You Don't Remember How I Feel
By Doug Helm and "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl
Those characters that are original and the story "You Don't Remember How
I Feel" are copyrighted (c) 1999 by Douglas Helm & Will Wolfshohl.
This fanfic and hundreds of other Sailor Moon fanfics reside in "Tuxedo"
Will's SM Fanfics Archive at http://members.xoom.com/questails/gateway.htm
and http://rivendell.fortunecity.com/traveller/861/
Send comments to: Douglas "Candle Light Author" Helm (dhelm@log.on.ca)
or "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl (wwolfshohl@logicon.com)
Chapter 11 - Bad Memories
Usagi looked around Misako's bedroom and gave a low whistle. "Wow, they
really cleared this place out."
"Yep," Misako replied from her position on the bed. Her parents had
removed the stereo, computer, posters, and anything thing else that a
normal six year old would not have. "But they let me keep my journal."
Usagi walked over to her sister and said, "I'm really sorry, Miko-chan.
Gomen."
"They're doing the same to your room, 'Sagi-chan. It's all part of this
punishment," Misako replied.
"I know, Misako," Usagi stated, "But that wasn't what I was talking
about." Misako looked at her curiously. Shifting slightly, she said, "I
know I kinda stepped on your toes when we were explaining things to Mom
'n' Dad."
Misako smiled and sliding off of the bed, moved to where her sister was.
"'Sagi-chan, I like having an onee that'll protect me." Usagi smiled and
Misako gave her a little hug before adding, "But I went into this
knowing what I was doing. It wouldn't be fair to you to take all the
blame. And it was partly my plan, 'Sagi." Sometimes Usagi was
overprotective but she had the best big sister around.
"I know," Usagi replied, "I wasn't trying to not say it was. I just
figured that since I was already in trouble... well... that it didn't
make any sense for you to be too, Imouto."
"I accept your apology, Onee-chan," Misako said, "Just as long as you
know how I feel." She had been about to say more when she noted her
father coming into the room. "Konnichiwa Dad."
"Hello Miko-chan, Usagi-chan. Usagi-chan, your mother's almost done."
"Hai. Well, I guess I'll go see how bad the damage is," Usagi muttered
and wandered out of the room.
Endymion was starting to turn to leave when Misako called out, "Uh...
Dad?" When Endymion turned back, Misako opened her mouth but nothing
came out. <Should I really ask him?> Misako wondered, <I really want to
know but... I don't want to know.> "It's nothing..." she finally said.
Endymion gave her a smile and turned back towards the door again. <I
have to know or this will bother me. And 'Sagi's busy so now's a good
time.> "Dad, can I ask you something?"
"Nani?" Endymion asked while turning around to face his daughter again.
"Could you close the door and sit down first?" Misako asked. Endymion
nodded and after closing the door, moved to sit down on Misako's bed.
"Dad, uh... you remember when you were Usagi?"
"Hai," Endymion replied, "Misako, I did promise to try and stay calm,
ne?"
Misako bit her lower lip for a moment before saying in a rush, "Are you
gonna punish me for spanking you?"
Endymion blinked, "Nani?"
Misako shuffled her feet a little and repeated, "Are you gonna punish me
for spanking you?" She shifted nervously as her father regarded her
intently. <I still can't believe that I spanked Dad.>
"Miko-chan," Endymion began, "I'm not going to punish you for that."
Reaching out, he said, "Come up here for a second." When Misako moved
closer, Endymion lifted the little girl up and settled her onto his
knee. <Been awhile since I did this.> "Now, I have a couple of questions
for you. First, did you think I deserved it?"
Misako was silent for a moment or so before saying slowly, "Yeah... You
didn't listen to Younger Jupiter. I mean you could have got hurt and you
really worried us. What you did was wrong." Misako paused another moment
before adding, "But I don't think you woulda spanked Usagi." For some
reason, she was a lot more confident as Endymion than now.
"Honto? Why not?" Endymion asked while trying not to sound indignant.
"Mom would have," Misako speculated, "Or at least, I think she would
have. So you're not mad at me, ne?"
"Iie," Endymion answered while hugging the little girl, "Not for that.
Now my second question is, would you do it again?"
Misako seemed surprised for a moment before asking, "You mean if I was
you again and you were Usagi?" Endymion nodded. <I have to tell him the
truth... I promised...> "Well... I didn't like to punish you. What you
did was wrong and I guess I would do it again."
"You were a great dad, Otou-san," he told her as he continued to hug his
daughter, "But you'll be a better Mommy." He smiled as Misako gave him a
slightly surprised looked before when hugging him back.
******
"You're his favorite," Usagi pointed out. It was around seven that
evening and both girls were sitting in Misako's room talking. "Of
course, he didn't get mad at you."
"'Sagi-chan, I don't think Dad woulda got mad at you. He seemed serious
to me," Misako countered. "I think we can believe them."
Usagi sighed a little bit before shaking her head slowly. "I guess so...
Maybe I'm just disappointed that things didn't go like I thought they
shoulda."
"Mom promised she'd listen, ne?" Misako prompted, "Give it a chance,
please 'Sagi-chan." Usagi just stared moodily at the floor and didn't
respond. Misako was about to launch into a pep talk when a knock came at
the door. "Come in."
"Ne, what are you two up to?" Serenity asked when she opened the door
and stepped into the room.
"Nothin'," Usagi replied, "I'm surprised you knocked."
Serenity ignored the sarcasm and explained, "You might be six physically
but there's no reason to invade your privacy too much. Baths will be
slightly different but I'll only be in the next room and not in the
bathroom with you."
"Mom, what are those?" Misako asked as she noticed the bundle of
clothing under her mother's arm.
"These are your pajamas, Mesume," Serenity replied. Taking the bundle in
both hands, she held up the two sets of bunny-style pajamas. "Aren't
they kawaii? Although Rei really isn't into bunnies I'm afraid so you
have to choose between kittens and teddy bears."
"I won't wear bunny pajamas!" Usagi protested, "Especially ones WITH a
flap on the back."
<Good, I can get the ones I want.> "I'll take the teddy bears please,
Mom," Misako piped up. <At least it's red and not too disgusting. She
can have those others even if they don't have a trap door.> She'd rather
look six than four. She giggled at that thought.
"Here you go, Miko-chan," Serenity remarked as she handed the requested
pair of pajamas to her youngest daughter, "Hmm... That reminds me... You
both can either call me `Mom' or `Mommy' this week."
"Arigato Mom," Misako replied. At least, there was a choice.
"Aren't you listening, Mother?!?" Usagi demanded.
"Nani, Small Lady, did you say something?"
Usagi grimaced, sighed, and took a deep breath. "MOM... Yeah, we look
like six year olds but you just got finished sayin' we're really teens.
Can't we wear regular pajamas... or maybe a nightgown? Please?!?" <This
is so embarrassing. Why is Misako so calm?>
"Usagi, you know we said that it would be a full treatment and that
includes clothing. And it makes sense to simply borrow older clothes
from Rei rather than having perfectly good clothes altered for a week."
Holding out the pajamas, Serenity added, "Now please change, Usagi-chan,
and then your father will read you a story before bed."
"I will not change, MOM," Usagi growled petulantly, "I won't!" <What's
Misako doing?> Her sister was really undercutting her position. <Is she
getting back at me for this afternoon?> Somehow, Usagi didn't think so
but then, why was Misako happily going along with it?
<Baka Odango Atama,> Misako thought with a sigh, <Why fight the
inevitable?> Without a word, Serenity marched over and lifted little
Usagi up. "Say goodnight to your onee, Miko-chan."
"'Night, 'Sagi-chan," Misako squeaked regarding the little girl being
held by their towering parent. Usagi just glared defiantly up at her
mother.
"Say goodnight, Usagi-chan," Serenity instructed. Usagi remained silent.
"I'll be back in a little bit, Miko-chan. You get ready for bed."
Turning, she started for the door and at first, Usagi struggled in her
arms but once in the hallway, the child just slumped forward defeated.
<Poor 'Sagi...> Misako thought, <But at least I got the `normal' looking
pair!> She'd have to remember to thank Usagi for making such a fuss.
