Centaur is a sequel to The Taming of the Horse.

Centaur/Taming of the Horse webpage:

http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/

This chapter's for Gary Kleppe, who said "Go for it!" when I
mentioned this on FFIRC.  He's never been comfortable with my
portrayal of Kasumi; maybe this will make up for it...  :)

Thanks to Dave Roeder, Darniil Entroth, and Ed Becerra for prereading. 

C&C, positive or negative, public or private, gratefully
accepted.

     ~~~~~

Centaur

a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Vince Seifert (seifertv@csus.edu)

Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are copyright 1987, 1999
by Takahashi Rumiko.  Publishing rights (Japan) by Shogakukan
Inc.  Publishing rights (North America) by Viz Inc.  This work
is not intended to infringe those rights.

Chapter 3: Beauty and the Beast

     ~~~~~

     Kasumi put the last clean dish away and turned to survey her
domain.  The sink and countertop sparkled in the electric light,
everything was neatly put away, and the towels were drying on
their racks; the kitchen was ready for the night.  In the morning
it would come alive again with the presence of its mistress, and
delicious meals would emerge from it to nourish her family.
Akane and Ranma had their dojo, and she had her kitchen.

     For the moment, though, its duty was done, and so was hers.
Akane and Ranma were off somewhere, no doubt enjoying each
other's company, and Soun was out with Genma.  No one needed her;
she could go upstairs and read for a while before going to bed.
The prospect was no more appealing than it had been the night
before, and the night before that, and--

     "Damn you, old man, come back here!"

     "Heh heh heh!  Not on your life!"

     Kasumi frowned slightly.  *That's not Ranma chasing Ojii-
san.*  She stepped out of the kitchen just as Happosai came
bounding along the hallway.  A lithe figure wearing a purple-
scaled vest and matching bracers rounded the corner after him,
snarling.  Happosai slipped past Kasumi into the kitchen.

     "Get out of the way!" the pursuer shouted at Kasumi, but
Kasumi had already imagined the consequences of obedience.

     "No, Taro-san!" she exclaimed, blocking the doorway.  "You
can't!"

     Pantyhose-Taro skidded to a halt, astonished, then peered
past her at Happosai.  The old man was reclining on the counter,
smoking his pipe and watching his own smoke-rings.  Taro glared
at Kasumi.  "I said, get out of my way!"

     Kasumi flinched, but then her expression became determined
and she slid into stance, guarding the doorway.  "I'm very sorry,
but I can't let you destroy my kitchen.  Not again.  Please
excuse me, Taro-san."

     Taro looked her up and down, smirking.  "You're joking.  You
don't really think you can keep me from going in there for that
old geezer, do you?"

     "Heh!  She's doing pretty well so far!" Happosai put in from
behind her.

     "Damn you, you old--"  Taro's eyes shifted from Happosai to
Kasumi.  "Last chance.  Get out of the way or get hurt.  You
pretend to be a fighter, I'll treat you like one."

     "I'm sorry, Taro-san."  Kasumi couldn't quite keep her voice
steady.

     Taro shrugged.  "You asked for it--"  He struck at Kasumi, a
simple sweeping open palm to knock her sideways while he darted
forward.  Kasumi slipped inside it, pivoting, and Taro ran into
the wall instead of through the door.

     "What--"  His eyes narrowed.  "Heh."  He attacked again with
lightning jabs and whirlwind kicks, and Kasumi danced around them
like she did with Ranma's, but this wasn't Ranma; he was taller,
and really wanted to hurt her, and he was older than Ranma, and
would make her beautiful kitchen into wreckage, and he moved like
flowing water, and he wasn't Akane's-- oh, my!

     Pow!

     "KASUMI!"

     "SISTER!"

     *Oh, Akane and Ranma are home,* Kasumi thought just before
she slammed into the wall and crumpled to the floor.

     ~~~~~

     Pantyhose-Taro looked down at the woman he'd just felled,
then looked at his hand, then looked up at Ranma and Akane
converging on him like avenging angels.  Retreating, he absently
deflected Ranma's lunge into the table at the end of the hallway,
blocked Akane's flying kick and dropped her ungently on top of
Ranma, then turned and fled through the main room.

     Akane was up first, but Ranma passed her as they cleared the
veranda and caught Taro before he could jump the wall.  Akane
flung herself into the affray.  Wham!  Thump!  Crash!  Splash!
Taro leapt over the wall and was gone.  Ranma stood up in the koi
pond and glared after him.  "Goddamn Pantyhose-bastard!"  She
turned to Akane.  "You okay?"

     "I'm fine."  Akane struggled out of the bushes.  "Never mind
me.  How's Kasumi?"

     "Oh, hell!"  Ranma sprang out of the pond and raced back
into the house with Akane right behind her.  By the time they
reached the kitchen, Kasumi was already up, clinging to the
doorframe.  There was no sign of Happosai.

     "Sister?  Are you all right?" Akane demanded.  "That
Pantyhose-Taro!  I can't believe even he would be so mean!"

     "I...."  Kasumi let go of the doorframe and looked down the
hallway, the way Taro had come and gone.  A confused look crossed
her face, and then a horrified expression replaced it.  She
whirled and fled up the stairs.  Akane and Ranma heard her door
open and close.

     "That was weird," Ranma remarked.

     Akane was still staring after her eldest sister.  "It sure
was...."  She suddenly turned to Ranma.  "I'm going to see if she
needs anything.  You go teach that Pantyhose-Taro a lesson."

     "Uh... right."  Ranma shouldered past her into the kitchen.

     Akane frowned at her.  "Well, what are you waiting for?"

     "Hot water," Ranma said, running some water into a kettle
and putting it on the stove.  "I'm not gonna teach Pantyhose-Taro
much of a lesson like this."  She gestured at herself.

     "Oh, all right."  Akane started up the stairs.

     ~~~~~

     Tap tap tap.  "Kasumi?  Sister?"

     Kasumi didn't move.  She wasn't sure whether she wanted to
face Akane or not.  A moment later, Akane made the decision for
her by opening the door slowly and peering in.  "Are you all
right?  Can I come in?"

     "I suppose so," Kasumi said, her voice muffled by her hands
over her face.  She realized that she must be a sight, sitting on
the floor in the dark; she dropped her hands to her lap and
straightened a little as Akane came in.  "No, please don't turn
the light on.  And close the door, if you would."

     The door closed and the dark returned.  "Are you hurt,
Kasumi?"  Akane's voice was worried.

     "Not really.  Just my pride, and a bruise or two.  I should
have known better."

     "Oh, good."  Akane's tone changed from concerned to
exasperated.  "What on earth happened, then?  I mean, honestly!
Fighting Pantyhose-Taro?"

     "Yes, I know it was silly, Akane.  Ojii-san ran into the
kitchen, and Taro-san was chasing him.  I remembered how he
wrecked my kitchen the last time, and I had to try to defend it."

     "From Pantyhose-Taro?  But he's just about as good as Ranma.
Better, some ways."

     "I know."  Kasumi sighed.  "I suppose I thought practicing
kempo these last few months made me a fighter, but now I know I'm
not, and I doubt I ever will be.  I don't have the edge that
Ranma has, or that you have.  I suddenly realized it was for real
and I panicked, and that's when he hit me."  She omitted the
other reason she'd panicked; fortunately, the dark hid her blush
from Akane.

     "I don't get it."

     Kasumi smiled ruefully, unseen.  "Well, perhaps it's never
happened to you; you ARE a fighter."

     "I suppose."  Akane stood up.  "Well, if you don't need me,
I'm going to go find Ranma.  He's out looking for Pantyhose-Taro
to beat him up, and I want to be there to help."

     Kasumi made up her mind.  "Wait, Akane... I mean, if you
don't mind, I...."

     "What's wrong, Kasumi?" Akane asked slowly, settling back
onto her shins.

     "I, um, I want your advice."

     Pause.  "YOU want MY advice?" said Akane incredulously.
"That's a switch."

     "Well, there are things you know a lot more about than I do.
Love.  Marriage.  Um... men."

     "Not 'men'," Akane said dryly.  "Just one man.  And
sometimes I feel like I don't know that much about him, either."

     "Well, it involves Ranma, in a way, but... promise you won't
tell him any of this?"

     "Kasumi...."

     "If you won't promise to keep this our secret, I just won't
be able to bring myself to say it.  And I really need to talk to
someone."

     Akane sighed.  "All right.  I promise."

     "Thank you, Akane.  Um... how do you feel about Ranma?"

     There was a brief pause, then a snort.  "He's a rude,
inconsiderate baka who never thinks before he talks.  He's my
sensei and my best friend.  He's my whole life, and I don't want
to think about living without him."

     "Oh, my.  Is that love?"

     "I guess it must be...."

     "It sounds like he still has a lot of faults, though.  Do
you think you'll be able to train him out of them?"

     Akane considered.  "It's the weirdest thing," she said
finally. "All those things that I couldn't stand about him at
first are still there, but they don't matter anymore.  They're
just... Ranma.  I mean, if he brought me flowers or complimented
me without blushing and stammering, I'd wonder if he was sick.  I
used to think I wanted things like that, but look what happened.
Kuno brought me flowers and complimented me all the time, and
Ryoga was nice to me and brought me presents, but I didn't love
them.  I loved Ranma instead, who teased me, and kept me company,
and drove me crazy, and protected me more times than I can count.
Go figure."

     "Well, I think it's sweet," Kasumi said.  "But when did you
realize that you loved him?"

     "I... don't know.  I guess I started to notice that he...
well... he mattered to me, more than anyone else.  Didn't you
feel that way about Tofu-sensei?"

     "No.  Not really.  I guess I hoped that someday I'd feel
that way about him, and that he'd feel something like that for
me, but... it never happened.  I can't help thinking that if I'd
done more to make it happen... oh, well."  Kasumi shook off the
weight of lost opportunity and pressed on.  "So it wasn't love at
first sight for you and Ranma, then?"

     "Heh.  Hardly.  It was something at first sight, but it sure
wasn't love."

     "First sight," Kasumi mused.  "Yes, you did get quite a good
look at him in the bath that first day, didn't you?"

     "It wasn't like that!  HE got a good look at ME, the lecher!
He... um... well... now that you mention it, I-- stop it, Kasumi,
I can HEAR you looking at me that way!  Yes, I got a good look,
all right?"

     "And?"

     "Um... he was... wow.  Especially his chest.  Oh, my."

     "Ah."

     "Well, you've seen him!  Most of him, anyway."

     "Oh, yes," said Kasumi wistfully.

     Pause.  "I hope this isn't heading where I think it's
heading, Kasumi.  I'm not sharing Ranma with ANYone, not even my
dear sister."

     "No, no, nothing like that," Kasumi said hastily.  "I just
want your advice on, well, men and women."

     "You mean, um, sex, don't you?"

     "Well, not exactly... my goodness, Akane, I see what you
mean about hearing someone look at you.  Yes, if you must be
blunt about it, I suppose so."

     Akane snickered.  "Remember before my wedding, when Nabiki
accused me of wanting to get laid?  I wonder what she'd say about
you."

     "I know what she'd say about me," Kasumi said with a hint of
reproach.  "That's why I'm talking to you, and not to her."

     "Um.  Sorry, Kasumi, I didn't mean it that way...."

