Thanks to Ammadeau, Donny Cheng, Alan Harnum, Richard Lawson,
and the C*B*L for pre-reading duties.
Characters belong to Gainax, and they need the money more than I
do probably - unless they get audited for fun.
P A G E S
by Lara Bartram
---------------
Page 50
The world ground to a halt. As much as he wanted to take
those words back, it seemed his vocal chords had frozen along
with time.
Yui sat up, casting the sheet aside, and stared. First,
it was right through him, but took only a few moments to be
right at him, into him. "What did you say?"
His mouth moved, but no sound came out.
"That's what I thought." She continued to look at him.
"You're not serious, are you?"
Gendo swallowed and was sure Yui had heard it in the
absolute stillness of the room. "And if I was?"
"I... don't know. But I don't think you are. I think you
said that to distract me from the fact you acted like an asshole
earlier. I'm still mad at you."
"But I..."
"But nothing. You somehow manage to piss me off at
exactly the wrong time, and then try something lame to make up
for it. I'm not an idiot, and I'm not a child, though you
insist on treating me like one."
"You're too insincere. Everything is a game to you," Yui
continued. The comments of her friends came back to her, about
how they thought Gendo was creepy and weird and too old for her.
"That's not true. I do what I think is best, and I would
never do anything to hurt you on purpose. You know that!" he
protested, finding himself on the defensive in a way he had
never been before.
"You'd never hurt me on purpose... What about other
people? Could you hurt other people on purpose?"
"No!" Except at the bar, but that was an isolated
incident. Definitely. He had never done that before.
"Sometimes... I think... Professor Fuyutsuki was right."
Those words from Yui were like acid dripping onto his
heart. "Yui," Gendo said weakly. "Yui, don't say that. He
doesn't know..."
"Know what?"
"What we have, how much I love you. He doesn't
understand. I'd do anything for you. All you have to do is
ask. Please, Yui."
"Anything? Then right now I want you to leave. Just go.
See if you can manage not to hurt someone."
"For God's sake, Yui. I said I was sorry!"
"But you're not. It's the same every time, and every time
I just forgive you even though I know you're not sincere."
"You think I... lied to you? This doesn't make any sense,
Yui. You know me better than that. Stop kidding around." He
growled in frustration. "First you want a baby, and then you
don't want one. What's next? You don't want to get married?"
Yui looked down at her hands. "No, I don't want to go
that far, but... I don't know what else to do." She looked back
at him, her eyes piercing. "You take advantage of the fact that
I love you."
"All these things you're saying... I don't know how to
answer. What do you want me to say if you don't believe me when
I apologize?" It didn't matter anyway. The anger he should
have felt wasn't there. It was just a great void that spread
inside him like hoar frost, freezing his limbs.
"I don't know. I just want... I just want you to be
honest. Stop doing things because you think they'll get you
somewhere. You weren't like this before; what's happened?"
"I... I don't know. I can only think how much I need to
be with you, and I'll do anything to make you happy, but now
you're saying... you don't want that." It was more confusing
than anything he had considered. "I can't imagine doing
anything other than making you happy."
Yui didn't answer that, allowing the words to hang in the
air between them.
"Please," Gendo said in a whisper.
"What will I do with you? I can't get rid of you..."
Relief flooded through Gendo, but he knew he wasn't out of
the woods yet. "I'll... sleep in the other room," he said
sadly, and went to get a blanket.
"No, you don't have to. Just think about what I said.
Please."
"Why such a quick change of heart?"
"Your voice. When you really mean it, I can hear it.
Face it, you'll never be able to lie to me."
---
Page 51
"Yui."
"Hm?" She really wasn't paying close attention to him.
"I'm... I'm thinking about dropping out."
That quickly got her attention. "What? Why?"
"Because there's nothing there. This job is enough money and
experience that a piece of paper could never match it. I don't need to
be there any longer."
She stared. "I'd say you were insane, but I know you're not.
Where did you get such a... crazy idea?" It was almost a betrayal. All
the work they'd done together, and then Gendo just deciding to bail out.
"I don't believe this."
"I never really was cut out for college. It's just coming to
terms with the fact..."
"That you're running away." Yui shook her head. "I can't believe
this. I can't believe you'd do this to me."
