% Kent Arnold wrote

tower. A sixty foot hole in the side of the Genom Tower is kind of hard to
ignore. Few know exactly what happened, most of those are in the tower
itself. The obelisk did one thing before exploding, it 'created' a human
being, a young boy about 17 years old. The story begins after Genom rescued
the boy.

% 'Rescued' of course being a relative word when it comes to Genom.

                                   Bubblegum Crisis Broken Seal - Broken

Life

He looked at the young boy that had been rescued from the obelisk shortly

before its destruction. This young boy who the obelisk had either created
or teleported here, the truth didnt

% didn't

bound to serve, he didnt

% didn't

 want power like his on the loose.

He looked at the doctor, "Will he be awake soon?" The doctor nodded, "

% nodded.

He's sleeping now. Best not to disturb him, his body is still recovering
from what happened." He looked at the doctor, "Inform myself or Madigan
when he wakes." He then left the room, a boomer walked up immediately and
delivered a message telling him that he was expected in the war room. He
sighed as he walked off to the war room, ever

% room. Ever

 since the explosion things had been chaotic and he'd been spending more
time in the war room than elsewhere.

% three uses of the words 'war room'. I'd at least switch the middle one to
something else.

He walked in and saw that Madigan was there and she was looking over

several reports, she

reports. She

glanced up as the door opened. "Hope I didnt

% Hmm. Either you've forgotten where the apostrophe key is, or there's a
formatting problem here.

disturb you." He shook his head,

% "I'm already disturbed,' he replied.

"I was just checking up on our patient. Any news on placing his identity?"
She nodded, "Yes, I found what you wanted. Its rather interesting. Come
over and take a look."

He walked over and sat down and looked at the monitor she turned his way,

it

way. It

He looked at her, "Very interesting indeed. It seems that the obelisk

pulled him forward in time. The question we must ask now is why?" Madigan
shrugged, looking a bit lost, "I wouldnt know myself. At least we've
insured that he is under our control,

% Famous last words.

He frowned, "Very well. He's your student, teach him magic. I dont want

the Collegium or the Chaosium to find out that he exists until we are ready
to use him." She nodded, "Understood." He got up, "Unless you have further
questions, I need some sleep." She shook her head and he left, leaving

% 'left, leaving' sounds redundant. Try 'departed' for the first

He smiled at the doctor, "No problem, you dont get many american patients

I

patients, I

He groaned, "I'm current on my shots, but there's probably a disease or

two over here in japan

% Japan

 that I'm not immunized again.

% against

Go ahead, lets get this over with."

As the doctor got ready he

% ready, he

The doctor finally had him tanked up on his shots and had verified that

outside of general exhaustion that he was ok.

% 'okay. '  Just writing 'ok' looks lazy.


The doctor left the room then, probably to go get someone who had some
answers, leaving him alone with his thoughts for a few minutes.

That obelisk, it was calling to him,

Obelisk: Bitch. Get your ass over here now or else I'm going to put you in
a world of hurt.


wanting, wanting to be reunited with him, like it was part of what he was.
That was crazy, it was just a slab of rock, nothing more, nothing less, but
he still couldnt shake that feeling. Then he felt something else, it was
like an anchor, like something intangible tied him to the general vicinity.
Something funky

% Ohh. bad choice of wording. Go with 'strange' or something more common

was going on and he meant to get some answers, and he meant to get them
soon.

The doctor returned, but he wasnt alone this time, he had company, a lady

with him. She looked like she'd just woken up, but that didnt change her
manner one bit, she was a professional and that was obvious. She was very
beautiful, but her beauty was the kind that one could never hope to touch,
it wasnt ice cold, it was just unreachable.

Madigan: Excuse me, but I am not an icy bitch. I am a warm and caring
person. I like children, I gave a couple of bucks to the March of Dimes
last year, and I don't go out of my way to kill small animals.

She walked over and sat down, a hand guesture dismissing the doctor. She

looked him over for a few seconds before speaking, "I'm sure you have many
questions, mister Templeton." Her command of the english language was
perfect, not even an accent. Yes, he had many questions and she'd just
added a new one, how had she found out his name,

name?

She nodded, "I'll have an assistant bring some clothes for you, your

% you. Your

About five minutes later one of her assistants brought some clothes, they

% clothes. They
% You should really be seperating a lot of these into two sentences instead
of using commas.

didnt look too bad,

% If one didn't mind polyester leisure suits.

and they fit. He snorted as he dressed,

% Why would he snort as he dressed.

The breakfast hall was pretty big,

% Use 'large' instead.

and relatively empty, not completely, but relatively, it looked like
breakfast had been an hour or so ago. They got breakfast and sat down, he
didnt recognize half the food but found some breakfast food he did
recognize.

% Namely a bottle of Jack Daniels. It always went well with any breakfast.

While he was slightly paranoid

% Not exactly. Genom really is out to get him. ^_^

he knew that they wouldnt poison all the food in here.

% That was the last thought that went through his mind as everything went
black and his head hit the table, dead. Madigan looked at him in surprise
and said, "Damn. I guess I won't have the salmon mousse after all."

He looked at the computer, the layout was close enough that he could

handle it, he pulled up today's copy of the new york times

% New York Times.

 and began to read articles.

% Adam Sandler elected president? What had the world come to?

% All right. This whole part seemed very choppy and the new character
seemed rather dull and uninspiring. I realize this is chapter one, but more
is going to happen, and soon, in order to keep and level of  interest for
me.

D.B. Sommer