first things you learn."

	"..."

	"Umm...is anyone here?" a voice said faintly from across the 
temple grounds, from the vicinity of the torii at the head of the stairs.  
Grandpa turned and saw a girl, about the same age as Usagi and Shampoo, 
wearing glasses almost as thick as Umino's and a green school uniform, 
which he recognized as the one worn by a school called Torio.  Normally, 
girls from Torio wore one the correct size, though; hers looked about two 
sizes too large.  She had athletic arms and legs, but she carried herself
like she was afraid a hawk was going to swoop down and eat her.  Her hair
was short, black, and straight, and she had an askew green beret jammed
over most of it.  She had a schoolbag slung over one arm, with several
books poking out.  "I'd like to buy a good luck charm."

	Grandpa hustled over in seconds.  "Welcome to the Hikawa Shrine!  
I'm Hino Ryu, the head priest!  We all sorts of good luck charms!  What
sort do you need?"  He looked her up and down.  "Perhaps a love charm for
the lovely lady?"

	She blushed, looking everywhere but straight at him.  
"Umm...yeah."  She laughed nervously.  "And one for getting good 
grades.  I have a big test coming up."

	Grandpa turned to Shampoo and Usagi.  "Usagi, can you get her 
some charms?  Shampoo, can you bring me my blessing stick?"

	They both nodded and went to get them.  Usagi laughed once they 
were inside.  "I hope Grandpa doesn't scare her too much."

	"He'll make you a good Grandfather-in-law," Shampoo replied in 
Mandarin.  "He looks the fool, but he has hidden strength and knows how 
to put people at ease."

	"You really think I'm going to win?"  Usagi asked.  They reached 
the storage room, and she started digging through the charms box while 
Shampoo waited for her to finish.  

	"With ten events, all you can lose is Dancing and Singing.  Which 
means you take eight of ten.  I tried to argue for conjugal duties also,
but Grandpa said it was taboo here in the temple before marriage."

	Usagi blushed.  "I...I wouldn't want to do that as part of a
contest.  It wouldn't be...taking it seriously enough."  She pulled out
the charms and they went to find the blessing stick.  

	"Don't tell me you don't want him.  I heard you talk in your
sleep last night."

	Usagi turned beet red and was glad they were conversing in 
Mandarin so not everyone would understand them.  "I...Big sister, don't 
tease me!"

	Shampoo just snickered.  They soon found the blessing stick in
the temple, and brought it back to Grandpa, who was seated on the porch
with the girl, telling her a story about Ho Masubi, the kami of fire.
"Ah, there you all are.  Bring them to me, and I'll bless them for Naoko."

	"So your name is Naoko?"  Usagi asked as she handed the charms 
to Grandpa.  "I'm Tsukino Usagi, and this is my big sister, Shampoo."

	She nodded and said faintly, "My name is Kikubi Naoko.  Are you a 
miko?"

	Usagi laughed.  "We're just guests."

	Grandpa began to bless Naoko and empower the charms, and they 
all watched until he was finished, then he handed them to her.  "Here you 
go."

	"I like your hair," Naoko said shyly, pointing at one of Usagi's
nobs.  "My hair gets awful if I try to grow it out."

	"It took me forever to get it this long," Usagi said.  "I think
you should curl your hair; it would look good like that."

	"You really think so?"  Naoko asked.

	"Yeah," Usagi said.  "I could do it for you right now if you
like!"

	Naoko blinked.  "I...really?  Right now?"

	Shampoo reached over and squeezed Naoko's arm.  "Hmm, nice 
muscles.  You a warrior?"

	Naoko's eyes widened, though it was hard to see.  "I...I play 
tennis."  She turned to Usagi, "You really think I'd look good with
curls?"

	"Yeah.  They'd be kinda short curls, but it would be good."

	Grandpa nodded.  "You'd look wonderful." 

	Shampoo nodded as well.  "Usagi's good with hair."

	"Well, okay."  She let Usagi lead her off, leaving Grandpa and 
Shampoo alone.  


	They watched the two go, then Grandpa said, "How does she do 
that?"

	"Knack."  Shampoo said.  "Usagi's the only person in the Amazon 
village who no one hates.  She has some rivals, but they're friendly ones.  
She talked two elders into ending their thirty year feud.  If she hadn't 
been born outside the village, Great-Grandmother would be grooming her 
to take over the village one day.  And perhaps she'll take over whatever 
Great-Grandmother thinks.  Especially when she brings back such a strong 
husband."

	Grandpa frowned slightly, reminded of the morrow's contest.  "Rei 
will win."

	"Only if Usagi convinces herself that Rei should win."  She got
up.  "Well, I need to do some shopping.  Good bye."

	Grandpa watched her go and lost himself in thought. 

**************

	Setsuna put a foot on the step, then took it off.  She put it on
the step again, then took it off again.  She pulled out the document she
had forged, then put it away.  After pulling it out a second time, she
tore it up in a fit of disgust.  An entirely stupid plan, she thought,
then berated herself for even trying to claim she'd been sent by the
Temple Inspection Committee.  She wasn't even sure what she'd thought
that would accomplish.  

	Footsteps echoed down the stairs.  She looked up and saw some 
girl in a green school uniform with curly black hair walking down the
stairs.  She stared at the uniform, and an idea popped into her head.  Of
course, she thought.  School.  I can 'transfer' into his school and meet
him there!  I can't believe I didn't think of this before!  

	She got up as the girl walked past her whistling a tune.  Thank
you, she thought.  Whoever you are, you've saved me.  She turned and
sprinted off to make her plans.  

***********

	"Hey, kid, wanna buy a Phoenix Egg?"  the old shopkeeper asked 
Shampoo.

	"No, but I'll pay you to put it on your head," she replied.

	He blinked.  "Ahh, you actually know what you're doing, unlike 
ninety-nine percent of my customers."

	"Now, let's see if you know what you're doing," she replied.

***********

	Ryouga stared at the school gates.  This wasn't the Hikawa Shrine 
either.  He read the sign.  'Welcome to Furinkan High School'.  Definitely 
NOT where I want to go, he thought.


***********

	Usagi sat on the porch and watched Rei run through a kata.
"Spin, drop, THEN kick, and you won't fall down," she said.

	Rei gritted her teeth and ignored her, falling down again.  "See 
what you made me do?"

	Usagi rose, walked over, and did the entire kata in half the time.  
"Like that."

 	Rei growled and did it again, this time following the correct 
motions.  She didn't fall.  

	"Exactly!"  Usagi said.  "I had to learn to do that on a log, so
not falling down was REALLY important."

	Rei ran though it three more times, not acknowledging Usagi's 
coaching, but taking most of the advice.  Finally, she said, "Why are you 
helping me?"

	"Because I like you," Usagi replied.  

	Wincing, Rei said, "Then why don't you back off?"

	"Because I like Ranma too."

	Rei snapped, "You can't marry both of us."  She paused.  "That 
wasn't what I meant."

	Usagi laughed.  "Maybe I will."

	Amazons are all crazy, Rei thought.

**********

	The sky was bright and clear on the morning of the Marriage 
Contest.  Dozens of people from Rei and Ranma's schools had shown up, 
along with a lot of people from various other schools who had been 
attracted by the signs.  In fact, to Ranma's surprise, there was a large 
contingent from his old school, Blue Sky Academy, including his old
friend Ken, a dark haired, dark eyed, handsome fellow.  "Hey, Ranma!"
Ken said, coming over to him .  "We thought you weren't ever coming back!
Why haven't you come back to Blue Sky?  Our soccer team is dead without
you."  

	"I...uh...Pop decided to put me in a different school."  Ranma 
prayed it wouldn't rain. 

	"So, what's this contest, anyway?"  Ken asked.

	"These two women are completely insane," Ranma replied.  "I 
ain't marrying nobody no time soon.  It's all their fault and Grandpa
and Shampoo."

	"Your Grandpa's shampoo drove him nuts?"  Ken asked confusedly.  

	"You don't wanna know," Ranma said.  "Man, it's good to see ya."

	"Are they cute?"  Ken asked.

	"Yeah," he said.  "Even if one of them's a tomboy and the other
is just about the rudest woman on Earth."  He twitched nervously.  "They 
ain't my type."

	Ken nodded.  "You never were much interested in girls.  You ain't 
gay, are you?"

	"Don't make me beat you to death, Ken," Ranma replied.  "I ain't 
gay!"

	There was a collective gasp, and Ken and Ranma turned to see
why.  Rei and Usagi had emerged from the interior of the temple.  Rei was 
wearing a red and black striped kimono made from fine materials and had 
put her hair up with hair sticks.  Usagi was clad in a long blue and
yellow Chinese dress with a skirt slit up one side, showing off one of
her well muscled legs.  Ami emerged with them, flanked by Grandpa and
Shampoo.  They went over to three chairs on the porch, while Usagi and Rei
circled around to stand just off the porch in front of them.

	"Damn, they're fine.  Can I have the loser?"

	"Be my guest," Ranma replied.

	Naru came running up to Ranma.  "Have they started yet?"

	"They are now."

	Grandpa began a long rambling speech to the assembled masses 
about the sanctity of marriage; Ranma did his best to ignore it.  Ken
looked over at Naru.  "Hi, I'm Ken.  Are you Ranma's secret lover?"

	Naru turned beet red.  Ranma said, "Ken, don't be a twit.  She's 
one of my friends from school.  Naru, this is my old friend Ken, who has
a very tiny brain."  
	
	"You're the one with a tiny brain if you're passing up those two."
		
	"Ranma, come over here," Grandpa shouted.

	Rama twitched nervously and came over.  "You told me I wasn't 
going to have to take part in this!"

	"I lied."  He moved in a blur, and suddenly Ranma crashed 
backwards through the railing.  "Time for us to do some damage for them 
to fix for the first contest!"  He leaped foot first at Ranma, who
grabbed his foot and rolled backwards, tossing him.  

	The crowd of watchers fled wildly as the duo darted back and forth 
leaving a trail of damage.  Shampoo sighed.  "We not have time for them 
to fix THAT much damage."

