Red Dwarf 1/2 Byte 3

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This is an SOS distress call from the mining ship, Red Dwarf.The crew are dead. The only survivors are
three people who were in stasis at the time of the accident: Ryoga Hibiki, Kodachi Kuno and Azusa
Shiratori, a creature who evolved from the ship's cat and Tatewaki Kuno, a holographic simulation of one
of the dead crew. 

Additional: Tempers are strained and the tension is so thick, you beat a whale to death. The cause for
this is quite understandable - we have run out of Haagen-Daaz. 

~~~~~

Ivi couldn't believe it. It was impossible, completely unheard of. Absolutely unthinkable. 
He rechecked his calculations, sure he must have made a mistake. 

Nope, the results were still the same the second time around. The ship had been 
accelerating for six million years and had reached a speed never before reached. In a few 
hours, they were going to break the speed of light. 

Checking again, he tried to slow the ship down. But because they were travelling so fast, 
this just meant that they were still accelerating, just not as fast as before. Ivi decided it 
was time to warn the others.

~~~~~

"Hibiki Ryoga, 6173RS4," Ryoga said to the vending machine.

"Yeth, how may I helph you?"

Ryoga paused. "You've got a lisp," he pointed out in surprise.

"Yeth, I know. The lipth malphunction hath been reported to the shkuttersh," the vending 
machine explained.

Ryoga nodded in understanding. "Well, can you give me a cup of tea and a chicken curry?" 
he asked.

There was a clunk and the machine dispensed breakfast. There was a pause.

Finally, Ryoga spoke. "Your vocabulary unit's not working either." He picked up the 
wellington boots and placed them to one side.

"Yeth. Thith altho hath been reported to the shkuttersh," the vending machine told him.

Ryoga scratched his head and gave a long-suffering sigh. "Can you TRY and give me a cup 
of tea?" he pleaded.

"I'll thertainly try," the machine promised. There was a whirr and another clunk.

Pause.

"That's a bucket."

"Thorry."

It's here! It's back! It's cruder than ever! Its...

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Red Dwarf 1/2 - Byte Three

Future Echoes

Lines and plot shamelessly stolen from the TV show. Don't hurt me!

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Kodachi wiped the sweat from her brow and critically examined the vacuum storage case. 
It had taken her a long time, but she'd finally managed to fit her collection of photographs 
of Ranma into it. True, it meant that she couldn't take back many clothes or weapons, but 
hey. Life's about priorities, right? 

She was interrupted by the arrival of Cat, who slinked in, pushing a rack of suits and 
caterwauling at the top of her lungs. Kodachi spared her a disdainful look. "What are you 
doing?"

"I'm doing what you told me to do, monkey," Cat retorted with another yowl and 
spinning on the spot.

"I told you to bring a few basic essentials you couldn't bear to leave behind!"

Cat looked puzzled. "That's right. Just these, and the other ten racks. Travel light, move 
fast!"

Kodachi shook her head. "You can't pack all that into vacuum storage. You can take two 
suits."

"TWO SUITS?!!!!" Cat was aghast. She crossed her arms. "Then I'm staying!"

"You can't stay. By the time we get out, you'll be dead," Kodachi pointed out.

"Two suits *is* dead!" 

Kodachi groaned and considered dipping into her next prescription of Prozac. "I'm going 
back to the sleeping quarters. I'll see you there."

