1�Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 5
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
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SYNOPSIS: Ryoga Hibiki has allied himself with Hikaru Gosunkugi, and they have come to the Tendo Dojo to do in Ranma. However, Gosunkugi had no way of knowing about the Hibiki Curse...
* * * * * * * * * *
Gosunkugi noted Hibiki wandering past the front gate for the fifth time. <How can anyone have such a lousy sense of direction?> he wondered. <Does he have a gypsy curse or something?>
"What are you doing, you idiot?" Gosunkugi barked.
"Trying to find the house!" Ryoga protested. "They can't hide it from me forever!"
Gosunkugi pointed to the house.
Ryoga looked over and almost jumped out of his skin. "Where did *that* come from?!?" he asked in shock.
Gosunkugi shook his head. "Do you need a guide dog or something?"
"No thanks," Ryoga answered. "I've got a guide dog." He looked sad. "Or I used to. But I lost him."
"Why doesn't this surprise me?" He turned Ryoga toward the house and nudged him in the proper direction. "There! Go!"
Ryoga grumbled and started walking.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Okay," Ranma said, reading the notes he had taken, "I'm supposed to - as your boyfriend - take you to meals, get you presents, protect you from violence, shake down delinquent debtors, and try out for all the sports teams that you hold betting concessions on."
"You're a good listener, Ranma-kun," Nabiki agreed. <This is like shooting fish in a barrel.>
"And what do you do? Being a girlfriend, an' all?"
Nabiki smiled, eased herself into his lap, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him.
Ranma's lips ... did nothing. Nabiki broke the kiss and looked at him; his pig-tail was standing straight up, his eyes were huge, and he was sweating like he was being roasted.
<Interesting reaction,> she noted. "Did you like that?" she whispered.
"Eep," he squeaked.
<Hmmm... might have to use stronger measures to get him to fall.>
* * * * * * * ** * * *
Kasumi took the tea set back to the kitchen, a pleasant smile on her face (gee, big surprise). She contemplated innocently going out on the porch to ask Nabiki and Ranma if they wanted some tea (and to keep ... improprieties from taking place; teenagers require chaperonage, after all).
It turned out not to be necessary.
Ranma and Nabiki were in the kitchen - rather, Nabiki was trying to talk Ranma off the top of the refrigerator.
"Please come down, Ranma!"
"Eeep!"
"Is there a problem?" Kasumi asked in a sweet tone of voice.
Nabiki flinched as she heard the unexpected voice. "K-k-kasumi-oneechan! No! Nothing's the matter!" <Damn, this is embarassing.>
Kasumi looked at the martial artist cowering atop the refrigerator. "Did something scare you, Ranma-kun?"
"I - er, I - that is -" Ranma explained clearly.
"Did Nabiki ... surprise you?" she asked tactfully.
"Yeah!" Ranma agreed, grabbing the face-saving interpretation. "She surprised me!"
Kasumi turned to her sister. "Nabiki-chan, you shouldn't surprise him like that. He *is* a martial artist, and his trained reflexes make being surprised a dangerous thing."
"Hei, Oneechan." Nabiki said, nodding.
"Now, don't you think you should apologize for alarming Ranma-kun?"
Nabiki nodded. "Ranma, I'm sorry for surprising you."
"And?" Kasumi said.
"And ... I promise that I won't stick my tongue in your mouth anymore."
"Oh my." Kasumi commented.
Ranma stayed where he was.
"And I won't touch you ... there any more," Nabiki added.
<It looks like I was right to be worried,> Kasumi thought, <Just not the way I expected.>
Ranma climbed down. "I wasn't scared or nothin'," he said arrogantly. "It's just ... uh ... "
"It wouldn't be proper so soon," Kasumi said helpfully.
"Yeah! That's it!" he agreed heartily. "We've been boyfriend and girlfriend just a day! It wouldn't be right for me to ... to take advantage an' all."
"I suppose not," Nabiki said. <Wuss.>
As Ranma and Kasumi got a fresh pot of tea ready, Nabiki shook her head, annoyed and shocked at how badly she had miscalculated. <This is ridiculous! I know he was raised isolated from females, but he's got to have urges!>
A notion hit her. <Child athletes often have delays in maturity due to the stress of constant exercise. Could Ranma's unique childhood have ... delayed his sexual development somehow? I'll have to ask Tofu-sensei.>
Kasumi looked at Ranma as he prepared the tea set. Such integrity in a young boy (a young man, she corrected herself) was quite rare. True, his manners were atrocious, but he had other admirable qualities. Nabiki could have done worse.