******
Sometime later, Usagi found herself sitting in a corner in her room. She
was dressed in a powder blue pair of bunny pajamas with cute kittens
adorning them. <First day as a six year old and I'm already sitting in
the corner,> Usagi thought sullenly, <And all over a baka set of
pajamas.> She had planned on defying her mother for making her wear such
childish pajamas; the ensuing tussle was short and brief. Serenity
simply changed Usagi into the pajamas without comment. <Why didn't
Misako help me?>
Shifting on her chair, Usagi gave a little sigh. <I wonder what story
Misako's getting read to her?> Not that she, a young woman nearly
sixteen years old, would really go for having a story read to her but a
story was better than sitting in the corner. Besides, she would be
keeping Misako company. <Normal parents can't change their teenagers
into kids. Sometimes, I think somebody up there just sets me up so I end
up in these baka situations.> She supposed it was destiny or as Misako
had started calling it, "Karma".
She had been encouraged though by Misako's report about their parents
being serious about these talks. Usagi did feel a little guilty though
because she still felt dubious about the sincerity of her parents. <I
want this to work.> It just had to. Usagi wanted nothing more to be able
to hug her Mom with something more than reserved coolness. However, she
had to be strong for Misako until she was sure.
She was pulled from her melancholy thoughts as the door opened and her
father came into the room. "All right, Usagi, time for bed."
******
Serenity jerked awake as a scream tore through the stillness of the
night. Felling disoriented initially, she wasn't sure she had heard it.
And then another came. Jumping out of bed, Serenity quickly picked up a
nearby robe and donned it while heading for the door. When she reached
the hallway, she was at first going to go into Misako's room but then,
she noticed that her youngest daugther had also come out into the
hallway.
Turning, she made her way towards Usagi's room with Endymion and Misako
following closely behind her. Coming into her eldest daughter's bedroom,
Serenity saw that the child was sitting up in bed, her eyes wide and
haunted. There were signs of tears that Usagi had quickly wiped away.
"Usagi-chan," Serenity said while moving over to the bed, "What's
wrong?" She sat down and wrapped her arms around the little girl who
immediately hugged her back. Serenity's eyes flicked towards the doorway
before coming back to her. Giving her daughter a reassuring squeeze,
Serenity got up and walked over to Misako and Endymion. "You two go back
to bed. I'll handle this."
"But Mom..." Misako began to protest.
"It'll be okay, Miko-chan," Serenity soothed, "Usagi won't be alone." <I
wouldn't do that to my onee.> Reluctantly Misako turned and went back to
her room. Endymion cast a worried look towards his eldest daughter
before turning and leaving as well. Once they were gone, Serenity shut
the door and came back over to the bed. "You okay, Usagi-chan?"
"I... I think it was a nightmare, Mom," Usagi replied softly. She didn't
complain when her mother lifted her into another hug. It just felt
right.
"Do you know what it was about?"
Usagi was silent for a long moment before she answered, "I'm not really
sure... I saw these eyes staring at me. I felt like they were looking
right into my soul." She still could in some way. Shivering, she pressed
closer to her mother who hugged her. "It was a man, a nobleman."
Serenity stroked Usagi's hair gently, trying to reassure her daughter.
"Why was he staring at you?"
Usagi swallowed and began to explain, "I understood when I was big but
now..." She had lost that understanding. All she felt now was revulsion
at what she had done.
"Usagi," Serenity prodded softly, "What did you understand?"
Usagi was silent for another long moment before turning her face up to
regard her mother's. "When I was you, I had to sentence a man to death."
She gave a little shudder then before continuing, "I just remember him
staring at me with this haunted expression on his face. I knew why I had
to even if I didn't like it. In the dream, he asked me why and I
couldn't tell him. I couldn't remember!" She shook her head for a
moment. "He wanted to know if I hated him... Now I just don't understand
how I could do that to his family." Killing a youma was one thing but
killing a human being...
"Usagi-chan," Serenity began, "Being a queen means doing things you
don't like to do. I would feel badly if I had to do the same thing." She
looked down into the face of her daughter and a memory came to mind. "I
remember when I had to step aside and watch Sakuya being put on trial.
All I wanted to do was to pardon her, to make Makoto and you happy but I
couldn't." She gave a little sigh then and continued, "You were so angry
with me for not freeing Sakuya. I would have done it in a second if only
I could have."
"But you couldn't," Usagi said, "Does it get easier, Mom? I mean being
cold?"
"Iie, it gets harder, especially when you can understand why people do
what they did. A leader is often faced with such decisions but it's
rarely easy." Brushing some hair away from Usagi's face, she added,
"Usagi-chan, you faced an important decision and while you might not
understand it now, you will later on."
Usagi still felt nervous. <What if I was wrong? What if Neptune was
right? What if he wasn't guilty?> She didn't know the answers but she
knew she didn't want to be alone. "Would you stay with me, Mom?" She
couldn't believe she had just asked that.
"Hai," Serenity agreed. Standing up, she pulled back the covers and laid
Usagi down again before pulling the covers up around the little girl's
chin. Taking off her own robe, Serenity lay down beside her daughter.
Usagi snuggled closer to her, using her arm as a pillow.
Serenity hugged Usagi while she spent the next little bit stroking
Usagi's puffy hair and talking reassuringly to her daughter. Eventually
Usagi feel asleep and when Serenity lay her head next to Usagi's, she
too fell into slumber.
******
The early morning Sunday sunlight streamed in through the only partially
curtained windows. Serenity moaned a little and shifted. She lay still
wondering why things felt strange and then she recalled last night.
Slowly opening her eyes, she found a pile of strawberry-blonde hair
before her. <Onee-chan...>
Carefully she pushed some of the hair aside to reveal Usagi's young
face. At rest, it was calm and peaceful looking. The little girl showed
no signs of her previous night's distress. Serenity could feel the
warmth of the small body pressed against her.
<I snuggled up close to Endymion,> Serenity thought, <because I love
him. But as his imouto, I did it because I felt warm and secure when I
was around him or near him.> She had felt a deep affection for Usagi
when the little girl had visited the past. They had even had something
akin to a sisterly relationship but even that hadn't been too deep.
Usagi's role as a her future mother kept getting in the way, especially
when Misako was around to remind them of it. <I know you'd do anything
for Misako. I would have done anything to protect Shingo,> Serenity
thought sadly.
She blinked as tears stung her eyes. <But I never knew what I was making
Misako give up.> She had felt horrible when Endymion, as Mamoru, had
rejected her but even that hadn't compared to how hurt she had felt when
Endymion, as her onee, had rejected her as his little sister. <You were
the center of Misako's world.> And her parents had taken that away. <And
if I felt terrible, imagine what Endymion felt like?> Because as Usagi,
Endymion had shown her how much his sister had meant to him.
Serenity was startled a little when she heard a soft voice ask, "Mom?"
The tone was concerned and sleepy. Looking down, she saw Usagi looking
up at her with concern. "Are you okay?"
"Iie," Serenity responded with a sniffle. Wiping her eyes, she sniffled
again and declared, "Usagi-chan, would you believe I just realized how
important Misako is to you?" Usagi blinked and then stared at her mother
in puzzlement. "I mean, I knew you two were close but I never knew how
strong a bond it was."
"We're close still," Usagi commented, "I'd do anything for Misako."
"I know, Usagi-chan, just like Endymion would do anything for me,"
Serenity replied, "But I never knew how much it would hurt either you or
Misako when we set both of you against each other." Brushing a stray
strand of hair out of Usagi's face, she continued, "We made everything
you two had in common into a competition. Kami-sama knows, I treated her
unfairly in situations where both of you were concerned. I even tried to
get her to be like you in the past."
"It's a little late now, Mom," Usagi replied. When her mother winced,
Usagi sighed and said, "Gomen, but it's true." Usagi got up and after
climbing out of bed, headed into the bathroom and shut the door.
<Well, it's a start,> Serenity thought. Laying her head back down, she
closed her eyes and fell asleep again. When Usagi came out, she paused
for a moment and then went back over to the bed and after crawling up
beside her mother, went back to sleep as well.
******
After breakfast on Sunday, Neo-Queen Serenity called a special session
of the Senshi Council to inform them of recent events. To say that the
Council was displeased would be understating the matter. After all, the
two Royal Princesses forcibly overthrew the rightful King and Queen,
placed themselves on the Throne, and endangered the entire timeline.
Once Serenity had presented her case to the Council, she went home to
wait with her family.
The day seemed to drag slowly on. By the time it was time for supper,
none of the Royal Family was very hungry and nerves were becoming
frayed. When the private door chime rang, it was all anybody could do to
stop themselves from rushing en mass to the door.
"I'll get it," Serenity announced then directed her daughters, "You two,
stay in the living room."
Misako and Usagi sat on the couch nervously straining to hear what was
being discussed. It seemed like an eternity before footsteps sounded in
the hallway. And then Serenity came into the room followed by Minako who
stopped short. The Senshi Commander's mouth swung open and she stared
between the two six year old girls and Serenity.
