Phil <kagami@jeack.com.au> wrote:

equivalent of the gaijin monster 'Nessie'? Or is it Gojira
come to life? The port authorities insist that we have
nothing to worry about, and that the crewman was obviously
drunk and hallucinating. We have this clip from our news
anchorman."

Accusing someone of drinking on duty's a bit serious, and probably
something the authorities wouldn't want to resort to unless this man had
a history of getting sloshed on the job. You might wanna take out the
'drunk and' or at least make it a little less direct (e.g. 'nothing to
worry about, and wonder whether the crewman might've....')

half-human just like they had accepted every other weird
thing in his life. They would all be planning on using it
for their own ends, even her little sister. For a moment,
she was thankful she hadn't managed to contact Kodachi.
Then, she remembered the lost yen involved. She shook her
head to clear it of all the annoying thoughts.

Which lost yen is she referring to?

Ukyo Kounji awoke sweating from a night spent tossing and

Kuonji

turning restlessly. It wasn't the fact that she'd just
learned that her fiancee was a half-demon that disturbed
her; after all, he was a half-girl as well as rude,
arrogant, ate for free, and seemed content to string her

Just FYI. the eating for free is a fanfic thing. There's no evidence
that Ranma does this in the manga (and he actually worked as a waitress
to pay his debt to Ukyo in the Gambling King story).

"Shampoo no want anything, Spatula Girl. Come to say
something that all." Shampoo smirked confidently. "Great-

something, that

Blood erupted from his snout in a rising arc, and
consciousness started to leave him. "Ick, really! Do you do
that all the time?" He heard Kodachi say. "I do wonder what

he (no caps)

"Shukumaru," Genma said softly. "That was the name he gave.

>From "Fire Tripper?" Probably not.

"Huh? Why? I could do it on my own." He grabbed another
cookie. "But I guess it'll be cool to show off my new powers
in front of Ryoga," he added, eager to put another one over

New powers? What new powers? Sure, his demon heritage will give him
powers, but has he figured out how to use any of them yet?

"She left the house," reported Nabiki, eyeing him
critically. "You could have done it in a better way, you
know."

Don't understand how that last bit was said. Is it a sarcastic jibe, or
is Nabsy saying it with genuine concern about Akane?

Ryoga bashed his head against the brick wall, ignoring the
flying dust. He rested his forehead in the depression formed
by the head-butt. The credit card nestled in his innermost
bandanna had reclothed and re-equipped him, but his mind

Heh. "The bandanna card. Don't leave home without it."

kept wandering back to that scene in the bathroom. Akari, he
thought desperately. He had to remember her. But then, he'd
never seen her like that - the towel barely covering her
nude body and exposing her silky-smooth limbs. Arrrghhh!
Akane, Akari and now Kodachi! What was wrong with him? Why
was he such a--

stud?

"Nah, no chance of that happening. I've been in that
position too many times to just pound on him." He laced his

Bet he came pretty close, though....

"Huh, I didn't know you could speak in proper form, sugar,"
Ukyo whispered.

"Lot you not know, Spatula Girl. But truth is Great-
Grandmother give instruction before she leave for home,"
Shampoo whispered back.

"Helped you memorize that speech, you mean." :)

"I am Ranma Saotome, Umibozou," he shouted defiantly,
filling his voice with as much confidence as he could. After
the many powerful beings that he had defeated thus far in
his life, he found he had no trouble meeting the gaze of
the serpent's golden eyes. Still, he sweated a bit when he
noticed out of the corner of his eye, a large hump - the
size of a small island - break the surface of the bay's
water out in the distance. That was over three miles away,
he estimated, feeling slightly stunned. The Orochi had been
one thing but just how big was this thing anyway?

Suggest changing one of the 'thing's to avoid the repetition.

"It shall be most entertaining! I agree to your duel,
Shukumaru, and to make it even more interesting, I shall
grant my powers to the one who entertains me the most!"

Fortunately, Ranma is trained in Anything Goes Martial Arts Stand-up
Comedy....

Another voice shattered the tense moment of silence.

---

"I think not, demon!"

Why the ---?

"Are you finished yet, little mortals?" The mocking voice
drew their attention. They quickly turned back towards
Shukumaru, who had been watching the events with amusement
and a look of snobbish disdain. "Then it is time for you to
die," she said grandly.

"Doesn't she remind you of someone?" Ukyo whispered to Akane
soto voce.

Yeah, a certain someone from vol. 32. (No, not Rouge. :P)

"Yup," Akane said, glancing at Kodachi.

"Rose Girl is just like demon," added Shampoo, snidely
looking at the Devil Hunter.

I don't think you need to explicitly say this; it's implied well enough
by the previous lines.

Interesting storyline so far, and the writing continues to be very good.
Please continue! :)