At 11:05 PM 10/7/99 -0000, Kayu-chan wrote:
-----Original Message-----
From: Alan Harnum <harnums@thekeep.org>
To: ffml@fanfic.com <ffml@fanfic.com>
Date: 07 October 1999 05:39
Subject: [FFML] [Ranma][Fanfic] Waters Under Earth - Chapter 39
Hello. ^_^
Hiya. As is my want, I've snipped grammar/spelling corrections that I had
no specific reply too.
Even before she fully registered that, she was turning
again, at the sound of Ukyou's scream. What she saw made her
feel as though her heart was being crushed in a vice. Konatsu,
smiling as he did it, had driven his short sword directly into
the small of her back. Ukyou crumpled to the ground, and he
yanked it free. Nabiki watched, fascinated, as a thin trickle
of blood ran from Ukyou's mouth and spread across the dusty
earth.
*blinks* Well, I wasn't expecting that to happen. Quickly, without
any build-up and over in a flash... and yet the unfussy,
unmelodramatic approach worked, like I was the one getting
stabbed and only realising it, just after the fact, what had
happened.
As this is the effect I was going for, good. :)
Kuno, though blind, moved. As though he could see, see it
all, he stepped forward, into the arc of Konatsu's swing, and
I like the way you phrased that "he could see it, see it all".
It had a good rhythm and seemed to suit the mood and the writing.
Hmm... one for this phrasing, and one against... how can I choose... :)
Yamiko kneed her in the stomach. All her air left her in a
rush; she cried out. Tears welled in her eyes. Why didn't they
move?
Yeah, why didn't they...? (Rhetorical)
Plotting reasons. ;)
Actually, the reason they didn't move is exactly as they said--they were
willing to die. To save them, Nabiki had to be willing to do the same.
Akane nocked the arrow, and let it fly through the
impossible expanse.
Very nice description here. You didn't spell out what Akane was
obviously feeling or why she was doing what she did, but you
didn't need to... the description said it all.
Thanks. That's what I wanted.
I am Nabiki.
You are loved.
I am.
You are loved.
I.
You are loved.
This is disturbing, sad, but somehow inevitable.
The end of self, and the return into the pure light? Yeah, I guess so.
And a terrible pity rose in Nodoka, one that made her reach
down and touch the other woman's hand with her own, even as
Yamiko gave a last rattle, and died.
You have a way with words. They read like a dream, are very
descriptive and yet not too overdone or flowery so as not to
dilute the power of the moment.
Thank you. I'm flattered. :)
"I would have liked to know you better," he said quietly.
Another memory about the rain - no one can see you crying in it.
A few heartbeats passed.
Bai opened her eyes and smiled thinly. "You not getting
rid of me that easily, stupid man."
Heh. A little bit of humour in the midst of tragedy is always
welcome, no matter how many intense emotions and tragedy
lie behind it.
The root of humour has always struck me as essentially tragic; a lot of
humour relies upon taking a situation that _should_ be tragic and giving it
a twist that makes it funny.
He could not say which hand, that of Life or Death, had
touched him then. It did not matter, he realized. He perceived
them as sisters, and they showed themselves as such, because it
was one way that was true. There were more.
I love this bit. I'm not usually into all this fantasy and philosophy
wrapped up together... but here, the meaning of what's being
said is put into clarity and the importance of it has managed to
be compacted into one sentence. Wonderful.
It's a very simple point, really, found in many mythological systems, and
other sources. Much of the inspiration for WUE is from a non-fiction
source, the studies in comparative mythology of Joseph Campbell, which says
exactly the same thing--his magnum opus, is, in fact entitled 'The Masks of
God', a four-volume study of comparative mythology from prehistory to
modern-day.
There was silence now. The sense of dislocation ended, and
Akane stood beside Kima, within the circle of friends and family
and acquaintances, and watched the pyre burn down to ashes. And,
when it had become ashes, Nabiki's body, unburned, untouched,
still lay amidst them.
This is most likely to be way off-base, but does this have anything
at all to do with the Phoenix? (Not that I'm expecting a straight
answer about what it really is, but my curiosity got the better of me :)
It's got some connection to what Kima tells Akane about the Phoenix Tribe's
belief about death, actually. Many societies which practice cremation do
so in the belief that the soul lingers in the body after death, and that
the body must be destroyed to free the soul to pass into the next world.
As Nabiki's body is already empty of her soul--everything that _was_ Nabiki
dissolved back into the pure light--there's no need for it to burned.
There's also a connection to the idea of the incorruptable body, most often
associated with various saints.
But, in the end, she hadn't asked, and had simply gone away
by herself. She'd snuffed the lamps upon the walls, and crawled
into bed fully clothed. But despite being weary unto her very
bones, sleep escaped her. Every time she closed her eyes, she
saw Nabiki's face, or the faces of the anonymous dead. Or her
mother. And yet she had no more tears in her for any of them.
It felt like there was a stone in the pit of her stomach, painful
and ever-present, but irremovable. Crying would make it pass
>from her, but she could not cry.
Unfortunately, I can totally relate to what Akane's feeling.
The stone metaphor was perfect, by the way.
<nod> I think everyone has had this experience at one time or another...
the cathartic desire for visible grief that somehow cannot occur.
I once said in an e-mail to another WuE fan that this epic has
"so many twists, both good and bad, and you still hold
out hope because every time hope seems to be taken away,
something comes to put it back." No chapter epitomises this
comment better than Chapter 39. As well as great fantasy,
mythology, adventure, action and romance... this has one
emotional rollercoaster ride in it.
Well, those are all things I was intending... I'm really glad to see it
worked out. Thank you very much for the commentary.
Ciao,
-Alan Harnum