To Be a Villain

	The Kami of the Western Sands sat and schemed.  Or
rather, she tried to scheme.  Made a commendable
effort, in fact, but, inevitably, the battle was lost,
and she yawned, rubbed her eyes, and allowed herself
to slouch in her stone throne.  She really couldn�t
help it; scheming was so marvelously boring.  
	Lazily, the Kami reached behind her seat, pulled out
a packet of paper held together by a single staple,
and began leafing through the pages.  This was
ridiculous.  She saw absolutely no point in all this
contriving, colluding, conspiring, conniving, and
concocting when her scheme was down in black-and-white
on page 69.  Furthermore, it was quite clear that all
of the planning in the world wouldn�t have helped her.
 She could come up with the perfect, full-proof plan,
and still fall flat on her face.  It was a rule:
Villains Didn�t Succeed.  In any case, she allowed
with a shudder, at least this scheme didn�t involve
any pandas or miso soup.  She didn�t think she would
ever look at tofu the same way again.
	And yet, pandas or no pandas, she still had--the Kami
quickly checked her Rolex-- three hours and two scenes
of plotting left until she finally came up with the
inane plan scripted out for her.  Perhaps she should
give up being the Villain and try her hand at
script-writing.  Even she could do better than *this*.
	But in the meantime, she had to remain seated in this
stone throne--and who, pray tell, had thought up this
bloody idea?  The writers should try spending a day
sitting on stone, and then she�d see if she ever saw a
script with a stone throne in it again!--and think her
pretty little head out to plot out a scheme a gnat
could have invented in a minute flat.
	Well, at any rate, she reasoned, it wasn�t as if she
had anything else to do.  After all, there were no
Western Sands!  It was humiliating.  This was truly
the final straw.  She would simply have to get a new
agent.
	With that conclusion made, the Kami let out a
disgusted sigh, straightened up in her throne, and
assumed Scheming Position 3A.  Now all she had left to
do was resist the urge to twiddle her thumbs while she
waited for the super-strong girl and ditsy side kick,
gender-changing martial artist, boy and alien
groupies, short-skirted sailor girls, or band of
traveling sorcerer hunters to find the way to her Evil
Demesne and thwart her Evil Scheme, all in time for
her to retire to her trailer and catch All My
Children.


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