At 10:55 PM 10/7/99 -0700, Vincent Seifert wrote:
As always, I am welcoming and appreciative of any commentary.
Well, here it is, then... one side-effect of the delay is that previous
chapters are not fresh in my mind, and so I'm sure I'm missing more
nuances than usual. Sorry about that. :)
It's my fault. I'm going to try and have the next chapter out quicker. As
in, within a month. :)
As usual, I've snipped grammar/spelling... oh, you all know this by now. :)
I am the daughter of Earth and Water,
And the nursling of the Sky;
I pass through the pores of the ocean and shores;
I change, but I cannot die.
For after the rain when with never a stain
The pavilion of Heaven is bare,
And the wind and sunbeams with their convex gleams
Build up the blue domes of air,
I silently laugh at my own cenotaph,
And out of the caverns of rain,
Like a child from the womb, like a ghost from the tomb,
I arise and unbuild it again.
-P.B. Shelley
{For 10 extra-credit points, identify the three dragons and the Lord of
Waters in the preceding passage.}
Bonus Question: How often are the words "get some action" used in WUE?
"AWAKE! HE IS AWAKE, I HAVE SEEN HIM, I HAVE FELT HIS HAND
UPON MY FLESH, HIS TOUCH UPON MY BODY, I HAVE GAZED INTO HIS
FACE, INTO HIS TERRIBLE FACE, THE MOUTH THAT SWALLOWS THE STARS,
THE EYES THAT ARE THE CRUCIBLES OF WORLDS! AWAKE HE IS, AND WE
ARE DOOMED, DOOMED!"
{uh... I have NO idea who she's channelling...}
This is the problem of so much time passing between chapters... :)
Hint: Akari's been acting funny ever since Yamiko carried her (twice)
through wherever it is she travels when she disappears into the shadows.
limply to the ground when he released it. Nearby, the Musk
soldiers left to guard them clutched their swords and spears as
they glared around suspiciously.
{They just realized they're redshirts...}
"And what's that funny music with the screechy violins?"
Even before she fully registered that, she was turning
again, at the sound of Ukyou's scream. What she saw made her
feel as though her heart was being crushed in a vice. Konatsu,
smiling as he did it, had driven his short sword directly into
the small of her back.
{I guess he redeemed it from the pawnshop... this'd be a pretty silly
time to be using a takemitsu. Or did that happen earlier in WUE, and
I've forgotten? I swear, I'll reread the whole thing after you release
40.}
Presumably, he got one during the time he spent with Hako, and brought it
along to Jusenkyou with him.
And he realized, in that moment, just what the Dragon's
Blade was. Not only a weapon, but a reliquary; the souls of all
the kings, from the days of the Dragon Tribe to the Musk, were
held within it. That was why he had been so skilled - they had
aided him.
{Hoooo. Nice notion.}
It's got mythological and literary precursors; most prominent recent
example is probably Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" series.
Akane fired, pushed sweaty hair out of her eyes, fired
again. Nearly out of arrows now - she had to choose her shots
carefully.
{Point of terminology: it is a somewhat-snobbish point among archers, or
at least the guys I used to menace haybales with, that one does not
"fire" an arrow unless one is using it for kindling. :) Shoot, loose,
let fly (you use "let fly" later), but not "fire", as that word is for
those upstart weapons based on gunpowder. It's like "spelunking" to a
caver; the general public may use that word, but cavers don't.}
Will change. Thanks for the info.
Lougui had given her, shaped from a single piece of wood. The
world did not allow such information, because it did not matter.
{heh. The magic arrow has a long and honorable tradition in
storytelling, partly because of the desperation of staking everything on
one shot; a magic sword can be used over and over again, but a magic
arrow is one shot.}
Unless you're menacing haybales with them. :)
"It requires a mouthpiece," Mousse said. Once she had
recognized the voice, she had begun to see his features emerge
from the being that stood before her.
{Ahh, that's right, he's working for the youngest sister now...}
"The pay is bad, but the side benefits are excellent."
I am the memory. I do not die. My sibling is the thought,
and dies to live again.
{Yes. The ravens were my first clue to what was going on under the
surface of Waters, many moons ago...}
"Hey kids? Do _you_ like comparative mythology? Huh, do ya?"
There was no gesture or word of power. Such things were
ostentation at this degree of might.
{Excellent.}
Thanks.
It never fell. Scything through the protective circle
around Yoko from the air, a monstrous shape, all wings and
tentacles and shaggy fur, descended upon Yoko like the fall of a
hammer. From his seat between the great horns of the beast, a
short man laid about himself with a crimson battle aura shot
through with black flame.
{! I'll bet you get fanart of THAT.}
I like fan art. ^_^
{Um... isn't this a bit out of sequence? It looks to me like Ryoga
summons the PSSH with his arms out, gets a pillar of light (or
something) with rising rocks, then lowers his arms to his sides as the
globe of heavy ki falls on him, punching the "depression" (heh) into the
ground. See manga v20p75-76 and Cologne's explanation on p78...}
I actually based this off V24, which doesn't have the full sequence. :)
Personally, I've always thought the motions weren't all that important;
then again, I feel the same way about people shouting out the names of
their attacks as they do them.
An attempt was made to rise, but the effort was too much.
{"an attempt was made"? Sorry, but ugh...}
I agree, will fix.
Grateful for the support of the hard ground beneath her, she sank
bank, and then realized she could not feel her wings. Raining,
of course.
{I don't understand "of course"; what does the rain have to do with her
wings? Oh. Akaneniichuan. Never mind. Well, you might want to make it a
little more obvious for those of us who are slow on the uptake. :) }
I'll consider it. :)
"Some die young, and some die old, some die hot, and some
die cold."
