And now, part 3 of Ma Vie et Boissons.
<later still>
Skyler sighed in relief. The Braves had managed to free the
people of Aralala Village from Don Genosai's mind control. This
despite Lamuness and Da Cider almost immediately succumbing to despair
when they'd been greeted with hatred and persecution by the
townspeople. Apparently, Skyler's long history of being rejected and
underappreciated had inured him a bit better to that sort of
treatment.
Still, it rankled to be mostly ignored while the two idiots
pumped the gratitude of the townspeople for all it was worth. As far
as Skyler could tell, everything would have happened exactly the same
if he hadn't been here. [Hmm...my glasses are dirty.]
While he had the spectacles off, wiping them on a handkerchief
he'd gotten out of hammerspace (or the local equivalent, if you
thought about it too hard, it didn't work), Skyler was startled to
hear a woman say, "Hey, look over there!"
"What a hunk!"
"Where'd *he* come from?"
Skyler looked up. for some reason, there was suddenly a bunch of
young women surrounding him. "Um? Hello?"
A pink-haired blur asked, "Skyler? Is that you?" That was
Parfait's voice.
"Yes, is there something wrong?"
"I--I never realized you were so handsome."
[What's gotten into her all of a sudden? Is this more
brainwashing?]
Then another woman said, "That scar gives him just the right
touch of vulnerability, don't you think?" to general agreement by the
other ladies.
[Scar? Oh, now I get it. I'd forgotten that in this universe,
`You're beautiful without your glasses' isn't just a pick-up line,
it's literally true. About *time* something worked in my favor for a
change.]
Blushing slightly, Skyler grinned at his "instant fan club."
"Oh, a warrior's life is filled with strife and woe,
and when battle calls, then it's off that he must go,
But when the war is over, and the fighter's earned his rest,
then it's for the bonny lassies that he's done his best."
"Oooh," breathed the ladies. "Handsome *and* poetic!"
"Here's my address," said a redhead, pressing a piece of paper
into Skyler's hands.
A blue-haired lass pressed close with her own piece of paper.
"Hi, I'm Phosphate, and here's my address *and* my measurements."
"Hey!" A green-haired girl shouldered Phosphate aside. "My
name's Fizzipop, and *I* can cook. Here, try one of my creampuffs."
She leaned in close enough for Skyler to clearly see the pastry, and
her cleavage.
This started a general jostling for position, as the women all
tried to introduce themselves at once. Several things were thrust
into Skyler's hands, at least one of which felt like silk, but he was
too busy nodding and smiling at each admirer to look at the gifts.
Just over the crowd noise, Skyler could hear, "Oi, girls,
Legendary Brave Lamuness over here, remember?"
That voice had no effect, but Cacao's "prophecy voice" did.
"We must hurry. The time grows near."
"My DNA says let's go!"
Skyler slipped back on his glasses, and there was a general "aww" from
the ladies as he rejoined the others.
Da Cider sneered as the party headed for Don Genosai's lair,
formerly Aralala Castle. "Lasses shouldn't make passes at asses who
wear glasses."
His serpentine advisor popped out of Da Cider's shoulderpad.
"You'll always have me, Darling!"
"That's what I'm afraid of, Hebi Metako, that's what I'm afraid
of."
<snip final battle. The good guys and their allies win.>
The victory celebration was in full swing.
Akakaze and Momokaze, the mysterious masked warriors,were now
revealed to be Lamune (aka Lamuness II) and Milk, Lamunade's parents.
This somehow surprised everyone but Skyler, who'd figured it out the
first time they'd appeared. They were off necking in a corner.
Da Cider reunited with his steady girlfriend, Queen Cafe au Lait, who
was berating him for running off to play hero and flirt with other women
while she was imprisoned.
Lamunade was waffling about whether he liked Parfait, Cacao, or
some other girl the best. But he was only twelve, after all. He had
his whole love life ahead of him.
Narcissus and Pheremone, well, best not to think too hard about
that.
And Skyler? Well, it turned out that since the original series
Princess Cocoa had grown into a fine figure of a woman, even wearing
her glasses. She was the smartest person Skyler had met in this
world, still single, and seemed to have taken a shine to him.
"Doki-Doki Space will be forever in debt to you, Skyler the
Brave."
"Just Skyler, and it isn't that big of a deal, Princess; it was
kinda my duty. Like the philosopher said, `For evil to triumph, it is
sufficient that good men do nothing.'"
Cocoa smiled. The effect was dazzling. "You're quite well-read, I
see. And please, call me Cocoa."
"O-okay, Cocoa."
"And I mean it. We all owe you a tremendous debt of gratitude,
and if there's anything I, err, we can do..."
"Well, err, I, Um...." As usual, Skyler's tongue had gone numb at the
critical moment.
Cocoa seemed to understand, and moved in closer, taking Skyler's
arm in hers.
"Woo-hah! My DNA says Skyler's gonna get lucky tonight!"
"Lamuness no ecchi! I have *big* doubts about you!" Parfait
took the boy by the ear.
"All this excitement. I do believe I shall faint," said Cacao,
matching action to words.
"See? Why can't you be affectionate like your sister?" griped Da
Cider.
"Affectionate? I'll give you affectionate!!" screamed Cafe au
Lait. She pulled out a whip. "Call me Queen!"
Milk and Lamune were dead to the world.
"Maybe a bit more privacy would be good?" suggested Skyler.
"Un. Let's go out on the balcony."
Things were a bit quieter out there, and a cool breeze felt good
on Skyler's skin. His heart pounded as he looked at the pointy-eared
princess' blue eyes. "M-may I?"
"Make it so, my Brave." She pursed her lips, and Skyler leaned
down--
There was a horrible thumping noise, and someone yelled, "Skyler!
Wake up!"
He looked around, but there was no one there. "Huh? Wha?"
The pounding continued.
Skyler turned back to the princess, to see her fading into
nothingness.
"Goodby--"
"No! Cocoa! COCOA!"
And then he was back in his bed at Higashi-kan. There was a
pink-haired girl standing in the doorway, Parfait? No, Utena.
"Shee, and I thought my aunt got worked up about her morning
coffee." She stretched lazily. "Anyhow, you'd better get up now.
Breakfast is almost over."
As Utena left, Skyler collected himself. "It was a dream. All
just a dream." He got up and started dressing--then noticed there was
a pair of white gloves on the desk. Just like he'd worn in the dream.
And he couldn't help but twitch when he discovered that Anthy was
serving lemonade and cider for breakfast--with a single cup of cocoa set at
Skyler's place.
[The Shadow Play wall, but A-ko and B-ko aren't there. Instead,
it's the shadows of exaggeratedly male and female characters.
[Man: This is called the "It's all a dream or is it, you'll
never know, and go mad from trying to figure it out" plan!
[Woman: This is your best idea yet, Narcissus! Ahan! (She
wiggles suggestively.)]
FIN MVeB....
SKJAM!
(Wondering when the first "Parasite Eve"/"Lamune & 40 Fire" crossover
will be written.)