Cures and Solutions
Part 2
by David Farr
The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and are
used here without permission for the purposes of fanfiction.
Note: this story contains themes not suitable for minors.
Thanks to HPackrat for the ideas that got this story started again.
-----
Ranma's groans alerted the girls to his awakening. All three turned from
the smoldering remains of the campfire to look over at the young man. In
a flash all three were to his side, which meant that the first sight he
saw when he opened his eyes was a crowd of female faces.
"AAAAHHH! I didn't do anything!" Ranma cried, shooting back up the tree.
He utterly failed to notice that he was once more dressed.
"Ranma silly," Shampoo laughed. "We know what you did."
"And we don't mind Ranma honey," Ukyo added. "So long as you don't
forget us."
"Come down Ranma," Akane insisted. "We saved you some breakfast, then
we'd better get back to Nerima, everyone will be worried about us."
"N-nerima." Ranma gulped. "Oh boy."
*****
Humming happily Kasumi slowly stirred the simmering soup. With loving
care she lifted a spoonful to her mouth and blew the steam from the
liquid. A single sip told her everything she needed to know.
"Needs more salt," she commented, matching actions to words. After a few
more minutes she repeated the ritual. "Ah, prefect, this will make father
feel better."
Leaving the soup simmering she swept from the Kitchen, through the halls
and into the main room. The TV was blaring away, showing the news. Both
Nabiki and Soun sat before it, watching the reporter.
"...experts believe that the light seen above Tokyo to be a comet
passing burning up North of Tokyo." The anchor man reported. "The lack of
a reported impact however has caused fringe elements of society to start
searching the forests for evidence of an extra-terrestrial landing."
"The things they report these days." Nabiki commented sourly. "Our news
is sounding like a bad western tabloid." She got up and switched off the
television.
Soun muttered something in reply. The two sister shared a disparing
glance.
The door to outside was thrust open by a black and white palm, revealing
a soggy looking Panda. Shoulders slumped, Mr Panda waddled into the room
and plopped down beside his friend.
"I didn't notice it raining," Kasumi commented.
"He probably fell in the canal," Nabiki returned.
Soun turned to look at the Panda. "Any luck finding them?" he asked
listlessly.
In answer Genma-Panda grunted, shook his head and held up a sign.
"Colonge hasn't either," the sign read.
"I'll get you some hot water, Mr Saotome," Smiling, Kasumi turned and
headed back out the door, leaving the room in silence. It didn't last for
long.
Only moments after Kasumi had left, a commotion outside shatter the
piece, followed by the splash of something large hitting the Koi Pond.
Nabiki briefly wondered how long the Koi were going to last.
"What did you do that for?" demanded the angry tones of Ranma's female
form.
"Shampoo sorry husband..."
"Shouldn't that be wife?" Ukyo's voice interjected, her voice lilting in
a giggle.
"Husband!" Shampoo snapped. "She just not want to change into her curse
form and scare away husband."
"So you used me as a spring board?" Ranma demanded.
Surprisingly it was Akane's voice that spoke up in the amazon's defense.
"Look at it this way Ranma, would you prefer to be wet and female or
running around the backyard being chased by a white and purple kitten."
The thunder-like crashing of feet filled the main room as Genma, Soun
and Nabiki shot to the doorway. They stared out in shock at the scene
about the pond. A rather wet female Ranma stood glaring at her three
fiancees, all of which were doing their best to surpress giggles.
"Pinch me, I'm dreaming," Nabiki muttered in awe. "OW!" She spun on
Genma. "What was that for?!"
Genma-panda held up a sign. "You asked me to."
Nabiki gave him a withering stare. "I didn't mean it literally."
Grumbling under her breath Ranma stepped out of the pool and made her
way into the house, the other three girls trailing along behind her. "Hey
pop," Ranma greeted absently, walking past Genma.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN WITH MY DAUGTHER RANMA?!" Soun demanded, his demon
head looming up over the boy. Ranma cringed back in fear.
Akane casually batted the demon head away. "Oh daddy, nothing happened.
We just..."
"Had another adventure was all," Ranma interjected. "Everything turned
out fine."
Taking her life in her own hands, Ukyo stepped between Soun and her
Ranchan. "Why don't you go have a bath while we explain things
Ranma-honey?"
Relief washed over Ranma. "Thanks Ucchan, I'll do that." She raced out
of the room as Kasumi returned.
The furo was full and hot, something he'd never given much thought to
before. She'd always been able to count on it when she needed to change
back. Kasumi's thoughtfulness she supposed and dismissed the errant
thought with a shrug.