     "It's true, though," Kasumi whispered.  "I hear you and
Ranma at night, and some afternoons, and occasionally in the
morning--"

     "Ack!  I'm sorry about that!  I, um, I just can't, I mean,
he... argh."  Kasumi could almost hear Akane's blush.  "I'll try
not to make so much noise from now on--"

     "No, Akane!  That's not what I meant!  It's a joyful sound.
It's life, and maybe soon new life, and I see you glowing
afterwards, and it's so clear how good he makes you feel.  I'm
glad.  It's just... it's just that I want that for myself, too."

     "Oh.  Well, as long as you're not hoping to get it from
Ranma, I wish you all the luck in the world," Akane said
cautiously.

     "No.  Not Ranma.  He's yours.  I want a husband of my own.
Not a fling, or an affair, or a shack-up, or whatever they call
it.  I want a family of my own to cook for and clean up after and
keep house for."

     "Kasumi....  I'm sorry.  I know we've been a burden to
you...."

     Kasumi reached out in the dark and found her sister's hand.
"No, no, it's all right.  It's just that it feels like I've been
pretending to be a mother all these years, but it's only been...
practice.  I want to be a real mother."

     "Well, I want to be an auntie," Akane said, sniffling a
little.  "But like you said, you need a husband for that.  If I
knew someone I thought you'd like, I'd introduce you, but...."

     "Actually, you do.  He's about the same age as I am, very
good-looking, an excellent martial artist--"

     "Now wait just a darn minute, Kasumi.  You can't be thinking--
my god, you are."

     "Well, why not?  If you could learn to love Ranma's faults,
perhaps I could learn to love Taro-san's."  Kasumi paused to give
Akane a chance to comment, but Akane appeared to be unable to say
anything.  "And when we were, um, fighting, it was... well...
thrilling.  I don't know if I love him, but he certainly has an
effect on me."

     "Argh.  My big sister has the hots for Pantyhose-Taro.
Kasumi, you baka."

     "I'm sorry you feel that way," Kasumi said, hurt.  "It came
as a surprise to me too, and I'm still not sure how I feel about
it.  I was hoping for your help."

     Akane sighed.  "Oh, I'll help you.  I think you're nuts, but
I'll help you.  Someone has to; you definitely need help."  She
giggled suddenly.  "Father's going to have a fit when he finds
out."

     "I wonder what Ranma will say...."

     ~~~~~

     "That son of a bitch," Ranma muttered to himself, scanning
the night from the apex of his leap.  "Where's he hiding-- ah!"
He caught a glimpse of purple in the cone of a streetlight and
changed course, bouncing rapidly into a small park.  "Hey,
Pantyhose-Taro!"

     Taro straightened hastily, brushing at his forehead, and
tried to look like he hadn't been pounding it on the large
concrete pig that adorned the playground.  "Hey yourself, girly-
boy," he greeted Ranma.  "I thought you'd show up for some more
punishment."

     Ranma eyed him and smirked.  "Looks like you started beating
yourself up already.  I'll finish the job for ya."  He assumed an
aggressive pose and cracked his knuckles.  "Nobody hits Kasumi,
you bastard."

     A quick flash of remorse flitted across Taro's sneer.  "It's
your own damn fault.  You taught her just enough to think she
could fight, but not enough to know when to step back."

     "MY fault?!" Ranma yelled, stung.  "You're the one who hit
'er, dammit!"  He made a slashing gesture with one hand.  "Hell
with it.  You got some lumps comin'."

     Taro's eyes glinted.  "In your dreams, girly-boy."  He
pushed off the pig and sprang forward, meeting Ranma's rush in
the middle of the sandbox.  There was a quick, violent swirl of
limbs and then Ranma came flying out, catching himself on one
hand and flipping into a crouch.  Taro straightened, but Ranma
was on him again a second later.  They traded a hail of blows and
separated, leaping apart.

     "How could you hit Kasumi?!" Ranma demanded.  "She wouldn't
hurt a bug!  I've seen her carry spiders out of the kitchen
'cause she didn't wanna squash 'em!"

     "It was that old man," Taro said harshly.  "He ran into the
kitchen, and she wouldn't get out of the way.  Just like your
goddamn Musabetsu Kakuto for the master to hide behind a woman's
skirts."

     "Jiji's more likely to flip 'em up than hide behind 'em,"
Ranma snorted.  "There had to be somethin' else."

     "Look, she pretended to be a martial artist.  I don't have
your stupid ideas about not hitting girls."

     Ranma half-smiled.  "I'm gettin' over that one.  But I don't
hit Kasumi to hurt her, even in practice.  She's kind and nice
and gentle."

     "Yeah, not like that little firecracker who's sweet on you."

     Ranma stared.  "'Sweet on'-- jeez, did everyone know except
me?!"

     "Well, you're an idiot," Taro pointed out, smirking.  He
looked away.  "And now I've ruined my chance with her."  He
struck a melodramatic pose, one hand to his forehead, the other
out and down in a gesture of rejection.  "She called me 'Taro-
san!'  She knew my name and was nice to me anyway!"

     "What, before you hit her or after?" Ranma interjected,
confused.

     "Before, moron.  You saw everything that happened after."
Taro lowered his hand and sighed.  "I never noticed before she
stood up to me, but she's pretty, too."

     "And a great cook," Ranma added, then caught himself; an
awful suspicion dawned on him.

     "And a great cook.  Why do these things happen to me?!
Curse you, Happosai!  Another chance at happiness, ruined!"

     "Wait a minute, Pantyhose-Taro," Ranma said slowly.  "You're
not thinkin' about my sister that way, are ya?"

     "Don't call me that, girly-boy."  Taro paused.  "What do you
mean, 'sister'?  Did you find out your family tree was a bit
twisted?  I can believe it."

     "Huh?  Why, you--!"

     "So what happened?  Since your old man's as ball-less as a
steer, Tendo must have slipped it to your momma--"

     "AARGH!"  Pow!  Whap!  Wham!  CRASH!  Jingle!  Thump.

     "What a witty comeback," Taro panted.

     Ranma disentangled himself from the swing set and staggered
to his feet.  "You yak-brained idiot!  I married Akane!"

     "Really?  Congratulations.  Or maybe condolences.  She could
still be your half-sister, though--"

     "AARGH!"

     Taro held up a hand, smirking.  "Just kidding.  Nice to see
you're still easy to piss off."

     "Look who's talking, Pantyhose-Taro."  Ranma found himself
feeling unaccountably good despite his lumps and bruises.  He
eyed Taro, comparing the visible damage to his own, and decided
honor had been satisfied.

     "I told you not to call me that!" Taro stormed.

     Ranma folded his arms, leaned casually against the concrete
pig, and shrugged.  "Hey, it's not like I haven't tried to help
you get Jiji to change your name.  If you call me Ranma, maybe--
just maybe-- I'll call you 'Taro' like Kasumi does."

     "Kasumi...."  Taro stared up into the spring night.

     "Cut it out, man, you're makin' me gag," Ranma protested.

     "It doesn't matter anyway," Taro muttered.  "I hit her, and
now she hates me."

     "Hey, I hit Shampoo, and it took me a year and a half to get
rid of her."

     "Those Joketsuzoku are crazy.  I could have defeated one any
time I really wanted a wife, but who'd want a girl who always had
to be on top?"

     "Heh.  Tell me about it."

     "So how did you get rid of her, anyway?"

     Ranma looked uncomfortable.  "Long story."

     "Huh."  Taro eyed Ranma.  "It's a pity, though.  I mean, if
one of the Tendo girls was fool enough to marry you, I would've
been a shoo-in."

     Ranma shuddered.  "Forget it.  If you marry my sister-in-
law, that'd make you my brother-in-law.  Blech."

     Taro started to grimace, then got a gleam in his eye.  "That
would annoy you, would it?"

     "It'd drive me crazy," Ranma said emphatically.  Then he
caught sight of Taro's sly grin.  "Oh, crap."

     "Heh, heh, heh."  Taro rubbed his hands together.  "And I'd
be living in the same house with Happosai, which means I could
drive HIM crazy until he changed my name...."

     "You're overlookin' something," Ranma said happily.
"Kasumi's mad at you, and you sure don't wanna woo Nabiki; you
can't afford it.  And Akane's taken."

     "Damn."  Taro looked at Ranma, and slowly an unaccustomed
friendly expression forced its way onto his face.  "Ranma, old
buddy--"

     "Yeep!"  Ranma cringed away with a horrified expression.

     "--I'll bet you know Kasumi well enough to tell me how to--
gah!"  Taro took a deep breath and shook his head hard.  "Forget
it.  It's not worth it, girly-boy."

     "Jeez, that's the most frightening thing you've ever done,
Pantyhose-Taro," Ranma observed.

     "Good.  Now shut up and go away.  I want to think."

     "Don't strain anything," Ranma advised acidly.  "See you
around."  He left, running back the way he'd come and leaving
Taro to his own company.

     ~~~~~

     "You were supposed to beat HIM up!" Akane exclaimed when
Ranma came in.  "Look at you!"

     Ranma looked down at himself, brushed at a smudge on his
shirt, and shrugged.  "Ah, this is nothing.  He looks worse."

     "Oh.  Well, all right, then."  Akane stared at Ranma, biting
her lip.  *Don't tell him Kasumi's got the hots for Pantyhose-
Taro...*

     Ranma looked away from Akane, suddenly afraid that his
thoughts were written all over his face.  *Don't tell her
Pantyhose-Taro's got the hots for Kasumi...*

     "So, ready for bed?" they said in unison.  They blushed,
also in unison.

     "I guess I oughta take a bath first--"

     "I suppose, but you should take a bath first--"

     They stopped and frowned at each other.  Both frowns cracked
simultaneously.  Ranma shook his head, smiling, and headed for
the bathroom with Akane swatting merrily at his back.

     "A little to the left... ahh, that's got it."

     ~~~~~

     "Mmmmm...."

     "Say, Akane...."

     "Hmmm?"

     "While we were, uh, you know-- how come you had your hand
over your mouth?"

     "AARGH!"

     ~~~~~

     "Oh, Ranma!" Kasumi called as Ranma passed the kitchen after
supper the next evening.  "Would you do me a favor?"

     "Well, sure," Ranma said, coming into the kitchen.  "What is
it?"

     Kasumi picked up a folded paper packet with characters
calligraphed on the outside and held it out to him.  "If you
would find Taro-san and deliver this to him, please?"

     Ranma took the packet and inspected it.  "What's this, a
letter of challenge?"

     Kasumi's gentle smile quirked a little.  "In a way, I
suppose it is."

     "Are you sure you want to do this?" Ranma asked slowly.  "I
mean, Pantyhose-Taro's way out of your league...."

     "In some ways, I'm sure you're right.  In other ways, I may
be out of his.  Perhaps it will even out."  Kasumi patted Ranma's
hand, still smiling.  "Give him the letter, and we'll see.  Oh,
and if you would bring back his reply, I'd be grateful."

     "Okay," Ranma sighed.  "I'll back you up, though.  And if he
hurts you, I'll make him sorry."

     "Thank you, Ranma.  I appreciate that."