Perhaps with a bit of coaching, he could shape up nicely. If Nabiki married, then she could take over as the mistress of the house, and Kasumi could go somewhere else. *Anywhere* else. And abandon this madhouse to live her own life!
"Um, did I do something wrong, Kasumi?" Ranma asked.
Kasumi shook herself out of her reverie. "Nothing, Ranma-kun, just thinking."
* * * * * * * * * *
Akane heard the footsteps coming up the stairs.
Since Ranma did the most sweating (except for herself and Kasumi), he usually took a bath first.
She had everything ready. This time it would be perfect. Nabiki wouldn't spoil *this* plan!
She could see it now...
<RANMA comes to the bathroom door and sees that the 'Occupied' sign is off. He undresses and goes to have a bath. Inside, AKANE is stepping from the furo.>
<AKANE (very loudly): Ranma! Whatever are you doing here??>
<RANMA: But I->
<AKANE: EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!>
<SOUN (charging in, demon-head): HENTAI!! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AKANE!!>
<SOUN kicks RANMA out the window.>
<Heh-heh-heh,> she chuckled to herself. <This can't miss! No way Tousan would let him stay if he tried something with me!>
She heard the door open behind her. "Ranma!" she said in a very loud, unconvincing voice, "Whatever are you doing in here??"
"I came in to wash up," Soun said.
"DADDY!!" Akane shouted, whirling around. "Where's Ranma?!?"
"I believe he's still with your sister," Soun replied.
"Were you expecting him?"
"Ah - ah - y'see -"
"Akane-chan," Soun said gravely, "while having affection for your sensei is a good thing, trying to tempt your sensei sexually is simply not appropriate. Especially when he's in a relationship with your sister."
"But - but -" Akane sputtered.
"Now put up the 'Occupied' sign, finish your bath, and let's hear no more of this."
As he shut the door, Soun couldn't help smiling. Not one but *two* of his daughters were interested in the boy!
Genma was right, now that he thought of it - in all likelihood, all three would have rejected him if they had tried to force the boy on them. Now, it seems that without any effort on the part of the fathers, the boy was drawing them in like a magnet!
Nabiki zipped past him in the hallway. "'Scuse me, Daddy," she mumbled in passing.
Akane growled, foamed at the mouth, and ripped up bathroom fixtures. Her own *father* thought that *she* had a crush on that bastard Saotome!
"I'll get you, Ranma! No matter what, I'll get you!"
"Ah, Akane-chan?"
Akane turned toward Nabiki, who was standing in the door.
"I thought you got over this silly crush. I know Ranma's really cute, but he's your sensei, not to mention my boyfriend."
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!"
* * * * * * * * * *
(Several hours later...)
Gosunkugi tapped Ryoga on the shoulder.
"Gosunkugi? How did you manage to find me?"
"This way," he sighed, leading Ryoga by hand to the Tendo house.
"Now, Ranma's room is there -" <pointing> "- on the second floor."
Ryoga looked curiously at Gosunkugi. "How do you know where he sleeps?"
<Because I was photographing Akane getting ready for bed - no, don't tell him that -> "I was trying to make sure ... Ranma didn't try to take advantage of Akane! Yeah, that's plausible."
Ryoga, being gullible and unobservant, fell for the blatant lie. He nodded and hopped up to the eaves before the window.
"I'll get him while he's asleep! He won't escape my vengeance this time!"
Ryoga climbed into the dark room, umbrella at the ready. He noted the panda sleeping nearby. <Aha! Proof of his guilt! The dumb beast is his accomplice!>
Carefully creeping up to the sleeping martial artist, he raised his umbrella and struck!
Ranma's arm swung as he turned over, deflecting the umbrella.
Ryoga raised the umbrella and swung again.
Ranma rolled over, the umbrella striking the place where his head had been a second before.
He swung the umbrella again and again. Again and again, Ranma casually shifted, dodging, deflecting and blocking every blow.
<He *CAN'T* be this good! He will *NOT* beat me in his sleep!> Raising his foot, Ryoga attempted to stomp on Ranma's sleeping head.
