Thanks to Ammadeau, Donny Cheng, Alan Harnum, Richard Lawson,
and the C*B*L for pre-reading duties.
Characters belong to Gainax, and they need the money more than I
do probably - unless they get audited for fun.
P A G E S
by Lara Bartram
---------------
Page 45
The only sounds were of water dripping and their
breathing.
"Never again," Yui whispered, breaking the silence. She
ran the washcloth across Gendo's shoulders, frowning. "I don't
care who, I don't care why, I just won't allow it."
"Yui..."
"Don't 'Yui' me. You won't talk your way out of this one.
You don't go to the bar anymore. End of story." She pulled him
back to lean against her as they relaxed in the steaming water.
With her arms around him, she idly rubbed the cloth over his
chest.
"Yes, Yui."
"Damn it. Did you want to get a face full of broken
glass? Did you want to be permanently scared? Lose an eye?"
"No, Yui."
"What would you have done if Professor Fuyutsuki hadn't
been there to bail you out?" How he could stay so calm was
beyond her.
"Probably not much... sat there for a while."
"Why didn't you call me!?" she exploded at last, more
worried than anything.
"I wasn't even given a band-aid; you think they let me use
the phone?"
Yui backed down from that, knowing he was hurting more
than he would ever tell her. "Well... I'm just glad you're
okay."
"I'm glad to be home. I never thought a hot bath would
feel so good." He slipped a bit lower in the bath until the
water reached the middle of his chest.
"I'll have to thank the professor. I really don't know
what I would have done. And if you had been seriously hurt..."
"But I wasn't. I can take care of myself, and you'll be a
lot less stressed out when you learn that."
"I'll be less stressed when you stop getting yourself beat
up." After everything, the only place she felt he was
guaranteed any safety was right in her arms.
"It's not my fault that those punks didn't like me.
Besides, that one guy was still upset from when I knocked him
out cold." Gendo started to grin, but concern niggled at him.
"Speaking of, Yui, I don't think you should go to the bar alone.
That guy might recognize you."
"Hush now. We're supposed to be relaxing. And you need
to let those cuts heal." On top of the old ones. If he
continued that type of behavior, Yui was afraid she'd have to
call the whole thing off. She just couldn't deal with someone
she always had to worry about.
Yui suddenly hugged him tightly. "I love you and I don't
want to lose you."
Gendo's hand ran over her leg under the water. "You
won't. I won't ever let that happen."
That was that. Rokubungi, even when he was at a
disadvantage, had been able to maneuver, to manipulate things to
get exactly what he had wanted. It was just another reason for
Kozo to dislike... Yui's husband to be.
The gall Rokubungi had to blackmail him like that, to take
advantage of... his feelings. How did he even know about them?
"I hope you know what you're doing, Yui," he said aloud.
Rokubungi knew how to get to him, and that meant it would be
impossible to protect her.
Maybe there was only one thing to do then. Maybe he just
had to... give up the idea that he would rescue her, and
understand that it was best to be there if she needed him, even
if it meant getting Rokubungi out of jail again.
He still wished he knew what was it that attracted Yui to
what he considered an inferior human being. Perhaps then he
wouldn't feel so jealous, angry. Perhaps, but with that
personality, Kozo didn't think his anger toward Rokubungi would
ever fade.
Looking out the window at the darkness evident beneath the
city lights, Professor Kozo Fuyutsuki wondered what Yui Ikari
was doing at that moment.
Or maybe he didn't want to know.
---
Page 46
"Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself."
"Don't be silly. You're a woman, and women as a whole are
impossible to figure out."
"You're just saying that and I know it. Your eyes are too
honest; they'd never lie to me."
"Sometimes... you think too highly of me. You should be
less trusting, less open."
"I'll leave that all up to you. I like things... the
way... they are."
Gendo noted her odd hesitancy. "Something wrong? What
about things?"
"It's nothing," Yui answered, shaking her head. "I'm
happy right here, right now. That won't ever change."
Staring up at the ceiling, listening to the rain fall,
Gendo thought. He thought about Yui and their future together.
