Hi!
(Hope this comes through readable.  Lost Wordperfect in a recent crash, and 
wouldn't you know I forgot the authorization code back in Canada... sigh.  
Not used to MS Word, but here's trying.)

Methinks its time for a little feedback.  Won�t be as detailed as I would�ve 
liked, but life�s busy, I�m a little tired, and my computer crashed recently 
and wiped out everything I had previously written... I hate rewriting stuff. 
  Gonna take a quick look at �Third Wish,� by Jack Staik, �Waterfalls III�, 
by Alan Harnum and Chris Willmore, and� I can�t remember the name or author 
of the third (help me out if you can.)

Third Wish by Jack Staik

	As I�ve said before, comedy is probably the hardest to both write and C&C 
well, and therefore I don�t have overly much to say about Third Wish.  I 
liked it, it was a very entertaining, light, and easy read, which was just 
what I needed at the time.  Very enjoyable.  The writing was okay, though a 
few instances of off-hand comedy were just great:

"He was a liar, a cheat, a glutton, and he'd steal anything not nailed down 
or on fire!" the Spirit argued.
"That's not true." Ranma protested.
"Thank you, Ranma." Nodoka said, relieved.
"I've seen him steal things that were on fire." Ranma clarified.

Or

"This one is just as nice!" the Spirit said. "A bit rough around the edges, 
but servicable."
"HA!" Akane protested. "I haven't been serviced in a week!"
Everyone facefaulted. Ranma looked confused. "Huh?"
"Never mind." Akane said testily - which made Ranma smile.

	Good fic.

Waterfalls Three, by Alan Harnum and Chris Willmore

	The first thing that has to be stated about this fic is, of course, what 
immediately spring to mind upon reading it, being so obvious by virtue of 
its superior quality and skillful writing and suspenseful prose, and. . . 
well, so on: it�s Canadian, of course!  Canadian content rocks! (Well, with 
the exception of Bryan Adams, for which we have, as you already know, 
apologized.  Sixteen until I die, indeed.)  The reason for the innate 
superiority of Canadian fics is, of course, due to the incredible harshness 
of early life in the true north free and brave; as Alan himself has pointed 
out, most Canadians are born as sightless beavers raised in subterranean 
igloos, wrapped tightly in Canadian flags supplied by Sheila Copps and her 
free-flag campaign.  A youth of dodging hockey-pucks heightens our agility, 
while going head-to-head with rampaging moose toughens our craniums.  The 
sheer absurdity of the Canadian situation sharpens our sense of humor to a 
fine point, thus the Myers, Carries, and Celine Dions of Canadian fame.

	Seriously, though, the fic _is_ good, and it has nothing to do with the 
nationality of the authors.  They�re both good writers, have (I assume) a 
clear of idea of where they�re going, and the fic flows forward without a 
hitch.  The story isn�t a favorite of mine, mind you, since though labeled a 
mystery it reads more like an �epic,� and the genre is one of which I�m not 
overly fond.  Though it avoids most, Waterfalls still has some of the little 
�flaws� (for me) to which the genre is prone: in this case, the annoyingly 
arrogant �boss� who�s prone to large declarative statements:
"You are mine, slave."
"I did not ask for confirmation."
"Never shall you know my name, little child, for I shall kill you before 
granting you even that much of an increase in your power."
The fic felt very weighty to read at times. . . or more accurately, perhaps, 
the chapter, since though its been a while since I read Waterfall 1+2, I do 
remember a few moments of levity.  Part three avoids almost any hint of 
humor, with each scene delivered with the uttermost seriousness: the scene 
between Cologne and Herb, for instance, felt just way too intense (to me, 
anyway,) even with the side mention of the Musk Teddy-Bear wrapping paper.  
Did lighten up by the end, though, with the exchange of innuendo, but I 
guess I just miss some of the lightness I�m used to in the authors� other 
works.
	Some great writing, though: Happosai�s death scene is effectively 
grotesque, though I was a little disappointed to see the little bugger go.  
Poor guy, I was hoping his incredible powers of lust would be too much for 
even the evil boss to handle�.  The Tofu scene was also effective, 
contrasting the grossness of a watery death with Tofu�s goofiness: comedy 
turned horrific, I supposed.
	There were a few minor mistakes I noticed:

Tiny, downy hairs covered it, slick with sweat. It smelled like fear.

	Unclear reference with the �it,� especially since there�s two of them.  
What smells like fear?  The hairs?  The �it�?  The sweat?  What�s the first 
it?  (Yes, I know the first it is the torso, and the second the sweat, but 
it�s not obvious on the first read, or second.)  The opening sentence is 
similar, does �it� refer to the tower or the desert?  Obviously really minor 
nits, here, but still thought I�d mention it.

His mouth was still opened and closed, as though he were still trying to 
speak, but had no breath to speak with.

	�His mouth was still opening and closing�� or �his mouth still opened and 
closed��

	>The woman took deep breath, and changed.
	The woman took �a� deep breath . . .

	Well, that�s it for this fic.  Despite the criticism, a good read, and I�ll 
still be hanging around for the next chapter.

Fic Whose Name I�ve Forgotten, by an Author whose Name I Can�t Remember.

	Errr, sorry about that.  I lost my copy of it when my computer went funky, 
and now I�m commenting by memory.
	A fic I enjoyed, and rather by surprise, since I hadn�t intended to read it 
past the first few paragraphs.  It was another �Alternate Universe,� and 
there�s just been so many of them that I often skip over it with only 
reading the opening page or so. . . and it doesn�t happen too often that 
I�ll keep reading past that.  This time, I did.
	Mainly on the strength of the writing, which was a step above normal, but 
also for the way in which it filled in many of the scenes that are often 
ignored: little moments between frames of the manga and anime that provide 
extra depth to this story.  What�s surprising is how little is actually 
different from the canon continuity: same curses, same parents, same opening 
scenario. . . except that everybody is just a tad more �realistic.�  Soun is 
more parental, concerned about his daughters� fates; Genma takes a moment to 
talk to Ranma early on; Ranma explains away his panda companion immediately 
before wandering off to the dojo.
	Unfortunately I can�t really say much more, running off of memory as I am, 
but I found the fic a good one, a cut above norm, and certainly worth 
reading.  I�ll check out part two. . . if someone can remind me of the 
actual name and author of the fic!



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