"I'm not doing anything to you. I'm just saving myself time,
money, and a lot of hassle. Besides, I thought you only had one
semester to go, so what are you complaining about?"
"When it comes to personal relationships, you're almost a complete
failure. You really have no clue..." Yui sighed. "Fine. Drop out.
It's not really my business anyway."
Being completely open and truthful while not doing everything for
her was harder than Gendo had anticipated. He'd have to prepare for her
reaction differently next time. As it was, he had nothing meaningful to
say in response. "It just... seemed to make sense."
"Not to me," she said indignantly.
"So you'd be embarrassed of me?"
"No, I wouldn't be. The paper isn't a testament to your
intelligence, but to your... commitment, dedication. It says something
about your character."
"Nothing I care about. Besides, people don't seem to like me, no
matter what paper I have in my hand."
Yui looked up at him. "That's because you need to shave."
Gendo scratched his chin. "Really? I was thinking of growing it
out."
"Not if I have a say in it. I don't want you looking like some
rodents nested on your face."
"Woman, you are so picky. When do you stop?"
Yui grinned. "Never." She took hold of his hand and led him to
the bathroom. "Come on. If you won't, I will."
"You think I'd willingly allow you to put a razor to my skin?"
Gendo asked, but followed her anyway.
"I think if you were properly motivated..." She smiled back at
him, a look that was at once haunting and intriguing.
"Really, this isn't a good idea. I can't work if I'm missing half
my face."
"Trust me. I have to sleep next to you; I don't want to wake up
to you bleeding all over." Finally, she forced him to sit on the edge
of the tub. "Just hold still and you'll barely know it's even
happening," she promised, still smiling.
Seeing him stay seated, Yui turned on the hot water and stopped
the drain. Running a washcloth under the water first, she wetted
Gendo's face with it. "Not too hot, is it?"
Gendo shook his head, entranced by the sight of Yui doing this
chore that had annoyed him for so long.
"Good," she said and turned her back to him. She shut off the
water, smiling faintly at the fogged mirror, and mixed the lather.
"Wh... what's my incentive?" Gendo finally choked out.
"You'll just have to wait and see when we're done, when your skin
is smooth enough to rub... Well, who knows?"
Yui was an expert, almost too good, at teasing. If Gendo had been
thinking about walking out, he no longer was. He watched her closely as
she stood in front of him, the cup and brush in her hands. "Face only,"
he warned.
---
Page 52
"Don't worry. Just relax."
Unfortunately, that had the exact opposite affect on
Gendo. "Yui..." he said as the brush neared his cheek.
Yui stopped just before she touched the implement to his
skin. "This might get a little messy. Take off your shirt."
She stood back as he removed is shirt and tossed it aside.
"Good, now why don't you sit up here? I'll have an easier
time."
Gendo was feeling even more nervous with Yui ordering him
around. "Yui, I can shave by myself. It's okay."
"No, you sit here while I do it for you. I've heard you
complain enough about how much you hate it."
Sighing in defeat, Gendo sat on the toilet after Yui had
lowered the lid. He hadn't liked the bathroom in the first
place, and this was just giving him more ammunition to use
against it.
"Face away from me now." She smiled the entire time as he
willingly followed her directions. Holding the cup in one hand
and the brush in the other, Yui said, "Let's begin."
The first touch of the bristles on Gendo's cheek almost
made him jerk away, but he controlled that reaction. "I don't
know if I can sit through this."
"Don't worry; you will." Her voice was soothing and
mellow, like a nurse speaking to a patient just before an
operation. She finished applying the lather and went for the
razor.
"Yui," he whispered, looking at the distorted reflections
on the shower door. The blade of the razor seemed to gleam
especially brightly.
Standing behind him, bending over slightly, Yui brought
the razor to Gendo's face. "Hold still now," she said and felt
his body go absolutely rock still. He even held his breath.
As Yui dragged the blade down his face, she held her own
breath, just waiting for him to jerk away with a bloody. But he
didn't.
Pulling the razor away, Yui acted like it was the most
natural thing in the world, like she shaved men's faces for a
living. Inside, she was immensely relieved. "See? Nothing to
worry about," she said and cleaned the razor in the sink.
"Ready to go for two?"
"You're going to kill me, Yui."
"I'll take that as a yes."