"Hey!" Cat called after her. "If I cut off my leg and leave it behind, can I take three???"

~~~~~

Some things never change. And one thing that hadn't changed since Kuno was booted up 
was, he and Ryoga argued. Incessantly. Day in, day out, without pause. And right now, 
they were on standard argument #4 - Kuno did not want to be left alone when the others 
went into stasis. At first, he claimed indifference, until he'd realised that they were drop-
dead serious about the whole thing. Azusa shook her head at the repeat yelling echoing 
down the corridor and steeled herself to remind them that it was just 27 hours before they 
hit light speed and could they get a move on _please_???

"Look, Kuno, I'm going into stasis and that's that." Ryoga picked up another box of junk 
and started carting it towards vacuum storage. "I am not hanging around with you lot for 
the next seventy-odd years if it's going to take another six million to get home."

Kuno scowled. "So you're really going to go? You're going into stasis and leaving me 
here? After I've come back from the dead to keep you sane???"

"Ivi told you we were going into stasis - I didn't think you'd mind," Ryoga told him, 
turning to face him.

"Mind?! Why should I mind?! Six thousand millennia alone?! I'll be fine!" Kuno said sarcastically. "I'll
do that crossword puzzle - that should kill a couple of centuries!"

"If it bothers you that much, get Ivi to turn you off until we get back to Earth," Ryoga 
tried.

Kuno looked aghast. "You cannot but turn the Great Tatewaki Kuno on and off like some 
battery-powered sex-aid?!!!"

Ryoga sighed. There was just no reasoning with the guy. "We're going into stasis and that's that. I don't
care if the dolphins have taken over and the human beings are all in human-being-atariums, it's got to be
better than this." With that, he set off again. Kuno followed behind him in a sulk.

~~~~~

Cat looked through Azusa's vast collection of photographs as she sorted through them, 
offering criticism, comments and generally hindering the ex-skater ex-convict not-ex-idiot. 
She stopped at one. "What's that?"

Azusa paused and looked over her shoulder. "That's Mikki. He was Azusa's skating partner." She looked
thoughtful for a second. "I wonder what's happened to him..." she said wistfully. {Maybe one of the many
girls he was trying to kiss actually managed to carry out her threat} she thought with a slight smile.

"What's that?"

"That's the Jupiter rise. Everyone takes that one," Azusa explained. "Look, you pack 
your stuff and let Azusa pack hers, OK?"

Cat ignored her and flicked to the next photo. She reared back in her seat in horror. "What 
is THAT?!!"

Azusa grinned. "That's Azusa's Daddy's dog, Rover."

"Dog? What's a dog?" Cat asked.

"It's just a pet."

Cat looked at the picture with a mixture of horror and disgust. "Well, there'd better not be 
one around here, or I may have to chase it," she threatened.

Azusa smirked, an evil idea entering her usually cotton-stuffed brain. "Have you ever 
SEEN a dog?" she asked sweetly. "They're about eighteen feet long and they've got teeth 
as... as big as your leg!"

Cat gulped nervously. "R-really?" She squared her shoulders. "Well, I may have to chase 
it anyway!" she proclaimed, backing towards the door, almost jumping out of her skin when she hit the
doorframe.

~~~~~

Kodachi was practising her ribbon techniques in the mirror, when the ship gave a sudden 
jolt. There was a bright flash of light which temporarily blinded her and she tripped over 
the ribbon. Cursing, she jumped to her feet. "IVI!! What was that?!!"

Ivi appeared in the mirror, looking slightly distorted. "Uh... 16:47 ship time?" he said 
hopefully.

Kodachi scowled. "Ivi, that flash. What was it?"

Ivi relented. "We've broken the light barrier twenty-five hours early."

"Oh. Is everyone alright?" she asked dismissivly.

"No." Ivi shook his head. "I'M not. We've broken the speed of light twenty-five hours 
early. I can't cope."

Kodachi didn't look sympathetic. "You have an IQ of seven thousand."

"That's not much, you know," Ivi said defensively. "That's only the same amount as 
fourteen thousand Spice Girls groupies. And we're travelling faster than the speed of light. 
That means by the time we see something, we've already passed through it. Even with an 
IQ of seven thousand, it's still brown trousers time." He nodded down at her. "I think I've 
got it now. I'd better go."

Kodachi shook her head and resumed her training. {I swear, it seems like everyone on this 
ship but me has gone crazy!}

After a few moments, she noticed that there was something not quite right with the 
mirror. Frowning, she took a second look a it. Yes! It was halfway through the next loop 
when she was just finishing the first. Then she did a double take as her reflection turned 
away. Turning around, she yelled. "CAT! CAT!!"

In the mirror, Cat appeared beside her and she whipped around, expecting to see the girl. 
But there was no-one there. "CAAAAT!!!!"

Finally, Cat came running over. "What's your malfunction?!" she asked crossly. "I was 
having a lovely snooze. There were all these men in posing pouches feeding me grapes and 
then Brad Pitt..."

"Cat, I don't care," Kodachi cut in. She pointed to the mirror. "Do you see anything amiss 
with the mirror?"

Cat preened herself for a moment before looking at Kodachi. "It's you, you ugly 
monkey."

"No, there was something-" Kodachi gave up. "Never mind. It doesn't matter."

"What doesn't?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter," Kodachi snapped, picking up her ribbon again.

Cat was annoyed at being left out. "Fine. Well next time you have problems with nothing 
and things that don't matter, just scream my name hysterically and I'll come pelting down 
the corridor." She gave the gymnast a dirty look and walked away.

Kodachi turned back to the mirror and blinked in surprise.

There was no reflection.

