DISCLAIMER: No, we do not have an affinity for chocolate.
*lighting strike*
Not interested in it.
*lightning strike again*
Never liked the stuff.
*smoking hole of where fanfic writers stood*
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Ranma 1/2: A Matter of Romantic Chemistry - Part 1
A Continuation of "Ranma's Secret" and "Ranma's Fiancees"
By Lady Tesser and Jack Staik
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He looked down on the streets of Nerima, his cloak billowing
in the wind.
"He can't hide forever. Sooner or later, he'll have to give
in to his own compulsions."
He caressed the silver-and-gold thing hanging from his belt
lovingly. "He comes along, and I get the Bridle of Anubis on
him. Then, he'll be in my power!
"And then, he'll give me a new name! A *real* name!"
Pantyhose Taro laughed egomaniacally.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ranko allowed herself to relax. She felt the open space of
the dojo around her, the feel of the target before her ...
Ranko focused on her self-image; vibrant, alive, feminine,
gorgeous (if she did say so herself), absolutely confident
of her ability to handle anyone or anything.
"DOKO RAKURAI!"
The brilliant yellow-white ki-blast shredded the target
dummy before her.
"Yatta!" she cried, hopping in joy. "Ranko Saotome kicks
ass!"
The sudden applause made Ranko almost jump out of her
slippers.
Ranko looked down from her spot on the ceiling. "Tofu-
sensei! What brings you by?" She dropped down to the floor.
"And how did you sneak up on me?"
"Well, Ranko-chan, I came by to check up on my newest
patient, namely you." He smiled warmly at her. "And as to
the sneaking - that's an ancient chiropractor's secret."
She chuckled along with the doctor.
"By the way," he continued, "I'd like to check on Ranma-kun
also. Is he around?"
"No," Ranko answered, "He took your advice and took Akane-
chan away for awhile. That was two days ago."
Tofu nodded. "Good. They both need it. And what about you,
Ranko-chan?"
Ranko turned away, trying to cover up her blush. <Calm
yourself, girl. He calls lots of girls 'chan'; he's just
being polite.> "I'm - well, Tofu-sensei."
"Good. And what was this you were practicing?"
"Oh, this," Ranko said cheerily. "This was the Doko
Rakurai."
"'Magnificent Phoenix Thunderbolt'?" he asked.
"Well, I have all of Ranma's training - due to our special
relationship - but I'm a different person. When I tried to
use the Moko Takabisha, it failed. I did some thinking, and
I figured out what went wrong.
"I went through the mental exercises, and I realized that I
was summoning the wrong power."
"Indeed?" Tofu asked, listening intently.
"My Doko Rakurai is based on confidence," Ranko continued.
"Just like the Moko Takabisha, but it's a different
confidence. Confidence comes from many things, including
self-image. Ranma's ki-summoning exercises were based on his
confidence in his masculinity, among other things."
Tofu nodded in understanding. "So you modified the
exercises, instead concentrating on your femininity?"
"Yep," she replied proudly. "And now -" She spun around and
released a small ki-blast at a speed-bag across the dojo,
blasting a hole in it, "- I am seriously hot stuff!"
"Modest, too," he commented.
"Oh yes, I am so modest and soft-spoken," Ranko said
seriously. "If it weren't for my modesty, I might realize
how truly great I really am."
He smiled at her sarcasm.
"I came here with another purpose -" Tofu began.
"I knew it!" Ranko interrupted. "A Man with an Ulterior
Motive traps a Helpless Maiden in the dojo! Alas, I am
doomed to be ravished!" She flung an arm across her face.
"Oh, whatever will I do?" She gave him a wink.
Tofu cracked up. Ranko fought the giggles as the doctor
leaned against the doorframe, laughing.
"Finished yet?" she asked playfully.
"Just a minute," he chortled.
Ranko smiled at his response.
Tofu allowed the laugh to die down, while trying not to
notice how Ranko's smile changed her face from cute to
dazzling...
"Well, Ranko-chan," he began, pacing toward the display
nook, trying not to let his reaction to the girl show, "I
came to offer you a job as my receptionist."
Ranko thought about that. "Why me? Why not advertise?"
Tofu sighed. "I had trouble keeping a good receptionist even
before my sabbatical. Since I returned last month, I haven't
been able to keep a receptionist two days running."