"I... I... Kami-sama, I didn't think you actually meant they WERE six!"
"Minako-chan, I did inform the Senshi Council of exactly what I had
done," Serenity replied while moving to stand beside her husband who was
sitting on the arm of the couch.
"I know it's just... I thought I wasn't understanding you correctly,"
Minako replied.
"So, what did the Council say?!" Usagi demanded as she hopped up and
stood on the couch so she could look at Minako more levelly. <Can't they
stop gossiping for five seconds?>
"Please sit down, Usagi," Endymion requested.
"I will when she answers," Usagi countered with her hands on her hips.
"Konbanwa Commander," Misako greeted, "Don't mind Usagi. She hasn't had
her nap today." She smiled as Usagi gave her a sour look. "No use in
being rude, ne Onee-chan?"
"Gomen," Usagi apologized, "I didn't mean to be rude, Commander. I'm
just worried..."
"We all are, Usagi-chan," Endymion added.
"Hai, Your Highness," Minako agreed, "Your mom wasn't going to let me in
unless I had good news." After taking the seat Serenity offered her,
Minako folded her hands in her lap and began. "Firstly, the Senshi
Council feels that it is important to keep the monarchy stable. However,
it has reserved its final decision about a trial until after this
`bonding' period is complete to judge how well it's worked."
"Bonding?!?" Misako asked.
"That's how it will be played to the media and all others outside the
Senshi Council, Your Highness. Elder Senshi will be posted at as guards
and all Elder Senshi have been sworn to strict secrecy over this matter.
The Younger Senshi will be told something else but I'll handle that."
"Why? Won't the bonding part fly with them too, Commander?" Endymion
asked.
"Not when Elder Senshi are personally guarding the Royal Suite. The
Youngers will know something more is afoot. As I said though, Your
Majesty, I'll handle that aspect of it."
"So how did the vote go?" Serenity asked. Minako gave her a disapproving
look so she added, "Minako-chan, I know Council votes are secret but
can't you at least tell me the numbers?"
Minako hummed for a moment before replying, "It was a unanimous
decision, Your Majesty. Sailor Pluto did not attend but that's not
completely unusual. And then Younger Saturn was excused because this was
only a meeting for Elder Senshi." Smiling a little, she continued, "I'll
be by a couple of times during this week to see how things are going so
that the Senshi Council can remain informed without intruding on your
privacy."
After politely refusing a cup of tea, Minako said her good-byes and left
the Royal Suite, leaving the Royal Family to ponder what the Senshi
Commander had said.
*****
Usagi loved that particular Monday, even Misako enjoyed not having to go
to school, even if she was worried about falling too far behind.
Although they weren't allowed to sleep in, Usagi and Misako did get to
watch television. However, it was limited to children's programs.
Eventually they went outside to play while their parents puttered around
the Royal Suite, doing things that they never seemed to have time to do
before.
Endymion kept looking outside, not to keep an eye on Usagi and Misako
but to simply watch them play. He was happy to see that his daughters
could be happy under the circumstances. It reminded him of times before
the rift.
At mid-morning, Misako lost her playmate as Serenity hauled Usagi off to
try on old clothing. Giggling, she followed her mother and sister inside
and noticed her father was on the couch. Wanting to rest a little bit,
Misako walked over and hopped up beside him.
"Have fun playing?" Endymion asked.
"Hai!" Misako chirped with a smile, "Ne, do guys play like girls, Dad?"
"Well, we don't play with dolls and stuff if that's what you mean,"
Endymion replied while wrapping an arm around Misako and hugging her,
"But we play catch and stuff."
"Guys don't play Youma Catch, ne?" Misako asked. <Maybe I can get Dad to
play...> Now that was an enticing thought. <I saw Mom covered in mud.>
But that was because she had been Misako.
"We didn't have Youma Catch when I was a boy," Endymion explained, "I
bet a lot of boys would like it." Smiling then, he winked and added,
"Although I think you'd scare them."
Misako was silent for a long moment before replying, "I could be a
boy... I mean with the Disguise Pen."
Endymion blinked, "In a hurry to be a boy again, ne?"
"Iie," Misako answered. <Senji really wouldn't like me as a boy.> And
she was having enough problems with him. "Boys think they're so macho. I
want to see one of them keep up with Sailor Chibi-Earth!" she giggled.
"That would completely destroy their egos I think, Miko-chan," Endymion
replied with a chuckle.
"I know," Misako gloated.
Sobering a little, Endymion asked, "Did you like being a boy?"
"It was okay, I guess," Misako admitted, "I had to ask 'Sagi how to pee
though." Endymion's eyes opened wide and he stared at his young
daughter. "Hey, it didn't come with instructions."
Endymion shifted a little uncomfortably and asked, "So do you have any
questions?"
"I don't think so, Dad," Misako answered after a moment, "I was kinda
curious about what it would be like to be a boy." She frowned a little
bit then said, "But I like bein' a girl a lot more." She was silent for
a moment in thought before adding, "If I was gonna be a boy, I wouldn't
want to be you."
"Nani?!"
Misako smiled and getting up on her knees, leaned towards her father and
wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. After a moment, she pulled
back and said, "Because you're my dad and I wouldn't want to replace
you."
"Arigato," Endymion replied and gave her a kiss on the forehead. He
grunted slightly as Misako turned and sat on his lap. She had missed
being able to do that. That was one disadvantage of growing up.
She snuggled back against him. There had been a few times recently that
she had wanted to be able to sit on his lap and be hugged. Tilting her
head back so she was looking up at her father, Misako said, "Dad?"
"Hmmm..."
"Can girls ride motorcycles?"
"Hai."
"Even princesses?"
"I'm a king and I ride mine so I would think a princess could, why?"
"Well, I did like the ride I had on yours," Misako remarked, "It was fun
and well..."
Endymion smiled softly for a moment and then said, "What if after this
week, I take you for a little ride?"
"Honto?" Misako asked while whirling around. When Endymion nodded, she
gave a squeal of delight and jumped up to hug her father. This was a
mistake because she drove her foot into a delicate place. Endymion gave
a grunt and with a pained expression fell sideways onto the couch.
******
That night, Usagi spent the night in Misako's room at her sister's
request. Wanting to talk, Usagi had happily accepted. She hadn't put up
as much of a fuss about her pajamas as she had the night before although
she still wasn't too pleased about having to wear them. It was well past
the girls' normal bedtime and both of them were still awake.
"Ne, what do you think Ami brought today?" Usagi asked.
"I don't know," Misako replied then yawned, "'Sagi-chan, it's late.
Let's go to sleep." It was harder to stay up late in their child bodies.
"Misako," Usagi said while sitting up in bed and looking at her sister,
"Why are you going along with this so easily? Yeah were six physically
but that's it. If you and me resisted, we could get Mom 'n' Dad to give
in on some stuff. Wouldn't you like to wear a regular set of pajamas?"
Misako sat up and hugged her teddy bear to her. It was comforting to
her. <I don't care what 'Sagi thinks,> she thought, <I won't let you
anywhere near Usagi's hands.> When her sister nudged her, Misako
answered, "I hate this. I'd like to wear a shirt like I was doing
before. I just can't see causing a big fuss when it'll just give us more
trouble. We do sorta deserve this."
"You could stop acting like a six year old though," Usagi pointed out.
"Yeah, we're being punished but nothing says we gotta be miserable, ne?"
Misako asked. When Usagi reluctantly nodded, she added, "Okay, so I
might be overdoing it a little but how serious can you be in a situation
like this?"
"I guess I was going a little far then, ne?"
"Iie," Misako responded, "We just look at things from different angles."
"Hai, I guess so, Imouto," Usagi agreed thoughtfully. "Ne, do you want
to trade..."
"Forget it!"
"Well, can I hold your teddy bear?" It wasn't a bunny but she didn't
want to go all the way to her room to get one.
"I'd rather grow up again then let you have her," Misako replied. Her
sister's record with teddy bears was not good. Usagi pouted.
"Please Onee-chan?!?" Usagi asked. Misako held her teddy bear closer and
lay back down. "You're no fun." She got out bed and started for the
door.
"Oh all right, Imouto," Misako conceded, "You can hold her on one
condition."
"Nani?"
"If you kill her, Mom gets to change you into a teddy bear." Whether it
was the lateness of the hour or the absurdity of the requisition, Misako
never knew but Usagi burst into a fit of giggles.
******
Serenity and Endymion watched in horror on Tuesday morning as both their
children ate pancakes. By the time Usagi and Misako had finished the
last of their pancakes, both little girls' hands and faces were covered
in sticky syrup.
