james_epnett@juno.com wrote:

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Ranma 1/2
The Crystals of Reality

by James Epnett
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Chapter 2 - Ranma (Part 1)(Draft)

Cologne's eyes opened slowly. She was aware that she was
not in the best of condition. Her body was sore, more so
than usual. It wasn't the normal aches and pains caused
by old age, but aches and pains of a major thrashing.

Avoid repeating yourself.  "those of a major thrashing"

        She sat up slowly and realized she was in complete
darkness. This hardly surprised her. She sat there for a

So she expected it?  

moment, silently, listening. The room was small, this
she could tell by how dense the echo of her own
breathing was. But there was something more -- two more
sets of breathing.

        It only took Cologne a moment to figure out who
the other two people were. "Shampoo, Mousse, can you
hear me?"

        No answer. Cologne frowned and climbed to her
feet. She moved slowly through the room, her eyes
adjusting to the dark slowly.

Eyes can't adjust to total darkness.  

        "Welcome, Cologne, to my reality."

        Cologne froze as the voice boomed throughout the
room. She looked around herself and then up at the
ceiling. "You have yet to collect the subconscious of
three people, Ka'lar. I know this, or I would not still

That is not an alterative to "know"

be here. The Crystals will not allow you to destroy
their present Guardian."

        "I have been the Guardian of Reality for two
centuries. I know quite a bit more than you, young one."

I think that sentence would be more effective it was more
grandiose.  

Cologne looked around the dark room, wondering where the
fool could be.

        "A position that I should have held. Oh well, it
is of no consequence." Ka'lar paused, as if for ominous

If he's two centuries old, "young one" doesn't strike me
as an appropriate form of address.  

effect. "The subconscious of three youthful teenagers

What, he couldn't find any elderly teenagers?  

shall soon power the Crystals, and as I selected the
three, the Crystals shall fall under MY control.

        "You are meddling with a force that can not be
strong-armed to do as you command, Ka'lar. You can't
FORCE the crystal's to do your will." Cologne looked out

"Crystals"

into the darkness. She had to reason with him. "They
aren't as powerful as you think."

        There was a long silence. Ka'lar's voice suddenly
filled it. "We shall see, Cologne." Another pause filled
the void of silence in the room. "The Amazons were fools
to entrust the Crystal's to you."

"Crystals"

        "We shall see who the fool is, Ka'lar. I wont sit

You know the problem with sticking that into
his name is that it could screw up your ability to use
it in regular words "won't"

by and watch you destroy this planet."

        "Only conquer it," Ka'lar corrected. "The Earth
will be mine to command."

        Cologne moved down into a siting position and
crossed her legs Indian style. "We shall see, Ka'lar."

You mean she's in a lotus position?  

        The room was a magnificent one. It had taken him
only a moment to will it into existence. At the center
of this room stood a large display, the one from the
closet in the upper level of the Cat Cafe. Within the
display hovered the three Crystals of Reality. There was
something different about them, however. They no longer
gave off such a brilliant glow.

        Ka'lar sat down in his throne and looked out over
the room. He shook his head. "If only I could destroy
you, Cologne. But alas, I can not." He looked down
towards the Crystals. "And it's because of you. No
matter. Once I have taken control, you shall do as I
command."

        Ka'lar reached down next to him and activated a
control. From within the middle Crystal came a long
stream of light. It rose through the room and pulsed
across what looked like a movie screen. Ka'lar smiled.
"Let's see how contestant number one is handling his
nightmare reality, shall we?"

        Ranma image blared across the screen. He slept

"Ranma's

silently on his futon.

        Ka'lar laughed almost uncontrollably as he watched
Ranma rocket through the sky. "Oh poor, poor Ranma. How
humiliating."

        Mousse only laughed and bolted towards Ranma.
"Fist of the White Swan!" Mousse called as he lifted his
arm into the air and unleashed his metallic claw.

"Fist of the White Swan" is a maneuver in which Mousse
pulls out a white swan-shaped ceramic training potty.  

        It flew through the air, towards Ranma, who ducked
below it. It flew over the pigtailed martial artists
head and suddenly began to draw back towards Mousse.

        Ranma didn't know what hit him. The breath was
forced from his lungs as his feet left the ground, the
claw wrapping around his feet, the chain dragging him.
He cried out in pain as he landed on his back and
grunted loud.

*       *       *

        Ka'lar leaned forward in his chair, watching the
screen as Ranma slid across the ground helplessly. "So,
Ranma has a fear of losing. But I think it runs deeper
than merely losing battles."

*       *       *

        Ranma leapt to his feet as the chain on Mousse's
claw unwrapped from around his legs. His body ached in a
way he had not experienced since his early days of
training.

        Mousse laughed at Ranma and his lips pulled back
in a menacing sneer.

        Ranma looked at Mousse and ran the back side of
his hand over his lips. That look was unnatural, even on
Mousse's face. He had trouble imagining it on Ryoga's
face.