	Rei began to turn beet red.  "Grandpa, you idiot!"  She charged 
after them, and it soon became a three-way brawl, while Usagi shook her 
head and went to work with hammer and nails.

*************

	Usagi fixed the railing by the time the brawl was over, and Ami 
declared her the winner.  Rei and Ranma hung Grandpa from a tree, and 
then the next event began.  The sewing contest went by without major 
mishap, other than Usagi managing to sew her sleeves together, which led 
to an easy victory for Rei.  

	The next contest was singing.  In the battle of o/~ You can do 
magic o/~ versus o/~ I'm a little teapot o/~ , Usagi was outgunned and 
outmatched.  Half the people in the yard were cowering in fear once Usagi 
finished singing, and the other half were wishing they were deaf.  

	Naru winced.  "She sounds just like she did when she was seven 
and sang that at my birthday party."

	Ami drew another index card from the hat by her feat.  "Feminine 
Grace."  She paused.  "How are they supposed to compete in that?"

	Grandpa, from the tree, said, "Ummm....good question."

	Shampoo checked her phrasebook.  "Oops, Shampoo mistranslate 
that one.  Should be 'Feminine Hygeine'."

	A massive groan of nausea rang out from the masses, and Usagi 
said, "I think we can skip that one."

	Ami drew another card.  "Ahh, Combat."

	"In this outfit?"  Rei asked.

	"Didn't stop you before," Usagi replied.

	Rei frowned and got into the best combat stance she could.  
"Right.  I'll trash you just like this."

	Ranma stepped forward.  "Hey, girls shouldn't fight!"

	"Shut up, Ranma," they said in unison.

	Ken chortled.  "I think I see who'll be wearing the pants in this 
marriage, whoever wins."

	"Shut up, Ken," Ranma snapped at him.  He turned back to them.  
"C'mon, this is just stupid."

	"You'd do this if you were in our position," Usagi said to him.

	"Would not."

	"So you'd sit back and let some guy take your woman?"  Ken asked 
Ranma.

	Ranma twitched and prayed that the kamis would do something to 
stop all this.  Perhaps they were listening.

	"RAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNMMMMMMMAAAAA  SAAAAAAAOOOOOTOOOOOOMMEEEE!!!!!"  
A boy's voice shouted.  Everyone turned and stared at the young man
dressed in a leopard skin shirt and tan trousers.  "I have finally found
you, and now, you must PERISH!!!!"

	Ken said, "Hey, Ryouga's alive!  I thought he musta died or 
something."

	"Hey, Ryouga!  What are you doing here?"  Ranma asked.

	"I've come to kill you for what you did!"  He unleashed a barrage
of bandannas, heedless of the crowd, which ran in panic for the second
time today.  "Taste my wrath!"

	Usagi grabbed Rei and leaped to the roof with her, narrowly 
avoiding the barrage of bandannas which flew through where they had just 
been standing.  "Do you know this lunatic?"  Usagi asked Rei.

	Rei blinked.  "How did...what the...no." 

	"Hey, you're gonna hurt someone!"  Naru shouted at the intruder.

	Ranma said, "Ryouga, what are you DOING?"

	"I'm going to kill you for what you did to me!"  Ryouga closed
in, heedless of all else.  

	"Ranma, take it outside!"  Grandpa said.  "You can brawl down in 
the street where the Shrine won't get trashed."

	Ranma sighed and nodded, heading for the stairs.  "You wanna 
fight, Ryouga?  Come and get me!"

 	"I'll show you, Saotome!" he said, running right into the interior 
of the Shrine.

	Many people blinked in unison.

	Ami sighed.  "Let's skip the combat and go straight to another 
event, okay?  It looks like we'll get plenty of combat without a formal 
event."

	Grandpa stood up.  "Ranma, come with me.  Time to deal with this 
intruder on the sanctity and peace of our temple."

	They headed into the temple after Ryouga.  "So why is this fool 
after you?"  Grandpa asked Ranma as they vanished out of sight.

	"I have no clue," was the last thing they heard anyone say.

	Ami shook her head.  "You two ready to come down off the roof?"

	"No problem," Usagi said, jumping down, still carrying Rei.

	Rei stared at her.  "You saved me."

	"Well, I was saving me too."  Usagi smiled.  "What's next, Ami?"

	Ami drew another card.  "Cleaning."

	Shampoo went inside the temple and brought out two huge piles 
of dirty dishes and two washpans.  "Here you go."

	Usagi and Rei turned to stare at each other and said in unison, 
"Bleah."

***********

	The cleaning contest seemed to go on and on and on; neither Usagi 
nor Rei was the fastest cleaner in the world.  Several vendors began to 
circulate with food for everyone, including Shampoo, who started selling 
ramen and green tea, demonstrating where some of the dirty dishes must 
have come from.  

	Naru sat down with Ken and started eating.  "So, you know Ranma 
from his old school?"

	"Yeah.  He was the best athelete in the school.  Ryouga was pretty 
good too, but he always got lost before all the games.  And he and Ranma 
used to fight all the time at lunch for the best food.  Ranma was on the 
soccer team with me; he was really great."  He looked over at her 
thoughtfully.  "So you've got a crush on him."

	She blushed.  "I...uh..."

	"Don't worry, I won't tell.  And Ranma's too dense to notice
unless you shove it down his throat."

	"So...uh...what kind of girl does Ranma like?"

	"Not a clue.  He never went on a date while he was at Blue Sky.  
But then, we were all only fourteen years old at a school for boys.  And 
with his martial arts, he wouldn't have had time.  Have you ever seen him 
fight?"

	"He's teaching me."

	Ken twitched.  "He...what?  He always told me girls shouldn't
fight ever.  Like you just saw him try to do."

	"I...uh...guess he changed his mind."

	"Or maybe he does really like you," Ken said.  "I don't think
he'd admit it...or understand it, if he, ya know, liked someone like
that.  It'd just kinda come out subtle."

	The Shrine shook, and the cry, 'DIE, SAOTOME!' echoed out of it.  
Rei winced.  A black cat with a crescent moon on her forehead ran out of 
the temple and across the yard like a rocket.  

	Two human shadows fell across Ken and Naru's lunch.  They turned 
and saw two people in Blue Sky Academy uniforms.  One of them, who was 
tall and blond, said, "Hey, Ken, you came to see the duel?"

	"I had to check out the babes.  Even doing dishes, they're hot,"
he said.  "I bet that's why you came too, eh?"

	"Yep," the blond said.  "Who's your cute friend?"

	Naru suddenly realized the other boy was wearing a bandolier of 
spatulas and had a huge six foot spatula on his back.  "Umm...are you a 
chef?"

	The dark haired boy blinked, then his frown lightened to a smile.  
"You could call me that.  I'm Ukyou."

	"Hi, I'm Osaka Naru."

	Haruka shook her hand.  "Nice and soft."

	Naru blushed slightly.

	"I'm not poaching, am I?"  Haruka asked Ken, grinning.

	"Naah, we just both know Ranma."

	Ukyou's head swiveled around.  "So Ranma IS here?  I don't see 
him anywhere."

	"Oh, like you'd recognize someone you haven't seen since you 
were six," Haruka said.  "How do you know I'm not Ranma?"

	"You're not a filthy little beast who has to die for what...she
did," Ukyou said.  Ukyou's frown suddenly turned to a more worried look.

	Naru blinked.  "Eh?  Ranma's not a woman."

	"Yeah.  Ranma's a guy.  I've seen him naked in the shower room."

	Haruka turned on Ukyou.  "No wonder you haven't spotted Ranma 
yet; you're looking for someone of the wrong sex.  No wonder his dad 
skipped out on the agreement if you were both guys."

	"Agreement?"  Ken asked.

	"Yeah, Ukyou wants to pound Ranma for skipping out on their 
engagement, but if they're both guys..."

	"Ranma has ANOTHER fiancee?"  Naru asked.  "Besides Rei and 
Usagi?  Well, if you count them as fiancees per se..."

	Ukyou twitched.  "More engagements?"

	Haruka blinked.  "You did read the sign, right?  That these two 
women are fighting to see who marries Ranma?  Which makes a lot more 
sense if he's a guy.  So where is he?"

	"Ryouga showed up to kill him."

	Ukyou growled.  "Lemme guess...ANOTHER engagement he 
skipped out on?"

	Ken shook his head.  "I hope not.  Ranma was living openly as a guy 
at that time."

	"This gets more and more interesting," Haruka said, laughing.  
"I'm glad I decided to give you a ride over here, Ukyou."

************

	Usagi finished her pile of dirty dishes one plate ahead of Rei, 
making it two to two.  She spotted Naoko in the crowd and waved to her.  
Naoko waved shyly back.  

	Ami drew another card.  "Sprinting."

	Shampoo got some rope and laid them out to form two sprinting 
lanes.  Soon, all was in place.   

	Haruka looked over at Ukyou, "Now, if I was in this contest, I'd
ace this event."

	"I just wanna ace Ranma," Ukyou muttered.

	"But it's not like he could have married you even if he wanted
to," Naru replied.

	Ami went over and got into position near the finish line.  
"Runners, take your mark."

	This was not easy for either of them, especially Rei.  As it was,
Rei made it only halfway, then tripped on her kimono and fell down,
giving Usagi an easy win.  Rei grimaced.  "I'll be back; this is getting
ridiculous."  She stormed into the temple.

	Ami said to Usagi, "What's taking Ranma so long?  It sounds pretty 
quiet."

	"I don't know," Usagi said.  "I'll go look."

***********

	She found Ranma and Grandpa knocked out in the bathroom.  
Ranma had turned into her girl-form, and there was a little black pig 
wearing a yellow and black bandanna.  Usagi frowned.  Well, now I know 
why he wanted to kill Ranma.  Very tragic story, she thought.  I'll just
leave him as a pig so he can't cause trouble.  She dumped hot water on
Ranma and Grandpa to wake them up.  "Come on, the contest is still going
on."

	Ranma sat up.  "Great, I managed to slip on soap." He looked 
around.  "Did Ryouga get away?"

	"Probably went the wrong way and fell down the far side of the
hill or something," she said.  "C'mon outside."

