Subject: Re: [FFML] [FanFic] [Airbats] [Revised] 4th Strike - Episode 1 (8)
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 9/28/1999, 11:55 AM
To: "Kevin Callahan" <kionon@HOTMAIL.COM>
CC: <ffml@fanfic.com>

Don't think I've seen an Airbats fanfic before:


"AHEM! Can we please get to the meeting?" asked Kangamine
as he walked over to the blackboard. "General's orders, we are to
practice for an air show we are doing here with the German air
display team. The SkyHawks. They will be coming this weekend, and I want
you all on your best behavior. Got it?

Heh. I remember what happened the last time they were on their 'best
behavior' with the American team.

This is a very big deal for the
Japanese Self Defense Force. We want to promote a good image to Europe.
Any questions?"

Haneda spoke up, "Does that mean we have to replace
Mitaka to avoid an international incident?"

Heh. If it wasn't for those episodes, I'd say the insult was OOC, but it's
actually appropriate.



Sakura smiled as she turned from the table. "I'm now
taking bets on who Isurugi will choose! Line starts here."

Heh. Typical Sakura.



Elsewhere on the base, more specifically the Airbats'
hanger bay, Haneda was approaching a working Isurugi. "You know
this contest won't prove anything if you don't choose one of us.
You can't keep putting us on the same level. You can't love both
of us. It doesn't work that way."

Isurugi: Why? It works for Kunou.

* * *

300 miles away, a 737 was on it's way from Germany,
General Kohl of the German Luftwaffe was settled comfortably in
his first class chair. Pulling at a black bag, he revealed the
side of a dark gray laptop which he pulled out and set up on the
chair's tray. After starting Windows (German Version) he opened
up a spreadsheet of profiles. The profiles of the Airbat members,
as provided by a German officer already in Japan as an exchange
officer.

Two uses of 'officer' close together. I'd rework the last sentence as
'...in Japan as part of an exchange program.


"Ah.. Mitaka and Haneda will do badly if anything should
happen to Private Isurugi. We've found their weakness." The
general pulled out a cell phone an dialed a number. "This is
General Kohl, put me through to Luftwaffe HQ.... Yes, this is
General Kohl, I believe I've found a way to win. Get Shnitz on
the telephone now... Ah, Shnitz.. this is the plan..."

Hmm. Guessing at this point, I say it could go one of two ways, they're
either going to hurt Isurugi, or send a German female pilot to try to
seduce him. The latter plan of course, more humorous and doomed to failure.


* * *

"Oooh, that Mitaka... Thinking she can just steal my
Isurugi. Well, I'll show her," Haneda thought outloud as she
looked about the store for different foodstuffs. After finding
such staples as noodles and rice, she began to search for more
exotic and expensive items. After finally getting a jar of
pickled vegetables and a fine, but affordable vintage of sake,

you know, I never thought about it, but does sake really come with vintage
labels?

she headed towards the cash register.

Her thoughts still on Isurugi, she missed the descent of
the German fighter heading towards the nearby base.

A fast descent, since its engine had cut out and it was actually falling
rather than flying.

 Had she
known who was aboard and why they were here, she might have paid
more attention.

But not being omniscient, she did not.


* * *

Captain Shnitz opened the canopy of her Typhoon fighter. She
stepped out onto the ladder that had been put into place by
Japanese air techs. She tore off her helmet and let her long
blonde hair unfurl into the wind. She laid the helmet inside the
cockpit and went down the ladder.

Three sentences that start with 'She.' I'd recommend simply combining the
first sentnce of the paragraph with the second 'Typhoon fighter and
stepped' and cut it back to just two.


"Hai, however, I like to be more than punctual," she
replied in perfect Japanese. "Now, then General, where are my
quarters? I would like to sleep awhile.

with one of your mechanics.

" The General nodded and
started towards a bunker at the far side of the base.

Mid-trip they were picked up by a tall short

tall, short


"Tomorrow, Captain, at 0900. We will rendezvous at the western
helicopter platform in front of your quarters." He pointed slightly off
>from the direction the jeep was headed. When the jeep came to a
complete stop, the group got out. They were standing in front of a
concrete building that read in Japanese "Iruma Base Guest Bunker."
"Captain, your quarters are the third door on the left on the second
floor.

The one with the name 'broom closet' on the door.

If there is anything you require, there is a phone linked
to our switching board on the first floor. Simply ask the operator
for my office and I'll do whatever I can to help."

She gets to talk directly to the general? Not bad.

She shook her head knowing her reply would not be welcome. "Sir,
besides the fact that the General is pervert and Sakura knows when to
mind her own business, I don't have much to report at all. However I

However, I

I think

* * *

Mitaka pushed Isurugi down into a seat at the conference table.
It was ladened with food of all sorts. A line of scotch tape divided the
food. To the right lay Mitaka's food. To the left, Haneda's dishes
awaited. "Really, this isn't nessicery, you're both good cooks, I'm
sure of it. Do we really need to do this?"

Together Haneda and Mitaka screamed, "YES!"

Well, at least they're trying to force him to decide.

began eating. Sakura, just recently back,
once again was up taking bets. The betting was pretty much equal, half of
the base thinking Haneda was the better cook, and half to

too

scared of Mitaka
to go against her.

heh. A healthy attitude to have.


The three planes took the form of a trefoil as they made their final
and complete descent. The group landed under the cover of darkness. They
were ready to face the Airbats, no matter what they had planned. They
would
crush them and bring glory to the SkyHawks.

The three figures headed down their ladders attached to the Typhoons'
cockpits. They flagged down a passing jeep and one gave a muffled command
in
Japanese through a dark non-reflective helmet.

Darth Vader is flying with them? The Airbats don't stand a chance.

They headed up the walkway and into the building. At the foot of the
stairs, Shnitz was waiting for them. They removed their helmets, their
hair
springing outas

out as

Nice work.

D.B. Sommer