     ~~~~~

     Ranma nodded with satisfaction.  He'd found Taro in the
first place he'd looked: the little park where they'd clashed the
night before.  He leapt over the fence and ran up to the concrete
pig.  "Hey, Pantyhose-Taro!"

     Taro, sitting cross-legged atop the pig, glowered at Ranma.
"Shut up, girly-boy.  What do you want?"

     "Well, I don't want to give you this, but Kasumi asked me
to, so here."  Ranma held out the letter to Taro.  "Look, you
better go easy on her, or I won't go easy on you."

     "You talk tough for half a man," Taro riposted.  He read the
writing on the outside.  "Damn.  She's back to calling me
'Pantyhose-Taro-san'."  He extracted a sheet of paper from the
wrapper, unfolded it, and peered at the writing, tilting it to
catch the light from a streetlight.

     Ranma saw him frown.  "What's the matter?  Can't you read
Japanese?"

     Taro casually whacked Ranma over the head.  "Of course I
can, moron."  He paused.  "What's an 'omiai'?"

     Ranma facefaulted.  Taro waited impatiently for Ranma to
drag himself to his feet and answer him.  "Jeez, I thought it was
a letter of challenge," Ranma muttered.  He directed an unhappy
look at Taro.  "An omiai's when a guy and a gal meet to look each
other over to see if they wanna get married," he admitted
reluctantly.

     "YES!" Taro exulted, leaping to his feet on the pig's broad
back and shaking his fists at the sky.  "I knew she'd find me
irresistible!"

     "Bullshit," Ranma snorted.  "Last night you were moaning and
wailing."

     "Shut up, girly-boy," Taro said happily.  "Make that 'girly-
in-law'."  He snickered, then uncrumpled the letter and examined
it again.  "Hmmm... you must have had an omiai, right?  Tell me
about it."

     Ranma scratched his head.  "Well, mine was so weird I don't
think it counts.  There were these three girls, and Tendo-san
said 'pick one, she'll be your bride.'  Kasumi and Nabiki turned
me down faster'n Akane did, so she was elected.  Then she clocked
me with a table."  He smiled a reminiscent smile.  "Man, she was
cute."

     "You're nuts," Taro remarked, still poring over the letter.
"Well, if Kasumi tries to clock me with a table, I'll be ready."

     "I don't think that's her style... but she's surprising me
lately."

     "No problem, then.  This just says to show up tomorrow after
noon; anything I should bring?  Anything I should do?"

     "Damned if I know.  What, don't they do stuff like this in
China?"

     "I don't--"  Taro broke off.  "None of your damn business."

     "Heh.  Well, not that I want to improve your chances, but to
keep from stinking up the house you might wanna go take a bath--
a hot one."  Ranma smirked.  "Take a cold bath and things won't
go too good...."

     "Idiot."

     "Yak-brain."

     "Girly-boy."

     "Pantyhose-Taro."

     "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"  Whap!

     ~~~~~

     "Good morning!"  Akane and Ranma, dressed for school,
bounced into the main room and took their places at the table for
breakfast.  "Say, Kasumi," Ranma continued, "about this afternoon--"

     "My, it's a nice morning, isn't it?" Kasumi interrupted.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her as though
for Kasumi to interrupt someone was a portent of the apocalypse.
She smiled back serenely.  "Now that I have your attention," she
said, "I have an announcement.  I hope it won't inconvenience
anyone, but I've arranged an omiai for this afternoon."  Soun and
Nabiki fell over; Akane and Ranma nodded, suddenly understanding.

     "An omiai?" Nabiki exclaimed, sitting up.  Her eyes narrowed
suddenly.  "Not for me, I hope!"

     "Oh, no," Kasumi said.  "For me."

     "My daughter has a suitor?" Soun burst out.  "Who is it?  Is
it someone we know?"

     Kasumi took a sip of tea and put her cup down carefully.
"Oh, yes," she said, looking at the cup rather than her father.
"You've met him several times.  I've invited Taro-san."

     Soun fell over in the other direction.  Nabiki's jaw
dropped.  Akane sighed.  Ranma ate rapidly, figuring she'd better
finish while she had the chance.

     "Waah!  My daughter wants to marry a monster!" Soun wailed.
Suddenly the fountain of tears stopped and he glared suspiciously
at Ranma.  "You're taking this very well, Ranma-kun," he said
ominously.  "Can it be that this isn't a surprise to you?"

     Ranma cringed.  "Well, I, uh--"

     Again Kasumi interrupted.  "Yes, Ranma has been very
helpful," she told Soun.  Ranma shot her a don't-do-me-any-favors
look.  "I only arranged it last night, Father.  I suppose I could
have announced it then, but I didn't want to disturb anyone, so I
waited until now to tell you."

     Akane had been looking back and forth between Ranma and
Kasumi with a look of growing betrayal.  "Ranma?  You knew about
this and didn't say anything to me?!"

     "Uh, it slipped my mind?" Ranma countered weakly.

     "It doesn't seem to be a surprise to you either," Nabiki
observed to Akane.

     Akane stopped glaring at Ranma and looked at Nabiki.  "Well,
no, but Kasumi--"

     "Hah!" Ranma exclaimed triumphantly.  "Why didn't YOU tell
ME, then?"

     "--told me in confidence--"

     "Waah!  My daughters are conspiring against me!" Soun
wailed.

     "Hey, I'm not your daughter!" Ranma protested loudly.

     "I don't think he meant you, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said dryly.
"But it sure looks like a conspiracy.  I'm glad I'm not part of
it."

     "For once in your life," Ranma muttered under her breath.

     Nabiki caught it and looked offended.  "If I'd arranged it,
he'd be someone more promising.  Pantyhose-Taro's even poorer
than you are."

     "Hey!"

     Kasumi put a hand over her mouth and coughed gently.  "I was
really hoping you would be more supportive," she said.  "This is
very important to me."

     "Yes!  And something so important shouldn't be arranged in
such haste!" Soun pointed out triumphantly.  "Deliberation is
called for, and sober reflection by the head of the household."
His eyes widened.  "Unless... unless there's a reason you need to
get married immediately...."

     Nabiki, the first one to get what he was driving at, sprayed
tea and started coughing violently.  Akane got it next, turned
red, and clamped her hand over her mouth.  Ranma gave Soun a
puzzled look.  Kasumi bit her lip, looked down, and blushed.

     "Waaah!  My daughter's been seduced by a monster!" Soun
wailed.  The waterworks cut off suddenly.  "WHERE'S MY SPEAR?!"
He started to get up.

     "Father!  It's not like that at all!"  *I almost wish it
were....*

     Ranma sighed, reached out a slender arm, and slammed Soun
back down into a seated position.  "Cut it out, Tendo-san," she
told her astonished father-in-law.  "Just listen to her, will
you?"

     "Thank you, Ranma," Kasumi said gratefully.  "Father, I
haven't been seduced, and I'm not, um, with child.  I do think
it's time for me to be married, and I'm considering Taro-san."

     Soun boggled for a moment.  "But... I should have been
consulted!  It's my duty to arrange such things!"

     Kasumi looked at her hands again.  "Yes, Father, it is."
She let the words hang in the air for a moment; glancing up
through her eyelashes, she saw that they'd struck home.  "I hope
you'll be with me for the omiai, though."

     Soun coughed.  "Of course, Kasumi.  Er... do you have any
idea who, er, Taro-san is bringing?"

     "Heheheh!  Me, of course!"  Happosai strutted into the room
as all heads turned to face him.  "He's my godson, after all."

     "Oh, crap," Ranma breathed.  Akane elbowed her, even though
she'd been thinking more or less the same thing.

     "Master," Soun began tactfully, "are you sure this is a good
idea?"

     "Well, why wouldn't it be?" Happosai said.

     "Hey, Jiji, does Pantyhose-Taro know about this?" Ranma
asked suspiciously.

     Happosai beamed.  "Not yet.  I'm sure he won't object,
though.  After all, he needs someone to counsel and guide him,
and who better than I?"

     "Who isn't?" Ranma muttered, and felt Akane's elbow again.

     "Well, it's time for us to go to school," Akane announced,
standing up.  "We'll be back right after noon.  Come on, Ranma."
She left, bending to whisper in Kasumi's ear as she passed.

     Ranma hastily gobbled the rest of Akane's breakfast.  "Okay,
okay, wait for me!"  She dashed after Akane.

     "Now, about keeping secrets from your wife--"

     "Hey!  What about you, huh?"

     "That's different.  Kasumi made me promise--"

     "I was just being, uh, discreet!  Yeah!"

     "Discreet?  You?  HA!"

     The front door slammed, restoring a semblance of peace to
the household until a hanging scroll fell off the wall.

     "More tea, anyone?" Kasumi said brightly.  *Thanks for
wishing me luck, Akane.  I'll need it.*

     ~~~~~

     "Well, the place is still standing, at least," Ranma called
to Akane as the Tendo Dojo came into sight over the rooftops.

     "For the moment.  Good thing today was a half-day...."
Akane followed Ranma's leap to the street and dash to the front
gate.  Ranma jumped over the gate, but Akane went through, just
because she liked the gate.

     "We're home!"  Akane and Ranma pelted into the main room and
stopped.  Taro and Happosai were sitting on one side of the
table, and Soun was sitting on the other; they all looked like
they had been waiting for some time.

     Taro looked Ranma up and down, and his lips curled slowly
upward.  "My, don't you look pretty," he said.

     Ranma looked down at her St. Hebereke's uniform, what she
could see of it over the horizon of her bosom, and flushed.
"Look, you--"

     Taro lost it right there.  "WHA-HAHAHAHAHA!"  He fell over,
still laughing.

     "You bastard, cut it out before I gag you with your own
teeth!" Ranma shrilled.

     Taro struggled upright and wiped his eyes.  "No, no, I mean
it.  The uniform suits you, girly-boy."

     "AARGH!"  Ranma stomped out, headed for the changing room.

     "Er, Akane, I think Kasumi needs your help.  She's still
upstairs," Soun said with as much dignity as he could muster.

     "Um, right, of course she does.  Excuse me."  Akane hurried
up the stairs.

     Ranma came back in, male and wearing his usual clothes.  He
still appeared to be mad at Taro, but then something occurred to
him.  "Say, Tendo-san, how long have these two been sitting here
peaceful-like?"  He indicated Taro and Happosai.

     "Half an hour," Soun replied, looking like he didn't quite
believe it himself.

     Ranma looked around the room.  "With no damage?  A new
record."

     Happosai took his pipe out of his mouth.  "The lad was no
trouble at all.  Well, perhaps a bit at first, but when I
suggested changing his name, he settled right down."

     "Really?" Ranma asked interestedly.  "To what?"

     "Don't go there, girly-boy," Taro warned, but it was too
late.

     "Hmm, let's see... Garter-Taro was my first thought.  He
actually seemed to be considering Teddy-Taro, but then I
suggested Negligee-Taro, and that's kept him until now."
Happosai blew a smoke-ring.  Taro seethed.

     Ranma smirked.  "'Negligee-Taro' suits him."  Taro looked
like he was about to go over the table for Ranma, name or no
name, but a threatening waggle of Happosai's pipe made him
subside.  He continued to mutter dire imprecations as Ranma
settled on the floor.

