C&C Below. Snippage throughout.
I'll be using the US spellings...
WARNING: This C&C is rated LIME. Contains a dangerous amount of free-
association, and is borderline MST. [shudder] You have been warned.
Onna-Tenchi (working title)
A Tenchi Muyo! Ryou-ou-ki FanFiction
By
D.F. Roeder
[...]
A spray of luminous cherry-colored hair vibrated erratically as its
owner fumed over an unexpected and catastrophic failure. Hakubi Washuu,
the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe, whirled around and
stomped to her floating cushion. The seat dipped as she hopped on and
then slowly rose to its previous height.
You are aware that luminous means glowing, right? ^_^ I have to
assume that it's the result of the catastrophic failure, but I have
the nagging feeling you meant "shiny".
[...]
The project. It wasn't a matter of life and death for anyone she knew.
It *had been* a matter of life and death for the previous inhabitants
of the newly formed void. For the last two years, she had coaxed into
being and nurtured her own micro-universe. [...]
This sounds a little awkward.
suggest: she had coaxed her own micro universe into being and
carefully nurtured it, for the last two years.
[...]
<All it takes is distracting yourself and brushing against a red button
when you were reaching for the blue one.>
But the red button is SO much more rewarding to press!
The shiny, candy-like red button...
[...]
"ARGH!" She threw her arms into the air, quickly slid off the cushion,
making it bounce in midair, and walked towards the door. "When else
fails... EAT! DRINK! BE MERRY!! FOR TOMORROW..."
Washu: ... I create Washu's Monster!
Frankenstein: Hey!
Ayeka: Are you sure you haven't already...?
Ryoko: Watch it, Princess!
[...]
"Aaaaah! Just as I thought!" Tenchi whispered. The house was empty.
suggest: "Ahhh!"
(The extra "A"s make it sound like Tenchi's screaming.
I would use extra "H"s to make it obvious that it's a sigh.)
[pause]
And that's "H", not etchi! :p
[...]
Early that morning, Aeka and Ryouko had made some kind of screwy bet
with Mihoshi and Sasami (he hadn't been present for the nature of the
bet), and the Pirate-Princess duo had promptly lost. [...]
I have an image of Ayeka, daughter of Harlock... [shakes head]
suggest: Pirate/Princess
suggest: (he hadn't actually been present for it),
Tenchi had walked in as Sasami dragged Mihoshi into the
kitchen for a quick and hushed stove-side meeting. The younger Juraian
princess knew she'd never have a chance like this again, anytime soon,
and had every intention of capitalizing on it.
suggest: pulled Mihoshi into the kitchen
("Dragging" sounds like Mihoshi's unwilling.)
punc: chance like this again anytime soon, and
Nice, sweet, and
generous she may be, but to get the whole picture, one had to include
deviousness, a sometimes wicked sense of humor, and, more importantly
at the moment, a willingness to make a certain pair pay up.
suggest: she may be, but she was also devious, [...]
(Should you use "the whole picture" for a person, as opposed
to a situation?)
BTW: Off the top of my head, I can't remember Sasami being devious,
or having a wicked sense of humor. I don't have a problem with her
actions, but I wonder about your description.
Sasami and Mihoshi emerged from the kitchen with glowing smiles, and
Aeka and Ryouko started sweating many very large drops. They huddled
uncharacteristically close together for comfort.
Were they huddling *for* comfort, or were they just too close for
comfort? I'd reword the sentence.
"Aeka-oneesama. Ryouko-oneechan," Sasami pontificated. "Mihoshi and me,
as winners, have decided on what we want."
I don't know what honorifics Sasami uses, so I'll assume you're using
the right ones. I'll also assume that you intended for Sasami to use
"me", instead of "I".
[...]
"FRENCH?!?!" Aeka screamed. Ryouko wasn't listening; she was still
entertaining visions of a miniature horde on a sugar high.
Sasami: Wai!
Mihoshi: Wai wai!
[...]
"No! Un-un! That's too much, Sasami! No bet worth's that much--"
sp: Uh-uh!
(Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "un" an informal way of saying
yes in Japanese? ^_^;;; )
"The *other* option," Sasami interrupted, with a hard glint in her eye,
"is for you and Ryouko to do our chores in addition to your own for one
month. Also, you will cook all meals and taste-test each others cooking
before serving."
cap: The OTHER option
(You've been using all-caps for emphasis, so far.)
[...]
"When would you like to leave," Aeka asked sweetly.
punc: leave?"
[...]
Tenchi made his way to the top floor and stretched out on one of the
oversized carrot pillows. He pulled a well-worn manga out of his pocket
and sighed in pleasure.
Tenchi: Feh. Why do carrots need pillows, anyway?
suggest: oversized carrot-shaped pillows
"Ranma 1/2: my favorite! Saffron and Phoenix Mountain, here I come."