Ranma stripped off her clothes, throwing them into a pile on the ground.
A stirring made her turn to stare at herself in the mirror. Her, or more
approiately his, reaction to the show the three girls had put on for her,
bothered her.
She'd seen naked girls before, well, herself for one. Hell, she'd even
seen Akane naked once and Shampoo any number of times, so that wasn't the
problem. Why had she fainted, not once, but twice? As she thought Ranma
slid herself into the furo, sighing as she once more became he.
When Akane had accidently walked in on him that first time it was
uunexpected. He'd felt surprised, ashamed and a little scared. After all,
a man just wasn't meant to see a girl like that. He'd reacted angrily to
her accusations though. And of course looking at his female side, well,
it was him.
With Shampoo the suddenness of her arrivals, typically just appearing in
the furo next to him, had sent him into shock, and he realised he hadn't
really paid attention. There was that one time after he'd gotten the
Phoenix Pill off Colonge when he'd fainted. He'd always thought that was
because of surprise, but maybe it was something else. But what?
'Okay, think this through like it was a new technique someone's used on
you,' Ranma thought to himself. 'What was different in the forest? Well,
you watched them undress, both Akane and Shampoo were naked when you saw
them. Nah, that can't be it alone.
'So then what?' He stopped and thought about the past experiences.
'Shampoo was always casual about it before, and with Akane it was an
accident, but in the forest they wanted to show off their bodies. Okay,
that meant it wasn't my fault, so I didn't worry, I just watched, AND
PAID ATTENTION!'
"YES!" Ranma struck the water with his fist, sending water splashing
onto the floor. "Because I looked at them and didn't expect them to get
angry, I must of... I must of..." For the first time Ranma became acutely
aware of just how little he knew about girls.
He shrugged. "Oh well, we're back home now, they won't have the chances
to act funny here." He settled in and closed his eyes for all of two
seconds.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
*****
A wet Ranma burst into the main room... and found a disaster area.
Nabiki and Kasumi were sitting at the wreckage of the table, the eldest
calmly sipping tea, apparently untouched, while the other was picking
woodchips out of her hair. The two fathers were not so lucky, both had
mace imprints, large flat indents and the oddly contorted limbs. Worst
suffering of all was the room, it looked like a bomb hit it, which was
always possible with Ukyo in the fight.
Nabiki slowly turned her head to face him, her eyes tightened into an
angry glare. "You want to explain what could possibly have possessed you
to do such a stupid thing." She asked in a quiet voice that sent shivers
up Ranma's spine.
Ranma immediately shot his hands out before him and started babbling.
"Wait... it wasn't like that... I didn't... I mean... they've blown it up
bigger than it was..."
"Your right about the blow it up part," Kasumi murmured as she got from
the table and wandered out of the room.
Nabiki slowly got to her feet, still glaring at Ranma. "Come off it
Saotome, how in can you possibly do that with intending to?"
From out the hallway Kasumi could be heard speaking. "Hello, is this
Nerima Interior Decorators?"
"I didn't... it wasn't my fault..."
"Yes, it is. How nice of you to recognise me," Kasumi continued out in
the hallway.
Nabiki rolled her eyes. "So you accidentally proposed to three girls on
the same trip? Only you could do that Saotome."
"The dining room again," Kasumi told the person at the other end of the
phone.
"Look... there's no way I proposed to those girls! Especially Shampoo!"
Ranma yelled, finally managing to get his addled wits together. Slightly.
"Oh, that's nice," Kasumi cried happily from the hallway, the image of
her smile conveyed in her tones.
"HOW DARE YOU SAOTOME!" Nabiki's sarcastic reply was interrupted by a
shout from the door. She turned to see the half-blind marital artist
framed by the light streaming in from the garden.
Ranma meanwhile was busy dodging the chains and weapons that were
streaming from Mousse's robes. "What's up with you?!"
"I heard what you said! YOU PROPOSED TO MY SHAMPOO!" He leapt forward,
flicking a pair of claws out onto his wrists. They raked the air were
Ranma had been moments before.
"My, I really must stop walking in on the middle of conversations,"
Kasumi exclaimed, coming up beside her sister.
"Somehow sis, I don't think you're the only one," Nabiki returned dryly.
"Who were you talking to on the phone?"
"Oh, the furniture company," she replied as the battle thankfully moved
out to the garden. "The replacement table will be here by dinner time.
They're even offering us a discount as a frequent customer."
*****
In the small apartment above Ucchan's Okonomiyaki a much more peaceful
and secret was taking place. After faking the battle at the Tendo's
Shampoo and Akane had "chased" the chef home, and the three had settled
down to a meal, and a season of plotting.
