--- Defender of the Light <lightdefender@netscape.net> wrote:
Valandar TheRed <valandar_the_red@yahoo.com> wrote:
He realized that, when he first
got there, he remembered much of where he was before, but
the memories had begun to fade, even before he encountered
Dalhavadar.
_This_ could certainly cause problems. If his memories have faded
that much
already, how much more will they fade before he is able to return
home?
Don't worry, the reason for the memory loss will be explained.
When the Wave Serpent entered the Webway, Ranma braced
himself for nausea. What he received, however, was a
bombardment of images, sounds, and emotions, most far
beyond his naive experience. Tortured figures wrapped in
leather and spikes reached out to other, and the Wave
Serpent, taking pleasure even in the pain each others'
garments inflicted. Their moans shocked him, and their
radiating emotions apalled him. And then, as suddenly as
they had entered, they left the Webway.
Again, I'm not familiar with Warhammer, but that was certainly
different.
What are these creatures within the Webway? Is their presence
significant to
the rest of the fic in any way?
Again, it will be explained. And they only appear when they use the
Webway to go somewhere outside the Craftworld, as will be pointed out
later.
The question was, did she love him? In the darkness of
the night, all alone in her room, without even P-chan
around, she decided she could admit that, yes, she loved
him. The worst part about that was, he didn't love her. How
could he? He, himself, said it. She was an uncute tomboy,
she couldn't cook, she was a flat-chested, thick-thighed
gorilla, and she had the face of a monkey. She always hit
him, and he never raised his hand to her. He wouldn't even
hit her when they sparred.
And since he has only vague memories of your existence...prepare for
surprises. Of course, that seems to be more than he remembers of his
other
fiancees (if I'm making the correct assumption of the identity of the
woman
with the beautiful smile).
Don't worry, there is a reason and resolution.
No, it was impossible. There was no way he could love
her. There was no way anyone, other than that stupid Kuno,
could love her. Before Ranma came, the boys wouldn't attack
her to date her because she was cute, but because Kuno told
them to. And she would rather die than end up with Kuno.
She'd rather live in agony, than die without Ranma.
The usual phrasing is "rather die than live without..." I'm not sure
I
understand what you are trying to say.
It was a counterpoint to 'rather die than end up with Kuno'. I was
trying to say that she would find dying without Ranma near her, or at
least knowing how she felt, to be worse than any other kind of death.
"Yes, it has. Pardon me, but the effort of holding a
gate open over twelve thousand miles is rather exhausting."
Obviously his power grows somewhat over the next 30,000 years for him
to be
able to open a gate not only through that much time, but also
(presumably)
over a distance of several light-years.
Oh, yes, much. By the time of Ranma's escapade, he has become very
nearly a god. At least, he has in 40k cannon.
The Shaman looked at the two younger Amazons, both of whome
merely stared at him. "Again, what is it I am accused of
doing?"
The story of Ranma's disappearance was related to him.
"Yes, that sounds like a powerful psyker of some sort. You
say that only certain people could see the effect?"
But, among humans, only he possesses psionic abilities. Is he
already aware
of the existence of the Eldar?
Could be. Wait, and see the explaination both for the 'event the Eldar
do not like to discuss', and the event that sparked the Shamans into
choosing him as their receptacle, and the sealing of psionic ability.
The common connection between those that saw it, is a
positive emotional relationship with the boy."
Missing a quote mark at the beginning of this sentence.
Gotcha. One that I missed.
"You mean they love him," said Mousse.
"Or, are good friends." The young man looked around.
"Khu Lon, do you perhaps have someplace I can rest? The
exertion of reaching here was quite more... than.. I..." He
slumped forward, and would have slipped out of his chair,
if not for Mousse's quick reaction.
"Mousse, carry him to you room. You spend this night
in your cage."
To your room, I think.
Another one I missed.
"But..." Splash! "Quack."
<sarcasm>
And the Emperor falls to the floor and cracks his skull open,
negating the
entire Warhammer chronology, and the first two chapters of this
fanfic. Chaos
is triumphant. And Mousse was crushed beneath the body. The End.
</sarcasm>
Sorry, but.... I tend to take things to their logical conclusion to
point out
potential absurdities. It's a tendency that's gotten me in trouble
before.
I understand. I should have him make some kind of comment about
Jusenkyo. Something like "Oh, so this is the result of those springs
you told me about."
It annoyed Ranma, but he had to keep his temper in check.
These
people weren't warriors; at least, most of them weren't.
And these are the people who are supposed to save humanity? Ranma
has a lot
of work to do. Of course, we still don't know the precise nature of
that
work....
I'll explain the dichotomy of Eldar life. It's all part of the Path.
Wait until you see them gearing up for war, and Ranma seeing what goes
on in an Aspect Warrior's shrine.
"Nine hundred? Wow, the Old Ghoul's only three hundred. Ya
don't
look a day over twenty-five."