~~~~~

Ryoga looked from left to right and swore under his breath. He was lost again. He was 
just about to ask Ivi for help when Kuno stepped through the doorway at the end of the 
room. "Ah, Kuno!" He grinned broadly. "Can you help me?"

"What?"

"You know how my sense of direction is..." Ryoga continued abashed.

"How did I do what?"

Ryoga blinked. That was... unexpected. "What do you mean, how did I do what?"

"Hibiki, don't be an idiot," Kuno continued.

Ryoga was insulted. "I am not an idiot!"

Kuno ignored him. "That is impossible. I have merely been in the library, thinking-" The 
kendoist paused for no discernible reason, then yelled: "Shut up!" before turning round 
and addressing the door. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, when 
you go into stasis, I wish to be left on."

"W-what, all by yourself?" Ryoga asked, trying to sort the conversation out in his mind.

"What things?" Kuno asked.

"Eh?!?!?!"

"I said _what_?" Kuno turned his head slowly, following some unseen object across the 
room with his eyes.

"OK, what's going on?" Ryoga waved his hand in front of Kuno's eyes. Kuno didn't even 
blink.

"I believe you have finally gone space crazy," Kuno said.

"_I'm_ space crazy? You're the one who's... space crazy."

"Well, it probably _is_ deja-vu. It sounds like it." He shook his head and walked out of 
the hatchway. At exactly the same moment, another Kuno stepped in through the first 
doorway. 

"Wagh! Kuno!" Ryoga almost fell over in shock. "You just walked out that door!"

"What?" Kuno looked puzzled.

"How did you do that?" Ryoga's head was flicking from exit to exit.

"How did I do what?"

"You just went out of this door," Ryoga pointed to the door behind him, "and you've just come in through
that one."

"Hibiki, don't be an idiot."

"It's true! I swear it! As you walked out of that door, you walked in that one!"

"That is impossible. I have merely been in the library, thinking-"

Ryoga walked over to the door and peered through it. "Listen, Kuno, I'm telling you-"

"Shut up!" Kuno snapped, turning to face him. "As I was saying before I was so rudely 
interrupted, when you go into stasis, I wish to be left on."

Ryoga paused. This sounded strikingly familiar. He sighed. "Kuno, you've just been in 
and said exactly the same things."

"What things?"

"You said that before."

"I said _what_?" Kuno followed him with his eyes as the other boy crossed the room and 
stood by the other doorway.

"You said that too."

"I believe you have finally gone space crazy," Kuno told him.

"Yes!" Ryoga nodded. "And then you said it was probably deja-vu."

"Well, it probably _is_ deja-vu. It sounds like it."

"Go on then. Shake your head and walk out."

Kuno shook his head and walked out. Ryoga paused for a second, trying to work things 
out, before giving up and racing after him before he could get lost. "Kuno! Wait! Listen to 
me-"

Suddenly, Cat raced out from the sleeping quarters and ran pasty them, clutching a hanky 
to her mouth. "My tooth! My tooth! I think I lost my tooth!"