"Shampoo never have thought of Ramen Okonomiyaki," the amazon commented,
taking another bite.
Ukyo slowly chewed her own meal, savouring the taste. "Neither would I
have honey."
Both glanced at Akane, who shrugged, looking embarrassed. It was her
accident that had created the new meal.
"We not here to swap recipes," Shampoo stated. "We need talk about
Ranma, and what we do about what happen in forest."
"Ranchan is just too naive," Ukyo commented, popping the last bite of
her meal into her mouth. "I don't think he'll ever take advantage of any
situation we put him." She started licking the food off her fingers.
Shampoo gave a quick nod. "He just faint again like in forest."
"Maybe we should go a little more slowly," Akane suggested. "We know he
can kind of handle being close to a naked girl." She glanced at Shampoo,
and smiled slightly.
Shampoo sighed. "Is no good. Shampoo already try, and she get nothing.
Besides, Shampoo no want to wait."
"No," Ukyo cried. "Akane's right. Start slowly, take Ranchan in steps.
Maybe a three night plan, since there are three of us."
Akane brightened. "Yes, each one of us takes him a little further."
"Is question of who and how far then?" Shampoo pointed out.
"I suggest we figure out how far, and then pick who randomly," Ukyo
interjected. "That's the only fair way to do it."
Akane suddenly slumped, a frown on her face. "We're forgetting
something. We can't do this at my house, Ranma sleeps with his pop."
"That's no problem Akane honey, we bring him here." Ukyo waved about.
"No one ever walks in on me."
"How? He won't come willingly."
"Silly Akane," Shampoo scolded. "We sneak in his room and carry him
back. Both husband and fat-father sleep like dead, they never notice."
Akane cheered up for barely a moment. "No, someone will get in the way.
They always do. Either Mousse will show up looking for Shampoo, or Ryoga,
or Kuno, or..."
Ukyo rolled her eyes and groaned. "There are three of us, Akane, while
one of us is 'educating'," the others snickered, "Ranma, the other two
will guard the doors as a favour. That way we all get a night alone with
Ranma."
Akane nodded, but continued to frown, only this time in thought. "Sounds
like a plan," she mused. "Five nights, then, before we start coming up
with something more complicated."
"Five?" the other two chorused.
Akane smiled and raised a hand and started counting off. "First night,
girl 1 gets to play touchy feely with Ranma. Second night, girl 2 does
whatever. Third night girl 3 goes all the way. Fourth, girl 1 gets to
find out what she missed, and finally on the fifth night its girl 2's
turn. Sounds fair to me."
"Right," The other two nodded.
"Now the problem is..." Akane paused dramatically. "I have no idea what
to do on any of the nights." The other two crashed to ground in shock.
"Is no problem, Akane," Shampoo replied, "Shampoo knows some stuff. She
overhear older warriors in village talking about what they do with men in
village."
Ukyo smiled. "And that can be tempered with what I had to listen to the
boys boasting about in the schools I went to." The others stared at her.
"I was a boy, remember."
*****
The tall alien watched the scene on his monitor with interest. The three
girls were busy discussing just what joys Ranma would undergo at their
hands. To say that the ideas and descriptions the two experiences
(comparatively) girls were banding about were having no effect on him,
would be a lie. He wouldn't male if they didn't (or at least not one that
was interested in the opposite sex, but we won't go there.) However it
was disturbing him somewhat.
After all, turn the three girls into a sex-crazed, Ranma-obsessed (well,
more so), secret society was hardly the plan. They had simply wanted to
make it easier for Ranma to see the real girls. Also make his world a
little calmer. This was doing anything but.
Curious he reached out and tapped a few buttons. The technology on the
ship was amazing. He should know, he had spent weeks learning to use it
after they had borrowed it. They're prize however, was the device they
had used to alter the personalities of the three girls.
It was actually deceptively simple to use. You could get a display of
their mind in a form of a stream of consciousness. Really just a sequence
of disjointed sentences that described the way they thought and acted. It
seemed that you could just delete things and add them, and that was that.
But it didn't work that way. Instead you had to be careful, because
changes could effect other things.
So it was that the larger alien spent a couple of hours reading
carefully through the streams of consciousness of the three girls,
looking for a spelling mistake, or a slipped verb, or anything that could
explain what had happened.
If he'd been a little less thorough he would have found the problem a
lot quicker. Added to the end of all three girl's streams was a single
sentence, typed exactly the same, almost as if they'd been copied and
pasted in. He knew they weren't from the original scans, and he most
certainly had not added them, that left only one culprit.