	"Lemme dry off first."

	She nodded and took off with the pig while Grandpa and Ranma 
dried off.

*************

	Ami drew the next card.  "Dancing.  We need two male volunteers 
for this."

	Ken and Haruka thrust their hands skyward, as did many other men 
present.

	Ami selected them, perhaps by chance, perhaps by fate, perhaps 
because they were both tall and easy to see.  Ken was assigned to dance 
with Usagi, while Haruka was paired with Rei, once Rei emerged from the 
temple in a blue t-shirt and khaki shorts.  

	Ami began to play a waltz on the jambox that Shampoo brought out 
of the temple.  She tapped her foot and wished she could dance with 
someone while the two couples began to dance.  

	It was fortunate for Haruka and Ken that they both had fairly
tough feet.  Said toughness was quickly put to the test, as Usagi and Rei 
demonstrated the fine art of stomping their partners' feet in time to the 
beat.  Haruka simply grinned and bore it, while Ken began to grunt in 
time.

	"So why don't you forget about this Ranma and run away with me?" 
Haruka asked Rei.

	Rei blushed faintly.  "Uh...Grandpa wouldn't like it."  His gaze
is so intense, she thought.  And he's seriously cute.  And why am I
thinking about this at a time like this?

	"So you're Chinese?"  Ken asked Usagi.

	"I'm an adopted Amazon.  I was born in Japan, but the Amazons 
adopted me after I...uh...lost my family."

	"Wow, that's cool!  Can you do martial arts?"

	"Of course," she said.

	"You'd make Ranma a good wife then; that's all he's really worried 
about.  Oh, and he likes to watch auto racing and play a few sports."  Ken 
laughed.  "He's got a pretty one-track mind; he's a nice guy, but a little 
obsessed.  Probably you two should have just beaten each other up to see 
who's tough enough to survive marrying him."

	Ranma emerged from the house, still drying his hair.  "What 
the...what is THIS?"  He sounded a little displeased as he looked at the 
dancing.

	"It's a waltz, Ranma."

	"THERE YOU ARE!"  Ukyou shouted, pointing at him.  "I've come to 
KILL you for what you've done!  You and your lousy father!"

	Naru's eyes widened.  "But it's not his fault!"

	Ranma slapped his forehead.  "Just great.  Who the hell are you?"

	"I'm Kuonji Ukyou!  Don't pretend you don't recognize me!"

	"Kuonji Ukyou...Ukyou..."  He scratched his head.  "You're not that 
kid in third grade who kept trying to steal my homework, are you?"

	"You ran off and left me behind, you JACKASS!"

	Whispers about yaoi love began floating through the crowd.  Ranma 
heard them and turned beet red.  "I don't know what the hell you're 
talking about!"

	Naru blushed herself.  Surely, he can't really...be like that, she 
thought.  Maybe that's why I haven't had any luck.  

	Umino suddenly popped up.  "So what do you think, Naru?  I'm 
conducting a poll on whether Ranma is gay."

	"NO!"  She shouted.  "And if he hears you say that, you'll wish
you were on Hokkaido, instead of here."

	"We were supposed to be married, and you abandoned me!  You 
remember it now, you bastard?"  Ukyou shouted.

	Rei missed a step and nearly took out Haruka's knee.  "He was 
WHAT?"

	Grandpa shook his head.  "I'm sure it was all Genma's fault."

	Ami sighed.  "Can this wait until we finish the other charade?"

	"I don't understand why you wanna fight, Ukyou, but we can go 
down to the street and settle it outta everyone's way, okay?"

	"FINE.  Let's get it on."

	They headed for the stairs while the waltz played on.

************

	Far away, Setsuna fumed.  I'm stuck helping out at the clinic, 
instead of being at the contest where I can woo Ranma, she thought.  And
I can't transfer into his school until Monday.  Stupid paperwork.  Her
hands moved on autopilot.

	Dr. Tofu said, "Um, Setsuna, you've wrapped Mr. Taro's head in 
bandages, when you needed to wrap his hand."

	"Ack!"  She quickly unwrapped his head.  "I'm sorry, sir.  I'm 
feeling distracted."

	Dr. Tofu sighed.  "Why don't you go home early today?  You're so 
distracted that you're making mistakes."

	"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"  She sprinted out the door, 
still in her nurse's outfit, leaving her purse behind.

	Mr. Taro, a short, bulky man, turned to Dr. Tofu.  "What's with 
her?"

	"I have no idea."

**************

	Dancing was declared a tie, and Ken and Haruka went to sit and 
nurse their feet with some assistance from Naru, who went and got them 
some ice.  And the next event was...

	Ami pulled out the card.  "Cooking."

	Shampoo brought out two grills and miscellaneous ingredients and 
utensils.  "You have thirty minutes to cook up something yummy."

	"No problem!"  Usagi said, twirling two spatulas in a complex 
pattern.  "Let's see, what would be best..."

	Rei grinned.  "My specialty.  Hino style stirfry."  She squirted
some lighter fluid into the grill and simply waved a match near it.  It
ignited in a great gush of flame, sending her staggering back.

	"Try to not stirfry yourself," Usagi said, getting out some flour
and milk and sugar and a few other ingredients, and began mixing it to
make dough.

	"Har de har har," Rei said.  "I call upon the kamis of Cooking to 
bless this grill!"  The flame died down to a reasonable level, and she put a 
wok on it and added oil, then vegetables.   

	"Hey, no fair letting the gods cook for you!"  Usagi said.

	"All's fair in love and war!"  Rei crowed, stirring vegetables
with one hand and chopping meat with the other.

	"Well, then I'll just have to get serious," Usagi said.  She began 
kneading dough with one hand, chopping meat with the other, and singing 
an Amazon cooking song.

	Ami winced.  "For the good of mankind, no singing."

	"Spoilsport."

***********

	Setsuna sprinted down the street, then slapped her forehead.  I 
could just teleport!  She was about to transform and do so when she 
spotted a man in a tuxedo roaring down the road on a red motorcycle.  She 
stared in surprise for a few seconds, then realized who it was.  ENDYMION! 
she thought.  Am I glad to see you.  She transformed and sprinted after 
him.

	He looked back at her in surprise.  "Do I know you?  And how are 
you keeping up with me?"

	"I am Sailor Pluto, and I too seek to aid the Moon Princess."

	His brows furrowed.  "Is that who she is....I just know someone's 
in danger, and I have to save her."

	Pluto frowned.  She shouldn't be in danger, Pluto thought.  She 
should be...And then a vision of what was to come struck her.  It's all 
wrong, she thought.  All of it...  Well, almost all of it.  "So do I."

	"Hop on, although you look like you don't need it."

	She laughed and jumped on behind him, clinging for dear life, and 
enjoying the exhilaration of the danger.  Now, this is living, she thought.

***********
	
	Ranma turned at the base of the stairs.  "I still don't understand 
why you're so pissed off at me.  Or why Ryouga wanted to maim me."

	Ukyou growled at him.  "I can't believe you can't remember what 
you did to me!"

	He scratched his head.  "This isn't about that comic book, is it?
I didn't mean to dump it in the river...but didn't I pay you back?"

	"I didn't spend the last ten years of my life looking for you over
a COMIC BOOK!"  Ukyou leaped at him, unleashing a barrage of mini-spatulas 
to soften him up.

	He rolled backwards, avoiding the barrage, and the leaping attack, 
then sprang up onto the top of a car parked nearby.  "You shouldn't use 
leap attacks unless your opponent is already in the air; you can't change 
direction if he does.  Unless, of course, you're faster than he is."
Ranma followed this up by a series of jumps, rebounding off two trees, a
lamp post, and a car, as Ukyou tried to spin and keep up.  He finished it
up by leaping right up behind Ukyou and tapping the back of Ukyou's head.
"Like me, for example."

	This was supposed to make Ukyou laugh and relent.  Instead, Ukyou 
spun quickly and brought the giant spatula into his left side, sending him 
flying.  "Fight me, dammit!"  

	Ranma easily dodged the barrage of wild chest-level swipes that 
followed.  "But why are you so mad?  I haven't even seen ya in ten years, 
Ucchan."

	"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT AFTER WHAT YOU DID?"  Ukyou 
screamed.  Ranma could feel the air pressure building up from the swipes; 
Ukyou had clearly gotten pretty strong.  Not as strong as he was, though.

	"Is this about the 'submarine' accident?"  Ranma asked, scraping 
his memory desperately for possible reasons Ukyou could want to kill him.  

	"The what?"  Ukyou ceased attacking, and stared in confusion.

	"Well, if you've forgotten, I won't remind you," he replied.  He 
stepped forward.  "Come on, ya gotta tell me why you're mad; I can barely 
remember anything from five years ago, let alone ten."

	"You left me behind!"

	Ranma blinked.  "Behind what?"

	"AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"  Ukyou screamed and charged forward again, 
this time attacking with less strength, but more cunning.  Still, Ranma
was able to easily dodge the attacks.  I feel faster, he thought.  

	Unfortunately, he didn't have eyes in the back of his head, and he 
slammed into a car which had just pulled into the slot that had been empty 
the last time he looked.  Eight men and women in black suits and  
sunglasses got out.  Ukyou and Ranma paused and stared at them.

	One of them said to Ranma, "Excuse me, but are those the steps to 
the Hikawa Temple?"

	"Uh, yeah.  You here to see the contest?"

	"Yes."

	"It's upstairs."

	"Thank you."

	Ukyou and Ranma watched them go, then Ukyou said, "Yakuza, 
maybe?"

	"Could be undercover cops, I suppose."

	"Look, I swear I don't know why you're mad at me!  C'mon, tell 
me!"  Ranma said, hoping Ukyou would stay calm.

	Ukyou snarled.  "You claim you don't KNOW?"

	"Hey, it wasn't something Pop did, was it?"  He probably stole 
some food from her Dad or something, Ranma thought.  "Did Pop steal 
some food or something?"  A dim memory suddenly surfaced...something 
about riding on...  "Oh man, he stole your Yatai!"

 	The image popped into his head, bright as day, just like it had
been to live it, and the real world faded away.

