Normally, I don't usually agree with Gary's IC ranting and raving, but
in this case, I'm gonna have admit that your OOCness of practically
everyone is very bewildering and stupifying. I could never see Nabiki
facing off with Kuno and I could never really see Takewaki faking his
love to Akane to really get to Nabiki (because a) he wears his emotions
on his sleeves and b) he's stupid).

If you are going to make this Takewaki/Nabiki love-thingy work, give me
a good reason why either of them would even want each other. Does Nabiki
simply want Takewaki's money? Does she like stupid men (I'd like to
think she'd prefers to be superior to her significant other)? Does
Takewaki see Nabiki as the only way to get to Akane? Does he realize her
superior accounting skills? Is it just a way to annoy Kodachi? Just
give  some kind of reason. Some thought process or some action that
shows a suggested reason behind the
"I-love-you-but-I-do-it-behind-your-back" actions.

And finally, good WAFF stories have slight hints of comedy. They're
mostly serious stories, with a great deal of tension put in. This does
not appear to be neither a comedic story nor a serious story, and
there's no tension. In fact, there's nothing in here that piques my
interest. The shortness of the story has a bit to do with that plus
there's no real twist with the story. I think if you expand the story,
vary the pace, and try to put something different than what's been done
before, I think you'll find the story far more interesting than what's
been out here in the past three months or so.

Sorry, if I've been sounding like a ranting and raving lunatic. I'm just
tired at the number of fics that have been spit out to the ML that shows
the person did not think through the piece before spitting it out. If
more writers would review their own material (and I know many do) or at
least see gets a couple of outside opinions (and I know many do, also)
we'd would have far better fics to read and enjoy. Thanks. I feel much
better.

Mr. Hudson, I wish you better fanfic success ahead.

---Andrew