Ryoga stopped. "Cat, what happened?"

Kuno stood in the entrance to Azusa's quarters. "Look," he said quietly. Cat was reclining 
on his bunk, her lips slightly parted in a smile of disbelief. "Would I be incorrect in saying that Cat
just ran past us and now she's sat upon Azusa's bunk?"

"I told you something weird was happening."

"I was just sitting here," Cat said, "just waiting like the crazy monkey with the ribbon said, when this
amazingly gorgeous and stunning girl who looked just like me appeared and started singing about fish."

Ryoga and Kuno swapped a look. "I'm calling Ivi," Kuno decided.

~~~~~

They'd rounded up the other's and were all gathered in Ryoga's quarters, waiting for Ivi. 
"What? What? What is it? I'm busy. I'm trying to navigate." Ivi's digitalized face was still 
distorted.

"What's going on?" Azusa asked.

"With Cat and Kuno," Ryoga added.

Ivi nodded in understanding. "You're seeing future echoes. Because we're travelling faster 
than light, we're overtaking ourselves in time. You're catching up with things you're about 
to do, before you've done them. Future echoes," he repeated. "OK?"

"So Cat's going to break her tooth some time in the future?" Kodachi asked.

"What?! My tooth?!"

"How long will this last?" Kuno asked.

"Until the reverse thrust takes effect and we drop below light speed." Ivi's image closed 
one eye and did some mental arithmetic which was probably wrong. "In sixty-four hours and thirty-nine
minutes," he said as confidently as he dared.

"What tooth? Nobody's going to break my tooth."

Azusa cut into Cat's protests. "What's that photo?"

"That's Togenkyo Island," Ryoga said without looking up.

Azusa shook her head. "Azusa means the photo of the lady with the cute little baby."

Ryoga looked up and examined the photograph. "?!!!"

Kuno craned over his shoulder. "Is that not one of the evil Saotome's fiancees?" he asked.

Ryoga nodded slowly. "It's Ukyo."

~~~~~

Azusa was having an argument with the skutters when she heard the explosion. It was a 
simple dispute and the skutters were totally in the wrong. Charlenne was hers and no 
matter how much they needed a wrench to repair the vending machine, the Couldn't Have 
Her BACK!!! She was still trying to detach a skutter from her skirt when the explosion 
rocked the ship.

When she arrived in the Navicomp Chamber, Kodachi was staring at the Drive panel in 
shock. "Brace yourself for a bit of a shock but I just saw you die."

Azusa fell over. "WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!"

"I warned you to brace yourself."

"You didn't pause!"

Kodachi crossed her arms. "Well, ex-cuuuuse me! I have just had the utmost misfortune to 
see somebody I know die in the most horrible way!"

"Yeah! Me!" Azusa glared at her. "Are you sure it was Azusa?"

Kodachi paused. "Weeeelll, it was difficult to tell with all your internal organs scattered 
around."

Azusa felt sick. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Yup!" Kodachi grinned. "You were-"

"I don't want to know!" Azusa didn't even notice that she hadn't referred to herself in 
third person. "I don't want to know about it." She paused. "How old did I look?"

"How old are you now?"

"Twenty. How old did I look?"

"Hmm..." Kodachi clicked her tongue. "About early twenties."

"I'm not ready!" Azusa kicked the navicomp crossly. "Azusa isn't ready!"

"Yes, you did look surprised. Especially when your arm went flying across the room."

Azusa looked up. "So it was definitely Azusa? You saw her face?"

"You were wearing one of those huge bows," the gymnast informed her.

Azusa snatched the bow out of her hair. "OK, I'll never wear a bow. I'll never wear a bow 
again. Then it can't happen. Nya!"

Kodachi smirked widely. "It already _has_ happened. You can't change it any more than you can change what
you had for breakfast yesterday."