     Ranma hadn't been sitting long when sounds from upstairs
heralded the appearance of the other principal.  Akane came into
the room.  "She's ready," she said quietly.  Soun stood, and
Happosai, Taro and Ranma straightened.  Akane stepped aside,
clearing the way.

     Kasumi came through the doorway, moving with the tiny steps
required by the elegant kimono she wore.  Silvery clouds chased
each other across a dark blue silk sky, and the violet and peach
hues of her obi, which might have clashed, instead suggested a
sunset.  Her face was made up only slightly paler than her usual
clear complexion, and pearl combs held back her long hair.  Soun
proudly escorted her to the table, managing not to weep at the
sight.  She settled into place, not looking at anyone.  Soun sat
next to her and eyed Taro.

     Taro, for his part, wished he'd done a little more than
polishing his vest and bracers.  Still, he was sure he looked
good, even if his trousers were a little worn in spots.  He
touched one of his earrings and gave Soun a confident glance,
then went back to pretending not to look at Kasumi.

     Akane took a step back, put one hand on the door, and looked
meaningfully at Ranma.  Ranma wasn't looking at her.  Soun nudged
him.  "Hm?"  He finally noticed Akane's glare and scrambled
hastily to his feet.  Akane gestured sharply.  "Oh."  Ranma
retreated onto the veranda and slid the shoji doors shut.  Akane
did likewise with the hallway door.

     Happosai nudged Taro.  Taro started.  "Ah.  My name is--"
He broke off and leaned over to hiss to Happosai.  "Couldn't you
change my name for THIS, you old goat?"

     "It's a perfectly good name," Happosai countered
impatiently.  "Get on with it, just like I told you."

     "Hell."  Taro took a deep breath, steeled himself, and
raised his voice again.  "Uh, my name is, uh, Pantyhose-Taro.
Pleased to meet you."

     Kasumi finally raised her eyes.  "I am Tendo Kasumi.  I am
glad to make your acquaintance.  Welcome to our home."

     "Thanks.  I brought you something...."  Taro produced a
bottle from his satchel and set it on the table.

     "My, how very kind of you!" Kasumi said graciously.

     Happosai was more direct.  "Wahaha!  Wine!  Good boy!  Here,
I'll open it!"  He leapt onto the table, poised, and tapped the
neck of the bottle.  The cork popped out.  Happosai seized the
bottle and opened his mouth.

     "Hey!" Taro expostulated.  "I brought that for Kasumi, not
for you!"  Happosai snorted at him.

     "Ojii-san, please," Kasumi implored him.

     Happosai hesitated, then regretfully set the bottle back
down on the table.  "I suppose it can wait."  He patted the
bottle fondly and sat down again.

     "I prepared something as well," Kasumi said.  "I'll just be
a moment."  She rose and shimmered out of the room.  The others
heard a quick exchange of whispers in the hallway, and then Akane
came through, blushing.

     "Excuse me."  Akane slipped across to the other door and
opened it, revealing Ranma crouched on the veranda.  "Come on,
Ranma."  She went out and closed the door behind her.

     "Ow!  Leggo!"

     "If I can't listen, you can't either.  We'll wait in the
dojo."

     "But...."  The altercation faded.

     Kasumi came back in with a tray, set it on the floor, knelt,
slid the door shut, then carried the tray to the table and
resumed her seat.  "Would anyone like tea?  And I hope you'll
find these adequate...."

     Taro picked up one of the morsels, eyed it, then bit into
it.  "Mmmm."  He swallowed.  "Delicious."

     "My daughter is a skilled cook," Soun said proudly.

     "Well, my godson is a skilled martial artist," Happosai said
before Taro could respond.  "He's not very innovative, but his
forms are excellent."

     Soun frowned a little, then brightened.  "Kasumi is very
beautiful, as you can see."  Kasumi blushed and lowered her gaze.

     Happosai waved a hand impatiently.  "Yes, yes, and Pantyhose-
Taro's a hot-looking young stud.  I think they're well-suited.
Now what about the dowry?"  He leered at the open wine-bottle and
licked his lips.

     "Er...."  Soun looked stunned.  "Well, the dojo--"  Kasumi
leaned over and tugged at his sleeve, and Soun broke off.  Kasumi
whispered in his ear.

     "Kasumi points out, quite rightly, that the dojo was Akane's
dowry, and now belongs to Ranma and Akane," Soun resumed.  He
thought for a moment.  "There's the house--"  Again Kasumi tugged
on his sleeve and whispered in his ear.

     "Well, I don't know what we're going to do for Nabiki's
dowry!" Soun said to Kasumi, exasperated.  "Maybe if you get the
house and Nabiki gets the land--"  He stopped himself even before
Kasumi's rueful headshake.  "No, that wouldn't work.  If Nabiki
gets the top floor and you get the ground floor, perhaps?"

     "Soun, you idiot," Happosai snorted.  "Haven't you given
this any thought at all?  No, I can see you haven't.  I've a good
mind to take my godson and scram."

     "Hey!" Taro protested.  "What kind of lousy 'guidance and
counsel' is that?"

     "The best," Happosai said firmly.  "You can do better than a
girl with no dowry, trust me."

     Soun straightened, deeply offended.  "Kasumi is far too fine
a woman to be dismissed in such a way!  She has a dowry, we just
haven't decided what it is yet!  And what does this young
scoundrel have to offer in return?"

     Taro and Kasumi exchanged alarmed looks and turned to their
respective representatives.

     "Please, Father!"

     "Look, you old geezer--!"

     The men ignored them.  "Hah!" Happosai scoffed.  "Any fool
can see that Pantyhose-Taro has fine prospects!"

     "Nonsense!" Soun declared.  His glance raked contemptuously
over Taro.  "He's a penniless wanderer with no family, no
education, and no employment!  Tell me, young Taro-san, how will
you support your family if I allow you to marry my daughter?  Eh?
Eh?  Hah!  You see?"

     Taro paled with rage and his lips pulled back from his
teeth.  With one convulsive movement, he leapt over the table to
land by the doors.  He smashed them aside and darted from the
room.

     "Well, that's that,"  Happosai said philosophically.  "Come
to Happy!"  He grabbed the bottle of wine and upended it over his
mouth.

     Splash!  Taro's cursed form rose dripping from the koi pond.
His huge hairy hand reached in through the shattered doors,
smacked Soun aside, flattened Happosai while he was occupied
chugging wine, and seized Kasumi before she could move.
"KYAAAAA--!"

     ~~~~~

     Ranma and Akane heard Kasumi's scream and reacted as one,
dashing out of the dojo and leaping to the roof of the house.
Taro's ox-headed, yeti-armed, eel-tailed, octopus-tentacled
cursed form rose out of the garden on ridiculously small wings,
carrying a weakly-struggling Kasumi in one hand.  Ranma gauged
the distance in an eyeblink, but leapt anyway; his outstretched
hand fell a meter short as Taro flew away.  He fell beyond the
wall.  Crash!

     Ranma just had time to extract himself from the wreckage of
the neighbor's bonsai table before Akane landed next to him,
dripping wet and wild-eyed.  "Get up, Ranma!" she cried.  "We
have to stop him!"

     "Not a chance."  Ranma noticed Akane's condition.  "What the
hell happened to you?"

     "I fell in the pond, baka!  Now move!"  Akane sprang to the
next roof and stopped.  "No...."  She watched Taro dwindle in the
distance.

     Ranma joined her.  "I told ya.  I can't catch him when he's
flying.  I couldn't catch him when he took you!  I can't catch
him now.  Dammit!"

     "He's going the same way, isn't he?" Akane said slowly,
following the distant speck with her eyes until it could no
longer be seen.  "Do you suppose...?"

     "Huh."  Ranma rubbed his chin.  "Maybe.  I found him the
other night in that same park where he was that time Rouge
tangled with him."

     "Hmm.  He's even more unimaginative than you are."

     "Hey!"

     "No, really.  I'll bet he's taking Kasumi to the same place
he took me."

     "Damn sure I don't have a better idea."

     Akane clenched her fist.  "We'll need help."

     "What do you mean, 'we'?" Ranma said flatly.  "You're
staying here.  I'll go get Kasumi."

     Akane's head lowered and her clenched fist came up, but then
the blood vessel throbbing on her temple subsided.  She opened
her fist and stared at her hand.  "No."  She looked up.  "Ranma?
Remember what else I told you that night I told you I loved you?"

     Ranma flinched.  He did.  Akane nodded.  "I thought so.  Now
I'm going to go rescue my sister.  I want you to come too."

     "Dammit, Akane, I don't want you to get hurt!"

     Akane smiled and touched Ranma's cheek.  "I love you too,
Ranma.  But I told you: I want to go with you wherever you go.  I
want to fight by your side."  She left out the rest of what she'd
said that night, knowing Ranma remembered it: *"If I die, I want
to die in your arms.  Don't you DARE take that away from me
because you want me to be safe!"*

     "But...."  Ranma sagged, clearly trying to think of an
effective rebuttal and clearly unable to.  "Shit."

     "Now, now.  Besides, you can't say I wasn't a big help that
time Pantyhose-Taro abducted me, or the time he had the twin-
water, or--"

     Ranma waved his hands, cutting her off.  "Yeah, yeah, all
right, already.  You can come along."

     "No, YOU can come along with ME-- or better yet, we'll both
go together, partner."  Akane smiled, then looked worried.  "Poor
Kasumi.  We'd better gather the troops and get going."

     "'Troops'?" Ranma said dubiously.

     "Well, you can barely beat him when he's human, let alone
when he's a monster.  That first time it took Ryoga, Shampoo, and
Mousse to help us beat him.  Happosai can beat him by himself, if
he feels like it.  Let's see if he'll come."

     "I dunno...."

     Ranma's premonition was well-founded; when they returned to
the house, Happosai was snoring loudly and proved impossible to
awaken.  Ranma sniffed at the empty bottle.  "Jeez, what was this
stuff?  Doesn't smell that strong...."  He tossed the bottle
aside and surveyed the wrecked shoji doors, the scattered
delicacies, and the Soun-shaped impression in the wall.  His
stomach suddenly reminded him that he hadn't had lunch, so he
salvaged some of the food before joining Akane.

     "Father!  What happened?"

     "My omiai wasn't anything like this," Soun groaned, sitting
up and rubbing the back of his neck.  He looked around in sudden
panic.  "Kasumi?  Where's Kasumi?!"

     "Pantyhose-Taro took her and flew off," Ranma said around
his mouthful.

     "WHAT?!"  Soun's demon-head burst forth.  "RANMA!  WHY
DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?!"

     Ranma stepped back and raised his hands.  "Cut it out, Tendo-
san!" he protested.  "It's not our fault we were too far away.
Why didn't YOU stop him, huh?"

     The demon-head suddenly looked abashed.  A moment later Soun
reappeared.  "Well...."

     "Anyway, we'll get her back," Akane told him confidently.
"We've got a pretty good idea where he took her."

     "Waaah!  My daughter's been abducted by a monster!"

     Akane shook her head.  "Wait here," she instructed Ranma.
"I'll go change, and then we'll go."

     "Why change?" Ranma objected.  "I'm not gonna change."

     "You changed already," Akane said tartly.  "Twice.  I'm not
going into battle in a soggy St. Hebereke's uniform."  She ran up
the stairs.