"Is it that bad?" Ranko asked.
Tofu nodded. "Along with my regular patients, I also have my
... exotic patients. Many with rather ... unusual
complaints."
"Like Jusenkyo curses?"
"Among others."
Ranko wondered about that. "And you figured that I wouldn't
have much problem coping with that kind of thing?"
"Yes," he answered. "In all honesty, that was the deciding
factor."
Ranko thought about it a moment. "I'll be starting school
tomorrow. It'll have to mesh with my school schedule."
"No problem, Ranko-chan," he said. "I can work with that.
Most of my more unusual business takes place at later hours
anyway."
"Okay, I'll come by after school and get acquainted."
"Excellent."
* * * * * * * * * *
<The next morning...>
Nabiki and Ranko walked to school, Nabiki along the
sidewalk, and Ranko atop the canal fence.
Thanks to Nabiki's legerdemain with records (plus some
'friends' whom she wouldn't talk about), Ranko Saotome now
had a legitimate existence, paper trail and all, and was
enrolled as a student at Furinkan High School.
"Y'know," Nabiki mentioned, "Akane refused to run on top to
the fence because someone might look up her skirt."
"No one's here to look, Biki." The redhead cast a sideways
glance at the mahogany-haired girl, smiling slyly. "Or does
the wind blow that way?"
"Ha-ha," Nabiki complained. "Well, if anyone were here, they
wouldn't need to try to peep - not with *that* outfit."
"What's wrong with my uniform?" Ranko asked.
"Nothing's wrong - if you worked in Soapland."
Both wore the girls' uniform of Furinkan: a light-blue
jumper with a short-sleeve white blouse. But while Nabiki
wore the standard uniform, Ranko wore hers ... slightly
modified.
The jumper was, perhaps, two sizes too small, accentuating
her overly-developed curves from hips to shoulders. The
shirt was also a bit too small, as well as several buttons
undone to show a shockingly casual amount of cleavage.
With the high-heeled shoes, she looked less like a real
schoolgirl than some hentai's vision of a schoolgirl.
Ranko stuck her tongue out. "C'mon, Biki, you know I like
dressing like a girl."
"A girl dressed by Happosai, maybe." Nabiki grumbled. "At
least button the shirt a bit and lose the heels. Good
grief."
"No, he wouldn't ... right now. All Happosai can do *now* is
mess diapers and smear strained beets in his hair."
Nabiki chuckled. "Oh, you should have seen him yesterday."
"What?" Ranko asked. "Happosai?"
"Yeah. Shampoo came by, trying to see if I knew where Ryoga
was - she's been looking for him since the typhoon - and she
had Happosai with her. He was so cute! Hard to believe it's
the same guy who stole my panties so many times.
"Well, Hinako-sensei came by in her chibi-form, and went ga-
ga over him. When Shampoo mentioned his name, I managed to
sell her the story for ten thousand yen."
"I'd though you'd charge more, considering their history,"
Ranko commented.
"I did, but I never tell the truth of my financial dealings
to anyone - especially relatives."
Ranko smiled. According to Nabiki, she was a 'relative' now.
"Anyway, once it sunk into her that this was Happosai, she
whipped out a funnel and a bottle of laxative and yelled
'Revenge is Mine!' She and Shampoo and Mousse got into it,
and I had to save them."
Ranko looked surprised and skeptical. "*You* saved Shampoo
and Mousse - the greatest Amazon warriors of their
generation - from Hinako - arguably the most powerful woman
on Earth?"
"Yep." Nabiki answered smugly. "And I'll tell you how I did
it for a thousand yen."
Ranko smirked at Nabiki. "Some things will *never* change -
one hundred."
"Nine hundred."
"One fifty."
After a bit, the pair settled at five hundred twenty-five
yen.
"Well," Nabiki said after collecting the payment, "Hinako
used the funnel to drain Shampoo and Mousse's battle auras,
but I didn't have a battle aura - and I'm helpless little
Nabiki, not a martial artist, so she didn't even look at me
- so I whacked her on the head with my books."
Ranko couldn't help laughing as they approached the school.
Suddenly, a mighty roar erupted; "RANKO, DATE WITH ME!"
A rumbling thunder sounded as the Horde of Hentais - quiet
for so long - charged from the school in a misguided attempt
to date the gorgeous redhead.