Ranma remembers that but can't remember the name(s) of his
fiancee(s)?
Okay.... Or was I making incorrect assumptions about his memory
loss?
I really should add something like "*Hey where did that remark come
from?* wondered Ranma. He didn't remember anything about an 'Old Ghoul'
except... no, it was gone."
Ranma let out a breath he had been holding. "Trust me,
after...
well, I really don't remember what it's after, but ya don't hafta
worry
about me chasin' after them."
So I was correct about the memory loss. That makes Ranma's earlier
comment
even less comprehensible.
Understood. Again, I'll make a notation after the remark about the Old
Ghoul. He's going to have occasional bursts of memory, but losing the
flashes as quick as they come.
Also, this is the second time he's mentioned it in the presence of
the
Warlock. Will the Farseer he spoke with just after the battle be
able to
reverse the process, or even help him to recover the lost memories?
As was mentioned above, the source of his memory loss will be explained
soon.
Daisukehad his hands in the pockets of his Furinkan High School
uniform, and kept pace with the other young man.
Spacing problem in the second to last line.
This answers some of the questions I posed after the last chapter.
Gotcha on the spacing problem. 'Daisuke had', not 'Daisukehad'. And
would you believe I had it written before I got your C&C?
"OHOHOhohoho! Could it be that these two peasants beheld what
only
I, the Black Rose, was so cursed as to apprehend?" The speaker was
a
very pretty young lady, dressed in a leotard, and little else,
carrying
a ribbon that was used in Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics.
So she saw it as well. Of those Ranma may consider friends, that
leaves Ryoga
and Mousse. I think it's been established that Mousse did not (he
hasn't
mentioned that he did, and would presumably have told Cologne), and,
for all I
know, Ryoga wasn't even in Tokyo.
It doesn't matter what Ranma thought of them... it matters what they
thought of Ranma. As a whole, that is. Nodoka had lived the last ten
years of her life dreaming of the kind of man Ranma would become, and
yet affords Ranko some affection. Since Tatewake despises boy-type and
is infatuated with girl-type, I don't think he saw much, if anything,
especially since his hate seems deeper than his 'love'. As for Ryouga,
I do not believe he harbors anything but resentment, and grudging
respect, towards Ranma. At least, not until the Akari stories, and then
it is only because he can allow him to. Even then, he still doesn't
really _like_ Ranma.
"U-um, hello, Kodachi?" squeaked Daisuke.
"Come, now, refer to me as Kodachi-dono, like you're supposed
to,
And, please inform me of what you saw, that you proclaim that none
others saw?" She smiled sweetly at him. Daisuke couldn't decide
whether
to get a nosebleed, or a panic attack.
Um...both?
Sounds good to me.
"Umm, Akaneandranmawerewalkinghomefrommmrrfff!" A hand cut him
off
before he had really begun.
"Please, one more, and with a little more decorum, if you
don't
mind." Kodachi lowered one eyebrow, and Daisuke felt like the
sparrow
in a serpent's grasp.
Nice image.
Thanks. Actually, I'm pretty proud of the 'toothpaste from the tube'
image when Akane booted Ranma skyward out of Shampoo's grasp. I could
almost hear a popping sound.
"Okay, um, Akane and Ranma were walking home from school.
Shampoo
showed up, and glomped on to him. Akane got mad, and kicked him
into
low Earth orbit. About halfway up, some kinda glow popped up in
front
of him, and he vanished." He glanced at the ribbin. "Um, Kodachi,
er,
dono, can I go now?"
The insane gymnast considered for a moment, then flicked her
wrist. "You are dismissed," she said, not watching as the boy was
flipped off the rooftop, his friend breaking his fall with his
head.
Ouch.
"Oh, Ranma-sama, I am here for you! I shall rescue from this vile
rescue you from, perhaps?
Um, yeah.
imprisonment that filthy peasant, Tendou Akane, has sent you into!
OhoHOHOHOhoho!" With that, she bounded off into the night.
Oh boy. Akane already has enough problems.... Well, Cologne has
decided to
keep Kodachi from doing anything permanent, at least for now.
Yep. But Cologne will also discover...nah, save it for later.
By the way, I'm not telling the story - it seems to be telling me. I
didn't expect some of the plot points to happen, but they did. I hope
the Muse (that's Muse, not Mousse!) doesn't leave me in the lurch.
As for your acting as pre-reader, sure. Like I said, though, I really
can't write at work, so it probably won't be until Thursday that I get
another chapter out. And I'm sending these 12-20k chapters because it
seems to be easier to get C&C on them than on 50-60k chapters. In all
honesty, the first two or three chapters could have been a single,
large chapter, setting the stage and introducing the players.
- Valandar the Red of the Empty Tankard
Captain of the Guard of the Barony of the Far Woods,
Kingdom of the Iron Mountains
http://members.tripod.com/~Valandar/fanfic.html
=====
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