     Soun looked at Ranma.  "You could leave her here where it's
safe if you left now," he pointed out.

     "Are you nuts?  You have any idea of what she'd do to me?"
The rest of the wait passed silently, Soun imagining a thoroughly-
pulped Ranma and Ranma imagining a reproachfully-weeping Akane.

     Akane came back in wearing her gi.  "All right, let's go."
They ran out the door, stopping briefly to don shoes, then dashed
down the street.

     "That's your idea of a fighting costume, is it?"  Ranma
remarked as they ran.

     "Sure.  What's wrong with it?"

     "A gi's fine for practice, but you fight in whatever you're
wearing when you gotta fight... which means you wear something
you can fight in."

     Akane was about to snap at him, but then the tone of his
voice got through to her.  "Hai, Sensei."

     "Good.  You think about that.  So where are we going?"

     Akane grimaced slightly.  "Ucchan's.  She's the only one we
can count on, unless I missed someone."

     "Damn.  No, you're right.  Forget Kodachi or Kuno.  Man, I
REALLY miss Ryoga.  We could go get Pops, I suppose...."

     Akane and Ranma glanced at each other.  "Naah," they said in
unison.

     ~~~~~

     Ukyo was just relaxing after the usual Saturday lunch rush
had tapered off when Akane and Ranma ran into her shop, panting.
"Hey, Akane," she greeted her friend.  Her voice fell a few
degrees to greet her former fiance.  "Hey, Ranma."  She eyed them
curiously.  "What's up?"

     "Kasumi's been kidnapped," Akane managed.  "Whew.  Pantyhose-
Taro flew off with her."

     "What?  Why would someone kidnap Kasumi?"

     "Well.  We don't know all the details.  But they were having
an omiai.  And things got a little out of hand."  Akane stopped
talking and concentrated on breathing for a moment.

     Ukyo shook her head.  "Weird, but I guess I should expect
that.  I suppose you want me to help you rescue her?"

     Akane gave Ukyo a grateful look.  "Yes, exactly."

     "All right," Ukyo sighed.  "Pantyhose-Taro is that Chinese
guy who turns into a monster, right?"

     "That's him," Ranma agreed, speaking for the first time.
"He's an asshole, and he's a pretty good martial artist, but he's
not a killer, at least."

     Ukyo smirked.  "Sorta like you, then?"

     "Hey!"

     By that time Akane had her breath back.  "You know, that's
pretty close to the truth," she said in a surprised tone.

     "Hey!"

     "No, really.  He's, well, harsher than Ranma, probably
because he's had a harder life, but he's really a decent guy
underneath, just like Ranma."

     "Hey!"  Ranma stared at Akane, horrified.  "Don't tell me
you're going soft on the guy!  He kidnapped Kasumi, for cryin'
out loud!"

     "Yes, and when we catch him, you'll see just how 'soft' I am
on him," Akane said, raising her fist.  "But I don't think we
need to be afraid of him.  Ranma?"

     "No, not really," Ranma admitted.  "Truth is, if it wasn't
for Kasumi, I'd be kinda lookin' forward to this.  He's a
bastard, but he's not a bad enemy."

     "Huh.  Couldn't you, well, talk to him, then?" Ukyo
suggested.  Akane and Ranma stared at her blankly.  "Oh, right.
Never mind."

     "It's his monster form that's really hard to deal with,"
Akane continued.  "The first time it took Shampoo, Mousse, Ryoga,
Ranma, and me to beat him.  He's gotten better since then, too."

     "So have I," Ranma said cockily.  Bop!  "Ow!"

     "So have WE," Akane corrected him.

     "Huh."  Ukyo turned off the burners, loaded her bandolier
with little spatulas, and slung the big one over her shoulder.
"Okay, ready to go.  Konatsu, keep an eye on the place, hey?"

     Konatsu, who had been waiting inconspicuously in a corner
the whole time, stepped forward.  He arranged his kimono
carefully, knelt on the floor, and bowed low.  "I beg you to
forgive my impertinence, Ukyo-sama," he said, "but I must ask you
to reconsider your order.  It is my duty to shield you from harm,
and I cannot do that if I remain here.  Please allow me to
accompany you."

     "Look, I'll be fine," Ukyo replied, frowning.  "I need you
to keep my place safe.  I can look out for myself."

     Konatsu didn't budge.  "I beg you to reconsider, Ukyo-sama."

     "Hey, he's got a point," Ranma broke in.  "Listen, Ukyo,
Konatsu's good.  We can use him.  Heck, if I had to choose
between you and him, I'd pick him--"

     CLANG!

     "He had that coming," Akane admitted as a fuming Ukyo peeled
her giant spatula off of Ranma's face.  "Still, I've seen
Pantyhose-Taro in action, and I'd like Konatsu's help too.  For
Kasumi's sake."

     "Oh, all right," Ukyo sighed.

     Konatsu's pretty face lit up and he sprang to his feet.
"Thank you, Ukyo-sama!  And thank you for interceding for me,
Akane-sama, Ranma-sama-- oh, dear."  Konatsu reached out to
steady Ranma's wobble.

     Ranma recovered and gingerly felt his nose.  "Jeez, what'd I
say?"

     "Jackass.  Get your gear and let's go, Konatsu."

     "I am already prepared," Konatsu said modestly.  His fingers
flexed and a throwing star appeared between them, then
disappeared.  Ranma glanced at Akane, raising his eyebrows
significantly.  Akane huffed.

     ~~~~~

     Consciousness returned slowly to Kasumi.  She recalled how
she'd lost it, and sat up suddenly.  "Oh!"  She found herself in
a room walled with poorly-maintained wood, dimly lit by the rays
of the setting sun and a small fire burning in a hibachi.  A
blanket was under her, and a pillow rested where her head had
been.

     Taro's eyes gleamed in the firelight as he glanced her way.
He adjusted a kettle hanging over the fire.  "Is that how an
omiai is supposed to go?" he asked in a surly tone.

     "Oh, no," Kasumi assured him, collecting herself.  "It's
supposed to be a chance to make a good first impression.  The
couple talk for a while, to see if they might be suited for each
other."

     "Well, that's where it went wrong, I guess," Taro said
darkly.  "It was the second or third bad impression."

     "Yes, I suppose so."

     "Nothing in the traditions about the man kidnapping the
woman, then?"

     "Oh, no.  That would be very bad manners."  Taro snorted.
Kasumi giggled, raising her hand to cover her mouth, then
sobered.  "Taro-san, why did you bring me here?"

     "I don't know," Taro said gruffly.  "It just seemed like the
thing to do at the time."  He eyed her.  "You don't seem
concerned about it."

     "Should I be?" Kasumi said lightly.

     "Heh.  You're completely in my power.  I could do anything I
wanted to you, and you couldn't stop me, and there's no one
around to protect you."

     Kasumi smiled.  "Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't do anything
ungentlemanly."

     "You're crazy," Taro said with conviction.  "You don't know
me.  How can you believe you're safe?"

     "Well, I find that if I assume the best of people, the world
is a much nicer place than if I assume the worst of them.  For
some reason, when I think people are good, they do good things."

     Taro stared at her for a moment.  "That's either the
stupidest thing I've ever heard, or one of the wisest."

     Kasumi blushed and looked down.  "Thank you, Taro-san."

     "And of course you only heard 'wisest'."  Taro shook his
head.

     "I'm sure you wouldn't say anything rude."  Taro looked
sharply at Kasumi, but if her smile veiled any sarcasm, he
couldn't discern it.  He returned to poking at the fire with a
stick.

     Kasumi shifted to sit kneeling on the blanket, then arranged
her kimono.  She put her hand to her head and felt for her combs.
One was missing, and she gasped in sudden dismay.  "Oh, no!"  She
hunted quickly around the blanket and pillow, but came up empty-
handed.

     "What?"

     "My comb is gone.  It must have fallen out while we were--
while you were flying.  Oh, dear...."

     "It was just a comb," Taro said harshly.

     Kasumi looked at him, distraught.  "It was my mother's."

     "So?"

     "Well, she passed away when we were young."  Kasumi pulled
the other comb out of her hair, allowing her dark tresses to fall
around her shoulders, and examined it sadly.  "These-- this comb
is one of the few personal things of hers I have.  I try to keep
her memory alive, but every day it seems she fades a little
more....  I remember her wearing this, so, wearing this, I
remember her."

     Taro bit his lip, then reached into his sash, pulled
something out, and held it out to Kasumi.  "Here."

     Kasumi stared at the comb, the mate of the one she held.
"Taro-san...."

     "My mother's gone too," Taro said, not looking at her.

     She scooted across the floor and took the comb from Taro's
fingers.  "Thank you, Taro-san."

     "It didn't fall out of your hair.  I took it.  I wanted
something... feh.  Hell with it."

     "Oh."  There was no accusation or reproach in Kasumi's soft
voice.  She laid the combs in her lap, then took a kerchief out
of her obi and tied her hair back with it.  Finished, she tucked
one comb away in her obi, then held the other out to Taro.  "A
gift, Taro-san."

     Taro stared at the comb.  "No."

     "It's all right.  I know why you took it.  Memory."

     Taro slowly took the comb.  He looked at it, then at Kasumi.
"Thanks."  He put the comb away in his sash.

     "And isn't it nicer to have it as a gift than to take it by
force or deceit?"

     "Yeah--"  Taro's eyes narrowed.  "Damn.  You're trying to
teach me a lesson, aren't you.  And not just about combs."

     "Oh, no, not at all--"

     "You girls," Taro said derisively.  "You act like your
maidenhood was some precious treasure or something.  It's nothing
to be proud of--"  He broke off, flushing, and looked away.

     Kasumi looked down at her hands, carefully folded in her
lap.  "It may not be much," she said evenly, "but it's mine.
It's me.  It's a gift for my husband, and no one else."

     Taro looked back at her.  "Sorry," he said grudgingly, then
half-smiled.  "Heh.  Talking to you is a lot like fighting you,
you know?  You don't fight back, but you don't just stand there
and take it.  I can hurt you if I try, though."

     "Do you really want to hurt me, Taro-san?" Kasumi said
quietly, not raising her head.

     "No... no, I don't.  You're different."

     "I'm glad."

     Her soft answer encouraged Taro to ask the question he'd
been wondering about for some time.  "Were you really considering
marrying me?"

     "Oh, yes, Taro-san.  That's the way an omiai is.  One
doesn't attend an omiai unless one wishes to be married, and one
doesn't invite another to an omiai unless the other is worthy of
consideration.  After the omiai, the participants decide whether
they want to pursue the matter or not."

     "Heh.  I guess I disqualified myself by flying off with
you."

     "Well, actually, that's my decision.  I haven't decided one
way or another," Kasumi said demurely.

     "Huh," Taro mused.  "So the omiai isn't over yet?"

     "I suppose you could put it that way."  Kasumi paused.
"Taro-san, were you seriously considering marrying me?"

     Taro had been wondering that himself.  "Yes, of course" was
the proper tactical answer; "Don't be silly" would be the safe
answer.  The truth--  "I don't know," Taro admitted, surprising
himself.  "I had this plot that needed you to think I was,
but....  I don't know.  Maybe."