	He was riding on top of Ukyou's Dad's yatai, while his father was 
pulling it.  Pop had said something about Ukyou's family giving it to
them as a going-away present, and Chibi-Ranma had believed it.  However,
he now remembered Ukyou running along after them, shouting something 
while he waved goodbye to Ucchan.

 	But the wind had been wrong, and he couldn't make out anything 
Ukyou said.  

	The memory suddenly snapped, and Ranma returned to the 
present.  "I'd help you beat him up, but he's...in California."

	"That's not all you stole!  You were supposed to MARRY ME!"

	Ranma blinked.  "Marry you?  But you're a guy!  I can't marry no 
guy!"

 	Ukyou twitched.  "I am NOT a guy, even though I had to live as
one after you stole our yatai and destroyed our honor!"

	Ranma rubbed his eyes.  "Man, you look like a guy."

	Ukyou was about to take a swipe at him, then stopped.  "I'm a 
woman, dammit!"

	"You gotta be kidding me.  This is some kinda weird practical
joke, right?"

	"I'LL SHOW YOU A PRACTICAL JOKE!"  The attack resumed, and 
Ranma kept backpedalling, dodging blow after blow.  Slowly, Ranma began 
to conclude that perhaps Ukyou wasn't joking.  Then, thought was 
interrupted by a wild swing that connected with a friendly neighborhood 
fire hydrant.

	Pressurized water struck both of them, slamming them down the 
street, knocking Ranma's face right into Ukyou's chest.  Ranma 
transformed.  Ukyou's jacket snagged on street debris as they skidded,
and it ripped open in front, leaving Ranma-chan's face nestled in Ukyou's 
bandage-repressed bosom.

	They both stared at each other, then said in unison, "You've got 
breasts!"

	Ranma-chan rolled back onto her feet, remaining in a sort of 
'sitting on her feet' position.  "I..uh...I can explain."

	Ukyou got up, crawled forward on her knees, and poked one of 
Ranma-chan's breasts.  *Poing*  "You...you're a woman?"  She looked at 
Ranma-chan's hair.  "And your hair is red now." She rubbed her eyes.  
"But you're wearing the same clothing."  If I've gone mad, I'm going to be 
pissed, she thought.  "No wonder your Dad ran out on our engagement..."

	"I was a guy when you knew me, but Pop got me cursed by these 
magic springs."  Her communicator began to whoop loudly.  Just freaking 
great, she thought.  "Umm...my pager is going off."  She pulled it out.  
"What?"

************

	Usagi's Amazon Trail Biscuits would have come out fine if she 
hadn't also tried to make cookies, cook ramen, and prepare sukiyaki all
at the same time to top Rei, who was trying to do stir fry, bake some
chicken, mix barbeque sauce, and brew tea simultaneously.  While she
tried desperately to get the blazing bonfire in her wok to die down, the 
barbeque sauce quietly fell over and poured into the tea.

	Ami, who was going to have to taste test everything, began to 
cringe.

	Things got worse when Usagi picked up the sugar pot and sprinkled 
it all over the sukiyaki, thinking it was salt, then started kneading pork 
strips into the cookie dough.  The trail biscuits, left untended, started to 
turn a sort of blue-black color, rather like Ami's hair.  

	In a fit of panic, Rei poured the barbeque tea into the wok, which 
failed to douse the fire, but did succeed in creating an interesting
cloud of barbeque smoke which sent her staggering back, her eyes tearing
up.

	The audience was laughing its head off through all this, which 
helped to make Usagi and Rei get more frantic.  Naru felt sorry for them, 
but Haruka and Ken were rolling around, they were laughing so hard.  

	It was at this point that the eight people in suits arrived and 
pressed their way through the crowd, just in time for the cloud of 
barbeque scented smoke to drift into their midst.  They scattered; it was 
better than tear gas.

	Thus, Rei and Usagi had a little more time to add to their
disasters.  Usagi managed to save the Trail Biscuits before they became
Trail Bricks, but since she tried to do that and put the cookies on at
the same time, the cookies ended up steeped in the ramen and its special
sauce.  Rei, on the other hand, finally got her head together, and
managed to get the fire under control, at the price of the unattended
chicken beginning to char on one side.

	It was almost a relief to have the tallest of the men and women
in black to step forward holding a badge and a warrant.  "I'm from 
immigration."  He pointed at Usagi.  "We know you entered Japan without 
a visa, along with a purple haired girl.  Ahh, there she is.  F, T, take
care of her.  Miss Tsukino, you're under arrest."

	"But I'm a Japanese citizen!"  Usagi said.  "And I don't have a
Visa because I'm too young to have a credit card."

	There was a moment of silence as that sunk in.

 	Rei looked up from her food slowly burning to death, and felt her 
spiritual senses warning her something was wrong with these immigration 
officers.  Their leader looked familiar.  Something about his moustache 
and long hair...

	Ami stared at the tall man.  "Uncle Soun?"  I wish Kasumi was
here, she thought.

	The man blinked, turned and stared at her, his face moving
towards ever higher levels of incredulity.  "You...must have mistaken me
for someone else."

	Shampoo whipped out two bonbori.  "I'm not going anywhere until 
Usagi wins this contest, so we can take Ranma with us."

	Grandpa swallowed nervously.  "I'm sure there must be some 
mistake here."

	"There has been no mistake.  We're here to take these two illegal 
immigrants.  The rest of you can...uh..."  The tall man stared at the 
flaming cooking disasters.  "Is this some sort of toxic weapon 
experiment?"

	Rei fumed at the comment.  "No, it's a cooking contest!"

	I've got to call Kasumi, Ami thought.  She got up and started to 
head into the temple.  That has to be Uncle Soun.  Did he fake his own 
death and go undercover for the government or something?

	The short, dark haired woman who the tall man had called F said, 
"That can't possibly be intended to be edible."  She looked rather young 
to be a government agent, only about the same age as Rei or Usagi.

	Rei snarled.  "I bet it's better than YOUR cooking!"	Then she 
recognized F.  It was Fuu, from the Temple of the Four Winds.  FELDSPAR!  
They're youma!  She sidled over to Usagi and whispered, "Dammit, they're 
Youma.  That's Feldspar."

	Usagi's eyes widened.  "Big Sister!  They're Youma!"

	Shampoo grinned.  "No need to hold back, then.  Youma are for 
killing."  The bonbori went back where they came from, and a bow came 
out instead.  With a single lithe motion, she unleashed a barrage of arrows 
at the Youma.

	With a single lithe motion, F, aka Feldspar, gestured and the
arrows all flew back at her, pinning her to the temple wall by her own
clothing.  "Stay out of this if you know what's good for you!"

	Naru found herself suddenly lifted off the ground by Ken and 
Haruka, who started heading for the steps.  "Let's get out of here," Ken 
said.  "I didn't come here to get into some kinda funky gang war."

	Five energy blasts closed in on Rei and Usagi, but they weren't 
around to get hit.  They sailed up over the temple roof to its far side.
"I'll keep them busy.  Get Ranma and Ami and transform," Usagi said.
"And make it quick...Feldspar alone could probably beat me, I sure can't
fight them all."  Her voice was strangely calm, though Rei could hear
just a hint of fear.  "I'll try and draw them away from the crowd."

	Rei nodded.  "Thank you," she said, getting out her communicator.

	"And here we go," Usagi said, sprinting to the top of the roof.  
"Come and get me, you monkies!"  She started leaping roof to tree to roof 
around the yard as energy blasts flew wildly about her.

	Rei hit the panic button on the communicator.  She certainly felt 
panicked.

************

	"Feldspar and seven youma are here!"  Rei shouted, although on 
the communicator, it didn't come out very loudly.

	Ami cut in.  "And one of them looks like my uncle Soun!"

	"Great.  Snow Ugly and the Seven Youma," Ranma-chan muttered.

	Ukyou came around to look at it.  "Oh wow!  A video phone and 
pager?  Where'd you get the money for that?  And the picture's so clear!"

	Rei cut in.  "Hey, you're not supposed to..."  She sighed.  "GET
UP HERE!"

	"What's this about youma?"  Ukyou asked.

	"I'll explain later.  Wanna help me kick some ass?"

	Ukyou grinned.  "I'm all warmed up and ready to stomp."

	"Right.  GUARDIAN OF SATURN POWER, TRANSFORM!"  The 
transformation rushed over her, and she wished she'd had some hot water 
so she wouldn't get stuck going into a battle in a skirt again.  Then she 
realized she'd just finished the job of blowing this secret identity.
Some instinct within her told her that Ukyou would keep it, though.

	When she finished transforming, Ukyou was wiping her nose and 
staring in shock.  "What the...is that some kind of weird chi technique?  
And you look very..."

	Ranma-chan grimaced.  "Girly.  I know.  I only get pants if I do
this in boy form.  I like the boots, though."

	"Does that work for anyone?  Or do you have to train to do it?"

	"You have to have been the right person in a past life, I think.  
Anyway, we need to go kick ass."

	"Right!"

	They headed up the stairs in time to encounter a tide of people 
streaming down it.  They could hear explosions now, and shouting.  
Ranma-chan simply jumped over and ran up the hillside, while Ukyou was 
swept back by the tide.  She spotted Haruka, who stared at her.  "I'll 
explain later!  Gotta go kick some ass!"

	Ken and Haruka and Naru all stared at each other, then Haruka said, 
"I ought to go back for her, but...MY BIKE!!!!!"  Haruka turned and plowed 
through the crowd, leaving Naru with Ken.  

	Naru and Ken stared at each other.  "What's going on?"  Naru 
asked.

	"I don't want to know," Ken replied, and started down the stairs 
again.

**********

	 Usagi's luck ran out right as Sailor Mars and Sailor Mercury
sprinted into sight from around one side of the temple.  Battered by
Feldspar's winds, she fell, although she managed to roll around so she
would land on her feet.  She could already see 'T', whoever that was, and
Feldspar and another youma moving to engage her, while the other five
charged Mercury and Mars.