"Why the special breakfast, Mom?" Usagi asked as she stuffed the last of
her pancake into her mouth and chewed it with vigor.
"Because Mizuno-sensei dropped off schoolwork from yesterday for you two
to do today and you'll need your energy, especially since you both were
up late talking last night."
Misako gave Usagi a nervous look before saying, "You knew about that?
Why didn't you come in and break us up?"
"Because," Endymion joined in, "We weren't sure what you were talking
about and figured it was best to let you talk. I think that should be
another rule: people don't interfere in talks they happen upon."
"Hai. Sounds good to me," Usagi agreed. "We got homework, ne Mom?"
Serenity nodded. "I guess first grade homework won't be so bad."
"It's your regular tenth grade homework, Usagi-chan," Serenity
corrected, "Just not quite as much as normal, but we don't want you
falling behind too badly."
"But we're six!" Usagi exclaimed.
"You keep telling us you're really a teen," Endymion countered. He tried
not to chuckle as Usagi gave him a dirty look.
"This isn't fair," Misako piped up, "How am I supposed to get help if I
don't understand something?" Neither of their parents was interested
much in that sort of thing and she wasn't so sure of Usagi right now. "I
can't fall behind..."
"Yeah!" Usagi piped up, "I'm still under THOSE conditions." The last
thing she needed was to drop to a "C" and be removed from regular school
classes. That Senshi Council edict had never been revoked.
"WE'RE going to help you, Mesume," Serenity answered. Both girls seemed
a little surprised "We'll be around to help both of you out. We'll do
some after breakfast and then, we'll take a break and then, finish up
everything before lunch if we can. Come on and we'll get you two washed
up. Your school fuku are on your beds."
"We gotta wear those too?" Misako questioned in confusion.
"Only when you're doing your homework," Endymion replied. "We have to
set the proper atmosphere for learning."
******
Despite her misgivings, Misako didn't find wearing a school fuku as bad
as she had first believed it would be. There wasn't much difference
between her first grade fuku, which Serenity found tucked away in a box,
and her normal junior high school one.
It was Usagi who discovered the biggest difference. Instead of a normal
first grade Palace School fuku like Misako's, Serenity have provided her
with the one she had worn in the past. It had a blue skirt while the top
was white and trimmed in red. Despite being a year younger than when she
had first returned to the past, the size was fairly close and the fuku
was only a little loose.
Upon coming into the living room, Usagi drew her sister's attention.
Misako stared for a moment and then said, "What gives? Something special
for the Crown Princess?!"
"Iie," Serenity said, "We got this for Usagi because that's what we
remembered her having in the past." Misako gave her mother a dubious
look. "We remember her having one and figured things would just work out
that way."
"Hey, I didn't like being different either," Usagi fibbed. <I was the
only one in my class.> But she wasn't about to think about the timeline
where she didn't have a sister.
"I can have Luna-P make you one like Usagi's if you want it, Miko-chan,"
Serenity offered.
"Iie," Misako said, "I like THIS fuku." She liked it because it reminded
her of a better time, before she had been pitted against her sister in
fierce competition.
Usagi along with her sister and parents moved into the dining room where
the homework was awaiting them. "Can we decided what to do first?" Usagi
asked.
"Hai, Mesume," Serenity replied, "We'll see how much you get done and
decide when to take a break then."
"I still say we should only have to do FIRST grade homework," Usagi
muttered as she hopped onto a chair. <Kami-sama, look at all this
stuff.> She never really thought how much homework she and Misako did.
That was an advantage of being Queen was there was no homework.
"No way. I don't want to fall behind," Misako replied as she hopped up
onto her chair.
******
"We should get a different table, Dad," Misako observed.
"Why?" Endymion asked.
"'Cause it isn't like the one in Onee... I mean Mom's room," Usagi
replied. "It was one of those low square ones that we could all sit
around and see each other."
"We sat on Usagi's bed when I came over to help you," Endymion remarked
to Usagi.
"That was Mom's fault," Usagi replied, "She was jealous."
"Who was sitting on whose lap?!?" Serenity asked.
"Aren't we supposed to do homework?" Misako interrupted.
"Gomen," Serenity answered, "You're quite right, Miko-chan." She leaned
over to see what her daughter was working at and furrowed her brow
slightly, "What's this?"
"Geography," Misako responded.
"Iie... this right there," she inquired while indicating a doodle with
her finger.
Misako blushed a little and said, "I think it's a kitten." Blushing even
more, she hurriedly erased the doodle and then to distract her mother,
asked, "What do they mean by this?" Serenity started reading the passage
her daughter had indicated.
"So did your mom read manga or actually study?" Endymion asked softly.
"She studied," Usagi conceded and then giggled. "Mom was pretty good
about doing homework. At least when `I' was around." She looked over to
where Serenity was frowning over Misako's geography textbook and smiled.
<I never thought I'd see that.> She glanced at her father and noticed
his own smile as well. <I think we want the same thing. Imouto needs a
Mom... and I need one too.>
******
Although both Misako and Usagi were busy, both little girls found that
time seemed to drag on slowly. When Serenity saw Usagi just staring at
her paper, she asked, "Ne, having problems?"
"I know how to do this, Mom," Usagi said, "I just can't seem to get it."
"Let me see," Serenity offered and moved around the table to look over
Usagi. "Well you could do it like this," she suggested and taking
Usagi's pencil started writing. Endymion who had been sitting beside
Usagi leaned over to watch. "There!" Serenity finally declared.
"Putting kawaii little rabbit ears on the numbers won't solve the math
problem," Endymion observed then chucked. That brought back memories.
"I was trying to make it more interesting for Usagi," Serenity
explained.
Usagi stared down at her paper and then looked up at her mother. "I'll
give it a try," she said dubiously as she took the pencil back from her
mother. <Mom did this in the past and it never worked.> Misako, having
lost interest in her own homework, watched her parents and sister
curiously.
"Nope, all that did was make me draw kawaii little bunny ears onto my
numbers," Usagi giggled. She wasn't going to mention the numerous
doodles that covered the page. Why was she feeling so silly?
"Here, let me show you," Endymion said and taking the pencil from Usagi
started working out the problem while explaining each step.
Some time later, Usagi was thinking that getting her parents' help was a
mistake. Her father's solution hadn't been any closer than her mother's
solution; the only thing it had accomplished was to launch both her
parents into a debate on who was using the proper method. Finally tiring
of her parents' argument, she declared, "I'll just figure it out on my
own."
"Hey, I said I'd help you out, Usagi-chan," Serenity replied, "I
certainly used to in the past."
"Yeah but she came to me for help too and you were never that good in
math," Endymion argued. Serenity stuck her tongue. Misako rolled her
eyes.
"That isn't true, Mamo-chan. I helped her out lots of times you weren't
around," Serenity remarked. Hearing a rustle, she saw Misako sliding off
of her chair and heading for the doorway. "And just where are you going,
Miko-chan?"
"Someplace quieter," Misako remarked.
"Without any books?" Serenity asked. Normally, Misako was the first to
want all her homework completed quickly.
Misako shifted from foot to foot while asking, "Mom, can we take a
break?" She had a lot of energy she wanted to get dissipate and sitting
on a chair doing homework didn't seem very appealing at the moment.
"It's not even ten yet," Serenity observed, "Are you having problems? I
bet I can help you."
"Iie, arigato," Misako declined as she came back and sat up on her chair
but she didn't pick her pen up again. "Whatcha doing, 'Sagi-chan?"
"I'm trying to figure out this baka math problem," Usagi replied, "But
Mom and Dad are fighting over how I should figure it out." Both her
parents blushed a little bit. <This is not like the past.>
"I remember trying to help you out, Usagi-chan," Serenity mused as she
moved to sit beside Misako, "Then Luna would scold me for not paying
attention to my own homework."
"Did you help Misako out a lot?" Endymion asked.
"Iie," Serenity replied, "I nearly had to drag her into our study
sessions. She wanted to be alone."
"Probably because you were reading manga and laughing like a hyena,"
Endymion replied with a smile.
"Yeah but Mom did help me," Usagi remembered with a smile, "And she's
right, Dad, we had to drag Misako into our study sessions. Then, she
just sat there and did her homework." <I didn't understand then why she
was acting so strange.>
"That's what we were there for!" Misako retorted and threw a wad of
paper at her sister.