Ranma rolled over again, his elbow catching Ryoga in the descending ankle, sending the Lost Boy tumbling onto the panda.
<WHOMP!> went the panda-sign.
Gosunkugi waited outside for the Lost Boy to eliminate his nemesis, he who was making Akane miserable (and who had lost him money, too!). He wondered what was taking Hibiki so long.
<Could he have gotten lost crossing the room?> Gosunkugi wondered.
Then a screaming figure flew out of the window, followed by another figure. A splash was heard.
The panda leaned out the window, snarling angrily. The sign he waved read, [Keep it quiet People are trying to sleep!].
A cute (and *really* well-built) girl wearing boxers and a t-shirt stomped out of the pond. "What the hell is going on here?!?" she demanded.
Gosunkugi just stared (even in the half-light from the moon and streetlights, the girl's body in those wet clothes ... he could feel his complexion clearing). It was the Mystery Girl in those photos that Nabiki had been selling.
"So, Ranma, you change into a girl now," Ryoga sneered. "A fitting curse, since you fight like a girl. And final proof of your guilt!"
<'CURSE'?> Gosunkugi's mind reeled. For years, he'd tried to tap into the power of voodoo, attempting to invoke spirits to curse his enemies, but at some level, he really didn't *believe*.
Ranma-chan and Ryoga circled each other warily, seeking an opening.
"Why the hell are you after me, Ryoga?" Ranma-chan demanded.
"You put me through hell, Saotome!"
"What the hell are you *talking* about!?!"
Ryoga scowled. "After you ran out on our duel, I followed you to get my revenge! I followed you all the way to China!"
A look of comprehension crossed Ranma-chan's face. "You fell in Jusenkyo, didn't you?"
"And it was all your fault!"
* * * * * * * * * *
"Akane!" Kasumi said fearfully, shaking her sleeping sister.
"Damn it Ranma, lemme sleep ..." Akane mumbled.
"It's me - Kasumi!" she whispered urgently.
"Whaddaya wan'?" Akane incoherently said.
"There's a prowler in the house!"
Akane snapped awake. "Are you sure?"
"I heard a crash from out back! I think he's in the yard now!"
Akane went to the window. "Hey, there *is* someone there!"
"I knew it!" Kasumi hissed. "A prowler - with a backpack for his stolen goods!"
"I'll get him!" Akane stated, climbing out the window. <At last - a chance to beat on someone without that damn Ranma getting in the way!>
"No, Akane! Don't go out there!"
"YAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Akane cried, leaping toward the intruder, her body aligned with her leg and foot, aiming for his head.
He barely had time to turn before forty-five kilos of extremely well-muscled girl slammed into his face.
"HAH! Got you, bastard!" Akane crowed. "Rob our place, will you?"
"Got him good, too," Ranma-chan commented.
Akane jumped. "What are you doing here, Ranma?" she said.
"I *was* fighting Ryoga here - before you jumped in."
Akane lifted up the unconscious head. "You're right. What was he doing here?"
"Throwing me from my bedroom window, apparently."
Nabiki came charging out, "Don't you people have any respect for a girl's beauty sleep??"
"Don't yell at us, Oneechan," Akane protested. "This goon attacked Ranma -" a nasty smile passed across her face, "- and *I* had to save him!"
Ranma-chan came up with a bucket of pond-water. "Not exactly, Akane. You interrupted a fight, but you didn't 'save' me."
"Same thing. What's the bucket for?"
"This." <SPLOOSH!>
"BWEEEE!!!"
Nabiki and Akane (and Gosunkugi, lurking in the shadows) looked on in shock at the piglet that had been Ryoga. "He said he followed me to China - and that he fell in Jusenkyo. He thinks it's my fault."
Ryoga-buta looked around, shivering. His secret exposed, his shame revealed to his worse enemy and his friends! Trapped, helpless, before the evil Saotome!
"What should we do with him?" Nabiki asked.
"Maybe we can keep him as a pet?" Ranma suggested.
Akane shook her head. "That's stupid, ranma! Who'd be silly enough keep a pig as a pet?"
Kasumi came out in her bathrobe, a fresh kettle of heated water in one hand. "I thought you might need this, Ranma-kun."
"Arigato, Kasumi," she said, pouring the water on herself.
Gosunkugi watched from the shadows (not ninja skills, just a natural talent for not being noticed) as the red-haired girl became Ranma again. <I need more information if I'm to use this.>
Ranma poured the water on the piglet, changing him back.