Pleasant, but only... a distraction from what was really
consuming him.
"You're keeping secrets from me, Yui. I'd have to be
blind not to know," he whispered.
As if she were trying to apologize for it in her sleep,
she rolled over and put her arm across his chest.
"We can't have that now. We can't keep secrets from each
other." He would find out no matter what it took because there
were those moments when Yui would just... blank out. There was
something that was bothering her quite severely.
Not only could he find out what was bothering her, but
he'd also be able to keep that professor in line. There was no
specific interest in the older man, but a man in his position
could probably prove useful at some point in the future.
"I don't know if I'll regret this later or not, but..."
The money. That would help too, and was a better
incentive really than the mystery of the work itself. Gendo
almost laughed out loud. Knowing Yui, it was probably something
silly and insignificant, steroid-laced pet food or something.
Somehow, that would have made it all perfect considering how
much he was obsessing over it.
But the darker side of him, the part that had no problem
manipulating a university professor, smashing a kid over the
head with a beer bottle, even ruining his own life, needed to
know everything, wanted to keep track of everything Yui did. It
didn't want her to get away.
That part of him would stop at nothing to get what he
wanted, and in the dark, alone with his thoughts, that scared
him a little. The things it meant he was capable of in regards
to Yui were more threatening than he wanted to think about.
It could very easily mean the end of them if he got too...
aggressive, and that would be the worst thing to ever happen to
him.
"Yui, I've come to a decision."
"About?" She was hurriedly getting dressed, annoyed that
she had let herself oversleep.
"About... you know."
She froze. There were lots of things she had been
thinking about, but had been so busy she couldn't quite remember
what she had discussed with Gendo. If it was _that_... But no,
she was fairly sure she hadn't spoken with him about that. "I'm
not sure..."
"The project. Your project, Yui." He had expected a
slightly better reaction from her the way she had been pushing.
"You'll..." A part of her was elated, but another didn't
want to bring him in, make him deal with the things she had to.
She wasn't even sure he'd be able to handle it since he avoided
work like the plague.
"I will." Gendo lowered his head slightly, still meeting
her somewhat surprised gaze.
Instantly, Yui felt like she was under the close watch of
a large predator. "Don't look at me like that," she said, her
brow furrowing.
And like that, he was back to his normal self, that
menacing look gone. "I suppose we should go in then," she
continued, though for some reason, it didn't seem like a very
good idea any longer.
---
Page 47
"What is your problem?" It was like the old days
when she had to fight him off at night.
"You're my problem," he answered breathily,
standing behind her. "Don't tell me you're not enjoying
this."
"Why are you acting like this now?"
"I'm inspired." Exactly why he was inspired would
remain his secret though. The project just dripped with
power and money, and Yui didn't even seem to care.
Naturally Fuyutsuki hadn't been happy to see him,
but he had very few options. Gendo's influence over Yui
was too powerful for the professor to fight.
"It's exciting, isn't it? Now that you know."
"Very exciting." He tried to steer Yui to the
bedroom, but she resisted.
"Not this! The project! Don't you want to..."
"No, Yui. There's only one thing I want right
now."
"Rokubungi..." She pulled away and turned around.
The words to scold him were on her lips, but before she
could speak, he kissed her. For a bare second, she
considered fighting him off, but then, arriving home
from work had never been quite so exciting before.
The mystery had been intriguing, but the things
Yui had told him about the group behind it... That had
really interested him.
The work itself looked to be... fairly tedious,
but nothing he couldn't handle. And the money had been
far better than he had anticipated. Yui really could
have supported them both easily.
But now they could move someplace nice. Gendo's
mind just kept taking that monetary figure and working
at it, analyzing it and all the things he could do with
it. It was like the whole world had been thrust into
his hands.
And all for a little number crunching for
something he wasn't even sure was possible.
Instrumentality... whatever the hell that meant. Yet,
Yui took it all very seriously, so he would try not to
be too skeptical.
Just like that, easier than Gendo would have ever
imagined, his life, their lives, were looking up. The
ceremony, a constant thorn ever since Yui had accepted
his proposal, was now a non-issue. Just what would his
mother have to say now? Not that he really cared.