	Several things happened at once.  "SHABON SPRAY!"  A mist 
settled over everything, obscuring her vision.  "Feldspar!  This time,
I'm gonna KICK YOUR ASS!!!"  she heard Guardian Saturn shout.  "FIRE
SOUL!"  She heard a youma scream as it caught fire.  And a blur moved
through the fog and caught her.

	To her surprise, it was Naoko.  She put Usagi down, and said 
quietly, "It's the Dark Kingdom, isn't it."

	Usagi nodded.  "You know about them?"

	"They wiped us out," she said faintly.  "Most of us died 
reimprisoning the Red Death.  I had to...to..."  She sniffled, then said, "I 
was the last to die of all of us.  I had to live amidst the rubble.  I
won't let that happen again."

	Feldspar emerged from the mist with her two flunkies, while battle 
raged beyond them in the fog.  They had transformed to battle forms.  
Both of the flunkies were female; one of them was lithe and wiry with 
deep purple skin and two swords, the other was a tall, well built
brunette, wearing a yellow dress that looked a little too small for her
in every dimension.  She looked quite human except for her vividly purple
eyes.  "You won't get away this time, you interfering little bitch.  And
one way or another, we'll find out if you're who we're looking for.  You
won't like how we find out."

	Usagi got into a fighting pose and tried to interpose herself 
between Naoko and Feldspar.  "Naoko, run!"

	Instead, Naoko did the interposing herself.  "I won't let you 
destroy the Earth the way you did to Jupiter!"  Her voice was louder now, 
though she still sounded like an angry mouse.  "I saw Olympus burn!  And 
I'm NOT going to forgive you for it!"

	Feldspar laughed.  "Oh, I'm living in fear."  She paused.  "You 
what?"

	"I am the last servant of the Sky-King!  I am one of his voices of 
retribution!"  High above, in the clear sky, a swirling cloud formed.
"No evil will escape unpunished!  No foe will remain unvanquished!  For I
am Prudence, of the Seven Thunders!  PRUDENT TRANSFORMATION, ACTIVATE!"

	And lightning stabbed down, flash blinding them, both Usagi and 
her foes.  They all rubbed their eyes, and when their sight clear, Naoko 
had been transformed.  Her hair and physique were much the same, but 
now she wore a purple tunic belted at the waist with a golden cord, which 
went down to mid-calf, and had a golden lightning bolt across her chest.
It was simple in style, and somewhat evocative of Grecian dress,
especially the laurel wreath in her hair.  She wore long purple gloves
and purple sandals.  

	Feldspar stared at her and began to laugh.  "PRUDENCE?  Oh no!  
What are you gonna do, give me some advice?"

	The taller youma was laughing hard, while the one with the two 
swords nearly fell down from chortling.

	Prudence's face darkened.  "You think I'm funny?  I'm not the one 
carrying lightning rods.  RETRIBUTIVE STRIKE!"  She shouted, pointing at 
the sword-bearing youma.  A bolt of lightning erupted from her hands, 
followed by a clap of thunder, striking one of the swords and flowing into 
the youma, who collapsed unconscious after a brief shriek.  

	"Let's see you do that from the next prefecture."  Feldspar 
gestured and two of the winds circling her peeled off and blasted into 
Prudence, sending her tumbling out of sight through the fog.  "Turquoise, 
deal with her.  I'll deal with little miss Amazon."

	Usagi quickly grabbed the knocked out Youma's swords.  "Bring it 
on," she said, trying to hide the fear she was feeling.  I have to press her 
so hard she doesn't think to pin me with her winds, she thought, and 
launched her attack.

***********

	Mars played 'Blast and Seek' with one of the youma, who was 
armed with a giant tank of water and a water cannon.  We're gonna be 
fixing the temple for weeks, she thought.

	Meanwhile, Mercury tried to run a quick tactical analysis on her 
computer and play coordinator for Mars, Saturn, and Ukyou.  Saturn was 
mixing it up with two very strong, but not too fast youma, while Ukyou had 
gotten stuck taking on the tall one, who had turned out to be Diamond.  
Somewhere in the fog,  Shampoo was fighting the fifth one, having 
managed to rip herself loose from the wall.

	Ukyou was losing, and she knew it.  Her opponent was quite 
skillful, but more importantly, he had a magic sword, magic armor, and 
magic strength, while she had a six foot spatula, some skill, and a lot of 
determination to beat up SOMEONE to work off some steam.  Still, he was 
gradually pressing her across the yard through the fog.  "You're not half 
bad,"  he said, "even if you look like a lunatic."

	She heard a shout through the fog.  "Ukyou, where are you?"  
There was a pause.  "Hey, you stinking monster, get your hands off my 
BIKE!"  She heard an engine roar and Haruka shout in rage.

	"I AM NOT A LUNATIC!  I'm Ukyou!  Who the hell are you?"

	"I'm Major Diamond of Queen Beryl's army."

	Instinctively, she said, "No way in hell!  You can't be Diamond!"

	He twitched and she got in a lucky blow.  Without the armor, he 
would have been knocked down by the blow to his side.  As it was, Ukyou 
got to do the 'stumble backwards, vibrating' thing.  "Why do people KEEP 
SAYING THAT?"

	The fifth youma, who looked half-pig, half-man, wearing a black 
leather jacket that said 'Beryl's Angels' on the back, roared by, and they 
both paused and stared blankly at it.  Someone female cursed in Chinese, 
and there were crashing noises.  Then Haruka ran by them, shouting 
incoherently.

	Ukyou said, "Where on God's Green Earth did you find that one?"

	"He's a loaner from General Jadeite."  He got into a ready position.  
"What makes you so sure I can't be Diamond?"

	The answer tickled Ukyou's mind, then retreated when she tried to 
grasp it.  "Because...because..."

	The pig-man youma roared by with Shampoo mounted on the front 
of the bike to use as a battering ram.  She was shouting incoherently, 
much like Haruka, who was running after them.  

	"That's awfully distracting," Ukyou said.

	"Well, if you'll hold on a second, I can try to get him to keep
out of our way."

	"I'd appreciate that."

***********

	Saturn frowned.  Her two foes would never hit her, but her blows 
weren't hurting them.  She could deliver dozens of punches to every one 
they threw, but they weren't FEELING the blows.  I shoulda taken the 
water guy and let Rei have these, she thought.  I bet they would burn.  
Hey, shouldn't I have some kind of energy attack?  

	She racked her brain, trying to remember.  There was something 
about 'dead scream'.  Someone she'd known had used that one.  "Dead 
Scream?"  Nothing happened.  She tried screaming it, but it just made her 
throat hurt, although the two youma had winced intensely when she did it.  
Maybe it's invisible, she thought.  "DEAD SCREAM!"

	They punched her in unison while she was screaming, sending her 
flying into a tree.  As she passed out, she resolved to simply rely on her 
martial arts next time.

**************

	[RUN FOR YOUR LIFE] Mercury's computer advised her.  This was not 
what she wanted to hear.

	>I need other options

	[WALK FOR YOUR LIFE]

	>To beat them!

	[RUN AWAY, THINK UP A PLAN TO BEAT THEM, COME BACK AND BEAT 
THEM]

	Perhaps strategic withdrawal would be best, she thought.  

	Then the fog blew away and she found herself confronted by the 
water cannon bearing youma.  And that was all she saw for a while.

**********

	Mars cursed as Mercury went down.  Things weren't looking good.  
Shampoo was knocked out, and the Biker Youma had wrapped Haruka's bike 
into a prison for Haruka.  Diamond had knocked Ukyou's spatula away and 
she was trying desperately to hold him off with a mini-spatula in each 
hand.  Saturn was down.  Turquoise had some girl in a purple tunic trapped 
by a tree and was draining her life force with some kind of coin.  And now 
she could see Feldspar had bound Usagi to a tree with her winds.  

	Feldspar turned to face Mars as most of the Youma turned to face 
her.  "Give it up, Mars. It's the end of the line for you and your little 
friends."

	Mars started to say something defiant, when suddenly everyone's 
attention was grabbed by the roar of a motorcycle engine.  A red cycle, 
carrying a man and a woman came into sight, shooting up into the air.
The woman vaulted into the air, twirling a staff tipped with a garnet
orb.  She landed at Saturn's feet, and glared at the two thuggish youma
standing over him.  "dead scream," she said, and a wall of violet energy
erupted over them.  When it passed, there was nothing left but dust.
"I'm afraid your little gambit has failed, Feldspar."

	The red cycle hung in the air like a pro basketball player, and
its rider hurled a rose through the winds binding Usagi.  They dissipated
with a scream of pain, and he said, "Oh man, I think I forgot to pay my
insurance premium!"  as it crashed down into the ground and broke into
several large chunks.  He tumbled to his feet and his cane enlarged to
staff length.  He tossed it to Usagi.  "Here's a staff for you."

	Her eyes widened, and she blushed.  "Thank you!  Who are you?"

	"Well, Pluto thinks my name is Endymion, but that doesn't mean 
anything to me."

	Usagi felt a jab of memory.  "I've heard it somewhere before..."

	"Whatever your name, I'll take BOTH of you at once!"  Feldspar 
shouted.  

	"I'll save...whoever that is," said the man who might be named 
Endymion, and was certainly going to have heavy expenses to pay after the 
fight.  He turned to Turquoise and Prudence, and hurled a rose through 
the hole in the middle of Turquoise's coin.  She howled, and suddenly, all 
of her energy erupted out of her in a storm, arcing back into Prudence, 
who began to revive.

	Meanwhile, Pluto began playing 'Blast and Seek' with the Biker 
Youma, and Mars faced off again with the water cannon wielding one.  She 
thought a minute, then slapped her forehead.  She ran for a tree, letting
it chase her.  Grabbing a branch which had snapped off a tree in the
fighting, she faked falling down, and then began to howl as if she'd
sprained or broken something.

	It closed in on her, just like she wanted it to, cannon levelled
at her.  "Hasta la bista...no, wait,...misa la vista....no..."  It tried
to remember the right phrase.  While it dithered, she jumped up and
shoved the stick right up the barrel. It pulled the trigger and the gun
only produced a weak drizzle.