Serenity sighed and shook her head. <This is so different from when I
was Usagi. I always looked forward to doing homework when I could do
work on it with Chibi-Usa. It made things go faster.> She batted a
crumpled piece of paper that Usagi had fired back at her sister out of
the way. <Usagi's right about one thing, I did help her more than I
helped Misako.> But Misako never seemed to want or need her help.
"Girls, that's enough," Endymion admonished gently.
"I'm bored," Usagi announced, "I don't want to do this stuff." She was
feeling restless.
"Hai, I can't write as well and I'm slow..." Misako added, "Can't we
take a break, please?!?" Serenity shook her head. "You took breaks all
the time when you were Usagi and didn't want to do your homework."
"That's right!" Usagi agreed.
"Hai and look how badly she did in school," Endymion teased.
"Nonsense. So I had a little slip every once in awhile," Serenity
sniffed, "That doesn't mean anything. Now you've only covered one
subject as far as I can see. Do another one and we'll see about taking a
break."
Misako suddenly had an idea. Much to her parents' distress, she climbed
onto the table and kneeling in front of Usagi looked over the paper
Usagi had been using. "I suppose YOU can solve it, Imouto?" Usagi asked
dubiously.
"Misako, get off the table," Serenity directed but Misako didn't move.
After a moment of intense study, Misako announced, "Baka 'Sagi never
changes. Get that five out of there. It doesn't even belong to that
question."
"Nani?" Usagi stared at the paper for a moment and then at her parents
before regarding Misako who was just sitting on the table grinning at
her. "Move over," Usagi commanded. When Misako obliged, she climbed onto
the table beside her sister.
"What are you doing?!?" Serenity asked.
"Getting a new perspective, Mom," Usagi replied before breaking into a
fit of giggles.
Chapter 12 - Understanding
After completing their homework that afternoon, Usagi and Misako went
outside to play, leaving their parents in relative peace. Serenity
watched her small children play through the bay window for a few moments
before turning back to Endymion. "May I ask you something?" Endymion
seemed a little surprised but nodded. He got up from his place on the
couch and moved to stand beside his wife. Serenity turned back to the
window for a moment to make sure that her daughters were away from the
window before looking up at her husband.
"What is it, Serenity?" Endymion inquired when he saw the concern and
worry written on her face.
Serenity clasped her hands in front of her and asked, "Why didn't you
stop me, Endymion?"
"Nani?"
"Why did you let me ruin this family?" She saw he was about to speak so
added, "You gave your word to be truthful, Endymion." Endymion closed
his mouth and glanced away from her. Serenity felt her stomach begin to
knot. "Endymion..."
"Serenity," Endymion began while taking her hands in his, "I think there
are two reasons. Firstly, despite the fact that we are supposed King and
Queen, you sometimes treat me like I'm not your equal." She just stared
at him, then started to open her mouth to deny such a crazy idea. "How
many times has the Senshi Council wanted to hear MY ideas?" Serenity
slowly closed her mouth. "The second reason is that I trusted you." A
smile touched his lips fleetingly. "My Usako wouldn't have even
tolerated Misako being hurt. So, I trusted you because I thought your
heart would stop you."
Serenity gave him a pained expression so Endymion continued on,
"Serenity... you asked if I thought you were responsible. I don't think
that's the right question to ask."
"Nani?" Serenity asked, "I don't understand what you mean."
"I am as responsible as you are, as the Senshi Council is, or Sailor
Pluto. All of us decided long ago that we'd make Misako's and, to a
lesser extent, Usagi's life miserable. But for what?" He held up khis
hand and said, "We were going to avoid that question for the moment.
What I meant, though, is I would ask what actions were part of this
wedge and which were not?"
Serenity was silent for a long moment before she said, "You mean there
are things that I did on my own." She moved closer and Endymion hugged
her. "Gomen nasai, Endymion." Tears stung her eyes as he gently kissed
her.
"That's so gross!" came the high-pitched voice of Usagi. Serenity jumped
and turned around to find her two six year old daughters by the doorway.
"Come see the clouds!" Usagi requested, "We're gonna get a storm!" Her
eyes were large and nervous looking.
"You go on," Serenity directed and pushed Endymion towards the door, "I
need some time alone to think." Usagi looked like she was about to make
a smart remark but a warning look from her father stifled it. After they
had gone outside to look at the approaching storm clouds, Serenity
hugged herself and felt both terror and anticipation.
******
Usagi and Misako, having just finished their baths and changed for bed,
were sitting on the couch waiting for their parents. Usagi hugged her
stuffed bunny to her chest and tried not to giggle but couldn't help it.
Misako gave her a curious look and asked, "I thought you didn't want to
be a six year old."
"Nani?" Usagi asked with a giggle.
"What gives with the bunny rabbit, 'Sagi-chan? Yesterday, you said you
didn't need it." Misako hugged her teddy bear and was just as glad Usagi
had her own stuffed animal although she'd hate to admit it.
Giving her sister a broad smile, Usagi replied, "Well... I thought about
it, Imouto, and you're right. Why be miserable about something we can't
change, ne?" She giggled again and continued, "One part of me thinks
it's silly though." <I'm just glad none of my friends know I'm doing
this.>
"Hai, I know, Onee-chan," Misako admitted while giving a giggle herself.
Usagi yawned and then turning around on the couch, asked, "Ne, what's
takin' so long, Dad?!?"
"Just a minute!" Endymion called back from the kitchen.
Usagi turned around and flopped onto the couch. Yawning a little, she
hugged her stuffed bunny and felt her eyes starting to get heavy.
******
Both Endymion and Serenity jerked awake when something small and
screaming burst into their room. At first, Serenity wasn't sure what it
was, and then she realized that it was Usagi. Serenity was just
beginning to open her arms when the small girl scrambled onto the bed
and nearly dove towards her father. Endymion arrested his daughter's
motion by hugging her.
"Kami-sama, Small Lady, what's the matter?" Serenity asked. Usagi didn't
say anything, just nervously looked upwards. It was then that the Royal
Couple heard the rumbling of thunder. A flash of lightning lit the room
brilliantly for a moment before plunging it into deep darkness.
Serenity felt her heart speed up but not all of it was fear. She felt
scared now that she knew thunder was overhead. She moved closer to
Endymion when the room was lit by lightning and another peal of thunder
boomed overhead. However, she also felt excitement.
"It's all right, Usagi-chan," Endymion soothed while holding the small
girl close to him. The previous evening, he and Serenity had came out of
the kitchen carrying a small bedtime snack for the girls and discovered
that Usagi had already drifted off to sleep. Not wanting to wake her,
Endymion had gently picked her up and carried her off to her bed.
"Where's Misako?!" Usagi asked, her voice sounded fearful and concerned.
"In her own bed," Serenity answered, "But I'll go check." <I bet she's
watching the storm.> Giving her eldest daughter a quick hug, Serenity
slid from her bed and padded out of the bedroom. <I knew it...> Serenity
thought with a small smile as she quietly opened Misako's door and saw
her other daughter sitting by the window looking out at the storm.
"Miko-chan," she called out softly.
Misako whirled around and in a flash of lightning, Serenity could see
the guilty expression on the little girl's face. "Mom... the storm woke
me up."
Gathering her courage, Serenity walked over to the window and lifting
her daughter up, sat down. She then put Misako on her lap and wrapped
her arms around the child. "I know... Is it a good storm?"
"Aren't you scared, Mom?" Misako asked somewhat surprised.
"Sure, I am," Serenity replied, "But I was you, ne?" She hugged Misako
and felt secure. <I remember being small and not being afraid.> She
smoothed some of Misako's loose hair and said, "I tried to cheer up my
onee but she got really scared." Misako giggled a little which brought a
smile to Serenity's lips.
"Then everybody came to me," Misako remarked, "Everybody wanted to spend
the night."
"Hai," Serenity agreed. She rested her cheek gently on the top of
Misako's head while thinking, <I just wanted to be with you.> She still
felt fear when she heard the thunder clap overhead but for only the
second time in her life, she could sit and enjoy something that
typically scared her.
There was a long moment of silence where only the rain and the thunder
could be heard and then, Misako said something so softly that Serenity
almost didn't hear her, "I was needed then." The child's voice sounded
pained yet wistful at the same time.
Serenity felt her eyes starting to moisten. Giving a little sniffle, she
straightened and turned Misako around. "Ne, Miko-chan, do you think
you're needed now?"
Misako just shrugged and said, "What can I do now? I'm just a little
kid." She looked out at the darkness for a moment and then continued
softly, "I don't even need to be a Senshi. There are all sorts of
Younger Senshi around. Mizuno-sensei doesn't think I'm important
either."
"And why do you think that?" Serenity asked.
