Dem'Ota: Welcome to the cheapo version of Demented Otaku's MST theater. The
main differences are that instead of row after row of seats, we just have
this old couch, and instead of a gigantic movie quality screen, we have a
six inch black and white TV with mono sound. Don't worry though! It's still
good!

Nene: Well, WE have to make do with an old OmniMax theatre. How's THAT for
primitive?

[Six inch black and white?]

[The camera view widens, and we can see everyone is holding a can of cola,
except for Belldandy. If you haven't read much on the AMG manga, Belldandy
gets drunk on cola. No people, no cans for her. Instead, she's gripping a
few 2 liter bottles of Jolt cola rather tightly, occasionally chugging a
bottle down.]

Mackie: Hey, do you think that she'd...

Crash: No.

Mackie: Awwww....

Washuu: *punches Dem'Ota* I told you not to put some in her tea!

Dem'Ota:Ow! I didn't know she'd keep asking for so much!

Kerrigan: Come on, Belldandy. I think you've had enough now.

Madigan: For NOW? She's had enough for a lifetime...

Belldandy: *hic* Noooo.....I'lll tell you when I've haaad enuuuuffff!
*picks up another 2 liter bottle, and tosses the one she just finished into
a 10 foot tall pile of empty bottles*

Nene: Great Skuld...

Madigan: <blinks> The Norse Fate of the Future?

Nene: <nods> Yeah, I mean, Banpei is just sooooooo kawaii!

Madigan+Mackie+Crash: <sweatdrop>

[Hah!]

Dem'Ota: I really think that fifteen bottles of cola is enough for you.

Belldandy: Shaddup! *throws a bolt at Dem'Ota (which misses by at least 20
feet), then belches loudly*

[Everyone sweatdrops]

<on this side too...>

Dem'Ota: Aaaaaanyway, let's start talking about the MST.

Washuu: Right! You see, this one moron posted a mini-essay talking about

how

Pokemon was supposed to be evil to alt.games.nintendo.pokemon, where it
obviously wouldn't be welcome. Since that sort of behavior is usually
prominent in trolls, he will be MSTed as such.

[Troll?]

Nene: You mean you don't know what they ARE?!

[Best as I can recall, they're a type of mythical monster...]

Nene: Oh...My...Goddess......

Kerrigan: Meaning, we'll be making all sorts of personal attacks and

mocking

him mercilessly.

Madigan: <waves a little flag with a block G on it> Yay.

Dem'Ota: Yup! Let's get started!

Washuu: I haven't had an idiot to analyze in quite some time!

Belldandy: yeaaahhh..........nuke dem morons,

Crash: <starts headbanging>

From: <kleim@eudoramail.com>
Subject: Why Pokemon IS evil...
Date: Thursday, September 30, 1999 11:15 AM

Why Pokemon IS Evil...

Dem'Ota: Or rather, "My Big Moronic Essay That Has Absolutely No Logic In
It"

Mackie: Ouch.

Pokemon, the latest mass-marketed obsession peddled to children.

Kerrigan: True, it's been mass-marketed, but remember this: Things do well
if people like them.

Dem'Ota: Since almost *everybody* just absolutely *loves* Pokemon, it's
currently doing very well.

Washuu: In fact, Pokemon was the main reason why Nintendo's profits hit a
six year high recently.

Belldady: not hihg! Im not high! Jes dukrn.

Nene: And having a lot of people interested in the same thing isn't
obsession. Going on a ten-year crusade against Genom because they killed
your father would be but....

Madigan: Are you implying something?

[Everyone sweatdrops]

It's not evil because of "demons" and "hidden messages" and other
religious imbecility.  Pokemon is evil because it's about indenturing

Belldandy: wait a sec. relguois imbeliciyt? i r not one imbecly, u *hic*

ah,

ne'ermind. Hey! dem! gimme ano'er botle!

[Dem'Ota gives her another bottle of cola, then is quickly pounded by

Washuu

and Kerrigan for not learning from his mistakes]

Dem'Ota: Ow!

Nene: Crash, hit him for me, will you?

Crash: <reaches through the barrier and thwaps Dem'Ota>

Dem'Ota: <is knocked from his chair> Owwwwwww...

children, and their parents, to an elitist, imagination-numbing, mania-
generating scam.

Washuu: Scam? A scam is some sort of scheme designed to swindle people out
of people while they get nothing or something really crappy.

Kerrigan: There's absolutely no scam. A scam would be buying a Sailor Moon
CD, then hearing Moon Densetsu played by a triangle, and accordian, and a
kazoo.

Crash: A kazoo?

Dem'Ota: No, that would be just strange.

Madigan: Agreed.

Numerous school districts and individual schools have wisely prohibited
trading Pokemon merchandise on their campuses to prevent the fighting
and other discipline-eroding behavior directly related to the scam.

Dem'Ota: They prohibited cards. And to prevent older kids from cheating
younger ones out of valuble cards. I doubt that Pokemon cards will cause
"fighting and other discipline-eroding behavior". A lot of my friends
collect Pokemon cards, and they're some of the best people I know!

