Reluctant SI 2:  Meet Your Fellow Pilots!
(A NGE SI Parody)
By Ammadeau
Roy.Fokker@UNSpacy.org
http://members.tripod.com/~Ammadeau/fanfiction.htm

	Ammadeau woke from a nightmare in a very grey hospital 
wearing no more than a flimsy hosptial gown.  He realized quickly 
that he was now an anime character who was destined to get torn 
apart and screamed again.
	As if that were some kind of signal, the door opened and in 
strode Misato in her usual brown dress, which supposedly had been 
ruined in episode one, and red jacket.  She was carrying a beer 
which she had not-so-cleverly disguised as a soft drink by 
scribbling out the logo and writing 'Root Beer' on it with a felt 
marker.
	"Oh, so you're finally awake," she slurred.  "Come on and 
get dressed, I'm here to take you home.  I went through an entire 
case of beer waiting for you."
	"How long was I out for?"
	"For the whole commercial break."
	Amma flinched at the sound of the fourth wall cracking.  
"Where am I going to live?"
	"With me, of course.  You're the new pilot, aren't you?  The 
new pilot always lives with me in these fanfics, ignoring the fact 
that my apartment is crowded as it is."  Another brick thrown at the 
fourth wall.
	Amma thought of living with Misato.  She was a slob and a 
drunk, but that described half the college roommates he had had.  
He'd probably get along with Shinji, since he had no particular 
reason to use the boy as a doormat.  He thought about living with 
Asuka . . . screamed and fainted again.

	Slap!
	Misato had decided that it was too soon for another 
commercial break and had woke him up the first way that had 
occurred to her.  Besides, she was almost out of beer.
	"You know a kiss is more traditional," Ammadeau 
complained as he rubbed his cheek.
	"Not in anime," Misato replied with a Nabiki-like smirk.  
"Get changed quick, I'll wait outside."
	Amma found that his clothes had been replaced with 
something similar to what Shinji wore.  At least these fit and 
weren't the standard god-boy fashions.  No tight shorts, thank you 
very much.

	Upon reaching Misato's lovely apartment, introductions 
went all around.  Naturally, Asuka went first.
	"I am the mighty Asuka, the greatest EVA pilot that has 
ever lived!  Consider yourself blessed to be in my presence."
	"I thought Shinji had a higher sync ratio than you by now."
	Blam! Kapow! Crunch! (And other Batman sound effects.)
	And so Ammadeau learned the hard way that one should 
never insuate that her royal highness, heir to the throne of 
Germany, is anything less than the best.
	"Sorry about that," Shinji said as he helped Amma to his 
feet.  "Asuka is a little high strung."
	"You mean that she's a total bitch,"  Ammadeau replied as 
he rubbed the new bruise on his skull.
	Wham!  Heart-shaped clock to the head!
	Shinji helped Amma up, take two, who was now nursing an 
even larger bruise on his face.  "You really shouldn't say things 
like that about her."
	"No kidding."
	"What was that?" Asuka shouted from her room, from 
where she had expertly thrown the timepiece from.  "Are you two 
idiots talking about me again?"
	"No!" they both shouted back quickly.
	*It's official,* Ammadeau thought.  *I'm in hell.*

	"My name's Shinji," the boy told Amma as he gave him an 
ice pack which he kept cool in case of Asuka attacks.
	Ammadeau gratefully accepted this and applied it to the 
swelling bump on his noggin.  "I'm Ammadeau.  It's nice to meet 
you, Shinji."
	They sat a few moments in silence, until Shinji said, "Are 
your parents dead?"
	"Nope."
	"Abandoned you when you were little?"
	"Nope."
	"Did something that left you permanently scarred, 
mentally?"
	"Nope."
	"Are secretly the clone of someone's mother and / or 
father?"
	"Nope.  Where did you get that idea from?"
	Shinji shrugged.  "Saw it on an old sci-fi movie."

	They were all settled in for a nice meal of instant ramen.  
Misato and Shinji were sitting to either side of Ammadeau, while 
Asuka was directly across from him.  He suffered under the 
redhead's expert glare whenever he glanced in her direction.  It was 
a look that promised extreme pain for a single misspoken word.
	"So what would you like to drink?" Misato asked after 
downing her first beer of the evening and leaning over to the fridge 
to get another.
	"What do you have?"
	"Well, we have a fine selection of beer, beer, and more 
beer."
	"Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer . . ." the chant drifted in from 
somewhere outside.
	"Do you have anything besides beer?"
	"We have stout, larger, port, and some whiskey."
	"Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer . . ."
	Asuka went over to the window, hefted a brick which she 
had been saving for just such an occasion, and chucked it hard.
	"Ouch!"
	Thankfully, the chanting stopped.
	"I'll just have some water then."

	"Why the heck to I have to go to middle school again?  I 
hardly remember finishing high school!"
	"Dumkof!  You're not the only college graduate they force 
to go through this!"
	Ammadeau mumbled to himself, "I will not ask if she got a 
degree in being a royal pain in the ass.  I will not . . ."
	"What is that?" Asuka asked him, teeth bared and waving a 
book bag in a threatening manner.  "Where you talking about me 
again?"
	"Yes, I was just remarking to myself how lovely you 
looked this morning.  How your eyes sparkle in the sun and your 
hair is like a river of fire, burning my heart with desire," 
Ammadeau replied in a voice that was so thick with sarcasm that 
people mistook him for a helpdesk operator.
	Asuka huffed, turned he back on him, and started off for 
school.  Amma had to wonder if her Akane Tendo impersonation 
was a bad sign.  There was no way that he could put up with half 
the abuse that Ranma did.

	Ammadeau saw a familiar looking blue-haired girl on the 
way to school, so he walked up to her and said, "You're Rei 
Ayanami, the pilot of Unit-00, right?"
	"Yes."
	"I'm Ammadeau, the Forth Child.  I'm going to be piloting 
Unit-03, at least until it goes crazy and has to be put down like a 
dog with rabies."
	"I know."
	Amma should have known better than to try and strike up a 
conversation with the amazing wondergirl, but having started he 
felt that he couldn't give up until her got a response from her that 
was more than a few words.  Ideally, something with a little 
emotion as well.
	"So, why do you bother reading books when you don't pay 
attention in class?"
	"The teacher is boring," Rei replied in her usual monotone.
	"Is it because all he ever talks about is the official cover 
story of the Second Impact, over and over again, without ever 
giving something like a test or doing something else constructive?"
	"Yes."
	Ammadeau struggled to think of something, anything, that 
would get him more than a one word response.  There was one 
thing, but it would probably get him killed.  Feeling that he was 
going to at least get maimed anyway, he figured what the heck.  
"So what's it like being the clone of Shinji's dead mom?"
	". . ."

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