The pilots were gathered in a nearby room.  Outside, two very 
distinctive-looking men conferred rather heatedly.

The man with the hooked nose was particularly heated, despite 
his obvious old age.  "Look, I'm used to doing shows for 
servicemen, but this is just a handful of kids!  What's the 
deal here?  This was supposed to be a morale-booster for..."

"...the defenders of Tokyo-3, that's right."  Gendo Ikari's 
voice was considerably calmer as he pushed his glasses back 
up on his nose.  "I have news for you... those Children," and 
one could *hear* the capitalization of the word 'Children,' 
"*are* the defenders of Tokyo-3."

The hook-nosed man peered into the room.  "Holy shit... you've 
got to be kidding me."  The serious expression on Ikari's face 
as he shook his head spoke otherwise.  "Damn.  No wonder you 
need to boost morale.  But why me?  I haven't done this sort 
of thing in years.  Not since the Second Impact.  Hell, not 
much since 'Nam, really."

"Frankly, from what I understand, you haven't been all that 
funny since Guadalcanal.  But it would be something new to 
Them, and it might be amusing for Them to hear.  Besides, 
you're one of the few comics to have survived Second Impact, 
even if you haven't performed since then."

"I turned 100 when Second Impact occured, and you expect me 
to keep performing after that?  George Burns was right - once 
you get to 100, you've got it made, 'cause very few people 
die older than 100.  So here I am, but I don't know if they'll 
find me funny.  Would they get Pokemon jokes?"

Gendo had ignored the man's last question in favor of musing 
over his age.  "Exactly one hundred years to the day before 
Second Impact?"

The man nodded.  "But you're not getting me into one of those 
things, except as a gag.  Do any of them wanna do some kind of 
skit with me in those mechanical puppets or something?  That 
Misato chick you intorduced me to seems pretty game..."

"Lieutentant Katsuragi cannot operate the EVAs from within, 
and even if my theory is correct (however remote a possibility 
that may be), it's a rather complicated machine..."

"...and too expensive to use as a joke, I know.  Had the same 
problem trying to record a sketch onboard a B2 back in Desert 
Storm.  I'm used to it.

"But I gotta tell ya, I'm also used to performing before big 
crowds.  This is a little, uh, different..."

Gendo Ikari almost smiled.  "A crowd you want?  That can be 
arranged..."

***

Kaji tried to smile at the group of pilots, but it was rather 
a strech.  "Sorry about the delay... and now, allow me to 
introduce to you... Mr. Bob Hope!"

Yep, the man with the ski-jump nose bounded as best he could 
onto the stage, and stared out at the assembled crowd.  "Thank 
you, thank you.  Listen, I've done this sort of thing for the 
boys in uniform many a time..." and for a moment he paused as 
he sized this crowd up, "...but haven't you folks taken the 
uniform bit a little too far here?"

Dead silence.  Rei Ayanamis don't laugh, after all.  

This was gonna be a long show...

============

Dear Kami, what business have I got writing an Eva fic?  
I've never *seen* the damn show (and Konatsu doesn't want me 
buying the tapes)  All I know is from fanfiction, which has 
been darn short on humor.  Hey, I thought if people go against 
type and write so many Ranma darkfics, why aren't there more  
Eva spoofs?  And in keeping with the FFML dictum of "don't 
complain, write one yourself,' here it is, for what it's worth.

I think I'm better off chasing after Andrew Huang or Jim Lazar, 
personally...

Itsu mo,
Ucchan  ^_^;;