He felt her take her place behind him, her breasts
pressing into his upper back. Out of the corner of his eye,
Gendo saw her hand, holding the razor, get closer to his cheek.
The thought clung to his mind that if he moved, he would bleed.
"This isn't funny any longer," he said, eyes looking back at the
reflection of her hovering over him like some angel of death.
"Quiet. Just let me do this." Before he could protest
again, she swiped the razor down the other cheek, holding him
with her opposite arm.
If Gendo hadn't been distracted by her holding him, he
knew he would have flat-out fainted.
"Tilt your head back, please," Yui said pleasantly,
putting her finger on his chin and forcing it back anyway.
Again, silence dominated as each of them held their
breath. Gendo fixated on two things to keep him steady... Three
things really: the feel of the blade on his neck, the steady
drip of the faucet, and Yui's breasts, with very erect nipples.
"Are you getting off on this?" he dared ask with as little
movement as possible.
Yui grinned. "Oh definitely. As soon as I'm done..."
"Hurry up then." He shuddered a little as she took the
blade up his neck and ended at his chin, then traced the path it
had just made with her fingers.
"Smooth. Very smooth. This will do nicely."
The way she spoke those four words was almost as good as
what she planned on doing later. "Hurry..." Gendo whined.
"Don't want to spoil all of this wonderful anticipation,
do I?" Yui asked, placing the blade against his neck for another
stroke.
Gendo started to squirm, then remembered the razor and
held still. "No, ma'am."
"And you're such a good boy too," she answered, tweaking
his ear. "Next time it will all go much faster, I'm sure."
Next time... Gendo whimpered.
---
Page 53
"So can I shave your legs?"
"No, and quit being silly."
"I'm not. I'm just wondering the status of this... quid
pro quo thing."
"There isn't one. I wouldn't let you shave my legs
anymore than I'd let you shave my head."
"Armpits?"
"No!"
Gendo grinned at her then.
"No!" Yui repeated, knowing exactly what he was thinking.
"But... if you really don't want me to do it again, I won't."
"It wasn't so bad," he admitted casually. "Just a
little... weird to have someone else shave me like that. The
sensation of a blade against my neck that someone else is
controlling is terrifying."
"You should make more friends than enemies then."
"I don't need friends. I've gotten along without them so
far. And I sure wouldn't let them shave me even if I did have
any."
Tossing a pillow at Gendo, Yui said, "Don't be such a
grouch. I know it wasn't that bad."
"You have steady hands, and that's all I'm going to say."
Yui was about to go and torture an answer out of him, but
Gendo was able to stop her with two simple words.
"One month." He didn't use it exclusively to annoy her;
it was weighing heavily on his mind as each day passed as well.
Even if Yui had been upset that he had continued on full-time on
the project, the fact that she was going to be married in a
month kept her from bothering him about it.
She was almost able to ignore the comment, but in the end,
she flopped down in a chair. "Is it really that soon? Just the
other day it was still the middle of August." A more disturbing
thought occurred to her. "So that means my parents will be..."
"Here in a week. Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up,"
Gendo finished for her, smiling slightly. "You need to relax
though," he continued, standing behind her to massage her
shoulders. "If you get too tense..." He leaned down and
whispered in her ear, "You might explode."
Yui grinned, her eyes closed. "That sounds wonderful."
"I know what you need right now."
"Mm, what?"
"Something hot, wet, deep, long..."
"Yes, a bath sounds great. You always know exactly what I
need."
Gendo smiled, still loosening up her tight muscles. "I'll
go start one for you then. Relax."
"Thank you, Gen-chan."
Sighing a little at the tone of her voice, he kissed her
cheek, then went to start to water.
Work, classes, her parents, the... wedding... It was all
starting to come down on her. The pressure was really adding
up. Especially concerning her parents and their visit. If she
hadn't been in the middle of it, it might have been something
she would have liked to see. On the other hand...
"Yui, your bath's ready."
Blinking, Yui sat up. "Oh, okay," she said quietly. "How
long was I asleep?"
"Not long. Just enough to fill the tub." Gendo helped
Yui to her feet and escorted her to the bathroom. "Do I have to
watch you when you bathe so you don't fall asleep and drown?"
"I can manage on my own without you using it as an excuse
to see me naked."
