The complete version....

With all the Ranma/Lina stuff going around, I came up with an idea for an 
Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation Ultra sidestory.

All characters are trademark their respective owners, Ultra is 
Twoflower's idea, no infringement is intended or should be inferred.

Warning:  Most of the characters are based on the anime version, except 
where I thought the manga worked better, with the additional OOC caused 
by appearing in Ultra.  For those of you not familiar with that storyline 
(found at http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic ), thanks to a previous 
fighting tournament, Kasumi Tendou is now Kami-sama.  Her most visible 
project is Ultra, a fighting federation not unlike the WWF, but more 
interesting.  There are three divisions in Ultra, Gamma: single fighters 
whose focus is on hand to hand for the most part.  Early on, Ranma was 
the champion of this division.  Lambda:  Paired fighters.  There are some 
pretty bizarre pairs (Bean Bandit and Tifa of FF?!)  Omega:  Beings 
capable of destroying at least a square mile of terrain with minimal 
effort.  Lina is in this one.
	If this were in continuity, it'd be a couple days before 
UltraRage Beta.



Enough notes, on with the show!


			
			UNNATURAL SELECTIONS
			by Scott K. Jamison 
			Part one...

	
	The Orochi sat in the shadows.  He liked the shadows.  Well, more 
than he liked the light.  He [hated] the light.  Actually, there were 
very few things the avatar of nothingness did not [hate].  Right now, 
close to the top of his enemies list was a young woman named Lina 
Inverse. 
	Not only had she stolen one of his Harbingers, the [voluptuous] 
Black Serpent, but the diminutive sorceress had come within a hair of 
defeating him in their last battle.  Indeed, technically, she had won 
since the Orochi had retreated rather than face her new power.
	But he knew that that power came with its own weakness.  Unlike 
the Mazoku from whom Lina normally drew the energy for her black magic, 
Kasumi actually cared what was done in her name, and would not allow the 
sorceress to use the "Kasumi Slave" recklessly.
	So it was time to do what [evil] did best.  Cheat.  He picked up 
the receiver and dialed an inordinately long sequence of numbers.

		*			*			*

	There were five people and two images in the room.  The smaller 
image, a winged girl named Daughter (or Dotta, the realm she was from 
was not big on spelling), was speaking.  
	"Big Mama has found you a new assignment, and this one is really 
urgent!" 
	"Yeah, yeah," intoned a messy-haired youth, "they're all urgent.  
Howzabout afterwards we go out for tea or something?"
	The two women physically present struck him with their fists.  
"Geez, Carrot, pay attention!" said the shorter one, who wore glasses.
	"Yes, Darling, you have plenty of woman right here," reminded the 
taller one, who wore a military cap.
	"If I may intrude..."  The taller image, an impressively robed 
woman, suddenly loomed even larger, "GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!"
	All the physically present people snapped to attention.
	"That's better.  Our client is a Mr. O. Rochi.  Apparently his 
city is being stalked by an evil sorceress bent on destruction."
	"Do we have any specifics?" asked a bishounen fellow in white 
robes.  
	Daughter pulled out a scroll.  "He talked a little bit fast, but 
I think he said she was the Band Killer, Dragon Enslaver, Enemy of All 
who Live, Lina Inverse!"
	"Huh.  Never heard of her."  This came from the fifth party 
member, a tall man with impressive but beautifully sculpted muscle.  
	Big Mama smiled.  "That's not important, Gateau.  I am assured 
that she is indeed a most puissant sorceress.  We don't have a picture 
for you, but Daughter did write down the description."
	The winged girl nodded and pulled out another scroll.  "She's a 
flat-chested redhead with a really bad temper and an enormous appetite; 
oh, and apparently she hides the triangle on her forehead to fool people 
into thinking she's harmless.  Oh, and we have a voice sample."
	She reached out of the area of the image spell, and an angry 
voice rang out, "You incredible idiot!"
	"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, and you don't 
really have a choice, is to find and destroy Lina Inverse.  Apparently, 
there will be a magic portal to a location near her opening soon just 
outside of town.  Good luck, my Sorceror Hunters."
	The images winked out, and the five relaxed.  "I don't like 
this," said the bishounen man.
	"Relax, Marron," suggested Carrot.  "It's not like we haven't 
faced weird sorceresses before..."