Tenchi became instantly lost in a world of super-powered martial
artists and the villains that plague them.
Ranma: Oh, man, tell me about it. [sigh]
Akane, Ukyo and Shampoo: WE ARE NOT VILLANS!
[...]
"Moshi, moshi?" Empty. "Damn, where is everyone? I've got to get out of
the lab more often."
Nonsense! A surveillance system for the house will be more than
adequate...
[...]
"YAAAAHHH!!!" The manga went flying, and Tenchi rolled off the carrot
pillow, clutching his heart with his right hand.
Uh, why did you mention his right hand? Makes you wonder where the
left one is... ^_^;
[...]
"Heh, that's all right. Sorry if I scared you... too much." Washuu
broke into a wide and crooked smirk.
Washu: The adrelaline surge is good for you!
Makes you know you're ALIVE!
Washu's Monster: Alive...
Washu: You be quiet!
Washu's Monster: Unnn...
[...]
"Ranma 1/2? What a strange title."
"Actually, it's hilarious."
Washuu: What's hilarious about "nibunnoichi?"
I still don't understand Earthling humor...
"Oh? What's it about?"
Summarizing Ranma is always an interesting proposition. :j
"It's a really *long* story, but in a nutshell, it's about this martial
artist with a curse. The curse turns him into that redhead you see on
the cover whenever he's splashed with cold water.
Gary: She has black hair
(He's reading the comics, not watching the cartoon, right?)
He turns back with
warm or hot water. He's also engaged to the kami know how many women,
all arranged by his father
Gary: Two women.
(He's reading the comics, not watching the cartoon, right?)
Guest C&C'er courtesy of Professor Oak. [innocent whistle]
Jessie: That Washu is so cool! And I *love* her hair!
The color's so vibrant!
[...]
Washuu abruptly changed the subject. "By the way, Tenchi-dono. I could
really *use* you in the lab for a little while. *Nooo* one's home. I
still haven't gotten that sam--"
"AAAH! HAHAHA! Look at the time! AHA! HAHA! I promised Ryou-ou-ki some
carrots today, HAHA! So..." Tenchi had hopped up onto his feet and was
running in place.
Of course, Tenchi shows the good sense that Ranma's never exhibited... ^_^;
"...soooo," Washuu continued, one corner of her mouth slyly lifting,
"you don't mind if I do something else, then? ANY-thing else?"
I don't buy Washu making a comment like this (obviously preparing an
excuse for what she's about to do.) This *is* Ryo-Oh Ki, not Tenchi
Universe, right?
More comments on this, later.
[...]
"Better. Hmmm." She tweaked the model's dimensions a little more,
drawing on her own knowledge of human standards of beauty. "There! Hey,
that's not too bad, if I do say so myself. Those need to be bigger,
though." She tweaked slightly more.
It is the true calling of a genius to *improve* upon nature... ^_^;
Maybe you should leave it to reader's imagination as to what exactly
Washu does. "Not completely satisfied, she decided to make some...
adjustments."
Also, if you leave out the "sensitivity" part, when Tenchi starts
having to deal with his new body, we have to make our own assumptions
whether or not it's because of Washu's tweaking...
[...]
"Default internal structure in place. Now for some adjustments. Hmmm.
Increase that bit of sensitivity 45%, that bit, um, 55%, and that bit
65%. Increase stimulus to pleasure centers when that happens, increase
autonomic responses accordingly, up the drive to participate in acts of
procreation, um, yes, yes, yes..."
This I find out of character. Not increasing the sensory levels, but
"heightening the drive to participate in acts of procreation." I
can't see Washu fiddling with people's thoughts.
She finds it much more entertaining to cajole people into doing what
she wants. She could have MADE Tenchi want her to "play nurse". She
could have MADE Ryouko treat her like a mom (I'm thinking episode 13,
here). But no, she lets them make their own decisions.
With the help of her lab's restraining arms, of course. ;)
[...]
Aeka reached him first, and Mihoshi was hot on her heels... for a
second. In order to negotiate a turn around a piece of furniture,
Mihoshi had crossed her right foot over her left, but didn't adjust the
path of her left foot when it moved forward. As a result, she quickly
found inertia propelling her to the horizontal. She fanned her arms as
she fell, and her giant theater soda went flying.
[The tidal wave of carbonated syrup descended upon the group.]
Tenchi: Soda tsunami!
Sasami: Here you go! [gives Tenchi a coke]
[...]
"WAAAAHH!" Mihoshi began to bawl. Feeling suddenly strange again,
Tenchi leaned back against the stairs and closed his eyes as the female
cast sighed and helped the crying Galaxy Policewoman to her feet. As a
group they turned back to Tenchi and halted after one step.
suggest: Galaxy Police Officer
[...]