     "Ah."  Kasumi paused, considering.  "Well, you see, it was
almost shameless of me to invite you to an omiai myself, and it's
nearly as forward to discuss the matter with you this frankly.  I
haven't rejected you, but I'm afraid the next move will have to
be yours.  If you do decide you want to marry me, you'll have to
say so."

     "Goddamn traditions," Taro muttered to himself.

     Kasumi hid a smile.  "How would it be handled among your
people, then?"

     "Like I almost told girly-boy, I don't really know," Taro
said.  "I think my father would go talk to her father, and my
mother would go talk to her mother, and anyone else who was
interested would put in their say, and the next thing I'd know
I'd be all dressed up and sitting next to some girl at a big
party.  But my father's gone, and my mother's gone, and I don't
really want to spend the rest of my life in that dump anyway, so
the hell with it."

     "Having Ojii-san talk to Father didn't work out well at
all," Kasumi pointed out ruefully.

     Taro scowled.  "Those bastards.  Like I've ever had any
trouble getting by."

     "If you don't mind my asking, how do you live, Taro-san?"

     "Well, it's pretty easy to get meals in my monster form.  A
bush or a goat fill me right up.  And I don't need shelter
either."  Taro smirked.

     "I see."  Kasumi looked around the abandoned shrine they
were in.  "What is this place to you, then?"

     "Shelter."  Taro smiled a wry smile and shrugged.  "I don't
need it, but sometimes it's nice to have a fire and a roof."

     "Yes, I can imagine.  How did you find it?"

     "I was flying by and saw it, and when I took a look around I
noticed it had great feng shui."

     "It does?"

     "Yes."  Taro eyed her sternly.  "Look, just because I've
only studied for seven years doesn't mean I'll let you say I
don't know what I'm talking about.  Hell, in China people would
give me chickens, tea, even money to do a reading for them."

     "I don't doubt you, Taro-san," Kasumi assured him.  "It's
just that I don't know much about it, and it surprised me that a
martial artist would be interested in feng shui."

     "How else am I going to find a good place to practice?" Taro
demanded.  "This is a great place.  I can feel the water under
the rock.  They oriented the shrine just right.  The sunrise is
fantastic, and the sunset's not too bad either.  Come see."

     Taro got up and reached for Kasumi's hand; she took it and
allowed him to assist her to her feet.  She followed him out to
the west veranda of the old shrine, and they stood watching the
sun set over Japan.  "It's beautiful, Taro-san," Kasumi said
softly.

     Taro turned and looked at her.  She turned away from the
setting sun to look back at him, and his eyes were drawn
irresistibly to her lips, glistening in the ruddy light.  Could
she want him to kiss her?  Did he want to kiss her?  What would
happen after he kissed her?  Did he really want to get married?
Taro didn't know, but suddenly he wanted to find out.  He bent
forward--

     "PANTYHOSE-TARO, YOU BASTARD, LET MY SISTER GO!!"

     The railing exploded into splinters under Taro's hand.
"AARGH!"

     "Oh, my," Kasumi sighed.  "I really must have a word with
Akane about her language."  *And her timing.*  "Well, have a nice
fight, Taro-san."

     ~~~~~

     Ranma watched Taro jump down from the veranda and storm
across the rocky ground towards them.  They'd made their way to
the base of the overhanging promontory, looming over the sea,
where the old shrine stood.  Akane had easily leapt over the
rushing stream that had once kept her captive, and they'd scaled
the trap-strewn gully to the plateau at the top.  Akane had
issued the challenge-- they'd had words about that on the way--
and now they waited for battle.

     "Remember, don't let him get to cold water," Ranma muttered
out of the corner of his mouth.  As if he'd heard, Taro detoured
to the pump by the shrine and picked up a bucket; by the way it
swung in his hand, they could see it was full.  "Oh, hell!"

     Ukyou slapped herself in the forehead.  "Nice plan, Ranma."

     Rather than pouring the water over himself, though, Taro
continued his advance.  "Get out of here, you meddling morons!"
he shouted.

     "That's MY line!" Ranma shouted back.  "Where's Kasumi?"

     The weak retort appeared to dispel Taro's fury; he stopped a
few meters away and assumed an insouciant pose, the bucket
swinging idly in one hand.  He eyed them and smirked.  "Heh.
Girly-boy, tomboy-girl--" his contemptuous glance shifted to rake
over Ukyou and Konatsu-- "Mister 'Do you want nori with that?'
and Miss 'Sake, tea or me?'  My goodness, you kids are just so
cute I'm almost tempted to pat you on the head and give you
candy."  His eyes glinted.  "Almost."

     Akane and Ranma growled as one and rushed him, curving in to
take Taro from two sides.  "TE--!"  Taro dropped, whirled, and
struck; Ranma slammed into the ground, rolling, and Akane
departed on a high arc, arms and legs akimbo.  "KYAAAaaa...!"

     Ranma looked up and his eyes bulged.  He'd seen Akane do
that to Kuno and lots of other people, himself among them, but he
couldn't recall that Akane herself had ever gone ballistic.  He
suddenly realized that her trajectory was taking her over the
cliff.  "AKANE!!"  Ranma sprang to his feet and sprinted after
her.

     Taro watched him go and shook his head.  "Pathetic."  He
picked up the bucket of water and turned to Ukyo and Konatsu.
"Your turn."

     Ukyo's battle-spatula was already in her hands.  Konatsu,
somehow inconspicuous despite his brightly-colored kimono,
drifted forward.  "I will not allow you to harm Ukyo-sama,
Pantyhose-Taro," he said quietly.

     "DON'T CALL--!"  Taro controlled himself with an effort.
"Heh.  What is it with this country?  Japanese girls are tougher
than the men here are."  Taro hefted the bucket.  "If you're
girly-boy's friends, it's a good bet you're like pig-boy, duck-
face, and cat-girl.  Let's find out--"  He swung the bucket hard,
sloshing water across Ukyo and Konatsu.  Konatsu jumped in front
of Ukyo and managed to shield her from most of it.

     Taro was already attacking.  His spin kick took Konatsu
neatly, sending the kimono-clad youth flying; he tumbled into a
pile of boulders, fell, and didn't move.  Taro frowned,
surprised; he darted another glance at the pile of fabric, and
suddenly noticed that the body inside it was just two crossed
sticks.  His eyes snapped back in time to see a red blur
materialize between him and Ukyo.

     Konatsu, clad in his patched kunoichi's garb of faded red,
straightened.  Taro's jaw dropped.  "There's no Spring of Drowned
Ninja Girl!" he objected.

     Konatsu shrugged.  "I wouldn't know about that.  I am
kunoichi Konatsu Kenzan," he said, his high, soft voice sounding
quite feminine and very determined.

     Taro's eyes narrowed.  "Big deal--"

     "ALL-AROUND BEAUTY THROWING STARS!"

     "Gah!"  Taro managed to evade the spray of spinning
sharpened steel, but he didn't have a chance to draw a breath
before little spatulas started whirring past his ears like
homicidal partridges.  Right behind them a big spatula in the
hands of a yelling fast-food chef swiped at him in a silvery,
razor-edged arc.  It missed, of course, but then--

     "PANTYHOSE-BASTARD!"

     "YOU'RE DEAD!"

     *Oh, shit, girly-boy and his little wifey are back,* Taro
thought glumly as he fended off another blurring attack from the
ninja-girl.

     Ranma and Akane bounced into the whirling fray, but Taro was
already retreating.  He evaded nine strikes, blocked thirteen,
and took six before he could reach the nearest hidden water-trap
and trigger it, drenching them all.

     "MUWA-HA-HA!"  Taro's monster form reared up, flexing his
massive arms, as his puny assailants fell away in sudden terror.
The tentacles on his back curled and lashed, clearing a space
around him.

     "Jeez, Ranma, you didn't say he was THAT ugly!" Ukyo called
over the bellowing.

     Taro stopped bellowing and blinked.  *Ugly?*  A blood vessel
popped out on the side of his shaggy head.

     Konatsu landed between Taro and Ukyo, resting his hand on
his sword-hilt.  "Go away, you hideous monster!" he said stoutly.

     Taro smirked.  "Whuff-uff-uff."  He stretched out a mighty
arm and pointed two fingers at Konatsu.  Squirt!

     Konatsu wiped ink out of his eyes and looked down at his
once-red suit, now covered with brownish-black blotches.
"Octopus ink," he whispered.  "I'll never get these stains
out...."  He looked up, and up, and farther up still, and fixed
Taro's bloodshot eyes with a burning gaze.  His battle aura
kindled around him, becoming a bonfire.  His sword whispered from
its sheath, and an instant later he blurred and vanished.

     "KUNOICHI HAIRDRESSER ULTIMATE BAD CUT TECHNIQUE!"

     Taro felt a sudden buffeting about his head, but no pain.
"Urrr?"

     The others saw Konatsu reappear behind Taro, crouching, with
his short curved sword still out.  Taro turned, looking puzzled,
and felt at his head with one hand.  Hanks of hair came away at
his touch and fell to the ground.

     "Not bad for a bamboo sword, Konatsu," Ranma remarked,
casting an amused glance over Taro's new look.  Akane and Ukyo
started giggling.

     "Aaah!" Konatsu gasped, looking stricken.  "I forgot I
pawned the real one!"  He hastily returned it to its scabbard,
then eyed Taro and grimaced.  "No wonder the sideburns look like
that.  Eeew."

     Taro stopped frantically feeling around where his hair had
been and wasn't any more and focused on Konatsu.  "Urrrrrr...."
He advanced threateningly, shaking the ground.  Konatsu
retreated, wearing an embarrassed smile.

     "HYAA!"  Ranma and Akane charged in from behind, and a
moment later Ukyo and Konatsu attacked from the front.  Taro
stood his ground, plucking the spatula away from Ukyo and tossing
it over his shoulder with one hand while the other dealt with
Konatsu's maddeningly effective ability to appear to be somewhere
he wasn't.  He had to let his tentacles fend for themselves.  One
came over his shoulder with a struggling onna-Ranma in it long
enough for him to be confident that they were doing all right,
and the grunts and shrieks from Akane were also reassuring.  Then
something twinged oddly back there, and Akane and Ranma appeared
under their own power, looking satisfied.

     Taro looked over his shoulder.  His eyes bulged.  They'd
somehow tied his tentacles in a four-way bow-knot!  "MOOOOO!!"

     Konatsu took advantage of his inattention.  "NINJA ARTS
CERTAIN-DEATH CRIMSON HELL!"  Again the kunoichi blurred and
vanished, reappearing a moment later spitting.  "Ptoo!"  He wiped
his mouth in disgust; his scarlet lipstick had... brown hair all
over it?

     Taro wiped at his recently-sheared face with one hand and
stared at the streaks of lipstick on his huge fingers.
"AARRGGHH!!"  Blood vessels popped out all over, and he lunged
after the kunoichi.

     "Good!" Ranma shrilled.  "Konatsu!  Go!"  Konatsu bounced
away down the hill, and Taro followed in a blind rage, bellowing.
Suddenly he realized that he was being lured towards the hot
spring near the bottom of the slope, and his rage vanished.  He
leapt into the air, hung for a moment on his tiny wings, then
swept around.