	Mars grinned.  "MARS KICK!"  She did a high kick to its forehead 
and knocked it down, then started to wrestle with it.  Much better, she 
thought.

*********

	Meanwhile, Ukyou was getting VERY desperate.  Mini-spatulas 
against a diamond sword just wasn't very fair.  Especially when she was 
clad in only bandages, a ripped jacket, and trousers, while he had on 
gleaming armor.  If only I knew the weak points in his armor and sword, 
she thought.  But diamond doesn't really HAVE weak points.  Well, it does 
have better points for carving, she thought, so it's not totally
invulnerable, and I doubt he used perfect diamonds.  The bastard, using
MY name as his...

	My name? she thought.  What gave me that idea?  She started 
chasing down the little voice in her head which had whispered that.  In a 
man's voice no less.  Call upon our power, it said.  All matter, from
your plastics to his diamonds are our domain.  Just say the words.

	What words? she asked herself.

	Guardian of Uranus Power, Transform, the man's voice said.

	"GUARDIAN OF URANUS POWER, TRANSFORM!" she shouted.  

	The entire world went dead silent, and she felt her feet leave
the ground as it erupted in a swirling spiral under her.  She could feel
the air, and knew in an instant its exact composition.  It solidified,
around her, or perhaps it filled with debris which fused together, and
for a moment, she was in the heart of a black monolith.  She was the
monolith, and its power was hers.  Then it shattered, and she stepped
forth, clad in her uniform, a  double breasted black jacket trimmed with
white with a white sword embossed over her left breast.  The buttons 
were each carved of pearl in the shape of single-ringed Uranus, and she
wore ankle-length black trousers with a white stripe down one side and
three parallel white stripes at the bottom.  Her boots were white with
black  trim, and she bore a sword with an ivory hilt and an ebony blade.
It had a tiny spatula engraved into the base of the blade, just above the
hiltguard.  She laughed faintly.

	"Let's see how you like a fair fight with the REAL 
DIAMOND, YOU BASTARD!"  She took a swipe, and sent his 
sword flying, only to have him conjure another one.

	Guardian Saturn sat up and stared at her.  "HEY!  
How come YOU have pants?"  She rubbed her head.

	"Because it would be pretty embarrassing if I was 
naked down there!"  Guardian Uranus said as she began to 
drive Diamond back.  

	Saturn stood up and fumed.  She turned and saw the 
Biker Youma fleeing towards her, running away from 
Pluto.  Jumping, she kicked the Biker Youma square in the 
head, and it collapsed.  "Much better," she said.

	Pluto ran up and hugged her.  "Ruby!  You've..."  She 
paused.  "Ruby?"

	Saturn stared at her.  "Uh...do I know you?"  She 
looks familiar, Saturn thought.  How could I forget 
someone this good looking?

	Pluto moaned faintly.  "This is going to be too much 
fun."

	"Eh?"

	"Give it up!"  Mars shouted with a megaphone.  
"There's a LOT of us, and very few of you!"  

	Turquoise, Feldspar, and Diamond were rapidly 
being driven towards each other by the combined forces 
of the Senshi and allies.  "This is what we get for 
listening to your daughter," Turquoise said.

	"Oh, like either of you thought this was a bad idea!"  
Feldspar shouted.  

	"I think Jadeite's going to assign us all to sorting 
gemstones in the dungeons for the next century," Diamond 
muttered.

	Mercury sat up rubbing her eyes and forehead just 
as the three of them vanished in a flash of brilliant 
violet light.  "Oww, I need an aspirin," Mercury muttered.

	Mars turned to Guardian Uranus.  "Hey, how come 
you get pants and Ranma doesn't?"

	"I don't know!  It came with pants, okay?" Uranus 
said.  She looked for a sheath, and found one hanging from 
her belt, so she sheathed the sword.  She dimly wondered 
why she hadn't seen it before.

	Maybe I need to think about pants while I 
transform, Saturn thought, then Pluto hugged her again.  
"Who are you?" Saturn asked.  "And you might want to 
know two women who think I ought to marry them are 
staring at you," she muttered.

	Pluto looked around and saw Usagi and Mars staring 
at her very intently.  She thumbed her nose at them, 
surprising herself.  "I'm Ruby's fiancee!" she announced, 
then regretted it.  I was going to take my time and be 
subtle, she reminded herself, not just jump back in.  But 
her patience had eroded, it seemed.

	This was not the right tactic.

	"WHAT?"  Usagi and Mars shouted in unison.

	"Can someone get me out of this thing?"  Haruka 
asked feebly.

	"Guardian Uranus, use your powers over matter and 
untangle Haruka," Pluto said absently.

	That would insinuate I have any clue how to do 
that, Uranus thought.  Then what Pluto had said sunk in.  
Another woman...after MY fiancee...although I still need to 
find out why he left me behind, but...her anger about that 
had blown out.  After all this, it just...seemed trivial.  
She was standing on the verge of something big, bigger 
than her quest for revenge.  

	As Pluto, Usagi, and Mars began to shout at each 
other with Saturn trapped in the middle, and Mercury 
trying to break up the argument, she went over to try to 
help Haruka; I can squash Pluto later, she thought.  

	The bike was folded into a donut, which shouldn't 
have even been possible, since it wasn't designed to be 
boldable.  Uranus scratched her head.  "This is gonna be 
tricky."

	"So how many secrets do you have?"  Haruka asked.

	"More than I knew," Uranus replied.  "I think I can 
get this off you, but it's probably going to destroy your 
bike."

	"It's a lost cause," Haruka muttered.  "I gotta be 
dreaming all this.  Yeah, I'm gonna wake up back at school 
smelling you cooking breakfast, and then we'll come on 
down to the contest, and it'll be much more normal."  She 
sounded drowsy, and slowly, her eyes closed as she 
muttered.  Soon, she was snoring despite being wrapped 
like a human kolache.

	Well, this day has been crazier than I expected too, 
Uranus thought.

*************

	A little later, calm had returned once Mercury and 
Guardian Saturn managed to get everyone calmed down.  
They hauled the knocked out swordsyouma behind the 
temple to interrogate him, and took Haruka and Grandpa 
inside to lie down.  The masked tuxedo-wearing warrior 
had slipped off during the 'prevent a three way battle 
over Ranma' phase of the afternoon, but everyone else 
was there when it was time to try and interrogate their 
captive...and figure out what to do with him afterwards.

	Pluto poked the swordsyouma, who groaned and 
looked up at the circle of costumed warriors who 
surrounded him.  "Mommy," he said.

	Pluto laughed.  "I'm afraid your mother can't help 
you now.  You're going to tell us everything.  Everything."

	"Uhh...in the beginning, the universe was a block of 
ice.  Then this cow came along and licked the giant Ymir 
from the ice and..."

	Several people laughed.  Pluto sighed.  "Okay, not 
EVERYTHING.  How did you find us?"

	He pointed to Usagi.  "We knew she was a friend of 
the Senshi, and she was going to be at this tournament, 
so that's how we found her.  We thought we'd probably be 
able to capture her and use her as a hostage to lure you 
all into the open."

	Usagi grimaced.  "I'm sorry, everyone."

	Mars turned and stared at Shampoo, frowning.  "And 
who put your face all over town?"

	Shampoo frowned back at her.  "That was BEFORE 
they knew anything."

	"So was the commander named Tendo Soun before 
he joined you?"  Mercury asked.

	"He could be named Son Goku for all I know," the 
swordsyouma said.  "He's Major Diamond, one of General 
Jadeite's Majors.  His wife is Major Moonstone, and 
General Tourmaline and Captain Feldspar are his 
daughters.  And Lieutenant Turquoise is his 
mistress...well, that's the rumor.  She certainly WANTS 
to be his mistress, anyway."  He paused.  "I'm Corporal 
Rhodolite."

	"So why are you making war on the Earth?"  
Guardian Uranus asked.  "This isn't to punish us for 
polluting or something, is it?"

	Rhodolite blinked.  "For what?"

	"Never mind.  Where do you people come from and 
what are you up to?"

	"Our ancestors were banished to the Dark Kingdom 
and our planet blown up by Serenity, so we're going to 
blow up your planet in revenge."

	Silence.

	Pluto whacked him in the head.  "You moron!  The 
Dark Kingdom's armies came from the Earth!  Which 
means THIS is the world you came from!  If you blow it 
up, you're blowing up the world you came from!"

	"Whoa, calm down, Pluto," Usagi said.  "It's not 
worth getting so worked up over.  So you know something 
about these people?"

	Pluto took a few deep breaths and looked very 
embarrassed.  "Long ago, there was the Age of the Ten 
Kingdoms, thousands of years before recorded history.  It 
was a time of great peace and beauty, which culminated 
in the Silver Millenium, a period of a thousand years of 
peace ruled over by the House of Serenity of the Moon 
Kingdom."

	"But all good things come to an end in time, for 
flawed creatures cannot build a perfect creation.  The 
last century of the Silver Millenium saw our neighbors 
growing jealous and plotting against us.  Some within the 
Ten Kingdoms grew jealous of the rulers and sought to 
supplant them, with or without outside help.  One such 
was Beryl, who was cousin to both King Endymion of 
Earth and Queen Serenity of the Moon.  If either of them 
had not been born, she would have ruled their kingdom, 
indeed, when she was very little, there was some 
expectation that she might unite the two kingdoms in her 
person.  Her disappointement turned to bitterness, and 
she plotted with several enemies of the Ten Kingdoms.  
With their aid, she launched her coup to take over not 
just the Earth and the Moon, but the entire Solar System."

	"She unleashed the Seven Scourges, who had been 
imprisoned at the start of the Silver Millenium, and most 
of the special guardians of the various kingdoms 
sacrificed themselves to defeat and reimprison the 
Scourges.  Thus it was that the Seven Thunders of Jupiter 
fell, battling the Red Death, of which the Great Red Spot 
of Jupiter is actually just a prison for it.  She subverted 
four of the Guardians of Earth, slew King Endymion XIII, 
and nearly captured his son, Prince Endymion, who was 
engaged to be wed to Queen Serenity's daughter, Princess 
Serenity."