"Have you looked at our history books, Mom?" Misako asked, "The one
Mizuno-sensei uses in class only mentions me four times, even called me
obnoxious! Do you know how often Onee-chan is mentioned?"
"Iie, but I'm sure you'll tell me," Serenity said with a little sigh.
"Two hundred and thirty-six times," Misako replied and then shrugged,
"It's silly I guess, Mom." <I shouldn't be jealous of 'Sagi. She earned
most of them.> "I know 'Sagi did a lot more than me. I don't even know
why I went back into the past; it didn't do any good anyways." Before
her mother could respond, she added, "I know Atsuko needs me at least."
Serenity detected a note of doubt but she wasn't about to hold a
discussion in the middle of the night.
"Miko-chan, could I stay with you tonight?" Serenity asked.
"Honto?" Misako asked when Serenity nodded, Misako smiled a little and
nodded her head. They spent the next little bit watching the storm and
Misako fell asleep in her mother's arms.
Serenity tucked the little girl into bed before lying down beside her,
Serenity thought, <I wish Misako would be angry with me or hurt about
what I've done.> But Misako's resignation to what had happened bothered
Serenity deeply. After she had settled herself beside her daughter, the
small girl snuggled closer and used her mother's arm as a pillow.
Serenity's eyes misted as she remembered back to the past and the few
times Misako had slept in her bed.
<I hope you like what I did,> Serenity wondered, <I hope that you don't
take it the wrong way.> After a few moments more, the storm finally
abated and only the soft pattering of rain could be heard. She then
slipped quietly into slumber.
******
Misako's eyes sprang open early that morning. At first, she wondered why
she had woken up but then, she realized she was in desperate need of the
bathroom. Grumbling, not only because she had to carefully extract
herself from her mother's warm embrace but also that she had to get up
at all, the little girl made her way quickly to the bathroom.
After freshening up, Misako came out and crawled back onto the bed. She
looked down at her mother and saw Serenity smiling. A taste almost like
bile rose in her mouth and she had difficulty swallowing. Tears welled
up in her eyes and she gave an almost inaudible sob.
<It's a lie!> Misako thought, <Nothing's changed. This week's just a
sham.> Nothing would ever change. How many times had she thought things
were fine only to be hurt once more by her mother's lies? She felt anger
building as she looked down at the soft smile on Serenity's face. <She
thinks everything will be okay. Damn it! She was supposed to know how I
feel!> All her plan had accomplished was to make it likely that she'd be
tried for treason and spend the rest of her life in prison. Moving off
the bed, she ran as quietly from the room as possible.
She wiped away at her tears as she thought, <I'll fix her! I'm not some
little kid. If she wants to hurt me, I can hurt her just as much!> But
how? She couldn't go into her parents' bedroom. Her father was in there
and she had heard Usagi run in there as well. <Even 'Sagi doesn't need
me.> That increased her anger.
<So what can I do?> Crossing her arms, she tapped her lower lip in
concentration while staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments, an
idea came to her. <Maybe I can hide 'Sagi's picture MOTHER likes.> Yes,
that would be suitable. Turning, she marched down the hall and into the
living room. She wasn't going to wreck her sister's picture but its
disappearance would certainly throw her mother into a titter.
She cocked her head and stared up above the fireplace mantle.
<Something's different.> Moving closer, Misako observed Usagi's picture
of the both of them she had drawn and won an award for but then, she saw
something she had tucked away in a drawer. Or at least, she thought she
had. Misako had won a gold medal in a regional competition shortly after
she returned from the past. It was mounted inside a picture frame. The
frame also contained a picture of herself in her gymnastics' outfit.
Indignation quickly followed realization as Misako thought in rage,
<That youma's trying to suck up!> Looking around for a chair she could
move, she thought grimly, <Well, I'll show her.>
Getting up and onto the stone mantle above the fireplace was the easy
part for Misako. What fear she had was suppressed by her anger. In
addition, the brickwork afforded her hands and feet holds that her small
size could use easily. It was when she came face to face with the
picture that she started having second thoughts.
<I don't want to take this down. People could at least see something "I"
did.> But this had to be some type of trick by her mother. <She went
snooping through MY stuff!> Sure, it had been in a dresser drawer but it
was still her stuff. She grabbed the picture frame and tugged. <How'd
she put this baka thing up?> Some common sense took a hold of her then;
she was several feet off the floor with no mat. <Be careful, Misako,>
she told herself as she glanced over her shoulder and gulped. <That was
a baka thing to do.> Her anger slipped for a moment and that's when the
internal struggle truly began. One part wanted the picture to stay; the
other wanted it to go.
******
It was a lance of early morning sunlight that awakened Neo-Queen
Serenity. She opened her eyes and then shut them tightly. Groaning, she
slowly opened her eyes again. At first, she was confused about where she
was and then remembered that she was in Misako's room. She also noticed
that Misako wasn't around. Sitting up, she looked around and noticed
that the room was empty. "Miko-chan?" she asked. There was no response.
She glanced at the clock and saw it was about six. Scrubbing her eyes,
she got up and wandered into Misako's bathroom.
After a few minutes, she came out feeling more refreshed. <Strange,> she
thought, <Where'd she go?> Padding out of the room, she crossed the
short distance to the master bedroom and softly opened the door
partially closed door. <Iie, she's not in there.> She smiled as she saw
Usagi curled up beside her father. <Such a small body but she takes up
most of the bed.> Just like she had in the past. Endymion was almost in
danger of falling out of bed. <She's certainly a princess.> Which
reminded her of why she had gone into the master bedroom in the first
place. Picking up her robe, she put it on before putting her slippers
on.
Quietly leaving the room, she closed the door. She was just wondering
where to start looking for Misako when she heard a noise from the living
room. <She must be watching television.> How Misako could get up so
early in the morning, Serenity didn't know but that was one thing she
wished she had been able to do as Usagi.
Serenity came out to the living room and got a shock. Misako was not
watching television. Instead, Misako was standing on the stone mantle
over the fireplace and seemed to be trying to remove a picture of
herself. "Great Serenity's Ghost!" Serenity exclaimed. The little girl
gave a startled jump but somehow, she managed to keep her balance. "What
are you doing?!" Serenity demanded as she moved over to the mantle.
"Getting rid of this!" Misako answered matter of factly as she ripped
the picture off the wall. <You probably "arranged" for me to win it.>
She brandished it towards her mother who recognized it -- the picture of
Misako in her gymnastic outfit and her first gold medal.
"Give that to me, Misako," Serenity directed, "I put that up there so
that guests could see it." She stared sternly, and with considerable
shock, up at the little girl. Misako's face was streaked with tears and
her cheeks were red, either from crying or from anger.
"Forget it!" Misako shot back and flung the picture across the room. It
crashed into the opposite wall and shattered. She rubbed at her eyes to
get the tears out of them.
"Come down here, this instant, young lady!" Serenity demanded and held
out her arms. Misako would have been defiant but she realized the
position she was in so she allowed her mother to help her down. "Now,
why did you get rid of it? I thought it would look nice beside
Usagi's..."
"You're just tryin' to suck up, Okaa-san," Misako interrupted tersely.
"You never cared about MY gymnastics so you shouldn't try to care about
them now. You MADE me give it up. I can't see why you'd want something
around that embarrassed you."
<Embarrassed?> "It didn't embarrass me," Serenity countered.
"What a load of bull!" Misako shouted.
"Misako, don't get angry. Remember we promised we wouldn't get upset,"
Serenity reminded her. Misako's face twisted itself into a disgusted
look. "Now, I'm willing to talk about this but you can't get angry."
"Why talk?" Misako said coldly, "It's too late now, Okaa-san. I can't go
to Nationals. That's what YOU wanted so there's nothin' to talk about."
She heard a noise and glancing over at the doorway, she saw that Usagi
and Endymion were peering curiously into the room. "So don't tell me you
wanted something for guests to see. That picture of 'Sagi's is your
pride and joy and it's been up there since she was little. Don't try and
lie about wanting to put something of mine up!"
"Misako..." Serenity began, her voice thick with emotion, as tears
started to slide down her cheeks. She reached out for her daughter but
the little girl pulled away. She sniffled and watched as Misako stomped
across the room, picked up the remains of the picture and medal before
pushing past her shocked father and sister. Serenity saw Endymion start
towards her but she shook her head. Taking a shuddering breath, she said
softly, "I have to handle this." Being comforted by Endymion wouldn't do
Misako any good and that's who was hurting more at the moment.
"Usagi-chan, give your sister and me some time, okay?"
