Kyle Emmerson <kyle_emmerson@geocities.com> wrote:

	"Good morning class!" Hinako announced, pouncing

morning, class!"

	"I hope we can all give a warm welcome to... umm,"
she put her finger to her chin in thought. "No, don't help

umm...." She

me... I can figure this out..." She tapped her head.

	"Oh yeah! Aizen Satohara and Ranko Kamibaka!"

Kamibaka's a good name for her. :)

	"Doremi Ranboki?"

	"Here!"

	"Ranma Saotome?"

Might be funny if "Ranko" answers to this at first by mistake.

	"Now, let's start with Ranko. Can you translate this
phrase: 'I've got a lollipop for teacher!'?"

Probably shouldn't double-punctuate like that. Just use the question
mark inside the quotes.

	Ranko stood up and began to speak. "<I have jolly
pot for tweaker.>"

Heh.

	"Which language is English, again?"

	"They speak it in America."

	Aizen laughed. "Oh THAT narrows it down."

Heh.

	"Now would be good."

	"<I'm not speaking Japanese yet?>"

	"How does detention sound, Ms. Kamibaka?"

	"<It sounds like 'koryu'.>"

*chuckle*

	"I remember this place from... back home," Ranko
said only loud enough that Aizen could hear her. "I sat over
there," she pointed to the other side of the room. "I used

there." She

	"Because you haven't directed me to the bathroom."

	"Aizen, it's a rhetorical question. It doesn't need
to be answered."

	Aizen crossed her legs as she stood. "Actually, I
think it does."

Heh. Bathroom humor. :)

	Aizen felt better. Much better. One of the perks of
being a god, was never having to go to the bathroom. No
pains of holding it in.

	But, as Aizen soon found out, there were no
pleasures after having released it. She felt good. Even

Actually, what she found out was that there *were* such pleasures in
*human* form. You might want to reword this.

better than she did the night before.

than she had the

	She stood in the middle of a four-way intersection
in the hallways. She took a left to get to the bathroom, so

She had taken a left to

	He looked around in confusion. He must be in the
gymnasium. The gym is where all the books were kept, right?

gym was where (past tense)

	"Yeah, I know, the names Aizen. Nice to meetcha,"

name's

she extended her hand.

meetcha." She

	"ALOOOOHA WAHINI!" the principal greeted.

That's spelled wahine.

	"I goan' be 'da first to welcome you to 'dis fine
school, yeah!" he smiled.

He (caps). Also, don't throw around apostrophes at random. An apostrophe
means that there's something missing (as in goan' where the "g" sound at
the end is cut off) or there's a pause. (Yes, there IS a science behind
Kahuna-speak. ^_^)

	The principal started to rummage through his desk as
he continued to speak. "First 'ting I do to welcome new
Wahini students, if give 'dem some'tin I gots here in my

wahine (spelling and caps)

	The principal blinked. "Bowl cut? Whatchu talkin'?"
His eyes went wide and he laughed. "Oh, you be talkin' 'bout
my return! Yeah, I be tryin' to make 'da Keiki's and
Wahini's accept my new dress code, you betcha. But 'dey not

I think it's just keiki and wahine; adding an s for plurals is an
English thing, and this is Hawaiian. In any case, no apostrophe nor
caps.

like it. 'Dem parents threaten to get me fired if I
continue!"

Okay, but even so, there're probably less drastic things he could do to
annoy the students -- like being a stickler for proper paperwork, maybe
making Ranma fill out a fifty page transfer form because Nabiki
mistakenly used *last* week's form. Up to you, since this *is* an
alternate version, but the fun thing about the Principal is his ability
to make himself a pain in the butt. :)

	"'Dat be 'da reason I be having you! You be 'da one
to be goan' into 'da Wahini room!"

	"HOLD ON. I AIN'T GOING INTO NO GIRLS BATHROOM!"

Isn't this Ranma coming from relatively late in the series? Unless he's
coming from a very early volume, I don't think he'd have that big a
problem with this.

	Yuka and Sayuri looked at each other and blinked. "I
think we should head back to class now."

	Nabiki nodded.

	"Who this 'Ranko Satohara' be, I know not. Though
such a way of life interests me, I care more for the vision
I experienced this morning in the infirmary."

Whoa, where'd he come from?

	Tatewaki shrugged. "Very well, then I shall continue
on my way, good day Nabiki Tendo."

way. Good day, Nabiki

	Yuka snickered under her breath. "Umm, no Ranko. Why

no, Ranko.

	"Aizen Kamibaka!" Tatewaki announced from the end of
the hallway. "I, your innermost desire have found you!"

desire, have

	"I thank you, Hibiki for locating her and delivering

you, Hibiki, for

	"Divinity? What the hell are you talking about?"

	"Uh... excuse me?"

	"Divinity, meaning to be divine."

	"I know what the word means, you idiot! I mean what
do you mean she's divine?"

I think Ryoga would just assume that Kuno is engaging in poetic
hyperbole. That is his style, no?

	"Was I a little to loud there?" Aizen smiled,

too


Some pretty funny moments in this one... though I agree with what Ronny
said on IRC, that I wanna see this get back to "Ranko's" attempts to fix
up this world's version of him and Akane.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html