     "Ukyo!  Look out!" Akane cried, too late.  Taro's fist
knocked Ukyo off the cliff as he swooped past her.  She fell, hit
the rocks rolling, and bounced into the bushes.

     "UKYO-SAMA!"  Konatsu streaked after her, all his attention
on his fallen mistress.  He didn't see the mighty hand that
smacked him sideways into hard stone.

     "Up!" Ranma called to Akane, who was still staring
downwards, horrified.  Akane looked back at her and nodded.  They
bounced from rock to rock back up the hill, barely evading Taro's
airborne rush, and stopped at the top.

     Ranma looked up at Taro, who'd spiraled lazily up and
appeared to be about to dive on them.  She glanced at Akane and
smirked.  Akane smirked right back.  They assumed mirrored
stances, back to back, and each pointed one arm up at Taro.  As
Taro rolled into his dive, their auras flowed out, snapped into
synch, and began to pulse: hot, cold, hot, cold--

     "NIRYU TOTSU HA!!" two voices cried in unison.

     *'Two Lunging Dragon Strike?'* Taro wondered, too late.  A
slender, whirling cone of ki-charged air lanced up from Ranma and
Akane to Taro.  The air twisted around him and his monstrous
flying form suddenly fell, spinning out of control.
"MOOooOOooOOooOO!"

     WHAM!!

     Ranma walked up to the hairy body draped over the edge of
the cliff and peeled one huge eyelid back.  "Yup," she said,
letting it slide closed.  "He's out."

     "How can you tell?" Akane asked curiously.

     "The little 'X'es."  Ranma stretched, flinched, and prodded
gingerly at one of her many sore spots.  "Hey, are you hurt?"

     "Well, of course I'm hurt," Akane said peevishly.  "No
lasting damage, though.  It was a good fight."

     "I guess.  Jeez, he's harder to cope with every time."
Ranma paused and eyed Akane sidelong.  "That Niryu Totsu Ha
messed him up, though.  You did pretty good...."

     That got Akane's attention.  "I did?!  Really?"

     "Well, it's not like I couldn't of handled him myself,"
Ranma said hastily, "but it was fun fighting with you-- uh,
against someone else, I mean."

     "Baka," Akane said fondly.  "I enjoyed it too."

     "If you're done congratulating each other, I could use a
hand here," Ukyo's voice drifted up from over the edge.

     "Ack!  Ukyo!  Sorry!" Akane yelped, dashing over and peering
down.  Ukyo had peeled Konatsu out of a Konatsu-shaped impression
in the rock and laid him out as comfortably as she could manage.
Akane and Ranma bounced down and joined them.

     "Is he all right?" Ranma asked.

     Ukyo shrugged.  "Aside from being out cold and bruised, I
think he's OK."

     "He's better than OK," Akane said warmly.  "I think he was
marvelous."

     Konatsu's eyelids fluttered.  "Ukyo-sama...."

     "Yeah, I'm here," Ukyo said softly.  "C'mon, quit faking and
move your butt."  Her tone belied the harshness of her words.

     "Yes, Ukyo-sama."  Konatsu sat up carefully.  "And Pantyhose-
Taro?"

     "The bigger they are, the harder they fall," Ranma said
cheerfully.  "He's up there."  She hooked a thumb at the top of
the hill.

     "Well, let's go rescue Kasumi, then," Ukyo said, helping
Konatsu to his feet.

     ~~~~~

     In the Tendos' main room, Soun stared at Nabiki.  Nabiki
stared at Soun.  Finally Soun broke the silence.  "They're not
back yet.  Nabiki--"

     "Forget it, Father," Nabiki said firmly.  "I'm not cooking,
and that's that."

     ~~~~~

     Kasumi looked up and smiled as her battered saviors stumbled
into the shrine.  "Oh, hello, Akane, Ranma.  And you brought Ukyo-
san and Konatsu-san as well!  How nice!"

     "Sister, are you all right?" Akane demanded.

     "Well, of course."

     "Pantyhose-Taro didn't--?"

     "Really, Akane, I have no idea what you're asking," Kasumi
said gently after Akane gave up trying to complete her sentence.

     "We're here to rescue you," Ranma announced proudly.

     Kasumi touched the kettle hanging over the fire, nodded, and
picked it up by its handle.  "That's very kind of you, Ranma, but
that really won't be necessary.  I'm sorry for all the trouble."

     "What?!" Ranma managed, boggling.

     "I could swear she said 'thanks, but no thanks'," Ukyo said
in disbelief.

     Kasumi smiled warmly at Ukyo.  "Yes, that's it exactly, Ukyo-
san."  The rescue party collapsed in different directions, making
loud thumps on the wooden floor.  Kasumi stood and walked out,
carrying the kettle.

     Ranma was first up; she hurried after Kasumi.  The others
followed.  Kasumi walked over to Taro's motionless hulk and stood
for a moment, looking down at him.

     Ranma caught up and noticed the kettle.  "Oh, good, hot
water," she said, reaching for it.

     "Wait your turn, Ranma," Kasumi admonished her, moving the
kettle away.  "This is for Taro-san."

     "Huh?  But--"  Ranma shut up.

     "We were actually having quite a nice chat when you, er,
interrupted," Kasumi told the others as they arrived.  "I'm sure
Taro would have brought me back tonight, or perhaps tomorrow.  I
know you all had the best of intentions, but there really wasn't
any reason to fight on my account."

     "But--  He kidnapped you!"

     "I prefer to think of it as being carried away by his
passions," Kasumi said primly.

     "Looked to me like you were the one who got carried away,"
Ranma muttered.

     "Only literally... more's the pity."  Kasumi knelt down and
patted Taro on his broad snout.

     "Sorry, Kasumi," Akane said, sounding quite contrite.

     "Yeah, me too.  I was just going along with Akane and
Ranma," Ukyo added.

     "I regret disturbing your harmony, Kasumi-sama."

     "Well, I'm sure Taro-san will be glad to hear that," Kasumi
said.  She poured the hot water on Taro's bovine head, and a
moment later the monster was gone and the man was back.

     Kasumi blushed and hastily turned away, as did Ukyo and
Konatsu.  Akane was not quite so shy, once she saw that Ranma was
busy making use of the hot water remaining in the kettle.  "Not
bad," she whispered, nudging Kasumi.

     "I'll take your word for it," Kasumi managed.  "Now if
someone would, er, cover him up and take him inside...."

     To do so was the work of only a few minutes, and the
retrieval of Taro's clothes and Ukyo's and Konatsu's weaponry
took only a little longer despite the gathering night.  By the
time everyone got back to the shrine, Taro was awake, dressed,
and scowling.  "Goddamn ki tricks," he muttered, directing a
glare at Ranma.

     "Whatever works," Ranma said carelessly.

     "Feh."

     Kasumi noticed something and frowned slightly.  "What are
those red marks on your face, Taro-san?"

     Taro looked puzzled.  "Marks?"

     "Red marks like... like tiny kisses," Kasumi clarified.

     "Uh--  Those aren't my fault!  Ninja-girl there did that
while we were fighting!"  Taro pointed at Konatsu.

     "Oh, I see.  Here, let me clean them off for you," Kasumi
said.  She produced a handkerchief and moved closer.

     "You're not mad?" Taro asked cautiously.  "I thought girls
got mad when they found lipstick marks on their guys--"  He broke
off, hoping Kasumi hadn't noticed the inadvertent possessive.

     "Well, yes, but these don't count," Kasumi said, continuing
to scrub daintily at Taro's face.  "Konatsu-san's not actually a
girl, you see."

     Taro stared at Konatsu.  The kunoichi had donned his kimono
again and was sitting demurely on his shins, his long ponytail
held by flowered hair ornaments.  "That's a GUY?!"

     "Technically, that's true, I suppose," Konatsu admitted
reluctantly.

     "But he's got TITS!"

     "No, he's got pepper-bombs," Ranma chuckled.  "Don't ask."

     "Another cross-dresser," Taro said disgustedly.  "I should
have known.  But then what about him?"  He indicated Ukyo and his
lip curled.  "Is he a gay-boy?"

     "WHAT?!  I'm one hundred percent girl, buster, and don't you
forget it!" Ukyo said dangerously.

     Taro eyed her flat chest, cross-legged seat, and okonomiyaki-
chef's costume.  "Right.  Of course you are."  An implication
suddenly occurred to him.  "You mean I got kissed all over my
face by a cross-dressing ninja?!"

     "It's not like I enjoyed it," Konatsu said, grimacing.

     "AARGH!"

     "Now, now, Taro-san," Kasumi said soothingly.  "I'm sure
Konatsu-san didn't mean any harm by it, and it all came right
off.  See?"  She displayed the stained handkerchief before
tucking it away.

     To the others' surprise, Taro simmered down.  "Well, all
right.  She, uh, he better not try that again, though."

     "I can assure you I won't," Konatsu said dryly.

     "Say, what's this?" Ranma inquired, picking up a flat
package from among the sparse clutter in the shrine.

     "Don't touch that!" Taro said sharply.  "That's for
Happosai."  He smirked suddenly.  "On second thought, open it and
have a look.  Your character could stand some improvement too."

     "Says you," Ranma countered, but he put the package down.

     "Heh.  Girly-boy's getting smarter.  Too bad.  That's the
Mirror of Repentance.  I borrowed it from a temple in Tibet."

     "'Borrowed'?" Ranma said skeptically.

     "Yeah.  Borrowed.  As in with their blessing and I have to
take it back.  You should try it sometime."

     "So what does it do?" Akane asked.

     "The monks said it's a powerful talisman for redeeming
wayward souls," Taro said seriously.  "If you see your reflection
in it, it shows you your worst sins; whatever you regret the most
about your life.  I'm going to show it to Happosai.  That's why I
came here, really.  It's why I was chasing him that night."

     "Huh," Ranma said.

     Everyone looked at the package and thought about their own
regrets for a moment.  Taro eyed them.  "Anyone want to have a
look?"

     "No way."  "Uh, no."  "No thanks."  "Uh-uh."  "I'd rather
not."

     "Heh.  There's hope for you yet."  Taro retrieved the
package and put it in his satchel.

     "Speaking of regrets," Kasumi said, "I believe you all have
something to say to Taro-san.  Akane?"

     Akane bit her lip.  "I'm sorry I came charging into your
place, Taro-kun," she said.  "Even though you came charging into
ours, and wrecked it a few times, and... well, sorry."

     "I'm sorry I let these loons talk me into beating on you,"
Ukyo said, indicating Ranma and Akane.

     "I apologize for attacking you... and for the haircut, Taro-
sama," Konatsu said, bowing from his seated position.

     Taro fingered his hair, which fortunately didn't show quite
as much damage as it had in his monster form, and nodded.
"Apologies accepted."  He glanced at Ranma, who was leaning
against the wall with his arms folded stubbornly.  "Aren't we
missing someone?"

     "Yeah, right," Ranma snorted.  "I don't hear you apologizing
for kidnapping Kasumi."

     Taro shrugged.  "That's between me and her.  For you... no
apology, no reason why I should let you share my roof tonight.
You say you're sorry, or you sleep outside."  He smirked.

     "Get real.  Who's gonna keep me out?"  Ranma suddenly
noticed how the people who HAD apologized were glaring at him.
"Hey--!"