"Hai," Usagi agreed, her own voice showing her feelings. <This isn't
like Imouto...> And that worried her. She watched as her mother walked
down the hallway before being led away by her father. This would be a
real test of her mother's resolve.
******
Misako angrily scrubbed at her eyes, trying to get the tears out of
them. <I shouldn't cry. 'Sagi's the one who cries...> She was standing
by the window, looking out into the backyard. <Why does it have to be
this way?> Misako wondered as she looked at the now ragged picture in
her hand. She heard a knock at the door but she ignored it.
"Misako?" came the voice of her mother as the door opened.
"Go 'way," Misako quipped simply and continued to gaze out the window.
She heard her mother enter the room and the door being closed so she
turned around. She saw the tears on her mother's cheeks and for an
instant, her heart went out to her mother in sympathy. It was only an
instant though because Misako crushed the sympathy with her anger,
frustration, and bitterness. "So... Okaa-san, corner time or are you
going to spank me?"
Serenity blinked in confusion and asked, "Nani?"
"The only reason you'd come in here would be to punish me," Misako
deduced. She had this irrational need to hurt her mother. <All I want is
a hug.> She knew she couldn't ever take one from Serenity though, not
with things the way they were. <It's a lie but I know 'Sagi misses HER
mom...> Maybe she'd be able to have Serenity and Usagi forgive each
other by the end of this session of bonding. At least, Usagi would be
happy.
Serenity, who hadn't moved from near the door, took a step forward and
said in a soft but strain filled voice, "I'm not going to punish you,
Misako. We gave our word as Sailor Senshi we wouldn't get upset at
things we heard this week."
"Then why'd you come in here, Okaa-san?" Misako ranted, "I'm not going
to let you have this. You never, ever cared about my gymnastics, not
even in the past." <Only 'Sagi did.>
"Can I sit down?" When Misako shrugged, her mother moved over to the
edge of the bed and sat down. "I came in here for a couple of reasons.
The first one is to tell you that your onee, in no way, shape, or form,
had anything to do with me making you give up gymnastics."
"Nothing?" Misako asked dubiously, "Come on, Okaa..." Misako halted and
took a few shaky breaths to calm herself. <If she can follow these baka
rules, I can too!> Feeling a little more in control of herself, she
began again, "Mom, that could be the only reason. Usagi couldn't do it,
so YOU decided I shouldn't either."
"That isn't true, Mesume," Serenity argued, "I was the one that
convinced your father, along with Kimeko's help, to let you take
gymnastics in the first place." Misako looked even more dubious at that
statement. Her dad had always supported her. "Miko-chan, I give you my
word of honor, Usagi had nothing to do with my decision."
"Then why?!?" Misako demanded through tears.
"I was afraid you'd burn yourself out," Serenity admitted, "You were
trying to do more than I thought you could handle. You had gymnastics
practice, Senshi practice, and your schoolwork. Misako, you were falling
asleep at the dining room table. A couple of weeks ago, both your father
and I noticed a light from under your door way past lights out. When we
came in, you were passed out over your homework."
"My grades were just as good as Usagi's... even better," Misako remarked
coldly. She glared at her mother for a long moment, then continued, "Or
is it 'cause Usagi couldn't..."
"Tsukino Misako!" Serenity answered sharply, "I've told you Usagi had
nothing to do with my decision. Don't blame your onee for something I
did!"
"I'm not," Misako said softly, "But... Mom, if that's true, then why
didn't you just let me quit being a Sailor Senshi? I told you last night
I didn't need to be one. They're lots around." Sure, Usagi would be
disappointed but her sister was a better Senshi. She looked at the
ground and asked, "Don't you want me to have friends?"
<What do I do?> There was something more here than gymnastics. <I don't
think Misako will listen to me though.> After a moment, she decided to
forego the first question and answer the last one. "You do have friends,
Miko-chan," her mother answered just as softly, "Misako, I put a stop to
your gymnastics because I thought you were taking on too much. First,
you lose sleep and then, your grades slip, and you've always been proud
of your grades, ne?"
"Yeah," Misako admitted reluctantly.
Licking her lips, Serenity ventured on gently, "It might hurt but you'll
never make a career out of gymnastics." Pausing, she continued, "When
your coach called me..."
"Nani?!?" Misako asked sharply.
"When your coach called me," Serenity began anew with some apprehension,
"We talked about how much work you'd have to put in to move to the
senior level and your potential for the future. I decided that it would
be best if you concentrated on your Senshi duties."
Misako's reaction was both unexpected and violent. She grabbed up a book
that was nearby and flung it at her mother. Serenity dodged and lunging
for Misako, hugged the little girl close to her.
"LET ME GO!" Misako howled while trying to wriggle out of Serenity's
embrace. "YOU decided! Whatever happened to MY decision? It's MY life
you were playing with!" She stopped her wriggling long enough to glare
up at her mother and demanded, "What makes you think I wouldn't give up
gymnastics?!?"
"You're a princess and there are certain things expected of them." The
little girl suddenly slumped against Serenity. Through her own pounding
heart, she could hear Misako's crying. It torn at her like a knife.
"Yeah, like not making waves for their onee," Misako remarked snidely.
She knew the drill. She was second banana to Usagi. <I had this all
figured out when I was Dad... Now it's all gone.>
"Are you going to stop throwing things?"
"Hai," Misako said sulkily.
Serenity nodded and allowed Misako to stand up. Serenity moved back a
little but kept within arm's reach. "As I said before, Miko-chan,"
Serenity began with a hint of exasperation, "It has nothing to do with
your sister."
"Look, MOM, all of this was about splitting me 'n' 'Sagi up so it DOES
have to do with 'Sagi," Misako reasoned. "I love 'Sagi very much but
just because I got a little more grace than her, shouldn't mean I should
give up something I love."
Serenity shook her head and countered by saying, "Even if we were a
happy family, Miko-chan, I still would have made the same decision."
"Nani?" Misako asked with some surprise.
"I would have still made the same decision," Serenity repeated, "I'm
sorry I didn't handle it in the way I should have. I should have talked
it over with you and I'm very sorry for not doing so. Gomen nasai." She
tried to smile but Misako's glower stopped her. "I love you,
Miko-chan... I was concerned about you. I know that it might be hard to
believe but I was and still am."
"What about the picture then?"
Serenity sighed a little then. She had saw the gold medal just sitting
in a drawer and just yesterday, did she ever think of displaying it. She
and Endymion had placed the picture and medal up while the girls were in
bed. "Oh Misako, I thought you'd like having that gold medal of your up
to show people. I know how proud you are of it."
"Show's how much you know!" Misako shot back, "I hate the thing. You
probably rigged a judge or two."
Serenity put a firm grip on her rising temper and continued on smoothly,
"I thought it would be nice to put a picture with it. I should have
asked you but I wanted it to be a surprise. Gomen nasai. I just kept
seeing that one picture of Usagi's and thinking how badly I treated you
and I wanted to do something to fix it."
Misako's shoulders slumped in defeat and she stared at the floor for a
long time. <Mom's right,> Misako thought, <I'm not any good.> She'd been
fooling herself. There had been no way she could have gone to Nationals.
Maybe she was fooling herself as a Sailor Senshi too. <I know it isn't
'Sagi's fault, maybe it isn't even Mom's.> "So what do you want?" Misako
asked, "I'm not going to be happy about you making me give up
gymnastics."
"Can I have the picture back?"
"Iie," Misako replied, "You've always had Usagi's picture up there. It
can stay up there by itself."
Serenity gave a sigh of exasperation and looked sternly at her youngest
daughter, "I don't think Usagi would be very offended."
"Just go away," Misako replied, "You've won, okay Mom? So 'Sagi isn't
involved and you would have done this whether you loved me or not. I'm
not going to let you have this. You don't even know what it means to me
or what it doesn't mean to me."
"Is there another award you'd rather have me display?" Serenity asked.
She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes again.
"Just go away," Misako replied, "You've made your point, Mom, now just
go. Please..." She wrapped the cold bitterness she felt around her like
a blanket.
"What about breakfast?" Serenity asked. Misako simply turned away from
her and didn't answer.
<Leave,> Misako thought as she fought against her tears. She heard her
mother leave the room and when she was alone, she allowed her tears to
flow freely. Making her way to her secret hiding place, she pulled out a
small box and looked at the bronze medal she had won in the past. <This
is the one 'Sagi was proud of me for.> She had earned it on her own and
was certain of that. No one had known she was a princess. It had simply
been hard work that she'd put into training. <This is the real one. This
isn't a lie.> Hanging the medal around her neck, Misako walked over to
her bed and climbing up on it, hugged her teddy bear and cried herself
to sleep.