<Akane's Legacy,> Ranko said to herself. <They'll be bugging
every pretty girl martial artist in Nerima forever, most
likely.>
<Unless someone does something about it.>
The Horde expected that Ranko would charge into them like
Akane did, or run away. Instead, she just stood there with
her hands held before her.
"DOKO RAKURAI!!"
The ki-bolt tore into the pavement in front of the Horde.
The mob of boys milled briefly, then resumed their charge.
Nabiki backed away while appraising the action. <Ranma never
used ki-blasts except against exotic types.>
Ranko jumped and ducked and dodged and weaved through the
mob, never hitting or being hit. She had an enormous grin on
her face, and her bubbly laughter could be heard clearly
over the mob noise.
"C'mon, boys! Give me a workout! Make me sweat! Perhaps I
should get some *real* men from the elementary school -
there sure aren't any here!"
The taunts goaded the mob on, leading them to chase her more
and more recklessly, not looking at what she was doing.
Nabiki saw what Ranko was doing. She was leading them in a
circle - or more exactly, a spiral ...
"She wouldn't," Nabiki said to herself. Then realized, yes,
she would.
Ranko suddenly did a ten-meter backflip out of the milling
mob. "Okay, boys! Playtime's over!"
"YAAAAAAHHHHH!!" Nabiki exclaimed, diving under a nearby
car.
Ranko punched the air in an uppercut.
"HIRYU SHOTEN HA!!"
The roar of the sudden vortex drowned out everything else,
as a tornado formed in the midst of the mob. The vortex
sucked up the hentais, sucking them into the air and
flinging them around the schoolyard.
As the vortex dispersed, teenage boys fell from the sky with
thuds and groans. Nabiki got up from under the car and ran
up to the Saotome girl.
"What the hells are you doing?!?"
"Winning the fight," Ranko said, not even breathing hard.
"Using a Hiryu Shoten Ha on *schoolboys*?!?"
"I fired a warning shot."
Nabiki calmed herself. "*Ranma* never -"
"I'm not Ranma," Ranko interrupted firmly. "Ranma paces
himself. he never allows everything he has to show, and lets
his opponents think that they almost beat him. That way, his
enemies don't consider him a major threat."
Ranko picked up her books from the vicinity. "I, on the
other hand, believe in ending fights quickly, and in as
demoralizing a fashion as possible."
"You could have killed someone!" Nabiki protested.
Ranko giggled. "These dips couldn't develop enough battle-
aura from the whole mass of them to create more than the
smallest Hiryu Shoten Ha. They're battered, but not broken.
*And* the custom of beating up pretty girl martial artists
dies here."
Nabiki looked at the scattered mob of teenage hentais. <Yep,
I don't think you could *pay* these boys to go after Ranko
again.>
* * * * * * * * * *
Hikaru Gosunkuji stared wide-eyed through the gym. A rumor
had started the day before that the gym was haunted, and the
self-proclaimed magician decided to check out what kind of
spirits were hanging around the high school gymnasium.
The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics team had been scared
during their practice when a intense moan pierced the
acoustically-sound building. It was shortly followed by a
lower moan, building up to a shriek and then a long and loud
scream. One student that ran by Gosunkuji was yelling that
it sounding like someone was slowly being tortured.
He thought about it. After all these years, the sudden
appearance of spirits in the gym was a little out there. He
had a better idea of what it could be. He *knew*, especially
after he got his new book "1001 Spells, Incantations, and
Hexes: From Love Dolls to Getting that Stubborn Grease Stain
Out of Your Shirt". It had to be only one thing ...
Demons.
And Hikaru Gosunkuji was going to exorcise them himself.
"Then Akane-san will love me, for I am a greater sorceror
than that Saotome! *I* will be the one to get rid of the
demons!"
His monologue was cut short when a faint whimper echoed
through the gym, shortly followed by a moan, then
unintelligible whispering in a madness.
Gosunkuji swallowed and edged toward the door. The noise
increased softly, groans and moans overlapping each other.
<Two demons?> The sound seemed to be coming from all over
the gym; no place could be traced as the source of the noise
from beyond.
A scream broke through. Gosunkuji lost his resolve and
quickly bolted out of the building, squealing as if all the
oni were after him.
Moments later, a pair of giggles poured through the gym.
----------------
(to be continued)
* * *
(actually, my love, I think it's all right)