Azusa stared blankly into space as Kodachi cackled wildly in the background. "All right. 
Cat broke her tooth in a future echo, right? If widdle Azusa can stop her breaking it, then 
she can stop herself from dying!"

"Can't be done. Thankfully." Kodachi beamed at her.

"How would Cat break her tooth?" Azusa ran the information through her mind, Cat 
coming out of her room with a tooth missing... something in her room... eating 
something... something hard... She jumped to her feet and ran out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Kodachi asked.

"Azusa's goldfish!" Azusa's voice echoed from the corridor. "Trying to eat Azusa's 
clockwork goldfish!"

~~~~~

Cat slinked into Azusa's quarters and grooved over to the fish tank. She'd noticed it a few 
times before, but she'd never gotten a chance to be alone with them until now. She grinned 
at them. "Hmm. I just ate. But-" She whipped a buttered roll out of her pocket and 
started singing. "I'm gonna eat you little fishie... I'm gonna eat you little fishie... I'm 
gonna eat you little fishie... 'Cause I like eating fish." And with that, she scooped the 
goldfish out of the water in a single movement and caught it in the roll. "Too slow, little 
fishie, too slow for _this_ cat." She raised the squirming roll to her mouth.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" 

Cat was still smiling in anticipation of her meal when Azusa barrelled into her, sending her 
crashing to the floor. She grabbed the roll and looked inside. "I DID IT!" she squealed, waving the
unbitten fish at Kodachi. "I'm not going to die!!"

Cat jumped to her feet. "My tooth!" She put a hanky to her mouth. "You crazy 
monkey!" She tore past Kodachi and the boys, who'd been alerted by the commotion. 
"My tooth! My tooth! I think I lost my tooth!"

Kodachi stepped forward. "Well, allow me to be the first to offer my condolences.

~~~~~

Azusa paced back and forth, much to Ryoga's irritation as he was trying to watch the 
television she was pacing in front of. "It's not fair, it's not! Azusa doesn't want to die! She 
want's to go back to Earth with Charlotte and meet the lady with the baby and collect 
more cute things!"

Ryoga sighed and stood up. "Azusa, I'm sorry." He held her by the shoulders and looked 
at her sympathetically. "I don't know what I would do if I was in your situation. I know 
it must be horrible for you, knowing that you don't have long to live."

Azusa sighed adoringly. "Oh Charlotte..."

Ryoga continued perkily. "But I seriously doubt it's going to happen tonight, so could you sit down and
let me watch the film in peace?"

Azusa scowled at him. "-"

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

"What was THAT?!!!"

Ivi appeared on the monitor. "Emergency. Emergency. There's an Emergency going on." 
Pause. "It's still going on and it's still an Emergency. The navicomp's crashed. It can't deal 
with the influx of data at light speed. Azusa, I'll need you to bypass the main terminal."

Kodachi leaned against the wall, sniggering. "I'd say it was nice to know you, but I'd be 
lying. OHOHOHOHOHOHO-"

"Oh do shut up," Ryoga snapped. He turned to Azusa. "You don't have to go. I'll go."

Azusa shook her head. "Azusa is the only one who know what to do." She turned to 
Kodachi. "What was I wearing?"

Kodachi looked at her uncharacteristic jeans and blouse. "Those trousers and that top."

Azusa nodded grimly and picked up her bow. "I guess this is it."

~~~~~

Smoke filled the Navicomp Chamber and important bittsies exploded, vomiting metal 
and glass around. Azusa strode over to the navicomp. "OK, Azusa's ready," she informed 
Ivi, plugging the remote terminal into it's socket.

"Flick the switches one by one and leave a second pause in between." Ivi's voice filled the room.

Flick.

The buzzing went up an octave. EEEEE-

Flick.

Another octave. EEEEEEEEE-

Kodachi appeared at the doorway, looking eagerly into the room. Azusa ignored her. 
Flick.

EEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Two switches left. Azusa hoped it would be this one - she didn't want to flick the last 
one, _knowing_ it would kill her. She wanted the element of surprise. Flick.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

She covered an ear with her free hand and screwed her eyes up. And screamed-

Flick.

Silence.

More silence.

"I DID IT!!!" Azusa reached up and yanked the bow off her head. "I'M NOT DEAD!!!"

Then she fell over with a yelp. Cat jumped out from under the navicomp. "DOG ATTACK!!" she yelled, before
tackling Azusa again.