	They didn't have much imagination with names back 
then, Guardian Saturn thought.

	"Those four subverted Guardians--Jadite, Nephrite, 
Zoicite, and Kunzite--led Beryl's assault on the Moon 
Kingdom, along with her 'Seven Shadows', seven great 
youma created in imitation of the Seven Scourges, and 
slew Serenity's Senshi.  Desperate, the Queen used the 
Silver Moon Crystal, and banished Beryl's army to another 
dimension, killing most of it in the process.  But the 
forces unleashed could not be controlled, and the Moon 
was devastated."

	"The remaining guardians of the various worlds 
successfully defeated the invasions, but not before many 
of the kingdoms were devastated.  A magical plague 
pretty much finished them off, rendering them unviable, 
and the survivors fled to Earth, itself devastated by the 
side effects of Serenity's action.  Civilization collapsed, 
and the last ice age began.  In fire and ice, the Silver 
Millenium died."

	"But part of Serenity's power had gone to sending 
her people to be reborn on Earth, for she feared the Moon 
would become unviable, and she ensured her daughter and 
her daughter's guardians, now known as the Sailor 
Senshi, would be reborn on Earth if Beryl ever found a 
way to escape her prison.  That time has come."

	"So Ukyou and I are reincarnations of two of the 
Guardians who Beryl didn't get to?"  Guardian Saturn 
asked.

	Pluto nodded.  "Yes.  There were eight Guardians--
one for each planet besides the Earth/Moon pair.  Diamond 
was slain by Beryl, while Ruby, Sapphire, and Opal all 
died fighting the invading fleets.  And..."  She blushed 
slightly.  "I was engaged to Ruby."

	Guardian Saturn turned beet red.  "I ain't gonna be 
responsible for anything I did in some other life.  I mean, 
not to say you ain't cute or nothing, but I just met you 
and..."

	She blushed slightly.  "I've waited thousands of 
years.  I can wait a little longer."

	Rhodolite said, "Would you mind if I got to a safe 
distance before you all kill each other over Saturn?"

	Prudence said, "We need to think about how we're 
going to hold Rhodolite...we don't have a jail, as far as I 
know."

	"I can take him to my castle on Pluto," Pluto said.  
"He'll never escape that."

	Mercury thought for a moment.  "How do you get 
from your dimension to this one?"

	"Most of the officers can do it, but it costs a lot of 
energy to cross dimensions, and we always end up in 
Tokyo for some reason.  Moonstone's been trying to find 
another way, but they haven't had much luck.  Diamond's 
going to be in trouble for wasting all the energy it cost 
to get EIGHT of us here at once."

	Saturn's stomach rumbled.  "Man, I'm seriously 
hungry."

	"I'd be happy to cook everyone something!  I'm 
starving too," Usagi said.

	"I'll help you," Mars said.  She frowned.  "Explaining 
this all to Grandpa is going to be too much fun."

	Pluto smiled.  "Let me go lock up Rhodolite here, 
then I'll come take care of that."

**************

	Haruka woke up at home, in bed.  She rubbed her 
head, trying to remember clearly what had happened.  I 
found out for sure that my roommate is a woman, and 
that Ranma person is a guy, and there was some kind of 
fight and...and nothing.  Everything else was a blank, and 
she had a bruise on her head, which was bandaged.  

	Ukyou must have brought me home, but I don't see 
her anywhere, she thought.  Well, I'll bug her later, once I 
get some dinner.  Man, am I hungry.  The quest for food 
began.

************

	Ranma and Ukyou sat on the bleachers at the track 
at Blue Sky Academy.  "This place hasn't changed much," 
he said.

	"Well, you've only been gone a year," she replied.  
"It's a decent school, although now I don't know if I want 
to stay."

	"Why not?"

	"It's a school for BOYS.  And I'm not one.  The whole 
reason I lived as one...well, if you didn't mean to do all 
that, I just...I mean..."  She looked over at him, and tried 
to read what he might feel about her.  He just looked 
confused.  "On the other hand, we already paid the whole 
semester in advance.  But with Haruka knowing my 
secret..."

	"I thought Pluto gave him a magic whammy.  Or 
something."

	"He won't know any of us are magical...but he will 
know about me being a girl.  But now, I mean...I dunno why 
it feels different, living with a guy, but..."

	"I wouldn't feel uncomfortable rooming with you," 
Ranma said.  "But then, we've slept in the same bed 
before, when we were little.  He's just a pal, right?"

	"Uh, yeah," she said, not sure what Ranma meant.

	"Then it doesn't matter.  I mean, you've got seperate 
beds, right?"

	"Right."

	"Then why worry?  I'm sure he knows anyway."

	Ukyou's eyes widened.  "What?"

	"You couldn't live with someone and not know what 
sex they were."

	"You thought I was a boy!"

	Ranma laughed nervously.  "Yeah, but we were six.  
Who can tell at that age?"

	"About our engagement..."  Ukyou began hesitantly.

	Ranma winced visibly.  "I ain't marrying nobody any 
time soon, whether I like 'em or not.  Especially not with 
Pluto pulling this..."  He sighed.  "I think she's right, 
though."

	"It's 'til death do us part'," Ukyou said.  "So it's now 
invalid."

	Having lots of women after you is supposed to be 
cool, Ranma thought, but I think it sucks.  "I dunno what 
I'm gonna do.  I mean, you're seriously cute, but so are all 
of the others.  And you've all got some kinda claim, but I 
didn't get no choice in any of them."  His voice was a 
little heated.

	Ukyou blushed.  "You...think I'm cute?"

	He blinked.  "Yeah.  You'd look cuter if you dressed 
like a girl, but I guess you ain't got no choice while 
you're going to Blue Sky."

	"You're pretty cute too," she said faintly.

	"Yeah, I know," he said.  "Anyway, I ain't gonna 
marry nobody until I at least finish high school.  So, 
hopefully, I can straighten this all out before then."  He 
sighed.  "That and get Pop out of hock."

	"Does this mean that..."  She tried to look him in the 
eyes, but she couldn't quite do it.

	"But it's great to have ya around again."  He reached 
over and playfully slugged her shoulder.  "I didn't make 
very many friends like you on the road."  He thought a 
moment.  "You oughta talk to Usagi about sparring with 
her; you both do weapon styles.  She's damn good; she 
could teach you a thing or two.  And I'd be happy to help 
you with your unarmed stuff.  We're gonna have to work 
on our skills to stop Beryl."

	Ukyou nodded.  "This has been one...weird day."

	"Yeah, I know.  I bet you never thought it'd be like 
this when ya found me."

	She laughed.  "It's a lot better than I feared."

	He got up.  "I gotta head home and do homework and 
stuff.  Come by some time tomorrow, and we can catch up 
some more on everything since way back when, okay?"

	"And I'll kick your ass in a sparring session," Ukyou 
said, grinning.  

	"Hah!  I'll kick your ass just like I did at the Yaur 
Gorge."

	"I was winning until YOU cut the rope," Ukyou 
replied, laughing.  "Then you slammed into the side of the 
gorge, and I had to save you from falling to your death."

	"Oh no, I had to save YOU!"

	They bickered for about five minutes when it 
suddenly struck them that they were arguing about past 
life events, and they both feel silent.  Ranma said, "You 
want me to come with you when you tell your roomie 
about everything and get that straightened out?"

	She shook her head.  "No, I'll take care of that."  She 
stared at him, then darted forward and kissed his cheek.  
"See you tomorrow, Ranchan."  She then ran like all the 
hordes of Hell were after her, leaving Ranma to stare in 
shock.

*********

	Usagi and Rei sat at the top of the steps, looking 
out across the neighborhood.  They were both dressed in 
casual clothing now.  Rei said, "He should be home by 
now."

	"They haven't seen each other in ten years.  Give 
them time," Usagi said, laying back and spreading out her 
arms.  "Ugh, I ache."

	"She's after him too," Rei snarled.

	"I thought you weren't interested?  That this was 
all for his benefit?"  Usagi asked, smiling.

	Rei gnashed her teeth.  "He's insufferable.  And 
there's that blasted Pluto woman too!  Acting like being 
engaged to his past life counts for something.  We'd all 
have dozens of husbands if that counted."

	"So, are we going to continue our duel tomorrow?"

	"No," she said.  "It was stupid, and I owe you for 
saving my butt.  Not to mention, my head still hurts from 
whatever I did to my tea."

	"Well, my trail biscuits will make us a good 
doorstop."  Usagi laughed.  "Truce?"

	Rei nodded, and offered her a hand.  "Truce.  Beryl's 
our real enemy."

	Usagi nodded.  "I'm really liking living here."

	One of Rei's ravens flapped down and landed on her 
head, then cawed.  She looked up at Phobos.  "You see him 
coming?"  The raven nodded.  "Good, I'm gonna kick his 
ass."

	Usagi laughed.  "It's not his fault."

	"How can you take this so calmly?  He's been with 
her for hours!"

	"She's not a poisonous snake.  And I know what it's 
like to be reacquainted with old friends.  Naru and I are 
going to the amusement park tomorrow to try and get to 
know each other again."  She thought for a moment.  "How 
about if you chase that guy Pluto came with?  He was 
pretty hunky.  And then I could have Ranma."

	"He was very handsome," Rei said.  "But why'd he 
run off afterwards?"

	"Maybe he borrowed the motorcycle from someone 
and was afraid he'd be blamed for wrecking it?"  Usagi 
speculated.  "Maybe he's shy.  He's really seriously cute, 
even if he is shy."

	"Like Naoko.  She just kinda sinks in on herself like 
a black hole when she's not Prudence," Rei said.  "Do I act 
different when I'm Sailor Mars?"

	"You're much less cranky," Usagi said, giggling.

	"Hrmph."  Rei replied and turned again to stare down 
the stairs.  

	Usagi stood up.  "Race you down the stairs."

	"That's too far to run," Rei said.

	"Then I'll get to him first,"  Usagi said, laughing as 
she started to sprint.

	Rei bolted after her.  "Oh no, you don't!"

	Phobos cawed with laughter and flew off.  Humans 
always amused him.