		*			*			*

	Lina Inverse was feeling pretty lucky at the moment.  While she 
hadn't figured out a way to stomp the Orochi once and for all yet, her 
spell research *had* finally found a solution to another long term 
annoyance. 
	"Never again!" she exclaimed.  "I'll be the toast of Ultra!"  Her 
eyes glazed over momentarily as she imagined herself the center of 
attention. 
	There was only one niggling little problem.  Because it was black 
magic, the spell required a vict--er, volunteer to make it work.  While 
Naga would have been ideal for the purpose, Lina had to sleep sometimes.  
And the White Serpent's vengeance would be cruel indeed if this were used 
on her.
	There had to be someone out there that wouldn't mind...then Lina 
saw just the suck--er, hero.  Gee, this really was her lucky day.

		*			*			*

	"Hi Ranma!"
	The cursed boy, currently in his female form, looked up.  He saw 
Lina Inverse, the sorceress.  He was a bit surprised she'd addressed him, 
since they'd not exchanged more than three words over the last couple of 
months.  The Omega competitors tended not to mix with "lesser" beings.
	"Um, hi."
	"You're just the person I want to see!  I've got this new spell, 
and I need your help and--"
	"Whoa, whoa!  Whaddya mean, `spell'?"  Ranma's past encounters 
with magic had left him understandably leery of the subject.
	"Well, it's just that...I hear you really, really hate being a 
big-breasted girl, right?  I can fix that!"  Lina flashed a big smile at 
him. 
	A cure?  She was offering him a cure!?  Ranma's heart leapt.  It 
was almost too good to be true.  Wait.  It was too good to be true.  
After all, this was the girl who kept blowing up entire cities.
	"What's the catch?  I gotta pay you a mountain of gold, or do some 
ridiculously impossible task for you?  Or maybe the spell explodes?"
	Lina looked thoughtful for a moment.  "No, it shouldn't explode.  
As for paying me, your participation will be thanks enough."
	"Okay, so when can you do it?"
	"Right now!  Let's step into this broom closet so we don't get 
interrupted."  
	Moments later, they were crammed in between buckets and cleaning 
utensils.  Lina put her right hand on Ranma's left breast, and her left 
hand on her own.
	"Hey!  Cut that out, you perv!"
	"No, no," Lina said, blushing.  "It's just that this spell 
requires me to touch you, that's all, and it's kinda cramped in here."
	"Okay, but if anyone sees us like this, *you* have to explain to 
Akane." 
	Lina sighed and began chanting.  The first part was inaudible, 
but produced a soft glow on each of her hands.  Then the volume picked 
up.  "I invoke the Seven Mothers, and beseech the Crimson Bat for its 
power.  Let that which nature surely never intended be undone.  Steal 
Attribute!"
	The glow intensified, and Ranma felt his body begin to tingle, 
similar to the feeling of his curse activating.  Lina's hand felt odd 
against his breast, and Ranma looked down to see that the swelling was 
shrinking.  The other lump was keeping pace.
	Meanwhile, Lina's own bosom was beginning to expand, and Ranma 
stared fascinated as the stretchy fabric of her blouse strained to hold 
in the new growth.  Kind of like Miss Hinako, he thought, except she 
isn't getting any taller.
	Then Lina pulled her hand away, looking sated.  Ranma felt his 
chest.  Absolutely flat.
	"Woohoo!  At last!"  He opened the door so he could do a victory 
dance properly.  "Never gonna be a girl again, never gonna be--"
	"Thanks, Ranma!  This means a lot to me!" said Lina as she ran 
down the hall.  "Ow!  These things jiggle!"
	Ranma danced for a moment more, then noticed something odd.  
While his chest was now behaving like it should, his lower half still 
seemed a bit odd.  He stuck a hand down his pants, and confirmed his 
fears. 
	"I'm still a girl!  She just stole my breasts!  AAAGGHHH!!"