He rose to his feet, seething in anger. "STEVEN!"
*****
It was long after dinner that Ranma stumbled into the Tendo house. He
was beaten up, bruised and what was left of his clothes had seen better
days. Nabiki, sitting watching TV, turned to stare at him.
"Where have you been Ranma?"
"You don't want to know," he grumbled. "Is there any food left?"
Nabiki slowly climbed to her feet. "I think Kasumi saved some, but don't
eat it all, Akane hasn't come back yet either."
"Thanks." He started towards the kitchen.
"Come on, tell me what happened to you all afternoon."
Ranma snorted as he passed through the doorway into the kitchen.
"Mousse, Ryoga, Kuno, the old leach, hell, I wasn't surprised when
Tsubasa showed up." He didn't notice Nabiki's grin as he started looking
through the food in the fridge. "Somehow they all found out that the
girls think I proposed to them."
"I wonder how," Nabiki murmured. It had taken a lot to find Ryoga like
that. "Come on, I want the whole story, I've got bets running on this."
"After I finished off Mousse and delivered him to the Nekohanten, Kuno
turns up. There in the street he declares that he won't allow a
polygamist, whatever that is, like me to steal his Akane Tendo, and
attacks. Boy was he pissed. Nice to see he's still a challenge, kinda.
"Anyway, no sooner do I finish that jerk off, then Ryoga shows up and
starts beating on me for hurting poor Akane. That's got to be the
toughest fight between us ever. He was so crazy he almost blew up a
department store with that Breaking Point of his." Ranma shook his head.
"Of course, the leach just wanted to share my 'wealth', then started
throwing those Fire Bursts. So I ended up dodging both him and Ryoga.
That was hell. Ryoga got in a lucky punch, and sent me flying through a
wall into a shop full of girls. It made sense that Tsubasa was there, and
he'd somehow heard, so he got involved."
Ranma sniggered. "It served him right that the old leach tried to use
him as a power source. Happosai didn't like that, and bombed him, and
himself by accident. Then I noticed that Ryoga had managed to get lost
coming into the shop, so I tried to come home. Only Mousse shows up, and
the whole thing started again."
Nabiki was doing her best not to burst into laughter. "So you spent the
entire time fighting or dodging fights?"
"That's right." Ranma came out of the fridge holding a small pile of
meats and vegetables. He grabbed a couple of pieces of bread, then
started making a sandwich. "Where is everyone?"
"Oh, daddy had a council meeting, Mr Saotome went out for some sake, and
Kasumi's starting a night course tonight. As I said, Akane hasn't
reappeared."
Ranma shrugged. "I think I'll go to bed early then." He took a large
bite out of his sandwich. "Night."
"Good night, you stud, you." Nabiki snickered again.
*****
It should be noted that Ranma Saotome sleeps the sleep of the dead. No,
actually not the dead, more the extremely confident. Many warriors state
that they sleep badly, afraid that someone will sneak up on them and
claim the title of their killer. Using Ranma as an example, these
warriors are, in fact, somewhat seconds rate.
For Ranma Saotome, it should be noted, sleeps the sleep of someone who
knows that he can, even in the arms of blissful dreams, can dodge any
attack. All of this was an inherited trait, so it should come as no
surprise that the quiet opening of the window awakened neither boy nor
the panda lying next to him.
Three figures slipped in through the window, invading the guest room of
the Tendo dojo. All three paused to stare in disgust at the snoring
creature before sneaking around it to the boy resting on his side.
Here we must point out that Ranma's defenses, and thus his confidense,
have one tragic flaw. When a girl attacks Ranma she almost invariably
hits, unless Ranma really dislikes the girl (eg Kodachi). Luckily (for
the girls) he liked, or at least got along with, all of them. Otherwise
their plan would not have gone off so easily.
So it was that anyone, had they been up and looking in the right
direction, would have been treated to a sight enusual even for Nerima.
Namely, Shampoo, Akane, and Ukyo, three well known enemies, sneaking
across the rooftops together, all wearing black towels wrapped around
their heads with corners tied beneath their noses into the classic
peeping tom mask and carrying the still snoring Ranma.
Of course anyone seeing it would probably have decided it wasn't their
business. This was Japan.
-----
Author's Notes:
Well, I hoped you enjoyed.
-----------
David Farr
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~djfarr/
djfarr@ihug.co.nz katsuhito@planetjurai.com
"Die-cast construction, it's a lost art."
- Optimus Primal, Beast Wars.