*************

	Setsuna and Ami walked through the streets 
towards Ami's house.  Setsuna said, "We're going to have 
to take measures to keep them from finding everyone's 
civilian identities.  Especially since Diamond saw Ukyou 
transform, and Feldspar spotted Naoko."  She frowned.  
"This is all not right."

	Ami blinked.  "Not right?"

	"I wasn't expecting any of the Seven Thunders to 
resurface before the seal they put on the Red Death 
begins to break, which won't be for several years.  I 
wasn't expecting the Guardian of Uranus to show up, 
either.  Or to actually capture a Youma.  It's hard to knock 
them out without killing them.  We were quite fortunate 
that Prudence managed to do so."

	Ami nodded.  "So you've actually been alive all this 
time?"

	"I've been in the Time Tunnel, guarding it.  I had to 
be reborn in order to leave it without instantly dying, 
although because I chose rebirth voluntarily, I retained 
most of my knowledge and powers.  Still, some of my 
powers seem to be on the fritz."  She frowned intensely.  
"But that is not the real problem.  The real problem is 
that several of our identities have been compromised, 
and repairing that will be difficult.  I may have to try to 
help disguise a few people and try to take measures to 
arrange other identities for them.  And everyone at the 
temple will have to be very alert for intruders."

	"Setsuna...is Major Diamond my uncle Soun?"

	"I don't know.  I couldn't see into the Dark Kingdom 
from the Time Tunnel; it doesn't touch the Dark Kingdom.  
But he could be.  I've done some investigating, and as far 
as I can tell, the breach made in the wall between our 
universe and the Dark Kingdom was made by someone 
boring a hole from this world into that one.  So, perhaps 
somehow your uncle made the hole and fell through."

	"But he was just a martial artist," Ami said.  "He 
didn't have any magic."

	"Perhaps he was just an innocent bystander," 
Setsuna said.  "Or perhaps Major Diamond just looks like 
your uncle.  I wouldn't rush off yet to tell your cousin 
you've found her father."

	Ami jumped.  "Did you read my mind?"

	"No, just made a logical guess from what I know. 
I've met Kasumi."  Setsuna twitched.  "She doesn't like 
Ranma much."

	"Their parents used to be friends, but I don't really 
understand why she doesn't like his family."

	"Well, I'm going to see about getting his father out 
of the zoo.  Maybe he'll know."  She frowned.  "Maybe 
Kasumi thinks Ranma's father is to blame for her family 
vanishing?"

	"I hope not," Ami said.  "But who could have done 
it?"

	"I'll see what I can find out," Setsuna replied.

*************

	Haruka sat on her bed, munching on pizza.  Damn, 
it's getting late, and Ukyou still isn't back, she thought.  
She was about to change for bed when Ukyou finally came 
in, looking nervous.  "You okay, Haruka?"

	"Yeah, I'm fine; just got a bruise on my head.  I 
assume you dragged me back here?"

	"Ranma and I did, yeah."

	They stared at each other, then Ukyou said, "I 
guess, you...uh...know about everything."

	"Yep.  You're a woman trying to pass as a man, 
Ranma's a man.  So, you two kissed and made up?  Or did 
you leave his body in a ditch?"

	Ukyou blushed.  "I don't know what to do.  He doesn't 
want to marry me, but I...he...he said I'm cute."  She turned 
beet red and began fumbling with her bandolier, trying to 
take it off, but sending mini-spatulas flying everywhere 
instead.

	"Well, Ken was telling me that he ain't exactly 
Romeo.  Even if he did like you, he probably wouldn't know 
how to say it.  You still might have a chance.  I got the 
impression he wasn't too happy with either of your rivals 
chasing him."

	"You really think so?" Ukyou asked faintly.

	"Yeah.  You're pretty good-looking, and you're a 
martial artist like him, so you've got something to do 
with him besides just making out."  Haruka grinned.  "Not 
that making out is bad."

	Ukyou turned and stared at her closet.  "I...what do 
you want to do about...us?"

	"I suppose we'll have to cut back on our daily bouts 
of mad passionate sex so Ranma doesn't get jealous," 
Haruka said.

	"..."

	"I suppose that's not what you meant."

	"NO!"

	"Well, I'd already guessed you were female before 
this.  You need to learn to not leave your box of pads out 
in plain sight."

	"..."

	Haruka paused to eat another slice of pepperoni 
pizza, then said, "But having a female roomie doesn't 
bother me, so I'm not gonna make you move out."

	"It doesn't?"

	Haruka grinned.  "Why should it?"

	"Well, uh...er...umm..."

	"Since you've spilled all your secrets, I'll share one 
of mine with you, just so you don't think you have to lock 
yourself in a box while you sleep or something.  I'm a 
woman too."

	Ukyou's jaw dropped.

	Haruka laughed so hard she dropped a piece of pizza 
onto her jacket.  "You look like a baby bird waiting to be 
fed."

	"But...you...why?"

	"Several reasons.  First of all, it amuses me.  My 
whole family tends to enjoy having secrets.  This is one 
of mine.  And secondly, it's been a lot easier for Haruka 
the guy to break into racing than Haruka the woman.  I 
suppose the noble thing to do would have been to try to 
break in as a woman and blaze a trail for others, but I'd 
rather be racing than be noble."

	She nodded.  "Okay.  Got any other surprises for 
me?"

	"I've rigged your bed to explode."

	Ukyou jumped and Haruka chortled. 

*************

	Mamoru opened his garage door, looked, then shut it.  
He waited a few seconds and opened it again.  
Unfortunately, his motorcycle was still missing.  He 
frowned.  I guess I'd better call the police.  He rubbed 
several bruises on his legs.  And where did I get these 
bruises?

	The whole afternoon was one big blur, which 
worried him.  Maybe I've been working too hard, he 
decided.

*************

	Usagi went to her room and took a look at the little 
black pig, which she'd put in a birdcage that wasn't being 
used.  He stared back at her, and she picked up the cage 
and a bathrobe and headed for the bathroom.  She pulled 
Ryouga's sodden clothing out of the bathtub and went and 
threw it in the dryer, then came back and got some hot 
water in a bucket and the bathrobe handy.  Then she said 
to the pig, "Now, Ryouga, you're going to promise you 
won't go on another rampage if I let you out."

	The pig bweed loudly.

	Usagi frowned.  "I was hoping you could talk like 
Mom and Dad."

	The pig shook his head.

	"Well, if you agree not to cause any trouble, I'll let 
you out.  Nod your head up and down if you agree."

	The pig stared at her, then nodded.  

	She put the bathrobe down, then let him out of the 
cage, closed her eyes, and dowsed him.  "So it's Ranma's 
fault you have your curse?"

	"Yes.  I chased him all the way to China and then he 
knocked me in that blasted spring and left me behind as a 
pig!"

	She concentrated on not turning around to face him 
while she talked, which her instincts wanted to do.  "Why 
were you chasing him?"

	"He ran out on our duel!"

	"Oh.  Well, I'm sure we can set up a duel between 
you two so you can settle it," she said.  "But you need to 
learn to not go around throwing bandannas in the middle 
of a crowd.  You could have hurt someone!"

	"There was a crowd?"  Ryouga asked.

	Usagi facefaulted.

*************

	Tourmaline flopped down on her bed.  Ugh, I'm 
exhausted, she thought.  Everything she had learned today 
made it worth all she'd gone through, but most of her 
body ached.  I NEED a massage, she thought.  And a 
boyfriend.  And a big, juicy hamburger.

	She laughed at herself.  I sound like a bad shoujo 
manga, she thought.  Just like some ditzy teenager.  For a 
moment, she wished she was the ordinary teenager she 
should have been.  I wonder what my life would have been 
like, she thought.  Would I have been the class brain?  Had 
lots of boyfriends?  Been a great athlete?  Would Daddy 
be running his old dojo?  Would Mom have been able to go 
back to teaching science once we all got old enough?  
Maybe I would have wanted to be a scientist like her.  

	She lost herself in fantasy.  Big sister would 
probably have been trained by Daddy to take over the 
Dojo.  I would have probably been a scientist like Mom, or 
maybe training to go into politics.  I'd make a good 
politician, she thought, grinning.  And little sister 
would...hmm...I dunno what she'd do.  Whatever she liked, I 
guess.  The youngest one always gets spoiled, while we 
big sisters have to watch out for them.  

	I'd have a handsome boyfriend, she decided.  He'd be 
rich and handsome and witty and smart.  Tall with dark, 
curly hair and a confident voice.  We'd go to the prom in a 
limo and everyone would envy us.  And he would love me 
first and foremost.  

	Now I AM a bad shoujo manga made flesh, she 
thought.  No one's really that good.  Especially not in this 
hell hole.  Even her carefully made luxurious bedroom 
seemed cramped and squalid in comparison to Earth after 
the day's experiences, despite the fact that if she had 
carried it to Earth and sold it, she could have purchased a 
small town.  She sometimes suspected Serenity had 
accidentally banished the vast majority of gemstones to 
this dimension as well as the youma; emeralds were as 
common as sandstone here, and she had a room built 
entirely from pearl she used as a library.  

	For a moment, she contemplated running away to 
some town somewhere, abandoning everything, and using 
some stolen wealth to set up a normal life.  But it 
wouldn't have worked even if she could have gotten away 
with it.  She couldn't leave her family here.  Especially 
not if Feldspar didn't get some sense into her head.  

	Tourmaline sighed and sat up.  There was still much 
to do before she could sleep.  Jade-chan would be 
wanting a progress report, and she had to decide what to 
tell him and what to gloss over.  And then it would be 
time to start nudging him toward self-destructing, 
without her getting caught in the blast.  

	Maybe I can get Mom to give me a massage after 
that, she thought.  

	She got off her bed and started rifling through her 
closet for something she could wear around the castle; 
she'd gotten enough stares for one day on her way back to 
her rooms after her trip to Earth.  Although Jade-chan 
would probably freak if I wore this to our meeting, she 
thought, tugging at her blouse unconsciously.  Perhaps I 
will.  It was her favorite color, after all.

 

John Walter Biles 
"Anybody touches my radishes and it's war!"
--KODT #1


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