Contained within is an opinion, but one that might help some people. It's
just a basic little thing that I quickly cooked up


Larry F wrote:

Gary Kleppe wrote:

OK, overall, could've been worse, could've been better. The storytelling
was quite thick with explanations that tended to crowd out the drama and
humor. Try to concentrate more on the story and characters and keep the
exposition to a minimum.

   I think I have to disagree with Gary on this.  That "show it,
don't say it" bias on the list is just that: a bias.  It ignores the
fact that professional writers often use extensive exposition, and are
as prone as any to skim over scenes rather than scripting out
everything with character dialog.

Hmm. This particular 'rule of writing' has always been of interest to me.
'Show not tell' is a mantra heard quite often, and as a general rule it is
a good one to follow. One of the things that usually makes a story
enjoyable is the progression of events unfolding, as opposed to a simple
summarization of what happens in a paragraph or two. Generally the reader
wants to feel as though they are a part of the scene, and living through
the experience as the event occurs, not being told it in a few brief words
and trying to fill in the blanks with what may or may not have happened. We
want to hear what was said. Know what was felt. Watch and see what is about
to happen as anticipation builds over the paragraphs and sentences.
Something along the lines of:


    Ukyou gave a sigh as she entered her room, removing her ribbon and
shaking her head, allowing her hair to fall in a loose wave behind her. Her
hand went to the lightswitch located next to the door. Just as her finger
brushed the white plastic, a hand fell on her wrist, pulling it away from
its goal. Before she could react, she found herself picked up and thrown
from the doorway and onto the bed, stomach first, bouncing once from the
taunt springs of her new mattress.

    The door slammed shut and all was pitch black as she heard the soft
sound of a large form leaping through the air. Before she could even turn
over, the intruder was there, landing with his knees along both sides of
her flanks, straddling and pinning her down, yet not hurting her in the
slightest. Powerful hands grabbed her wrists, pinning them above her head
on the bed. The grasp was gentle, yet firm. The intruder was far more
powerful than her, so she didn't even bother to struggle. The gentle caress
of lips touched the back of her neck, eliciting a soft moan from her. It
was a kiss she was familiar with, having felt it a hundred times over every
inch of her body since she reunited with the one that she had loved for
what seemed to be her entire life, even if he was still a jackass after all
these years. She wanted to moan and enjoy the affection, but she had to
remind him who was really in charge of the relationship.

Ukyou shifted slightly. "Damn it, Genma! Be more gentle. I hate the rough
stuff."


That was show. Tell would have simply been:


    As soon as Ukyou entered the room, Genma ambushed her, throwing her on
the bed and kissing her. She felt angry that he was being so rough, and
scolded him.


See the difference? [BTW: Don't blame me for the above. Blame it on the
person that wrote the "Ukyou's Secret' about a year and half ago. That
individual is the one that put the idea in my head. ^_^]

Now with that being said, there are simply times when it's better to tell
and not show. Again a basic example:


The cruise the Tendos and Saotomes took from Japan to China lasted only two
days.


That's it. Why? Nothing eventful happens on the trip. No meaningful
dialogue among the characters. Nothing of any importance happens whatso
ever, aside from them arriving safely. It's just a simple progression from
point A to point B. Simply put, there's no reason to go into the a two day
trip in detail of there's no point to it. It would be a waste of the
reader's time to show information that adds nothing to the story. In such
an instance, you would be better off 'telling' rather than 'showing.'

<snip>

   My point in writing this note?

   Everyone has different styles of writing.  Instead of saying "your
way of writing is wrong", why not say "okay, if you want to write that
way, how can you write it so that it works better?".

But Gary is, in saying that writer needs to do more showing and less
telling. Realistically Gary can't write out the scene for the writer,
there's only so much time once has, but he can give a reaction as to what
he thought was wrong, which he has.

Ah, well, just my opinions. Feel free to disagree.

D.B. Sommer