"I don't need excuses," he responded calmly and started to
lift up her shirt.
Yui slapped his hands away. "Maybe you don't, but that
doesn't mean I'll let you. Pig." She retreated into the
bathroom and shut the door.
"You're lucky chivalry still exists," he said loud enough
for her to hear.
"Oh really? You'll have to show me where some time."
"Smartass." The phone rang, putting an end to further
conversation. Gendo went to answer it, allowing it to ring
several times before finally picking it up. "Hello?" There was
a voice on the other end he didn't recognize. "No, she can't
come to the phone right now. Yes, I am." Silence, time
freezing. "I'll... tell her."
Gendo dropped the phone back in the cradle.
---
Page 54
He didn't bother knocking before he entered the bathroom.
"Yui..." Gendo said.
"Who was that on the phone?" she asked, surprised by his sudden
entrance, and confused by the way his eyes avoided looking at her.
"It was your father."
The smile almost made it to her face, but his voice and manner
made it die before it reached her lips. "What did he want? What's
wrong?" she asked, looking at Gendo fearfully.
"It was about..." He hesitated, then looked directly at Yui.
"It's your mother. She..."
"No! Stop making jokes!" she snapped, tears forming in her eyes.
"This isn't funny and I don't appreciate it!"
"It's not a joke," he said quietly, his brow furrowing. "He said
it was sudden, a freak occurrence."
Yui knew he wouldn't joke about such a thing, but she had to
believe he was. Better than the idea that her mother was...
"She's dead. A heart attack."
"Liar! She was only forty... It couldn't have been a heart
attack. That doesn't happen to people so young. It's a lie..."
Gendo was torn. He wasn't sure if he should try and comfort her,
or give her privacy. This was a completely new situation. "Yui," he
said softly, but loud enough for her to hear over her intermittent bouts
of crying.
"Get out!" she screamed, and if there had been anything worth
throwing at hand, she would have done so. "Get out of here! It can't
be! It's a mistake!"
When that outburst disintegrated into crying, Gendo went and
crouched next to the tub. Unmindful of the water or his clothing, he
reached over and hugged her.
Immediately, her arms went around him, squeezing, and she buried
her face into his shoulder and cried. Half-formed words spilled from
her mouth, but none of them made sense, or even mattered. There was
only a great flood of sorrow and shock, with the only thought in Yui's
mind being that it wasn't really happening.
Yui's hand quivered as it hovered over the numberpad. "I can't do
it," she murmured. In truth, she wanted to take the phone and hurl it
into the other room, but...
"Do you want me to dial?"
Hanging her head, avoiding looking at the phone or Gendo, Yui
shrugged, not one of indecision, but of complete helplessness. "I... I
don't know what I'll say..."
"Just tell him," Gendo spoke gently, taking her shaking hand in
his, "that you're here. He'll understand."
She nodded, but before Gendo could dial, asked one more question.
"Can... can he still come? This... is more important than ever now."
"Of course. Just relax, breathe deep, and don't be ashamed to let
loose if you have to." His other hand moved methodically up and down
her back in an effort to soothe. "Sit down, drink some water..." The
words were so inadequate, but it was the only thing he knew to do.
Yui took comfort in the words though, and in the contact. She
sat down, the phone still in her hand, and stared blankly ahead. "I
don't know what I'm going to do," she said, her face streaked with dried
tears.
Gently, Gendo told her, "You're going to call your father right
now, and after that get some sleep. You need it."
"It's too soon. I can't. I don't know what to say. What if
I..." Yui watched as Gendo began dialing the number and shook her head.
"No, stop. I don't want..." But it was too late. There was already a
phone ringing at the dialed number.
"Please don't make me do this," she said quietly, still trying to
deny the reality of the situation.
"You have to. You can't hide from it; that won't help anything."
This was one of those situations where a sharp slap would have been
delivered as a wake-up call, but there was no way Gendo could ever do
that to Yui. "You just need to..."
/"Hello? Who's there?"/ came the voice from over the phone.
"Yui, talk to him. It's the only thing you can do."
/"Who is that? Yui? Are you there? Yui, I... I'm sorry. I
don't know what to tell you."/
"Dad? It's me. What... what happened?"
---
lara@emunix.emich.edu
http://www.thekeep.org/~lara/index.html