As Ryoga pulled his clothes on (to Akane and Nabiki's applause and whistles, and Kasumi's embarrassment), he looked at his nemesis. "Well, Ranma? Going to say anything? Make a few comments about the 'pig-boy'??"
"Nope."
Ryoga looked at Ranma in surprise. He knew Ranma well, and Ranma wouldn't hesitate to pick on him.
"Y'see, Ryoga-kun," he said in a somewhat sad voice, "I considered you my rival, my equal in the Art. But you were just defeated by my student. If a mere beginner could defeat you, you can't possibly be my equal."
"I am *not* a beginner!" Akane yelled. "I'm a trained martial artist!"
"And I'm your *better*!" Ryoga protested.
"Is that so? Then why did my student defeat you?"
"Because she hit me from behind with a lucky shot!"
<WHAM!!>
Nabiki and Kasumi looked on in amazement. "That's the biggest mallet I've ever seen you use, Imouto-chan!"
"Oh my. Do you think he's all right?"
Ranma shook his head sadly. "That's twice - in less than ten minutes. Pathetic, Ryoga. It's clear you're simply not as good as she is. And if you're not capable of defeating my student, I can't, in all good conscience, fight you. That would be picking on a weakling."
"<groan> Call me a weakling, will you?" Ryoga snarled.
"If you can't even defeat my student -"
"We'll see about that!" Ryoga snapped. He turned to Akane, "I - what is your name?"
"Akane Tendo."
"Akane Tendo, I challenge you! I shall defeat you, then your sensei! And none of your underhanded tricks!"
Akane's temper flared. "My WHAT?? You break into a person's house in the middle of the night, attack someone in their sleep, and you say *I'm* underhanded?!? I accept your challenge, Pig-Boy! Time and place!"
"Tomorrow noon in the schoolyard, so everyone can see your defeat!" He turned to Ranma. "Then, I'm going to get *you*, Saotome!"
"<yawn> Yeah, right." Ranma commented.
Ryoga stomped out of the yard, fuming.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Where are you going?" Gosunkugi asked.
"YOW! I - hi, Gosunkugi. Didn't see you. I was going to the park to sleep, so I could get to the schoolyard in the morning."
Gosunkugi pointed. "The park's *that* way."
Ryoga looked the direction the smaller boy pointed. "Oh. Thanks."
And started out in the opposite direction.
Gosunkugi grabbed Ryoga's bandana and pulled. "You can stay in my garage tonight. I'll escort you to the school."
<Wow. Showing up the same day as the duel? They'll *never* expect that!> "Arigato, Gosunkugi-kun."
"No problem. Now why don't you tell me about this curse you two have?"
* * * * * * * * * *
Akane jumped around the kitchen, doing katas.
"C'mon, Akane, let's get to bed," Nabiki whined.
"Yah! Yah! I've got a challenge tomorrow! Gotta train!"
"Don't sweat it, teishi," Ranma said. "This is Ryoga Hibiki we're talking about. He'll get lost, and you'll have at least three days, maybe a week. "
Akane objected. "But-"
"Besides, you gotta be rested if you want to start on the Ja Jinku no Apache in the morning."
<Damn! He's got a point. A new technique would be useful.> "Hei, sensei," she nodded and headed for bed.
"G'night, teishi," he called out after her.
"Um, Ranma-kun?" Nabiki asked.
"Yeah?"
"Why'd you do that?"
"What?"
"Foisting your old enemy off on Ryoga. Won't she get hurt?"
Ranma shook his head. "Nah. Ryoga won't hurt a girl. She'll get a good fight, but he'll hold back."
"So this is more training?" Kasumi asked.
Ranma shook his head. "Not really. Me and Kuno and the Horde gives her all the workout she needs for now." "They why?" Nabiki asked again.
Ranma looked sad. "Because Ryoga was my friend once. Maybe if we don't fight, maybe I can talk to him. I - I don't have a lot of friends. I don't want to lose one."
Kasumi and Nabiki both felt the loneliness in his voice. Without really thinking, Nabiki put her arms around Ranma and hugged him. Ranma, not noticing, found himself hugging her back.
-------------------
Next Episode: The Duel of Akane and Ryoga! The Treachery of Gosunkugi! And Kuno!
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