******
While Serenity went to speak with Misako, Endymion and Usagi moved into
the kitchen to make breakfast. While her father prepared the porridge,
Usagi sat on the counter, an action that would be frowned upon in any
other circumstance. Taking a sip of her juice, she mused, "Ne, Misako's
actin' strange."
Endymion glanced at her before saying, "How do you mean?"
"She wouldn't have said any of that stuff," Usagi remarked, "Imouto
would've just stayed quiet, maybe sulked a little, but I couldn't
believe she'd yell at Mom like that. She never did that before..." At
least not when she was around.
"Hai. You're right, Usagi-chan," Endymion agreed. He gave a gusty sigh
and said, "I don't think Misako wanted to hurt you." Usagi blinked in
confusion. "Well I know how you get when Misako takes something you've
done the wrong way."
Usagi gave a soft smile and stated, "Misako and I are okay with each
other. I have to stop stepping on her toes but I don't think she meant
to hurt my feelings." She paused and added in a sad tone, "It was Mom."
<Why can't Miko get along with Mom like I did?> She really wanted to
forgive her mother but if Miko continued on like she had been, there
wouldn't be any hope in that. <I need a mom still and Misako certainly
needs one.> She hated to admit it but it was true and Serenity was their
mom. Usagi had been a little taken aback when Misako came to her for
things that Usagi had gone to her mother for. Draining her glass, she
said, "Can I have some more juice please, Dad?"
"Hai," Endymion said and gave his daughter a little more.
"That's it?" Usagi whined, "Come on, Dad, I might be six but I ain't
gonna wet the bed. Misako thinks this is silly too. We are really
teenagers remember, just different body sizes."
"You can have some more with your breakfast," Endymion compromised as he
turned back to the porridge.
Usagi grumbled a little but drank the juice. Setting the cup in the
sink, she asked, "How do you do it, Dad?" Endymion's head snapped up and
he stared at Usagi. She blushed a little bit and said, "Don't be ecchi!
I'm didn't mean it like that!" Her blush deepened as Endymion's eyes
narrowed. "I meant how do you manage to treat Misako and me the same? I
promised myself I'd treat both my mesume the same but I was even worse
than Mom..." <Not by much but I was.>
Endymion chuckled a little in relief before replying, "Firstly, I'm just
as guilty as your mother." Rumpling his daughter's hair, he added,
"Secondly, you were a great mom and you tried your best. It's not an
easy job being a parent." He then winked.
Usagi giggled then asked, "Misako's your favorite, ne?"
"Usagi-chan, I love you very much," Endymion said, "And I'll tell you
what I told Misako. I promise to try and treat both of you equally when
I can but I'm human and I sometimes think with my heart." He gave his
daughter a quick hug which she returned, "But I want you to understand
something else, you're Crown Princess and that adds a lot of pressure."
"I know, Daddy," Usagi reassured him. "I just feel bad about thinking I
could show you and Mom how to be good parents and then turn around and
do exactly the same stuff Mom did or do some things that were even
worse."
"What was even worse?" Endymion asked as he started filling bowls with
the porridge.
Usagi shifted a little and said, "Well... there's no way Mom would've
taken me to Court if I had ran away like you did." Her cheeks colored a
little as she added in a guilty sounding voice, "Mom wouldn't have
delegated punishing me to you either. She would done it right then and
there." Her face grew sober and she asked, "Dad, you think Mom's going
to punish Misako?" She hoped not but...
"Iie," Endymion answered as he lifted the little girl off the counter,
"I think your mother's going to have a talk with Misako." Hearing a
noise at the doorway, he looked up and saw Serenity standing there, a
look of pain and defeat on her face. Without a word, he walked over and
holding out his arms gathered his wife into his arms.
"Oh Endymion..." Serenity said sadly.
"Where's Misako???" Usagi asked, her high-pitched voice full of concern.
"Usagi... Misako wants to be alone. I think we need to give her some
space."
"Come and eat breakfast, Usagi-chan," Endymion suggested while leading
Serenity into the dining room, "We'll make sure to leave some for Misako
when she comes out." Usagi didn't feel very hungry but at her parents'
urging, she went to have breakfast anyway.
******
By midmorning, Serenity, Endymion, and Usagi were worried. Misako hadn't
shown up for breakfast and when Endymion had gone to get her, she had
locked herself in the bathroom and told him to go away. Usagi had given
up all pretenses of trying to do her homework and instead, was nervously
shifting in her chair and tapping her pencil against the table. Endymion
was trying to appear as if he was reading the newspaper but his eyes
were firmly fixed on the doorway.
It was Serenity that broke the silence, "Endymion, this is ridiculous.
I'm going to go and get that child." Pushing the cup of tea that she
hadn't even touched away from her, she got up and headed for the
doorway.
"Serenity," Endymion began, "Don't be angry with her."
"I'm not!" Serenity snapped sharply, "I'm angry at Pluto and the Senshi
Council. I'm even angry at you but I'm down right furious with myself!"
Serenity closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. "Gomen... Gomen,
Endymion, Small Lady."
"We're all worried, Mom," Usagi chimed in. She wanted to ask her mother
if she really was upset with Pluto, and why she would be upset with the
Senshi Council.
"Minna, I'm sorry if I made you worry. Gomen," came a small voice.
Serenity turned while Endymion and Usagi stood up. Misako was standing
in the doorway, dressed in her school fuku. "I needed time to think."
Walking in, she gave both her sister and her father a bow and said,
"Gomen nasai, I didn't mean to wake you up so early." Turning, she gave
her mother a bow also; this was a little stiffer but just as deep as the
others were. "Gomen nasai, Mom, I shouldn't have broken the picture and
I'm sorry I yelled."
"That's all right, Miko-chan. I can understand you being upset with me,"
Serenity remarked as she crouched down to look at her daughter, "You
needed time to think?"
"Hai," Misako chirped and then taking her hands from behind her back,
she presented Serenity with a bronze gymnastics medal. "If you want to
put something up, you can put this one up."
Serenity looked at the bronze medal and then back at her daughter.
Turning it over in her hands, Serenity read the inscription on it. <When
did... Is this from when she was in the past?> She looked down at its
pristine surface that almost seemed to glow with reflected light. <Hai,
here's the date...> "Wouldn't you like that gold medal? I think it's the
first one you got..."
"Iie," Misako interrupted, "If you want to put something up, Mom, you
can put that one up. If not, just give it back." Misako sounded like it
didn't matter one way or the other.
"Ne, that's the medal you got in the past," Usagi commented. Misako gave
her a bright smile. <I haven't seen that since she cleared her room out
and put everything into storage... I wonder where Imouto had it hidden?>
"Can I have the picture too?" When Misako handed her the crumpled
picture, Serenity said, "Arigato. We're okay then, ne?" <I'm sure this
is special to you.> And she was furious with herself for not knowing
why. <Even if it was a long time ago, you would have thought I'd carry a
memory like this with me.> She certainly had enough good memories of
Chibi... Usagi.
Misako looked like she was about to give a snort but instead explained,
"I just realized sulking about it won't change anything... I wasn't ever
going to make the Nationals. I understand you were concerned about me;
that doesn't mean I have to like it or agree with it, ne?"
"Come here, Usagi-chan," Serenity said and held out her hand for her
small daughter. Usagi slid from her chair and her mother guided her
around to stand beside Misako. "Now, I want you both to understand
something. I think even this will go for your father but I'll just speak
for myself." Both girls looked at each other before looking at their
mother curiously. "I'll try to talk about decisions that effect you but
sometimes, I'll make decisions that you don't like. I've told Misako
that I handled the gymnastics thing badly but that I would still make
her give it up. It's too late now to work out some type of compromise
and I'm sorry I did it the way that I did."
"What's the point?" Usagi asked, "I don't want to be rude, Mom, but I
don't know what you're trying to get at."
Serenity smiled a little and explained, "What I'm trying to say is that
I just want you to understand the decisions I have to make about you
sometimes. I always have your best interests in mind. I'm not looking
for you to like my decisions or agree with them just as long as you
understand why I made them." Standing, she held out her hand and said,
"Come on, Miko-chan, time for breakfast and then you have some
schoolwork to do."
"Hai," Misako agreed. After a long moment, in which she stared at her
sister thoughtfully, Misako took Serenity's hand and allowed herself to
be led into the kitchen. Usagi watched her sister worriedly though;
Misako was just nonchalant about that medal.
End of Chapter 12
Coming next in Chapter 13 - Zeroing In