It may sound like I'm asking only for positive commentary.  Far 
 from it.  I'm simply asking for commentary that's not about the 
 subjective factors.  I'm quite open to negative _constructive_ 
 comments.

Well, tie our hands, why'doncha? ^_-

Hmm, lesse....... well, the writing is technically superb. And It's a very 
engrossing story, even if the entire concept does make me slightly ill. I 
hope somebody writes a Yui/Fuyutsuki story soon to balance this (Scrivener?) 
and I sincerely hope that the Proffesor she was talking about who kept 
undressing her with his eyes WASN'T Kouzou. 

Few things about Gendo (MINOR things that don't really neccesitate changes, 
at least in these pages, okay?)  

One, I don't think he was student when he knew Yui, at least not in the 
traditional sense, nor was he her contemporary. He was thirty when he met Yui 
at U of K, and that's a tad old. I beleive he was doing some sort of postgrad 
work.

Two, painting him as some sort of loner who never had anybody to rely on.... 
well, he's a loner, certianly, but he definitly had some kind of family 
structure about him. Hell, he talked his brother into raising Shinji, that 
implies some sort of tie right there.

Three....... well, this _is_ rather subjective, but you're idealizing Gendo 
just a bit. I'm not saying he couldn't be what you're portraying him as. I 
like him much better this way, frankly: hating him gets old. But you've 
idealized him slightly. He needs some flaws that are indicative of what he'll 
become later in life. (not liking children doesn't count.)

All in all, though, whipass story, and that's rare fer prequels. Can't wait 
for more. There IS more, right? RIGHT?!?!?!

-Mercutio
"And now, let's pause for a moment of rational thought."
Katsuhiko Jinnai.