		*			*			*

	A hole opened in the air in the bowels of the Ultradome.  Gateau 
came through crouching, dagger at the ready.  He scanned the area for 
guards, then motioned to the others, who followed him out into the empty 
corridor.
	The girl with glasses said, "Yes, Marron, it is a bit suspicious 
that a magical portal just happens to be opening near our quarry at this 
time.  But don't these kind of weird coincidences always happen around 
us?" 
	Marron considered that.  "Perhaps you're right, Tira.  Still we 
had best be on our guard."
	"Hey!  I hear a girl!" stage-whispered Carrot as he scampered off 
towards a door marked "Stairs".  "Wait for me, honey!"
	The two women frowned.  "Not now, Darling!" said the taller.
	Let's follow him, Chocolate.  After all this sorceress is 
supposed to be a girl, and who better to find those than Carrot?" joked 
Gateau.
	So they took off, waiting for the screams that would mean Carrot 
had found what he was looking for.

		*			*			*

	Ranma looked glumly at his reflection in a fire extinguisher.  
Apparently, the spell hadn't affected anything but the cup size, since he 
still had that face that practically screamed "cute girl."
	"When will I ever learn?  Magic just ain't worth it."  He began 
to trudge back to his room.  "If Akane sees me like this, I'll never hear 
the end of it."  He began to feel just a twinge of guilt over all the 
times he'd called his fiancee "flat-chested."
	But just a twinge.
	Ranma briefly considered going to Kasumi, but discarded the 
notion.  She'd just say something vaguely comforting, like she did when 
he'd asked her to cure his curse right after he'd first found out she was 
the new Kami-sama.
	"That's not necessary.  The cure for your outward problems will 
come from within, Ranma."
	"C'mon Kasumi, can't you at least give me a hint where to find a 
cure?" 
	"I just did."
	No, he'd find no help there.
	"Hey Ranma!"
	Ranma spun around to come face to face with Ryouga, who suddenly 
looked embarrassed.
	"Sorry, Miss, I mistook you for someone else."
	What a dope.  "And what makes you think I'm not Ranma?" he asked 
with a bit of sarcasm.
	"Well, Miss, that *is* a really good female Ranma costume, and 
you do look a lot like his girl form, especially around the eyes, but 
Ranma has...uh, that is to say, in his girl form...err, I don't want to 
be crude here..."
	"Oh, you're saying he has tits?"
	Ryouga was turning an interesting shade of pink.  "I, ah, guess 
you could say that."
	"Guess I'll have to use some socks or something for this costume 
then." 
	"So," said Ryouga, trying to ease the conversation somewhere 
non-hentai, "you're a big fan of Ranma's?"
	"Oh, yeah!  In fact, I don't think there's anyone who likes him 
more than I do."  Ranma's self confidence was beginning to rise again.
	"That's nice, but you know he's already got a fiancee, right?  
Even though he treats her like dirt."  The latter part was growled under 
the breath, but Ranma had heard it enough times to understand.
	"He does not!  Or, so I've heard.  He can't help it if he's 
misunderstood."
	"And he's a weirdo that turns into a girl!"
	"That's okay by me.  Better than turning into a pig."
	Ryouga looked stunned.  "W-what did you say?"
	"Oh, just that I couldn't stand it if my boyfriend turned into a 
pig.  That'd be totally disgusting!"
	Ryouga started glowering.  "I have seen Hell because of you, 
Ranma Saotome.  I will pursue you to the ends of the Earth!"  He ran off 
down the corridor.
	"I think he went left!" Ranma shouted as Ryouga turned right.
		*			*			*

	Applying the term "flat-chested" to Lina Inverse was actually a 
bit of a misnomer.  She had perfectly normal female mammaries, just a 
little underdeveloped by the standards of heroic fantasy.  Conversely, 
female Ranma had breasts that were large proportionate to her frame, but 
not excessively so.  Combine the two, however, and you had something that 
was just on the verge of too much of a good thing.
     	Lina stopped to adjust her blouse for the third time since 
leaving Ranma.  "I am definitely going to have to start wearing a bra.  
And none of my good shirts will fit anymore.  Have to dip into the 
reserves and go shopping.  
	"Not where Naga does though.  Maybe that wassername, Shiranui 
girl knows some good places?"
	Her way was suddenly blocked by a tall blond hunk of swordsman.  
"I'm sorry, you can't go in there.  That's Lina's room."  Gourry's gaze 
seemed glued to her chest.
	"Gourry, it's me!  Let me through!"
	"You can't fool me with that disguise.  The real Lina is a 
scrawny, flat-chested little girl.  You're stacked, so you can't be her.  
However, you are cute.  Would you like to go out tonight?"
	"Dill Brand."  
	The ensuing explosion knocked Gourry and the door out of the 
way.  She'd have to replace the door later.  Right now, it was time to 
crack open her piggy bank.
	"Wow, Lina, it really is you!  I'd recognize that temper 
anywhere!" 

