Gary Kleppe wrote:
David Homerick <dhomeric@jps.net> wrote:
Then I woke up. The dingy brown of the cave faded into my bedroom's familiar, muted whites and yellows.
That comma isn't necessary.
Really? I've always understood that when you have multiple adjectives
describing a single noun, they get separated by commas.
It's more complicated then that. Adjectives are separated by commas if
they are of a similar type. "An angry, vengeful person" is correct, but
"a pretty, little girl" is not. "Angry" and "vengeful" are both
emotional qualities and therefore receive the comma, but "little," in
this context, specifies a preadolescent girl while "pretty" comments on
her appearance.
In your sentence, you have "muted," which modifies the appearance of the
colors, and "familiar," which gives an emotional overtone.
It broke my heart to leave Nerima --
especially seeing how you and Akane just kept running your little martial arts school year after year,
"Little" sounds rather patronising. Next she'll be saying it's
"quaint."
Well, this IS Ukyo, who's been known to attach -chan to just about
anyone... but point taken.
But that's life, I suppose. Time keeps rolling forward, and nothing will stop it. I've heard people > >> talk about the 'stream of time,' but that's not what it is at all. It's a raging river with huge
waterfalls and rapids. We hang on to anything that floats as the current pulls us downstream, trying
desperately to avoid drowning or being smashed against a rock, all the while trying to enjoy the
scenery because we know we'll never see it again.
I imagine you're pretty proud of that extended metaphor, but it strikes
me as overblown. I'm currently resisting the urge to parody it. Plus,
it doesn't sound like Ukyou, IMO.
Well, not like sixteen-year old Ukyo, of course. A person who's seen her
body decay and most of her contemporaries pass away is of course going
to have a different perspective on the passage of time than a teenager.
"Life's a bitch and then you die" is actually a common sentiment among
teenagers. Older people are more likely to keep a balanced view of
life's triumphs and disappointments. If Ukyo isn't this bitter now,
then why would she become so in the future? Has her life really been so
painful?
So we went for help. Fortunately, one of the perks of being an Amazon matriarch is instant access to
transport.
It is? How so?
Diplomatic privilege.
I've always seen the village as being the equivalent of some tiny
settlement in the swamps of Louisiana where they do things their own way
and treat outsiders with suspicion. I've certainly never seen them as
having the status of an independent nation.
Even though she was my oldest friend -- both figuratively and literally -- I wasn't completely
sure that I
should trust her on this. I like Shan Pu, really I do, but I know as well as anyone how
vindictive she can be when she doesn't get her own way. I hate to admit it, but that's something
she and I had in common.
Why would she admit this at all?
To herself? Why wouldn't she?
Well, it's an unpleasant thing to admit to oneself. And it seems
inserted here, a bit of self-flagellation for no purpose than to
establish that this isn't "Saint Ukyo."
I hear isolation actually works really well against world-wide disease
epidemics.
Not sure what your point here is. Complete isolation may well work, but
the 'complete' part is easier said than done.
They were already isolated, but you have the epidemic forcing them out
of isolation. They're much more likely to respond by shutting off the
village and shooting anyone who approaches. Fear of disease heightens
xenophobia, not reduces it.
Something howled in the distance; the sound sliced through the air like a scythe. Reflexively, the giant > spatula flew into my hands, and I spun around to look. Nothing. Just some animal in the
distance, I supposed.
Where the hell is Ranma buried? This doesn't sound like Tokyo.
It's meant to be the graveyard from Vol. 22 part 2. If your point is
that Tokyo wouldn't be quiet at night, well, a lot can change in 50-60
years, especially with worldwide recessions and disease epidemics. As
for the animal sound, there are several panels in Ranma 1/2 which show
outdoor shots where the sound of a dog barking is heard. I don't think
it would be out of the question for an urban dog to howl. Other than
that... if I got details wrong I'll happily correct them, but you'll
have to be more specific.
I guess it's the tone that I'm objecting to rather than any specific
details, although the inscription on Ranma's tombstone did strike me as
rather midwestern. The scene doesn't have many details at all, but the
"cobblestone" path, the reference to gargoyles, the howling noise, and
the general spook-movie tone gave me a mental picture of a western-style
graveyard, and I had trouble reconciling it with Soichiro Otonashi's
gravesite in Maison Ikkoku, which is what I was using as a mental
reference. Ukyo's fear of walking dead rather than unhappy _kami_ also
seems out of place.
Perhaps including some specifically Japanese details would help.
The sun came up, spilling its light across the horizon as we arrived back at Jusenkyo.
They did all that in one night?
Yep.
I don't believe it. I don't know what the travel times are, but I have
trouble accepting that it can be done that quickly. China is big, and
Jusenkyo is remote, and there's a sea between Japan and China.
Shan Pu laid your remains carefully down on the ground next to me. I had no idea how she'd managed to
get you here from Nerima without the Transport Authority finding you, and I didn't really want to
know.
Wasn't she with her the whole time?
No, not all of it.
Oh, yeah, and they're smuggling a corpse. Would it hurt to add a day or
two travel time?
Your glassy eyes stared aimlessly like dull, brown marbles. I looked away.
He's in pretty good shape for a corpse. How long has he been dead?
Couple days. Vince has already mentioned the eyes, but if there's other
things I got wrong, as I said I'll need specifics.
It was mainly the eyes, but somehow I got the impression that he'd been
dead a while at the start of the story.
Or is he? Maybe she and he are in adjacent jail cells. Close enough to be aware of each other, but never
able to touch. Maybe Shan Pu knew that that would happen.
Her suspicions of Shampoo are shading into paranoia. Why would she put
her ass on the line for something so petty?
Well, this *is* the same Pu who chased Ranma and Genma across China --
and later all the way to Nerima -- because the former defeated her in
combat, and then later bombed Ranma's wedding; I don't think it's out of
the question for Ukyo to suspect the possibility.
Okay, character debate time.
I never thought there was any likelihood that Shampoo was up to
something. When she's offended or upset, she doesn't plot and scheme
and bide her time; she goes on the offensive immediately. She also
doesn't dwell over past insults the way Ryoga and even Ukyo do; she'll
give out the Amazon Kiss of Death and then apparently just forget about
it.
Ranma and Akane were married when she was young. She's now old. She's
had a lifetime-- hell, she's had a *life*. She's been married, she's
had a child, her child has turned around and ripped her still-beating
heart out of her body ... the usual story. How could she still want
vengeance?
I can accept Ukyo's suspicions as projection on her part. She's
perfectly capable of nursing a grudge for years on end, so she could
easily assume Shampoo might do the same. (Although it's funny to hear
her say "I like Shampoo, I really do, but I think she may be
EEEeeevil!") At this point in the story, though, even if Ukyo's right
about the spring, Ranma's no worse off than before, and Shampoo's
threatened to resign from the tribe just to get this far. If this is
Shampoo's evil plan, it's stupid and pointless. Ukyo's continued
suspicion just makes her look ridiculous.
-- David