Vincent Seifert wrote:

     Kasumi flinched, but then her expression became determined
and she slid into stance, guarding the doorway.  "I'm very sorry,
but I can't let you destroy my kitchen.  Not again.  Please
excuse me, Taro-san."

'a stance'

     Taro shrugged.  "You asked for it--"  He struck at Kasumi, a
simple sweeping open palm to knock her sideways while he darted
forward.  Kasumi slipped inside it, pivoting, and Taro ran into
the wall instead of through the door.

How does he run into the wall? Kasumi doesn't touched him (unless
itsimplied?) and she's still in front of the doorway - suggest:

'slipped inside it, seized his shoulder and pivoted gracefully. Taro ran'

     Pantyhose-Taro looked down at the woman he'd just felled,
then looked at his hand, then looked up at Ranma and Akane
converging on him like avenging angels.  Retreating, he absently
deflected Ranma's lunge into the table at the end of the hallway,
blocked Akane's flying kick and dropped her ungently on top of
Ranma, then turned and fled through the main room.

Again, the action doesn't read quite right - suggest:

'blocked Akane's flying kick, grabbed her foot, and dropped her'

     Akane was up first, but Ranma passed her as they cleared the
veranda and caught Taro before he could jump the wall.  Akane
flung herself into the affray.  Wham!  Thump!  Crash!  Splash!
Taro leapt over the wall and was gone.  Ranma stood up in the koi
pond and glared after him.  "Goddamn Pantyhose-bastard!"  She
turned to Akane.  "You okay?"

'fray' perhaps?

     Pause.  "YOU want MY advice?" said Akane incredulously.
"That's a switch."

     "Well, there are things you know a lot more about than I do.
Love.  Marriage.  Um... men."

"Yeah, they're all jerks! Oh, wait. That's boys."

     There was a brief pause, then a snort.  "He's a rude,
inconsiderate baka who never thinks before he talks.  He's my
sensei and my best friend.  He's my whole life, and I don't want
to think about living without him."

Very sweet. :) Nicely done.

     "Oh, my.  Is that love?"

suggest: "Oh my. That must be love." or "Oh my. That sounds like love."

     "I guess it must be...."

following from above - suggest: "I guess so...."

     "First sight," Kasumi mused.  "Yes, you did get quite a good
look at him in the bath that first day, didn't you?"

     "It wasn't like that!  HE got a good look at ME, the lecher!
He... um... well... now that you mention it, I-- stop it, Kasumi,
I can HEAR you looking at me that way!  Yes, I got a good look,
all right?"

     "And?"

"And boy, was he hung! Just like his namesake!" :)

     "It's true, though," Kasumi whispered.  "I hear you and
Ranma at night, and some afternoons, and occasionally in the
morning--"

"Though I really wish you wouldn't use the kitchen..."

     "That son of a bitch," Ranma muttered to himself, scanning
the night from the apex of his leap.  "Where's he hiding-- ah!"
He caught a glimpse of purple in the cone of a streetlight and
changed course, bouncing rapidly into a small park.  "Hey,
Pantyhose-Taro!"

     Taro straightened hastily, brushing at his forehead, and
tried to look like he hadn't been pounding it on the large
concrete pig that adorned the playground.  "Hey yourself, girly-
boy," he greeted Ranma.  "I thought you'd show up for some more
punishment."

You know, I was expecting a "Don't call me that!" or something here.

     "Before, moron.  You saw everything that happened after."
Taro lowered his hand and sighed.  "I never noticed before she
stood up to me, but she's pretty, too."

     "And a great cook," Ranma added, then caught himself; an
awful suspicion dawned on him.

     "And a great cook.  Why do these things happen to me?!
Curse you, Happosai!  Another chance at happiness, ruined!"

Hmm, Pantyhose sounds rather like Ryoga at this point: in fact,throughout
the entire scene - if that was your intent, along with
the pig statue, well and good, but otherwise it doesn't seem IC
for him. (Not that I really know what's IC for Taro)

     "Yeep!"  Ranma cringed away with a horrified expression.

"Yah!" maybe?

     "You talk tough for half a man," Taro riposted.  He read the
writing on the outside.  "Damn.  She's back to calling me
'Pantyhose-Taro-san'."  He extracted a sheet of paper from the
wrapper, unfolded it, and peered at the writing, tilting it to
catch the light from a streetlight.

'wrapper' makes it sound a bit like a candy bar - suggest: 'packet'which
you used before or 'envelope'

     "Father!  It's not like that at all!"  *I almost wish it
were....*

Heh. Must be all those built-up and repressed hormones. :)

     Ranma sighed, reached out a slender arm, and slammed Soun
back down into a seated position.  "Cut it out, Tendo-san," she
told her astonished father-in-law.  "Just listen to her, will
you?"

Hmm, can't really see Ranma doing this - perhaps it would be bettercoming
from Akane (who has verbally toasted her father before)

     "For the moment.  Good thing today was a half-day...."
Akane followed Ranma's leap to the street and dash to the front
gate.  Ranma jumped over the gate, but Akane went through, just
because she liked the gate.

Too many gates - suggest: 'dash to the front of the Tendo house.Ranma
jumped over, but Akane went through, just because she
liked the gate.'

     "I prepared something as well," Kasumi said.  "I'll just be
a moment."  She rose and shimmered out of the room.  The others
heard a quick exchange of whispers in the hallway, and then Akane
came through, blushing.

'shimmered' makes me think of 'shimmied' which is most inappropriate  -I'd
suggest a different word.

     "Father!  What happened?"

I assume this is Akane here - perhaps "Daddy!" would sound better

     "Kasumi's been kidnapped," Akane managed.  "Whew.  Pantyhose-
Taro flew off with her."

     "What?  Why would someone kidnap Kasumi?"

Didn't Akane just mention it was Pantyhose? - suggest:

"Why would he kidnap Kasumi?"

     "Hey, he's got a point," Ranma broke in.  "Listen, Ukyo,
Konatsu's good.  We can use him.  Heck, if I had to choose
between you and him, I'd pick him--"

     CLANG!

Heh. So very Ranma - loved it. :)

     Ranma watched Taro jump down from the veranda and storm
across the rocky ground towards them.  They'd made their way to
the base of the overhanging promontory, looming over the sea,
where the old shrine stood.  Akane had easily leapt over the
rushing stream that had once kept her captive, and they'd scaled
the trap-strewn gully to the plateau at the top.  Akane had
issued the challenge-- they'd had words about that on the way--
and now they waited for battle.

'looming out over' perhaps?

     "PANTYHOSE-BASTARD!"

"PANTYHOSE - YOU BASTARD!" ?

Whups. Ran out of time. Rest later. Hope this helps for now!

Phil.

Vince Seifert    Network Analyst     seifertv@csus.edu
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
CSUS hired me to build their LANs, not to give away the homeworld.