Jefferson Natividad wrote:

[snip]

The Devourer of Ships lurked the deeps of Tokyo harbour.

  Nice intro..

Thanks. :)

[snip]

"Hello, Shampoo," she tried again. "What did you want?"

  I think Ukyo's queston should be: "What do you want?"

Hmm, I think it works as it is - I'll check up on that.

[snip]

She tilted her head fetchingly in contemplation, staring at
the bath and envisioning a muscular form that was no longer
there. "Then again, why can't I have them both?!
Ohohohohohoho!!" The laughter pealed out and chased after a
distant figure, who was intent on finding a clothing store.

  Yup she's a Kuno alright.

Of course, she is! :)

[snip]

"Mighty one, demon of five-thousand-years, whose name is
known to the Amazons of Joketsuzoku who live within the
heart of China, Great Umibozou, I greet you." Shampoo paused
to watch the serpent preen its scales and flukes, glorying
in her praise. She hid a smile. "Know that before you stands
one who is heir to the throne of the Demon Lord of the East.
He is Yami-no-tsume's own son and proclaims his might to all
who would seek to serve or defeat him. I present to you,
Great Serpent, one whose name shall be written in the
heavens and the hells - Ranma Saotome!" She stepped back
gracefully, unobtrusively trodding on Ranma's foot to cue
him, and backed away.

  Good speech, Shampoo or Cologne could probably give lessons to
Kuno(Tatewaki).

Cologne definitely could, she's been around long enough - but theprimary
purpose of the speech was to show that the Amazons
have dealt with demons before. :)

[snip]

"Dear me," observed Kodachi. "And I did think there was too
much evil energy around the place too."

  What a cliffhanger.  It looks like Ranma has his hands full here.  It is
obvious his half-sister is much more stronger then him in terms of raw
power.  When will Ranma dormant powers fully awaken?  Will this enable his
to use the cat-fist conciously?  Well I'll just wait for the next chapter
which looks like its gonna be one hell of a catfight  .

Well, I certainly enjoy finishing on cliffhangers. As for Shukumarubeing more
powerful than Ranma, why that's the essence of a
good nemesis :) You just have to take a look at Ranma's battles
with Herb and Saffron (both of whom are vastly overpowered
compared to him).

As for the catfist - wait and see. :)

Um, just a couple of comments on the comments
as it were: please don't take this the wrong way
but it would definitely make it easier for me to
be certain that I don't miss any of your comments
by just inserting a line before and after each
comment; also, large chunks of the fic can be
snipped out when unnecessary. It just makes
life a bit easier for us poor writers, that's all. :)

Thanks for commenting!

Phil..

______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com