From: Alan Harnum <harnums@thekeep.org>

At 11:08 AM 10/3/99 -0400, Emily Siazon wrote:

"The Man in the Mirror"
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<snip>

Author's Notes: Um. . . I'm not really sure what to say about this
except that I'm sorry to all the Makoto fans out there; I didn't
really mean for him to come out as such a big bastard.
Please send comments and criticisms to <emily9@erols.com>.

Well, I enjoyed it, despite being a Makoto fan.  I like to think their
relationship will end up a little better than it does in this story, but
considering the problems inherent in a relationship where one of you is
immortal and cannot have children, this situation is quite plausible.

I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for all the wonderful suggestions ^_^

I'm uncertain of what you were trying to do with the second-person
narrative.  Why did you think the story would work better that way than in
the more common first- or third-person narrative?  If it was to force the
reader to experience by proxy the same state of mind Makoto is in, I think
we might need more details to really get into his head.  As it was, I

found

the narration rather distracting--unless it serves a really important
function, you might want to consider redoing the story in first- or
third-person.

The only real reason for the second-person narrative was that I wanted some
practice writing with it. I'll try switching it to a third-person
perspective and
resend it to the ML.

Ciao,
-Alan Harnum

Thanks again for the c&c!
Emily