~~~~~

"But it was _you_, I saw you!" Kodachi followed Azusa along the corridor, unwilling to 
let the matter drop. 

"Well, you must have been mistaken," Ryoga said. "Azusa's still alive. Unfortunately-" 
Noticing the evil glance Azusa shot him from out of the corner of his eye, he hastily 
lengthened the sentence. "-For you."

"Maybe it'll happen tomorrow, or next week," the gymnast continued stubbornly.

"Maybe it won't happen at all," Azusa proclaimed. "We haven't seen the lady with the 
baby, have we?"

"I told you, her name's Ukyo-" 

Ryoga cut off abruptly as they walked into Azusa's room. There, laid on Azusa's bunk, 
was an old lady. From the mass of pink frills and cuddly toys, it was obvious that she 
was Azusa. "I can't see you," she said suddenly. "But I know you're there. Kodachi, 
you're going to say it's impossible."

"It _is_ impossible. I saw you die."

The old Azusa turned her head and looked blankly in the general direction of Azusa. "It 
wasn't you Kodachi saw die, it was Michiko, Charlottes granddaughter."

"Kodachi, you saw my granddaughter die!" Ryoga said, incredulous.

"You still call him Charlotte?" Kodachi said in amazement. She leaned forward. "Hey, old 
lady, do we ever find Ranma-Darling?"

"A granddaughter..." 

"She can't hear you," Azusa pointed out.

Kodachi paused. "Ah, but I can tell you and you can remember it when you get to that 
age."

"I'm going to have a granddaughter! Isn't that fantastic!" 

The old Azusa suddenly spoke. "Charlotte, you have to go to the recreation room. Hurry! 
And take your camera!"

Kodachi walked over to the old lady as the other two left the room. "What about _me_, 
do I find my darling or not?!"

"Kodachi." Old Azusa smiled. "You wanted to know if you found Ranma again."

"Yes!!!"

"Come closer. Closer."

Kodachi leaned forward eagerly. "Tell me!"

Azusa leaned off the side of the bunk and put her face close to Kodachi's. Then laughed. 
And vanished. Kodachi screamed in frustration, then went to vent her anger out on a 
certain cute-obsessed individual.

~~~~~

Ukyo stepped out of the door of the recreation room, cradling a baby girl in her arms. "I 
can't see you, but I know I'm not talking to myself. Ryoga-sugar, this is Makoto." She lifted the child
up a bit so the others could see her. "say cheese, honey!"

Ryoga snapped the picture and the apparition slowly faded. He looked down at the dark 
square in his hand. "Hey, Ivi, are we still going to see any more future echoes?" he asked.

Ivi shrugged. "Probably. But we're slowing down now, so the future echoes will get closer 
to the future."

Kodachi glared at Azusa. "I wonder, how does that... harridan get aboard this ship? And 
who are that babies parents? She didn't say."

Ryoga shrugged. "Who knows? But It'll be fun finding out."

~~~~~

End Byte 3


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Member 30 of SSoAGMA, Deadly Everyday Object Weaponry Technique, Dragon Warrior Style
Mousse no miku; Generally dangerous English otaku; Supporter of cliched pairs;
Member of the Chan club; WoS; SCG; COURT; SOotCiP;CotMHW - Launderer of the Robes of Death;
Head Castrator of the Hotnit Feminisation Project; Keeper of the Moneybags for the Hotnit Fan Club;
4th Gen. EOE; Image Consultant For "That Guy"; #WASHU#;AKPReSS, Gen. Div.; SLAP;
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