"Gen-chan, stop," murmured Yui, trying to find a
comfortable spot next to him.
Realizing he had been tossing and turning a bit,
Gendo rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling.
There was something about it that made his mind
contemplate, whether he wanted to or not. He simply
didn't have any choice.
Invariably, his thoughts turned to Yui and what he
could do to ensure her happiness, to keep her with him.
If she ever got wind of the things he thought about at
night, especially about keeping her with him, she'd yell
and hit him for it.
Yui understood a little, that he loved her and
always wanted to be with her, but she didn't understand
it all. He didn't understand it all either, but he
realized he couldn't remember much from the point before
he started spending serious time with Yui.
Maybe she believed, or maybe she didn't, in fate,
destiny, horoscopes or whatever, but he didn't. He
didn't really believe it was all "meant to be," but that
it was merely a lucky coincidence. The luckiest in his
life that he had met her, but luck nonetheless.
However, there would be no luck involved in the
success of their relationship. Anything necessary,
anything he had to do to keep them together...
For Gendo Rokubungi, there would never be a step
too far, a line to cross. There would never be enough.
How could there be when it came to his very life?
That was one thing Fuyutsuki would never
understand, or possibly even care about. Yui was
untouchable; she wasn't under his protection or
anything, but separating them would be like taking away
the atmosphere from the planet: only an immense
catastrophe could manage to do it.
Gendo was confident no man could ever do that.
The only thing that could stop them was... themselves.
---
Page 48
"Seele... I still think it's a silly name."
"Maybe, but they're the ones paying us, basically. I know
you don't think there's anything wrong with that." In fact, it
had been the week they had each gotten paid that they had
started looking for a new place to live.
Someplace less... college student-ish and more permanent.
Two moves in the space of six months was perhaps a bit much, but
Yui hoped it would be their last for a while. It even had a
second bedroom that could be for...
Yui stopped herself. They hadn't made a final decision,
and there was no guarantee they'd get accepted. And there was
no guarantee for anything else either. She hasn't talked about
it with Gendo yet; they weren't even married! There weren't any
biological definites either, and sometimes she wavered in her
own assuredness.
If she hadn't been sure she had wanted to subject Gendo to
the pressures of the project, how could she do that to a child,
however indirectly? But some things seemed to work
independently of her logic and common sense. Her desire to be a
mother was one of those things.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing," she answered automatically, absently.
"Whenever you get that glazed look on your face, I know
you're thinking about something; I've seen it happen enough. So
what is it this time?"
Using the only method she knew effective of resisting his
prodding, Yui avoided looking at Gendo. "Really, it's nothing.
Just a daydream."
Gendo sat back a little and looked at her. "I bet I know
what it's about," he said finally.
"You don't." She could feel herself starting to blush,
and she knew that he did.
"You tried to hide it, which is a good thing, but you
really like that last place. You were happy about the view and
the privacy, but you were more excited about the second
bedroom."
"It's more room and for such a reasonable price," she
tried to explain.
"It is more room, but not for the two of us. Right?"
"I'm allowed to think about it, aren't I? There's nothing
wrong with that."
Gendo chuckled and shook his head. "Nothing wrong with
that at all, but then... I wasn't the one trying to hide it."
Yui sighed. "I just don't know. Sometimes I feel like
there'd be nothing better in the world than to have someone call
me Mommy, to have them rely on me, and for me to take care of...
Then I think about it and that's the scariest thing in the
entire world. And... I have no idea what you think about it."
"I haven't really thought about it. But... I think you're
getting a little ahead of yourself; give it a little more time,
until we're more settled. You might feel a little more
strongly, one way or the other, then." Gendo smiled gently,
waiting for the inevitable question.
"So..."
'Here it comes.'
"What _do_ you think about it?" Yui asked, sounding timid
and unsure.
"I think... we should wait and talk about it later.
But... if you really like the place, it's fine with me."
