Some quick commentary while I'm suffering from insomnia. :)

As always, C&C remain my opinions and suggestions only. Feel free to
ignore anything I say.

     Warning bells went off within her mind.  This was not a good
sign.  Iczer-2, however, chose to ignore her innate danger sense,
and charge forward to meet the professor's challenge.  She never
backed down from anything, and she would not back down from this...
Man.

charged

     Positioned in front of the cat, she studied the dead animal.
She was not too partial to cats however Yoriko loved them because
it reminded her of Iczer-2: fiercely independent, and headstrong.

suggest:

She was not too partial to cats. However, Yoriko loved them because
it reminded her of Iczer-2: fiercely independent, and headstrong.

Actually, why are they dissecting cats anyway? Most unis offer frogs

to the students. :)

     "It is.  It's probably because of this yellow liquid inside
of it.  Strange, last time I checked, most life usually has blood
within them...."

suggest: most living creatures usually have blood flowing within

them...

     "Um, they usually drain the blood before they fill it with
thermaldahyde."

formaldehyde?

     But, never in the time she had been alive had anyone ever threw
up on her.

thrown

     A derisive grin grew on her face as she made her way to the
stage where the band was.  As she approached the stage, a long
black-haired girl holding a bass guitar looked up and waved.

why derisive? Is she planning on being snide? It doesn't seem in

keeping with anything that follows.

     It was a large mess of people, writing back and forth to the
sound of her voice, and the band.  She was the focus of their
excitement, the reason that everyone was enjoying themselves.
     She loved it.
     Everything that she was, all the bad memories and emotions
disappeared from her while she was on stage.  She felt free to do
what she wished only limited by her own inhibitions.
     Nothing could stop her or stand in her way....
     In the way of finally becoming herself....

You know, this reminded me so much of Priss Asagiri. :)

     "...Onesan?"

"...Onee-san?"

Closing comments:

Interesting to read. Not too many Iczer fics out there, and it's nice to
see one that tells a story away from the mainstream. Not many surprises
but well written. Hope to see more.

Phil.


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