-----Original Message-----
From: Alan Harnum <harnums@thekeep.org>
To: ffml@fanfic.com <ffml@fanfic.com>
Date: 07 October 1999 05:39
Subject: [FFML] [Ranma][Fanfic] Waters Under Earth - Chapter 39


Hello. ^_^

As always, I am welcoming and appreciative of any commentary.

<snip!>

    Even before she fully registered that, she was turning 
again, at the sound of Ukyou's scream.  What she saw made her
feel as though her heart was being crushed in a vice.  Konatsu,
smiling as he did it, had driven his short sword directly into
the small of her back.  Ukyou crumpled to the ground, and he 
yanked it free.  Nabiki watched, fascinated, as a thin trickle 
of blood ran from Ukyou's mouth and spread across the dusty 
earth.

*blinks* Well, I wasn't expecting that to happen. Quickly, without 
any build-up and over in a flash... and yet the unfussy, 
unmelodramatic approach worked, like I was the one getting 
stabbed and only realising it, just after the fact, what had 
happened.

    Kuno, though blind, moved.  As though he could see, see it
all, he stepped forward, into the arc of Konatsu's swing, and 

I like the way you phrased that "he could see it, see it all". 
It had a good rhythm and seemed to suit the mood and the writing. 

    So much for my looks, she thought vaguely.  The blow had
ripped her cheek open; even air upon the flapping wound was
agony.  She hung on, and saw in disbelief that neither Kasumi or
Kodachi was moving.  They were watching.
    
    Yamiko kneed her in the stomach.  All her air left her in a
rush; she cried out.  Tears welled in her eyes.  Why didn't they 
move?

Yeah, why didn't they...? (Rhetorical)

    Dead.
    
    The world turned crimson.  Everything vanished, except for
her, the scarlet void, the bow, the arrow drawn from the quiver.

    She didn't note that it was the special arrow, the one
Lougui had given her, shaped from a single piece of wood.  The
world did not allow such information, because it did not matter.

    A bridge, no, not a bridge, a tunnel, a scarlet path little
wider than her arm, connecting her to the shadow of death that
stalked towards her oldest sister.

    Akane nocked the arrow, and let it fly through the 
impossible expanse.

Very nice description here. You didn't spell out what Akane was 
obviously feeling or why she was doing what she did, but you 
didn't need to... the description said it all.

    A dark place.  No, not dark, her eyes simply weren't open.
Even through her eyelids she could vague shapes moving.  It all
looked like a sheet of black cloth rippling in the wind.

For some reason, this description was very vivid in my mind 
and I can't get rid of it.

    I am Nabiki. 
    
    You are loved.
    
    I am.
    
    You are loved.
    
    I.
    
    You are loved.

This is disturbing, sad, but somehow inevitable.

    His fingers were ice cold.  There was no life left in him.
Everything had faded away, and only the sensation of his cold
hand in hers remained.

    A horn-call bounced between the cliffs of the pass like a
note of thunder, and, in answer, rain began to fall, a gentle
trickle.  

    Wiyeed knelt in the rain, as the battle went on, and held 
her brother's cooling hand.

A little bit of humanity will go a long way... Another 
stand-out scene.

    Both girls spoke in synch, identical words at identical
times.  "I am not yet finished with her.  Do not fear; she will
return."

    "What?"

Hmmm. Interesting....

    "Thank... you... didn't want to die... with..."
    
    And a terrible pity rose in Nodoka, one that made her reach
down and touch the other woman's hand with her own, even as
Yamiko gave a last rattle, and died.

You have a way with words. They read like a dream, are very 
descriptive and yet not too overdone or flowery so as not to 
dilute the power of the moment.

    "I would have liked to know you better," he said quietly.  
Another memory about the rain - no one can see you crying in it.

    A few heartbeats passed.  
    
    Bai opened her eyes and smiled thinly.  "You not getting 
rid of me that easily, stupid man."

Heh. A little bit of humour in the midst of tragedy is always 
welcome, no matter how many intense emotions and tragedy
lie behind it.

    He could not say which hand, that of Life or Death, had
touched him then.  It did not matter, he realized.  He perceived
them as sisters, and they showed themselves as such, because it
was one way that was true.  There were more.

I love this bit. I'm not usually into all this fantasy and philosophy 
wrapped up together... but here, the meaning of what's being 
said is put into clarity and the importance of it has managed to 
be compacted into one sentence. Wonderful. 

    As she watched the fire burn, it began to occur to her that
something was wrong.  Nabiki's body was not burning.  Clothes,
flesh, even hair... nothing had caught.  The flames moved across
her, and yet she was not burned.

Again, interesting....

    There was silence now.  The sense of dislocation ended, and
Akane stood beside Kima, within the circle of friends and family
and acquaintances, and watched the pyre burn down to ashes.  And,
when it had become ashes, Nabiki's body, unburned, untouched,
still lay amidst them.

This is most likely to be way off-base, but does this have anything 
at all to do with the Phoenix? (Not that I'm expecting a straight 
answer about what it really is, but my curiosity got the better of me :) 

    But, in the end, she hadn't asked, and had simply gone away 
by herself.  She'd snuffed the lamps upon the walls, and crawled 
into bed fully clothed.  But despite being weary unto her very 
bones, sleep escaped her.  Every time she closed her eyes, she 
saw Nabiki's face, or the faces of the anonymous dead.  Or her
mother.  And yet she had no more tears in her for any of them.  
It felt like there was a stone in the pit of her stomach, painful
and ever-present, but irremovable.  Crying would make it pass 

>from her, but she could not cry.
Unfortunately, I can totally relate to what Akane's feeling. 
The stone metaphor was perfect, by the way.

I once said in an e-mail to another WuE fan that this epic has
"so many twists, both good and bad, and you still hold 
out hope because every time hope seems to be taken away, 
something comes to put it back." No chapter epitomises this 
comment better than Chapter 39. As well as great fantasy, 
mythology, adventure, action and romance... this has one 
emotional rollercoaster ride in it.

~Kayu-chan

"Destiny always calls just when you sit down to dinner..."



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