        Mousse suddenly charged forward, his arm extending
with one of his sword breaker claws covering his hand.

        Ranma had time to note that the claw reminded him
of Wolverine's claws, from the X-men, before he spun out

Somehow I doubt Ranma is a big fan of American comic books.

        Ka'lar watched with great interest and intrigue.
"Come now, Ranma. Every martial artist lives with the
fear of defeat. What are you're true fears."

"your"

*       *       *

        Ranma's body exploded through the wall of the gym,
along with several pounds of the floor from within. He
flew wildly through the air and landed in the swimming
pool.

        Ran-chan exploded from below the water, gagging
and gasping for air. She suddenly sunk below the
surface, unable to hold herself above. From below, she
could see Ryoga and Akane approaching the pool.

        Akane looked down into the pool. "What a loser.
What did I ever see in him?" She paused and giggled.
"Oh, that's right, nothing."

        Ryoga laughed, his normal, insane laugh. He looked
down at the pool, then to Akane. "Come my love. Let us
retreat from this place, and leave Saotome to HER fate."

        Akane laughed, her voice the same as Ryoga's -- It
lacked a certain realism.

        Ranma, who had somehow heard the entire exchange
below water, felt as tough something within her had just
died. Her mouth opened and a scream ripped from her
lungs as something more powerful than physical pain
flooded through her -- emotional hurt, jealousy, rage.

*       *       *

        "So you truly fear losing Akane, do you?" Ka'lar
smiled. "Now we are getting to the root of it all. But I
know there is more. The Crystals will not let you rest,
Ranma, until you're subconscious is theirs. They will

"your"

drive you over the edge of normal emotional balance. In
the end, you will give up, just as the others before
you."

*       *       *

        Ranma screamed until she could scream no longer.
She sank down to the bottom of the pool and let her eyes
close in exhaustion.

        "Ranma."

        Ranma twitched slightly as the air continued to
drain out of her lungs. The voice echoed softly through
her head, a familiar voice.

        "Ranma. you must swim."

        The voice was soft, coaxing. The appeal of it's
words were strangely strong to Ranma.

        "You have to rescue Akane and Ryoga...."

        The voice trailed of slightly. Ranma opened her

"off"

eyes and looked around herself.

        "...must save Shampoo... Mou.... I as well..."

        The voice faded in and out, like a radio with bad
reception. Ranma suddenly felt a flood of energy rush
through her body. The voice was right. She had to move,
or she would drown.

        Slowly, Ranma began to drag herself towards the
shallows of the pool.

*       *       *

        Ka'lar's eyes flashed in rage. He had come so
close to letting the nightmare overtake her. That voice.
He recognized it.

        Ka'lar rose from his chair and stormed over to the
interface. He linked it up and looked into the darkness
of Cologne's cell.

        Cologne sat silently where he had left her. Her
eyes were closed, and her face relaxed, calm.

        "Cologne!" Ka'lar bellowed.

        Cologne's eye twitched slightly as the sound of
Ka'lar's voice registered. She continued to breath
deeply, a thin coat of sweat forming on her tiny face.

        "Cologne! Do not meddle in my plans, Cologne! The
fate of the two children and yourself may be none too
pleasant if I find you meddling!" Ka'lar stared into the
interface for a long moment. When he realized Cologne
would not answer, he shut it off an stormed back to his

"and"

throne.

*       *       *

        Cologne's body convulsed slightly as she continued
to concentrate. Her breathing remained steady and
regulated.

        "You must swim, Ranma." Cologne's voice was but a
harsh whisper. "You must leave the pool... You must
fight it...." Cologne could handle the strain no longer.

        Her body went limp, and her head fell to the side,
and she was unconscious.

That should probably be part of the previous paragraph.  

        "And what makes you think any of this disturbs me,
old woman?" Ka'lar demanded, a slightly shaky overtone
lined his voice.

"lined"?

        Cologne only shook her head. "I know you too well,
Ka'lar. You were one of the only males held so high
among our tribe."

        "That was a long time ago," Ka'lar replied,
standing from his chair. "Things change, Cologne."

        "One thing hasn't," Cologne corrected, looking
towards the interface, as if she could see Ka'lar. "You
still hold some moral value."

"values"

        "Nonsense." Ka'lar approached the interface, the
expression on his face returning to one of stone.

*       *       *

        Cologne looked towards a sudden bright flash and
suddenly Ka'lar's face appeared before her, like a
holographic image. The head dwarfed her, and his look of
anger was plain to see.

        "I WILL have the Crystals, Cologne."

        "I know how you reacted," Cologne continued. "You
may have been, and still are, quite the renegade, but
when it came to rape..."

        "Shut up!" Ka'lar demanded.

More or less plausible.  I was initially uncomfortable about the
elements of sexual arousal, but then it's not a real rape, just 
a dream.  Could maybe use an "adult situations" warning.