Madigan: That bunch of pathetic losers?

Nene: <swats Madigan> Be nice!

Washuu: The only objects that will actually *cause* you to do weird stuff
are drugs, beer, etc.

Belldandy: ooh! Looky de pretty lights.....

Dem'Ota: And for some people, cola.

Crash: Raw electricity works too.

Children need to have their imaginations cultivated, for in the
infinite diversity of today's children's minds comes the dynamic
progress of our future.  Pokemon is yet another conformist, money-
making scam deadening the unknowable depths of the human imagination.

Washuu: See all those websites that make up fake Pokemon? That's using
imagination!

Mackie: Especially the tentacled ones...

Nene: OOOOOHH!! CRASH!!!

Crash: <foldspindlemutilate>

Mackie: <mulch>

Dem'Ota: See all the diversity in types of Pokemon? That's not conformism!

Kerrigan: See all those Pokemon ripoffs? *That's* what all these

accusations

should really be pointed at!

Belldandy: *goes to sleep*

Madigan: Hah!

Instead of cultivating the endless possibilities of individualism,
Pokemon, like its predecessors and contemporaries, too, reins in the
innocence and purity of children into a linear, two-dimensional realm,

Dem'Ota: There's plenty of stressing the importance of the indivudual!

There

was that one episode where Fushigidane didn't want to evolve!

Washuu: You, Troll, have failed to give even one supporting detail to any

of

your arguments!

Nene: And in the name of the Knight Sabers, I shall punish _YOU_!

Madigan: <bloodthirsty> Huh? Knight Sabers?

Crash: <scared> Knight Sabers?! EEK! <hides under his chair>

with the sole goal of enslavement of mind towards the quest of "gotta
buy 'em all."  Pokemon reinforces the statification of society in its
inherent materialism: more money equals more Pokemon cards equals more
prestige in young social circles.  The affluent become popular; the not
so fortunate lose sense of self in their inability to afford to
purchase dignity and popularity.

Kerrigan: Hey, why don't you write up an article saying that every single
material object is evil! That's what the single supporting detail in this
entire article seems to say!

Washuu: Kids are smart. They know that dignity comes from within, not from
cards. You're being one absolute moron!

[That's pretty self evident, Washuu.]

Pokemon is not merely about "cute," adventurous "pocket monsters."
It's about using you.  It's about using children.  Behind the funny
faces, the real "special power" is the ability to compel you to
conform.  If it weren't for the "cuteness" of the scam, would any
parent participate in the multi-billion dollar exploitation of their
children?

Dem'Ota: *rolls eyes* Again with the conformity idiocy! Do you have any
other details to support your poorly thought out statements?

[No, probably not.]

Free yourself.  Free your children.

Kerrigan: Free your brain.

Madigan: What brain?

Washuu: People aren't slaves to Pokemon, and thus cannot be freed. If you
did any research, you'd know that Pokemon are the pets of humans!

Dem'Ota: Free your Pocket Monster!

Nene: <resolves to use her Mad Hacker Skillz to do something nasty to
Dem'Ota>

Madigan: <makes a mental note to ruin his credit>

Crash: <reaches through the barrier and thwaps Dem'Ota one>

Mackie: <drools at his hidden Playboy>

[<watches the children in amusement>]

[Washuu jams a syringe into Dem'Ota. Kerrigan punches him. Belldandy

mumbles

at him. He falls to the floor, completely out of it.]

-- Milton John Kleim, Jr.
   Sacramento County, California, USA
   DOB: 1/27/71, i.e., not a clueless old fart

[Ummm... 9 minus 1, 8. 9 minus seven, 2. 28 years. That _IS_ old!]

Washuu: There are so many things we could say about that, that it's really
tough to just choose one.

Dem'Ota: Not a clueless old fart? He's definitely at least a clueless fart.

Kerrigan: That's enough. Let's let the readers come up with stuff for now.

-

http://www.efn.org/~mjk/

Kerrigan: Visited the page. Quite frankly, I don't care about your personal
life. By writing this article, then posting it to a Pokemon newsgroup, you
have made yourself a complete troll!

[Congratulations!]

Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.

Dem'Ota: Buy what? It's official! This guy's a clueless old fart!

[Agreed.]

Washuu: I think we've had enough of this moron.

Dem'Ota: Damn, this show ain't no good. *shoots the 6 inch black and white
mono TV*

Kerrigan: You shot the TV! Now how are we gonna MST?!

Mackie: I'll loan you my projector if you sit on my lap!

Crash: <opens his chest and fries Mackie>

Mackie: <flambe>


{Hey! well, that was pretty fun. Till next time.}

Be well.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Nathan Baxter, Grand High Emperor of the Lobsters.
Author, Bubblegum^5, El Hazard: The Continuing World
(Now, if you've heard of both of these, THEN I'll be
impressed.)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Don't worry, I'm sure they'll listen to Reason."
==============================================