From: Raja <raja@twincities.infi.net>
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Subject: [FFML] [FFML][OMG][fanfic] Quality Assurance
Date: Mon, 11 Oct 1999 18:40:34 -0500
Hi, everyone! I've been lurking about the list for a month or so, and I've
finally worked up the courage to post my first fanfic (he said, nervously
looking over his shoulder).
Yeah, I know how that can feel. All I can say is don't expect 50 messages
every time you post a Fic; it'll usually never happen. (Tip? Always write
for yourself, not what you *think* the audience wants.
Yep, that's always good advice. Not just for writing, either...
The phone rang again, and Keiichi suddenly remembered: He was the only
one home at the moment. Belldandy had taken her sisters, along with
Kei's sister Megumi, out shopping earlier that day, so that he could
have some peace and quiet to work. Keiichi smiled to himself. Bell. . .
you are always so considerate. . . .
Typical mush from Keiichi. Thanks for not overdoing it.
:-)
"Thank you, Kami-sama." Keiichi was surprised to note that his voice
had steadied. "If you don't mind my asking, sir, how. . .?"
"I've damped down your nervous reactions a bit, Keiichi.
I don't think God would interfere with anyone right to reaction but then,
who ever heard of a goddess granting wishes?
Yeah, now that I look at it, that's kind of superfluous...
Keiichi put down his pencil and frowned in thought. "Well, I guess
there have been a lot of hard times in the past few months. . ." Kei
thought of some of the things that had happened since he began living
with the goddesses. Little things, like Aoshima trying to steal
Belldandy away from him; bigger things, like the demon Mara turning his
sister Megumi into a car (but oh, what a nice car that was. . . .
Keiichi shook his head abruptly -- stay on the subject!); to that
horrible business with the bug exhaust port that almost took Bell away
for good. He shuddered a bit.
But then, Kei remembered how Urd and Skuld worked so hard together to
solve the problem and close the port. He remembered how Urd helped him
regain his energy, during that week when it seemed he was working twenty
four hours a day.
It's okay to include backstory to give a clue as to continuity, but the way
you present it here doesn't seem to help the story. A suggestion would be:
cut it down to a single paragraph or just include a continuity note in the
introduction.
If you want to draw it out, you must, must, must tie it in properly. Give it
mean to the character. Don't just let them think about events, put the
emphasis on how they *feel* about those events.
Final Word: Consistency and relevancy.
Hmmm...I thought I _was_ showing how Keiichi felt about past events.
That's what Kamisama was asking him, anyway...maybe I can make that clearer.
<snip>
Keiichi blinked for a moment, disoriented. What just happened?
<snap>
Keiichi looked down, puzzled. He noticed the phone by his desk for the
first time. "No. . . I guess I had it in here in case anyone called,
but no one did." Kei shrugged, dissmissing the matter. Skuld walked
slowly past the door, trying to balance several bags and packages.
"Skuld, Megumi, here, let me help you with those. . ."
<snip>
____________________________
Oh no! You fell into the trap!
I agree that certain things like rewriting time seem flashy, but what good
is having Keiichi come to a revalation then having him lose his memory of
it? You said you wanted to keep the possibility of a sequel open but without
Keiichi's memory of the conversation, you're stuck using conventions of
character to keep up continuity, rather than being able to redirect his
actions immediately. (What the hell am I saying? Substance over style.)(But
not *too* much over. ^_^)
Point taken. But...let me explain: Like I said, this was intended to be a
one-shot, so I didn't feel the need to have Keiichi remember this
conversation. Kami-sama did want Keiichi to be aware of what he was
getting himself into; but once Kei had confirmed his determination to see
things through, Kamisama removed the specific memory of the conversation.
However, Kei still feels the effects of Kamisama's blessing -- his stress
is gone, and in his own mind, he's more comfortable with his situation.
Having to explain this, of course, ties in with the need to tie things
together and writing more clearly. ^_^
Anyway, any sequel to this fic wouldn't be about the consequences of the
conversation; rather, it would be about the problems and dangers that
Kamisama saw in Keiichi's future. Maybe "sequel" is the wrong term...
Pretty good for a first Fic overall. I'd like to see some of the "trials"
you put Keiichi through. (But no Megalomaniacs.) Good luck writing.
Thank you very much! Your comments are much appreciated.
- Shakudo -
Eternal Worshiper of Makoto Kino, Ukyo Kuonji, and Sakuya Kumashiro
Holder of the files of Ranma Nibun no Usugurami and Sailor Moon D
Email: shakudo@hotmail.com
URL: http://members.tripod.com/Shakudo/main.html
Updated October 4, 1999
Brand new millenium, same old schmuck.
-Raja
raja@twincities.infi.net
--
There are as many opportunities as the stars in the sky, but you only get a
handful of them. Why do you think that is? It's because no one knows where
they are. Are you going to let an opportunity that you can see pass by you?
--Urd