What is this a parody of?  Well, if you know anything about
university accreditation, or if you have ever been involved
in said process, you'll understand.  Unfortunately, this
also makes me think the humor is lessened a bit in that it's
totally based on these Steering Committee meetings that I've
been attending in regards to Eastern Michigan's quest for
10 year accreditation.  Only the names have been changed to
protect the administration.  :)



By Lara Bartram



[Scene: a large meeting room.  Long tables are arranged in a 
large square, and chairs are seated all around them.  At one end 
of the room, there is another table that has various foods and 
drinks on it.]

[All non-nameless NERV personnel are seated at the square, 
chatting amongst themselves.  At the "head" of the gathering 
sits Commander Ikari and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki.  The others 
are seated in various order, each with a card that has their 
name on it in front of them, save one.]

Fuyutsuki:  [standing and banging on table a few times]  Let's 
begin the meeting.  As we all know, this is the sixth meeting of 
the UNA Steering Committee.  We have someone who wasn't here 
last time, so if he'll stand and introduce himself...

[Fuyutsuki sits and looks to his left.]

Kaji:  [standing]  I'm Ryoji Kaji, and I work for a secret UN 
organization.

Ritsuko:  That's us, you moron.

Kaji:  [hesitating]  Ah, right.

[He sits, grinning sheepishly.]

Fuyutsuki:  Right.  First, the minutes from last month's 
meeting.  Are there any errors or additions anyone would like to 
address?

Maya:  [raising her hand]  Sir, regarding the members of the 
Steering Committee listed...

Fuyutsuki:  Yes?

Maya:  Well, sir, it seems... several names have been mis-
spelled.

Fuyutsuki:  [raising an eyebrow and looking at the minutes]  
Such as?

Maya:  [very nervously]  Um, well...  Mr. Kaji's name, Hyuga's, 
um... Commander Ikari's and... yours, sir.

Fuyutsuki:  [eye twitching]  Would you mind explaining?

Maya: [with more confidence]  Sir, all the elongating u's have 
been omitted from those names.

Misato:  [putting her head in her hand, looking very bored]  
There's always got to be one.

Fuyutsuki:  [looking briefly at Commander Ikari, who appears 
completely uninterested]  Ah, well, so noted.  Now, why don't 
we...

Aoba:  You know, it could also be indicated by a double o.

Hyuga:  Or by an o with one of those lines over it.

Maya:  But in the original Japanese, it's a u, so why shouldn't 
it be romanized as a u, not as a double o or an o with a line 
over it?

Misato:  [standing and yelling]  Because it's not!  Now shut up 
so we can get on with it already!

[The three bridge bunnies look down at the table, keeping to 
themselves.]

Fuyutsuki:  [looking relieved]  I'd like to introduce an advisor 
to our accreditation process now.  Mr. Keel Lorenz has 
experience with getting other organizations accredited.  If 
you'd like to tell us which ones...

Lorenz:  I can't.  They're secret.

Fuyutsuki:  [massaging his forehead]  Right.  Let's just get on 
with the rest of this then.  If you'll all look at the UNA Self-
Study schedule Commander Ikari has prepared...

[Everyone shuffles through the stack of papers they have in 
front of them.]

Fuyutsuki:  This is updated from last month to reflect the 
progress we've made so far.  The UNA visit, as you can see, is 
still on the same date, so that's what we...

Shinji:  Um...  Where it says 'Third Impact - reunite with Yui, 
destroy the world'...  What does that mean?

[Lorenz turns and stares at Gendo, who appears completely non-
plussed by the question.]

Fuyutsuki:  [flips through the pages and shakes his head]  It's 
just an estimation.  Don't worry about it.  Anything else?  No?  
Good.  Moving on...  Any questions on the Self-Study outline?

Ritsuko:  [raising her hand briefly]  Part III, B-1.  I've 
already gotten calls about this, people asking me to describe 
the Evangelion units and MAGI, not to mention the dummy plug 
system.  [she gives Gendo a nasty look]

Fuyutsuki:  No, you are to explain nothing.  This is to evaluate 
the knowledge of the NERV personnel, and to gauge how secretive 
we actually are.  Now on to the drafts of chapters one and two, 
written by myself and Commander Ikari...

Asuka:  [shielding her eyes]  Ach, could this have been more 
hideous?  This paper is making me blind.

Fuyutsuki:  You won't lose them easily, which I'm sure none of 
you would ever do.

[Everyone, with exaggerated looks of innocence, shake their 
heads.]

Fuyutsuki:  If you find any problems in these, let us know 
within two weeks.  If we don't hear anything, I'll consider 
these in final form.  And moving on to the newsletter...

[Everyone pulls out a blue sheet of paper from their piles.]

Fuyutsuki:  I'd like you all to note on the back of this, 
regarding the two new members of the committee...

[There are several very nervous laughs as the people read it.]

Fuyutsuki:  Obviously, Dr. Naoko Akagi is no longer with us as 
head of Project E.  She committed suicide a while back, and 
taking her place is her daughter, Ritsuko.  Of course, we all 
know this.  And that's it.  The dates for the next meetings are 
in the newsletter, so move to adjourn.  All in favor say aye.

[There is a chorus of ayes.]

Fuyutsuki:  All opposed?  Dism...

Gendo:  [jerking a little]  Nay.  What am I voting on?

Fuyutsuki:  [whispering]  Nothing, Commander.  Go back to sleep.


....

Note: whenever I read this, I feel like I'm back in
those meetings...  Never sit amngst a gathering of
administrators and expect to keep your sanity.