Sometimes Yui felt like a child with Gendo, and it had
nothing to do with age. He just spoke to her sometimes in a way
that was almost condescending, always giving in to what she
wanted like she was his spoiled daughter. Yet, there were
plenty of times that he acted immature. She would never forget
when he had confessed to her, the look in his eyes.
His eyes that would never lie to her... As long as they
said that he loved her she wouldn't rock the boat too much. And
one day, some time in the future, they would be a family, a real
family.
Yui would look in his eyes then and see the love there for
their child. Sighing happily, she nodded. "I do like it. The
morning sun will shine in through the window right across the
head of the bed and..."
"If you've already started to interior decorate, that's
the end of it. Let's go." He took her hands. "Really,
wherever you go is home for me."
---
Page 49
The new semester approached. The weather didn't
much care and remained hot and humid.
"I'm going to die. I'm leaving everything to
you." The electric fan combined with her paper one only
helped Yui so much. It was by far the worst heat wave
of the summer.
"No dying allowed. I'm not sleeping in that bed
with those flowery sheets alone."
"I'm so hot I can't sleep. How am I going to be
able to work tomorrow if I can't get any sleep?"
"I'm going out for a bit. I'll bring you back
something," Gendo said abruptly, leaving before Yui even
had a chance to question him.
"Bastard," she muttered. "Leaving like that.
He's probably going someplace with air conditioning."
That had been awfully close. So close, Gendo
hadn't even put his shoes on. Yui had that... tone to
her voice, the one that meant he was to give her plenty
of space. The heat wasn't helping either. Or the fact
that they had come to a decision finally and set the
date to get married just three months down the road.
All of that was enough to give Gendo a headache.
Sitting on the edge of a concrete planter filled with
bright flowers, he looked up at the sky. What had he
gotten himself into?
A key rattled in the lock before Yui heard the
door open. "And where have you been?" she demanded,
marching out to meet Gendo.
"Eat at least one of these before they all melt."
He thrust a wrapped ice cream treat at her before taking
the box to the kitchen.
Yui looked at it quizzically, feeling like she had
just missed something. "What..." she started.
"Just eat it or it'll melt all over," Gendo
answered from in front of the freezer, hot and more than
a little annoyed.
"But you didn't have to..."
"Yes, I did," he snapped at her. "I'm taking a
shower."
"Then I'll..."
"Alone. I can handle this by myself, thanks."
Yui heard the door to the bathroom slam shut and
bit down hard enough on her lower lip to almost draw
blood. It was the only way she could stop herself from
immediately crying.
The constant flow of cool water over his skin was
refreshing. That was what he concentrated on, keeping
Yui from invading his thoughts. He could just imagine
the look on her face, about to cry, lower lip
quivering...
Gendo leaned his hands against the tiled wall and
hung his head. Damn, he didn't want to do that, start
thinking about her. Pounding the wall once with
frustration, he turned off the water. He'd be surprised
if she was still even in the apartment.
Grabbing his towel and wrapping it around himself,
Gendo quietly exited the bathroom. Yui wasn't in the
living room, as he had expected, but the bedroom was
pitch black. That was even worse. If she had just gone
in there and... and...
"Yui?" he whispered, standing in the doorway.
"Leave me alone," was her muffled reply.
"I'm sorry, Yui. I was just... I was hot and
irritable. I didn't mean anything."
"I don't want to see you." Her voice was still
muffled.
She must have had her head under the covers. "I'm
sorry. I really am." Gendo's footsteps were light as
he approached the bed. It was just a dark mass; she
wasn't discernible in it, and that was... oddly painful.
To know that she wasn't waiting to make up, to hear him
out.
"Please, Yui. Anything to make it up to you. I
didn't mean it. I know I was being mean; just don't be
like this." Gendo was almost begging, not even aware of
it.
"All I wanted was to be with you," she answered,
her crying evident now.
Gendo wasn't quite sure how that fit into
everything, but it was still his fault she was upset.
"I know. I'm sorry. Yui, let's... let's have a baby."
...
What had he just said?
---
lara@emunix.emich.edu
http://www.thekeep.org/~lara/index.html