"KaraOhki" <karaohki@snet.net> wrote:

Before Soun could continue, Kasumi held up her hand.

"Father, I know I acted badly yesterday.  Forgive me."

"That's all right, Kasumi. I'm sure they'll still let you stay in the
play."

"Daddy?"

"I'd like to talk to you for a minute, Nabiki."

Hmmm... this isn't turning into a rewrite of "Smile," is it? ^_^

"Liar.  You were scared.  My friend Yuka is allergic to cats.  Her
eyes swell up, and she sneezes like crazy.  If you were allergic to
cats you would have started sneezing last night when you got here.
Mind trying the truth?"

Ranma sighed.

"Close the door and I'll tell you."

IMO, Ranma should be taken a bit more aback at this, at least initially.
No one likes to be called a liar, flat out, even when he is one. :)

Akane sighed.  She loved Tora dearly, and this wasn't going to be
easy.

"I'm going to give him to the little girl next door."

"The one who eats cats? Ewww!"

"It's okay.  I've been so busy lately that I haven't paid him very
much attention anyway.  Besides, Midori really likes Tora, so she'll
take good care of him."

"M-Midori?"

"Yes. Ever since I got this cat, she's wanted it for herself. She's been
green with envy."

"So Father asked me to pretend to go along with the arrangement.  I
don't like it much, but it's hard to say no to him."

"That kid better not lay a finger on you, or he'll answer to me!"

This is a pretty uncharacteristic thing for Tofu to say. Is he so very
different in this continuity?

"What were the two of you talking about?"
"I think Dr. Tofu wanted to make sure I wasn't going to take your

Missing a line space.

Akane trailed off, blushed, and turned away.

"What?"

"I like you better than the boys at school.  They...they BOTHER me!"

Ack. Can you change that last bit? It brings back memories of old SNL
skits.

"Upperclassman Kuno, my name is Ranma Saotome.  It was your idea that
whoever defeated Akane would have the right to date her?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever defeated her?"

"Alas, no."

Ranma dropped his bag, and cracked his knuckles.

"Akane.  Defend yourself."

A very clever idea, but it seems a little too convenient for Ranma to
have thought it up in about three seconds.

Ranma had taken Akane by surprise, but she recovered quickly.  Kuno's
mouth dropped open as he watched the two battle each other.  It was
obvious to him that neither was holding back, and that they were very
evenly matched.

She must've improved a lot in this continuity... or else Ranma really is
holding back but Kuno doesn't see it.

Overall, pretty good. I'd like to see some more credible threat to Ranma
and Akane, though. Things are still going too easy for them.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html