It escaped her lips involuntarily, an old children's rhyme.
She cupped her brother's hand in both of hers and brought it up
to her lips.
{"Ashes, ashes, all fall down..." :) And I think more American kids
should get The Brothers Grimm instead of Disney, too. }
Struwelpeter! Make them all read Struwelpeter! They'll have something to
blame when they need therapy twenty years later!
"Not by you or I," Wiyeed answered. She put her brother's
hand upon his chest and prepared to let go, now and forever. One
last squeeze of his hand, and then... then he would be taken to
the Mouth of the Dragon, and go to join their mother and their
father.
{Hah. I wonder if the Mouth of the Dragon ceremony has anything to do
with the Dragon's Blade? Naah, couldn't be. :) }
That it is a secret.
He spoke as if he had not heard her. "No, I am done with
this. I shall not drink of this cup they offer me." His eyes
closed again, and he weakly brought one hand up to cover the
place where his heart used to be, as though against the falling
rain. So, having done thus, he took one last breath, and died.
{Now that's a death scene from legend. Excellent.}
Thanks, that's exactly what I intended; a truly momentuous passing.
Nabiki had been washed clean. The rain had rinsed the blood
from her body, and left only the ragged wounds of her death.
{Not healed her... interesting. I guess, from what the sisters said,
that her path back will be a little different...}
If she has a path at all.
Nodoka slapped him. His grief dissolved at the look on her
face.
{You go, Nodoka. Jeez, Soun, get a grip.}
Nodoka Bitchslap Theatre! (Some of you must get this)
The dragon opened her eyes, unfolded wings no longer broken,
and rose into the sky as fire filled Ranma's world.
{"She was only resting!" It's still a sacrifice even if she returns to
life; ask any Christian. The cycle continues...}
The classic paradox of the ever-living, ever-dying god.
She opened her mouth to answer, but then stopped, and
pointed to the north. A red tinge crept across the sky, as
though it were the setting or the rising of the sun, and it did
seem as though it was, for in the distance, burning with the
flames that would not be extinguished, the winged shape of a
phoenix-dragon was rising, up into and beyond the sky.
And for him, it really was over.
{Who, Tatewaki? This eludes me...}
For Tatewaki, yes. I'll try to make it clearer.
"What a horrible story," Akane said. No, it really didn't
seem to be her speaking; there were three people here, the girl
watching her sister's body lie unburned amidst the flames, the
girl speaking, the girl hearing herself speak...
{Threes again? Or still? :) }
That is a secret. :)
There was silence now. The sense of dislocation ended, and
Akane stood beside Kima, within the circle of friends and family
and acquaintances, and watched the pyre burn down to ashes. And,
when it had become ashes, Nabiki's body, unburned, untouched,
still lay amidst them.
{Which raises the interesting question "now what"? I'd put it in a
crypt, carefully not locking the door, myself.}
"The Fall of the House of Tendo!"
scattered the ashes of more fallen warriors. The slow drift of
the stream carried the remains along its flow, towards the
underground, eventually to the sea.
{Aye, and we've heard those words before, haven't we...}
One of the leitmotifs of WUE. :)
Bai gave a tiny, nearly imperceptible shrug. "<I need to go
find my husband. He's off with that... woman, whoever she is.>"
She frowned darkly, showing white teeth in the night.
For a moment, Shampoo considered saying something, but in
the end, she remained silent. Would she have listened at the
beginning to any advice against the path she took? No; the
players changed, the roles remained the same. There was no end
to it.
{ "Bai Ling, meet Katsunishiki." "BWEEEE!" :) }
Yes, folks, after WUE finishes, stay tuned for the comedic sequel, full of
wacky hijinx, hilarious misunderstandings, and lesbians, lesbians, lesbians.
He did not sit. Faint lines of white fire glowed in the
darkness from beneath the closed slits of his eyes. "<I don't
know. It goes somewhere when I don't need it.>"
{Is it named "Binky"? :) }
Not in this incarnation. :)
"<What's happened to you, Mousse?>"
The black robes looked far too big for him, and the spear
too large. His wrists and fingers were painfully thin, and his
face sunken and hollow. Yet he did not look weak. It seemed as
though all excess of flesh was being bled away from him. When he
smiled at her, though, it was more gentle than it had ever been.
"<I have what I want, Shampoo.>"
{I kind of like the spear rather than the scythe. A different metaphor.}
Meant to be reminescent of the spear of Odin, actually... as is the loss of
sight to gain power.
"<I won't see you again, will I?>" she asked.
A smile flickered and died upon his face. "<Oh, I think
you'll see me at least once,>" he said, as if it were a joke she
didn't get.
{I'm a little surprised she doesn't get it; it has to be on her mind...}
Keep in mind that she doesn't know the precise nature of what Mousse has
become, though.
She cried out again, and clutched him to her, as though she
would never let him go, even though she knew that after this had
ended, she had no choice but to do so.
END OF CHAPTER 39
Akane... I thought something like that would happen. Ranma's beyond her
now, no matter how much she wants to stay with him or he with her.
However, that doesn't mean he can't visit from time to time... but I
have the sinking feeling that, in proper legendary fashion, this one
time is it. If this is a proper legend, mind you, she conceived from it.
Well, we'll see, I'm sure.
Yes, you certainly will. Hopefully soon. :)
Thanks for writing and sharing!
No problem, Vince. And thank you for taking the time to give such
extensive commentary. :)
Ciao,
-Alan Harnum