At 12:39 AM 9/22/99 +0000, you wrote:

Hi, this is basically my first fic and all I want is some C&C so that I can 
improve my writing skills. I already know its probaly bad. That's why I want 
the C&C.

        I'll do what I can. ^_^

If any of you want to pre-read my stuff, please mail me. I'll send you fics 
with the tag [pre-read] for you to judge so I wont clog up the ffml. Lastly, 
I'm not likely to continue this fic. Mabye one or two more installments of 
the most for those of you who might enjoy it.

        Well, when a fic is sent to pre-readers, it's usually sent over
private mail. Afterwards, you send it to the FFML once corrections are made.

[  ]  Denotes Panda signs
< > Denotes Mandarin

        Y'know, you really don't have to put this up here. It's better to
work it into the context of the fic.

Ranma spat out the blood in his mouth as he got himself to his feet. This 
'Daigo' character was a lot tougher than he had thought. After the first 

        Daigo? As in Rival Schools?

<SNIP>

Ranma gained consciousness to the gentle ministrations of Dr. Tofu. 

        "regained"

"How'd 

I'd get into these things. Why'd every martial artist in town gotta take 

        You might want to make thay "Why's". as it is now, you have a tense
disagreement. Ranma's grammar may be horrendous, but something like this is
pretty jarring.

<SNIP>

kid. He went in and shoved them off, which got this guy dressed all in black 
and wearing a motorcycle helmet to pick a fight with him. He had to admit, 

        Yep, that's definitely Rival Schools. Just imagine how Ranma will
react when he learns that he just beat up on a girl...

<SNIP>

Cologne did something that could send shivers down a demon's spine and make 
the most virile of men to go impotent. 

        Oh, Lord, she did a striptease! AAAHHHHGGGGHHHH! ^_^

<SNIP>

<Why yes Xian Pu, but that is not the only reason I'm smiling. > she 
answered disturbingly cheerfully. <And do I need a reason to smile 
great-granddaughter? Go practice your forms till its time for bed. There 
will be no supper for you tonight. >

        Actually, it's Shan Pu.

<Yes, great-grandmother. > Shampoo replied. "Wow, she MUST be in good mood 
to give out such light punishment." She thought as she went to carry out her 
punishment.

        Take out that last occurence of "punishment". Twice in the same
paragraph like that is a bit redundant.

        I've been contemplating a Rival Schools/Ranma crossover for a while
now, but haven't had the time due to work and other fanfics piling up. I'm
glad somebody's doing it. I'd be glad to help out in anyway I can.

        Later!

Jed