		*			*			*

	By the time the others caught up to him, Carrot was being pounded 
into a wall  by a tall brown-haired girl with jeweled gauntlets.
     	"How many times do I have to tell you, Ataru, I'm not 
interested!" 
	"But my name is Carrot," protested the boy as he slid to a 
sitting position.
	She looked carefully at him.  "Oh.  Sorry, I mistook you for a 
disgusting pervert."
	"That's no mistake," said Chocolate as she hauled Carrot to his 
feet.  "Perhaps you could help us, Miss...?"
	"Tifa.  What kind of help?"
	"We're looking for a sorceress named Lina Inverse.  Have you seen 
her?"  Tira was direct as always.
	"Oh, Lina? Not today.  You could try the cafeteria.  I hear the 
special today is whole roast boar."
	"Mmm...roast boar.  Where is this...`cafeteria'?" asked Gateau.	
	"Down the hall, take a left at the second intersection, up the 
stairs and to your right."  Tifa accompanied her directions with simple 
hand gestures.
	"Thank you, Tifa.  Come along, Darling."
	"But I haven't got her measurements yet!"
			*		*		*

	Ranma's rumbling stomach told him it was time to get something to 
eat.  He decided to go into the cafeteria (since he was passing it) and 
get something to eat in his room.
	Today's special was whole roast boar, and it looked like he was 
early, because there weren't any other customers.  Ranma loaded up a 
platter with a few side vegetables, grabbed a sixpack of Pocari Sweat, 
and headed to the checkout.
	In case you're wondering, no, Ranma wasn't planning to eat a 
whole roast boar at one sitting.  He was going to save some for a 
midnight snack.  But his plan ran into a slight hitch.
	"I'm sorry, Miss, but I need to see your employee ID," said the 
squeaky-voiced teenager in the paper hat.
	"Oh, come on," said Ranma, who'd left his ID in his other pants, 
"it's me, Ranma Saotome!  I eat here every day!"
	"You can't fool me," the kid said firmly.  "Ranma's female form 
is a hottie."
	"You incredible idiot!"  While Ranma avoided hitting non-martial 
artists, he had no compunctions about scaring them silly.
	"Aha!" came a male voice from the doorway.
	"For crimes against humanity, and use of the forbidden magics, 
you are condemned to death, Lina Inverse!" said a woman.
	"The Sorceror Hunters have arrived!" said another woman.
	Ranma ignored the interlopers, and grabbed the cafeteria worker's 
lapels.  "Now, do I get my food, or do I have to get rough?"
	He was tapped on the shoulder.  "Excuse me, but we'd appreciate 
it if you paid attention while we kill you."
	That made Ranma turn his head.  There were five people behind him 
in combat ready positions, in fact, the tall man who'd tapped him on the 
shoulder was aiming a punch at Ranma's jaw.
	Ranma slid easily under it and slammed a double palm into the 
man's belly, which caused him to grunt a bit, but not move.  The teenager 
continued to move, evading the others and tumbling to an open spot 
between tables.
	"I don't know who you people are, but I'm in a really bad mood, 
so you just better back off!"
	"She must be using her magic to enhance her physical prowess," 
said Tira. 
	Gateau cracked his knuckles.  "Good.  A challenge.  You're going 
down, sorceress!"
	"Who you calling a sor--"  Ranma ducked another blow from the 
charging Gateau.  Having established previously that the well-muscled man 
could take a hit, Ranma decided not to hold back.  He sent a knee into 
Gateau's shin.
	"Oww!"  Gateau's attack faltered, but that didn't get Ranma off 
the hook.  Two others moved in, Marron using his magical wards, and 
Chocolate her wire.
	"Who are you people?  And why are you attacking me?"  Ranma 
flipped over a table to deflect the weapons, then sent chairs flying at 
his assailants.
	"We're the Sorceror Hunters, and you, Lina Inverse, are our 
prey!" shouted Tira.
	"I ain't that stup--whoops!"  Gateau had recovered, and Ranma was 
forced to block a flurry of fist attacks.  
	He retaliated with some aerial kicks, only to have the wire get 
way too close to him.
	"Okay, if that's the way you want to play it..."  Ranma tossed 
some more furniture to keep the attackers busy, while building his 
confidence.  "Yeah, if you're expecting sorcery, then a real fighter can 
take you..."
	A ball of light began to form in Ranma's hands.  Carrot looked 
much happier.  "Finally, she's using sorcery!"
	Ranma thrust forth his hands, shouting, "Mouko Takabisha!"
	Carrot gleefully leapt into the path of the blast.  "Gotcha!"  It 
blew him out the doors.
	"Now you're in for it," said Tira with a smirk.
	Ranma blinked.  The kid hadn't looked like he could take a 
full-strength ki attack...
	Gateau straightened.  "Carrot may not be very strong..."
	Marron shifted to the side.  "And he's not much on brains..."
	Chocolate moved on top of a table.  "But he has one special 
talent."  
	"Zooanthropy.  The ability to absorb destructive magic and become 
a beast!" cried out Tira.
	The doors slammed open, revealing a gigantic figure that strongly 
resembled a minotaur.
	"What th--"
			*		*		*

