Well this sure did take me a while to do.

Alex Gray wrote:

The slow repeating neon light of the "Silky Dolls" advertisement board
threw the room
into a stark relief of light and darkness, as the woman sat alone staring
out into
nothing. The empty silence of the room was a stark reminder of the

category

of failures
in her life that had ended with tonight. This room, so full of noise and
excited
anticipation only a few hours before, now only echoed with the woman's
shallow breath,
and the faint dripping of blood that ran down the deep gash in her right
arm.

Nice way of setting the mood.

For a moment, the woman glanced down at the steadily growing red pool on
the
floor. Her arm was now numb and cold, she

either:
'cold; she' or 'cold. She'

She dismissed the wound from her mind. She no longer cared, all those who
had
ever meant anything to her were dead. She had kill them,

killed

The artificial light hit upon a small, protective helmet. The type that

was

used for
riding small, low powered motorbikes. A helmet, that had once belonged to

a

bubbly, innocent
young red head.

Lina Inverse?

her best friend.
A show, the woman noted, that had started well over several hours ago. A
show to which the
red head

redhead

would now never be going.

'would never see' works better for me. But it could be just a style thing.

 The woman closed her eyes in pain as the

dying scream of
the red head

redhead

once more replayed itself through her mind.

"Ahh. The vibrator's speed is to highAHHHH--"

*THUD*

And then it was over.

 She could still see

the shock and
disbelief that had flashed through those once bright green eyes before the
bullets tore her
apart.

Ah well, I was close. ^_^

Blink!

The helmet vanished into the darkness of the room as the woman silently
wepted.

wept

"Nene-chan..."

What? You're not using the blonde Nene from BGC 2040? Tsk Tsk. ^_^

she cried. "Forgive me..."

But you ate the last donut. Your crime was unforgiveable. I had to shoot
you. Forgive me.

The screamed warning, and the blood curling

curdling

The woman's eyes looked for one final item. She could not help herself.

It

filled her
morbid sense of right, that she carry out this self-torture before the

end.

Carry it out as a
reminder what

reminder of what

that the singer had turned out to be. The violent, unstable person that
everyone always
associated with the singer was only a mask. It covered a deep, loving and
caring personality
that would anything

would do anything

to protect those select few who had touched the singer's

heart. That
statement had never been proved

proven

 truer than by the singer's final act

tonight. Screaming with
sorrow and loss as her two "sisters" had been brutally killed before her
eyes, the singer had
pushed the wounded woman out the

out of the

The woman stood up and walked over to a small draw.

drawer

The woman turned back from the draw

drawer

She closed her eyes and as the tears flowed down her smudged white

cheeks,

she
whispered one last time into the darkness.

Blink!

"Forgive me..."

Bang!!

They really never should have shown Sylia her new design for 2040. I mean,
this was bound to happen.

Hmm. Overall effect: It was a bit drawn out towards the end, but I suppose
it's necessary for a piece like this. And the long sentences seemed a bit
akward, but I would assume that was the style you were going for. It was an
okay piece. Not great, but not bad either.

D.B. Sommer