     ~~~~~

     Ranma sat in the dark outside the shrine, sulking.  He'd
chosen the lee side of the building, and the spring breezes did
not carry winter's chill, but they weren't exactly warm, either.
He caught voices and laughter from inside and wrapped his arms a
little tighter around his knees.

     A dark figure came around the corner of the shrine, but
Ranma didn't notice it until it spoke.  "Honestly, Ranma.  And
you call Taro-kun bullheaded."

     "Yak-brained."

     "Whatever.  Look what I brought you," Akane said, squatting
next to him and holding out a steaming cup.

     Ranma's nostrils twitched.  Soup.  Kasumi's soup.  "Thanks,
Akane."  He took the cup and sipped to gauge its temperature,
then drank carefully.

     "Taro-kun wasn't exactly prepared for guests; there's
something of a blanket shortage.  They're having a little trouble
working out the sleeping arrangements in there.  But if you're
sleeping out here, then I'm sleeping out here, too."  Akane shook
out a blanket.

     "Okay.  Hey, how come only one blanket?"

     Pause.  "Ranma, I'll give you just five seconds to tell me
why I only brought one blanket.  If you can't, I'm going to go in
and cuddle with Konatsu.  One."

     "Uh... they'd only let you take one blanket?"

     "True, but that's not it.  Two."

     "You're going to keep it for yourself and leave me to
freeze?"

     "Maybe I should.  Three."

     Ranma smirked in the dark; he was beginning to enjoy this.
"You're going to give it to me and practice aura control all
night?"

     "Four.  Ranma, stop teasing!"  Akane sounded genuinely
distressed, probably at the prospect of having to carry out her
vow.

     "You're such a hot babe that you can keep both of us warm
even without a blanket?"

     Ranma suddenly noticed stars reflected in Akane's eyes.
"Oh, Ranma!"  Glomp!  Smooch!  "Why don't you say things like
that to me more often?" she accused him after coming up for air.

     "Because he's an idiot," came Taro's amused voice.

     "Eeep!"  Ranma suddenly noticed four nearby silhouettes.

     "Really, Ranma, I was beginning to worry," said Kasumi.

     "Akane, why do you put up with this jackass?" Ukyo asked.

     "'...even without a blanket'," Konatsu muttered absently,
writing rapidly in a small notebook.

     "AARGH!"

     ~~~~~

     "We're home!"  The echoes of the call had barely faded when
Soun came galloping around the corner into the front hall.  His
eyes lit up when he spotted Kasumi, still wearing her elegant
kimono, surrounded by teenaged martial artists.

     "Kasumi!  You're safe!"

     "Well, of course I'm safe, Father," Kasumi said.  "Really,
all this concern is embarrassing."

     Soun noticed Taro, standing among the others.  Taro waved
casually.  Soun's eyes narrowed.  "How dare you come back here
after what you've done, you scoundrel!"

     Taro bridled, but forbore to comment.  "He's here as my
guest, Father," Kasumi said.  "I've forgiven him, not that he did
much to forgive, and I hope you will too.  After all, you did
provoke him."

     Soun's jaw dropped.  "I?  But--  Then--  Well, what about
the omiai?"

     "Oh, that.  Since it was such a mess, I'm going to just
ignore it," Kasumi said, moving past Soun and down the hall.
"I'm not engaged to Taro-san.  Yet."

     Soun stared after her.  "'Yet'?"  He leaned against the
wall.  "Oh, hell."

     "Here, 'Father', let me help you to your easy chair," came
Taro's voice.

     Soun glared over his shoulder.  "Don't push it, boy."  He
tottered off down the hall, muttering.

     "Well, I'm going back to the shop," Ukyo announced.  She
snickered suddenly.  "Look me up next time you have a rescue
mission.  This one was a lot of fun."

     "Thanks for coming with us, Ukyo," Akane said, bowing.
"And, Konatsu, I really appreciate your help."

     "It was nothing, Akane-sama," Konatsu said graciously.  "I
am at your service.  It was a pleasure to meet you, Taro-sama."

     "See you around," Taro said, a little uncomfortably.

     "'Bye, guys!"  Ukyo waved and left, followed by Konatsu.

     Taro watched them go.  "From behind, they look like a
couple," he said, shaking his head.  "Amazing.  If 'sama' means
what I think it means, that kid's got a real self-image problem,
though."

     "It does and he does," Akane said.  "He's had a rough life
too.  Things have been better for him since he came here, though.
Maybe things will get better for you."

     Taro looked at Akane sharply, but her dark eyes were open
and honest.  "Huh.  Maybe."

     "In the meantime, you're our guest, like my sister said.
And, Taro-kun--"

     "Yeah?"

     "We prefer that our guests don't smash our house," Akane
said evenly.  "It really puts a crimp in our ability to offer
hospitality."

     "I'll keep that in mind," Taro said, smirking.  He followed
Akane and Ranma into the main room.

     ~~~~~

     "Dinner, everyone!"  Kasumi's clear voice gathered her
family-- and guest-- around the table in the main room.

     "Heh-heh-heh!" Happosai cackled, bouncing in and rubbing his
hands.  "Kasumi-chan, things just weren't the same without you.
I had to go a long way to raid decent food last night."

     Taro reached for his satchel.  "Hey, old man, look here," he
said casually.  Ranma and Akane realized what was about to happen
and carefully averted their eyes.

     Happosai turned, saw his reflection in the tarnished brass
and silver mirror, and froze.  Tears formed in his wide eyes and
rolled down his wizened cheeks.  "Oh, what a fool I've been!" he
sobbed.

     "Hah!" Taro exulted.  "Now you regret giving me this silly
name!  Well, you can atone by giving me a new one, a good one--"

     "Don't be silly," Happosai snorted.  "I don't regret that
one bit!  What I regret is all the opportunities I've let slip
by!  Well, no more!"

     "Uh oh," Nabiki muttered.  "I don't like the sound of this."
She crossed her arms over her chest, but she was too late.
Happosai whirled away from the mirror and pounced.  "EEEK!"

     "Sweeto!" Happosai cried.  "Nice buns, Nabiki-chan!"

     "Oh, dear," Kasumi said, then wished she hadn't.

     "Kasumi-chan!  I've neglected you too long!"  Happosai
bounced across the room, swarmed up Kasumi's apron, and latched
onto her bosom.  Goosh!  "What a rack!" he cried happily,
groping.

     "Oh, my!"  Kasumi's gasp released Soun and Taro from their
frozen states, but it was Ranma who acted first, scooping up an
glass of water and splashing himself.

     Rip!  "Hey, old fart, get a load of these!"

     Happosai turned his head from his frottage and saw Ranma's
exposed breasts.  "Woo-hoo!  Young stuff!  Hotcha!"  He launched
himself from Kasumi, sailed across the room with his arms
outstretched, dodged Ranma's fist, and landed in heaven.
"Sweeto!"

     "Eeegh!"  Ranma's fingers wriggled in disgust, but it was
better than--

     "Young... stuff."  All eyes turned; that was Kasumi's voice,
but--  The eyes bulged.  Kasumi was standing with her head down,
her fists clenched, and a modest but definite battle aura flaring
around her.  "Young stuff?"

     "I'll pound him for you," Taro promised fervently.  He
struck.  Happosai stuck out a finger and stopped Taro's fist,
leaving himself wide open for a perfect time-on-target salvo from
Akane's elbow, Ranma's knee, and Kasumi's foot.

     "YOUNG STUFF?!"  WHACK-THUD-POW!

     "Good shots," Taro said admiringly.  He picked Happosai's
limp body up by the back of the collar and shook it a little.
The old man's head lolled.  "Serves him right."

     "Taro-san, I don't wish to sound critical, but... what on
earth were you thinking?"

     Taro gave Kasumi a puzzled look.  "Huh?  He got what he
deserved for groping you and insulting you.  What did I do?"

     "I suppose you wouldn't know."  Kasumi sighed and shook her
head.  "You see, up until now Ojii-san has only molested Ranma
and Akane.  Nabiki and I were, um, left alone."

     "And glad to be," Nabiki muttered.

     "By showing Ojii-san the mirror while we were present, you
changed that.  How can I ever thank you, Taro-san?"

     Taro, still holding Happosai like a bag of jelly, gulped.
Ranma nudged him in the ribs.  "Speaking from my experience as a
husband," she whispered loudly, "my advice would be to apologize.
A lot.  Now."

     ~~~~~

     Kasumi's happy humming filled the kitchen when Akane came in
the next morning.  "Um, Kasumi, I don't know how to tell you
this, but Taro wasn't in the dojo when I went to call him for
breakfast."

     "I know," Kasumi said.  "He got up early, had a quick bite
to eat, and left."

     "Oh, Kasumi...."  Akane's voice was sympathetic.

     Kasumi turned to face her sister.  "It's all right, Akane.
He just wanted to get an early start.  He said he had to return
the mirror to the temple.  He said he'd come back, though."

     "Oh."  Akane paused, considering the most tactful way to
phrase what she wanted to say next.  "And do you think he will?"

     "Oh, yes."

     "Um... do you want him to?"

     Kasumi laughed.  "Oh, yes.  How else will I find out whether
I want him to stay?"  She sobered and lowered her voice.  "But
we're not doing it the traditional way anymore.  I mean, you got
married the traditional way--"

     "More or less," Akane interjected wryly.

     "--but you're not a traditional girl; I'm a traditional
girl, I suppose, but that omiai just didn't work.  So Taro and I
talked it over, and we decided that that little adventure was our
first date.  We'll have more dates, and we'll see."

     "Uh huh.  And do you kiss on the first date, sister?"

     "Why, Akane!"  Kasumi winked.  "Even if I did, I wouldn't
tell."

     "Darn.  Well, I wish you the best anyway."  Akane left.

     Kasumi waited until she was gone, and then touched her lips
absently.  Her smile brightened.  Taro might be the one, or he
might not... but her life, which had seemed like a long dark
tunnel with only more dark at the end, suddenly appeared to be
opening up around her.

     She picked up the rice cooker and carried it out into the
main room.  "Breakfast, everyone!"

     ~~~~~ end chapter 3 ~~~~~

     Translation notes:

     When he first appears in manga volume 18 chapter 1, Ranma
calls the mysterious attacker "Pansutoyarou" (pantyhose guy)
because of the pantyhose he leaves draped around his victims.
It's not until chapter 9 that we learn that Happousai named him
"Pansutotarou".  This is apparently supposed to be a hilarious
pun.  :)

     "Tarou" can be a given name itself, but it is very
frequently found as the ending of a given name for boys; it means
"plump son" and is therefore auspicious.  I think it very likely
that "Tarou" is not Pansutotarou's family name, but the last two
syllables of his given name.

     I could have translated the whole name as
"Pantyhoseplumpson", or left it as "Pansutotarou"; I chose the
mixed "Pantyhose-Tarou" because I preferred that ("pansuto" is
borrowed from English anyway), and I left off the "u" because
that's the romanization system I'm using (mostly).

     Pansutotarou addresses Ranma as "okamayarou".  "Okama" means
"kettle"; it's a slang term for a gay male.  I translate this as
"girly-boy" because I think it's Ranma's "feminine nature" that
Pansutotarou is disparaging.


Vince Seifert    Network Analyst     seifertv@csus.edu
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