	Moments earlier, Carrot had blasted through the doors, and 
smashed into a large barrel of lemonade on a cart being pushed by a 
Chinese boy.  A Chinese boy who rather rapidly became something out of 
August Derleth's worst nightmares.  It had the head of a bull, the body 
of a yeti, crane-like wings, octopus tentacles growing out of its back, 
and an eel-like tail.
	"Owie....that hurt," whined Carrot.  He looked at his hand.  
"Hey, what gives, I didn't transform!"
	"Groolll...." said the Chinese boy, whose vocal cords had altered 
too.  
	Carrot looked up to see a massive hoof coming down on his face.  
"This isn't good."
	Having disposed of that nuisance, the Chinese boy decided to look 
and see who'd sent him out there.
			*		*		*

	"P-Pantyhose?!"
	Ranma stood dumbfounded.  
	"No, Carrot."  Chocolate looked at the winged creature in the 
doorway.  "Boy, you must have some really twisted magic, Inverse.  That's 
a *really* ugly form."
	"I tell you, I'm not Li--"
	"SIC 'EM, BOY!"
	Tarou didn't know what was going on, but he was hardly going to 
pass up a chance to pound on Ranma, especially since this time the crowd 
seemed to be on his side.
	With the addition of the monster, Ranma was soon laid out cold.
	"Good work, Carrot, and now I'll whip you back into shape."  Tira 
took off her glasses and shoes, doffed her cloak, and was revealed in her 
dominatrix mode.
	"Gronk."  [You've got to be kidding me.]
	But alas, she wasn't kidding, and unleashed her whip on Tarou.  
To his surprise, it penetrated his defenses, and actually hurt!
	"Ohohohohoho!  Call me Queen!"
	Much to Tira's surprise, Carrot wasn't going back to his human 
form.  And he was fighting back!  Only Gateau's quick snatch saved her 
from being squashed by an oversized fist.
	"That's a naughty boy!" Chocolate shouted, adding her wire attack.
	It was at this moment that James and Jesse of Team Rocket walked 
in.  	
	These two had not seen any episodes of Ultra prior to their 
arrival and were thus unaware that Tarou was anything but the world's 
surliest popcorn vendor.
	"Do you see what I see, James?"
	"I do believe so, Jesse.  A Pokemon out of control, desperately 
needing capture!"
	"And not a trace of that meddling Ash in sight!"  They struck 
poses. 
	"Prepare for trouble!"
	"And make it double!"
	"Eh, I know I don't work wit' you guys no more, but I think you 
should steal the Pokemon now, before those people take it themselves," 
suggested Meowth, popping in behind them.
	"Right you are, Meowth!  Pokeball, go!"
	The small red and white sphere shot towards the battle, opening 
and spreading its capture field over the monster.  Which reached out and 
crushed it.
	"Maybe we should have used a Master Pokeball, Jesse?"
	"Or an Ultraball.  Run, James!"
	Tarou and the people attacking him were making their way towards 
the door as Team Rocket ran out.  Then Marron saw what lay beyond the 
doors.
     	"Carrot?  But if he's over there, then this is--"  Marron's face 
grew cold, and his hair fluffed.  He looked at the creture which had 
dared impersonate Carrot.  "You have injured my big brother, and that I 
cannot forgive!"
	His power out of control, it tore up the floor--and the pillars 
holding up the ceiling.  Large chunks of concrete rained down on 
everyone.  
	As the dust settled, the cafeteria worker's voice could be heard, 
"Does this mean I get combat pay?"
			*		*		*

	A little later, a battered party was having tea in Kasumi's 
office.  Ranma and Carrot had been revived, and the latter was flirting 
with the former.  "I keep telling you, I'm a guy!"
	"Then we have something in common."
	Tarou had chosen not to join the others, muttering something 
about, "You're on the list.  All of you are on the list."
	Marron finished his cup, and poured himself another.  "So you've 
talked to Big Mama?"
	Kasumi nodded.  "Yes, I'm afraid there's been a bit of a 
misunderstanding.  Mr. Orochi has been very naughty."
	Gateau said, "So this Lina Inverse isn't a destructive sorceress 
with no regard for the common people?"
	"I wouldn't put it that way.  More cakes?  Miss Inverse is...being 
dealt with, as is Mr. Orochi.  Big Mama has agreed to let me handle it."
	"Darling, stop flirting with Ranma!" insisted Chocolate.
	"But she's so cute!"
	"That does it!  I don't know why I didn't think of this before!"  
Ranma dumped his tea over his head, growing back to his male form.  
Carrot looked ill.  "Much better."
	Tira sniffed.  "Serves you right, Carrot.  I was whipping the 
entirely wrong person, thanks to you!"
	"Why d'ya always blame *me*, huh?"
	Most of the party laughed.
			*		*		*

	Meanwhile, Lina emerged from Fujiko's Secret wearing a top that 
was designed to support the maximum amount of her new assets with the 
minimum of cloth, truly a miracle of engineering.  Gourry was carrying a 
small mountain of bags and boxes.
	"Do you really need forty-three bras?  Naga gets along with only 
eighteen or so."
	"But there are all the special occasions when you need just the 
right lingerie!  And how do you know how many bras Naga has, anyway?"
	Gourry sweatdropped, but was saved from getting himself really 
hurt by an onrushing crowd of men drooling at Lina.
	"Hi boys.  Like the new me?  Don't push, there's plenty for 
everyone."  Lina struck a variety of sexy poses.
	"Oh, sorceress supreme, now that I have a hole in my heart due to 
the departure of my pigtailed goddess (by the accursed treachery of 
Saotome, may his black heart be condemned to eternal perdition), allow me 
to fill it with thine own resplendent self."
	It was that samurai-wannabee, Kunou something.  Lina remembered 
hearing that he was pretty stupid, but he did have a good line of 
babble.  
	"Tell me more, handsome."
	"Thine twin globes are like unto the alabaster orbs of the moon, 
only fairer, without those unsightly craters.  The sight of them wounds 
me most delightfully in that place too private to speak of.  And the 
valley between holds all delights, all pleasures, all--aa--my word!"
	For as the assembled crowd watched, Lina's bosom deflated slowly 
but surely.  She stood as if turned to stone as her top, no longer 
held in place by heaving mounds, fluttered down around her waist.
	"What--oh, of course!"  Lina snapped her fingers.  "Ranma's 
attributes are caused by a curse!  When he went back to being male, the 
curse went dormant, and my spell lost its target!  I'd have to do it all 
over again!"
	Suddenly she noticed that the crowd of men, while significantly 
smaller than it was before, was still drooling.  "What!?"
	"Umm, Lina, I know you're flat-chested, but you're not *that* 
flat-chested," Gourry pointed out.
	She flushed bright red.  "Oops."  Lina crossed her arms over her 
chest, and turned to go back into the lingerie store--when she saw the 
sign that truly completed her day.
	[NO RETURNS}



				THE END


Okay, any comments before I send this off to Twoflower?


SKJAM!
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/5990