Tenchi scrambled back up the stairway a short distance. "WHAT?!" he
screeched in a very high-pitched voice. "EEP!" His hands flew to the
mouth that strange voice had come from, but before he could investigate
further, he found himself staring at the business end of Ryouko's
sword.
If you go with my earlier suggestion, you can describe Tenchi's hair
color, length, and the rest here
"What've you done with MY Tenchi!!" Ryouko demanded. "Fess' up,
ojouchan, before I stroke you with this!"
Kin-KEE!
("Stroke" is not the word I'd use, here. You just don't stroke swords,
energy or otherwise. You need a verb that applies to swords.)
suggest: poke you with this!
(on second thought...)
suggest: before I cut your pretty face!
[...]
While the princess and the pirate harangued the confused Tenchi, Sasami
had been looking at the TV, looking at Mihoshi's spilled soda, looking
at Tenchi, and back around and around. Mihoshi wasn't entirely sure if
what was going on was her fault or not.
Mihoshi: I melted Tenchi! He's all weird and disfigured!!! Wah!
[...]
"Ryouko-san! Aeka-san! It's me, Tenchi! And what the hell is wrong with
my voice?!?!"
suggest: There's just something wrong with my voice.
(Does Tenchi use swear words when the girls aren't in trouble?
He's a pretty laid-back guy...)
"Look, you. Tenchi's 100% man! You, obviously, are not!" Ryouko reached
down and strongly squeezed a large and well-formed breast.
"ITAAAIII!" Tenchi screamed.
Shouldn't that be a meek, "Um, could you stop that?" ;)
I'll assume that "itai" is a variant form of "ite".
"That HURT! I don't know what your prob...
lem... is..." Tenchi stared at Ryouko's hand still resting on the
breast. "Ano... what ARE these?" He reached up and tentatively squeezed
the two objects sitting under his shirt. The sensation he received
was... unexpected. "AH! KAMISAMA!! What ARE these?!?!"
Voice: We're sorry, Kami-sama isn't available now, but we're sending
our nearest representative...
Woman Stepping Out of Mirror: Hi! [sweeps mane of silvery hair off
of her dark skin]
Woman Arising Out of Spilled Soda: I don't want to do it, Urd!
Urd: But Ranma-sama, now that you're the Goddess of Sex, this sort
of thing is your job!
Ranma: But...
Urd: Besides, you have so much EXPERIENCE with this sort of thing...
Like I should be encouraging Dave...
[...]
"Because you're a girl," Aeka said flatly.
Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions, Ayeka.
Some monsters have breasts, too. ;)
Ryoko: Watch it, mister!
"COOOOLLLL!" Sasami had finally put all the pieces together, and her
very high-pitched exclamation cut through the argument. Everyone looked
at Sasami's wide, smiling eyes. "Tenchi-niichan, er, -oneechan, um...!
Anyway, how did you get a curse like Ranma's? Can I get one, too? Gee,
what do I wanna be? I'm already gonna be a spaceship, someday, so
that's out.
^_^;;;;;
Cute. Very cute.
Ryou-ou-ki has cats covered... sort of. I don't think I
wanna be a boy. Hmmm..."
How about a magical girl? ;)
Misa: Or a pixie!
Hikaru: Maybe I should have stuck with Minmay...
[...]
"Oneesama! Don't you get it? That," pointing at the girl apparent on
the stairs, "*is* Tenchi."
cap: IS Tenchi
The girls turned and stared at Tenchi, who was, at the moment, feeling
all over the strange body under her hands. A look of horror grew on
Tenchi's face.
That's not horror, it's stimu-- Nevermind.
[...]
Tenchi looked at the breasts. <They're HUGE! Well... large, at least.>
Tenchi looked at the waspish waist, the flare of the hips, the firm and
well-shaped legs.
How is he seeing his waspish waist and firm well-shaped legs? Presumably
he's wearing a masculine shirt and pants. Actually, if he can see his
legs, isn't that a full-length mirror? Do people normally put those in
bathrooms?
[...]
"Wait a second, Ryouko." Tenchi closed her eyes with a grimace and
slowly, ever so slowly reached her hand down to check...
Tenchi's eyes flew open. "WAAAAH! It's GONE!"
Ryoko: *It's* gone? Don't you mean, *they're* gone?
Tenchi: What? I've only got one! Well, I only *had* one...
Ryoko: Really? Just one? [pouts]
[...]
"Ah! Tenchi-dono! I see you've found out about my little present."
[...]
"I won't be coming out of the lab for a few days, so... ENJOY!
BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!" The image in the window winked out.
I can't see Washuu doing this neat thing to Tenchi, and then holing
up in her lab! She'd want to carefully monitor all the wonderful
features Tenchi's been loaded with! The whole point was to make things
interesting, and now she's ignoring it?
[...]
Ryouko floated over. "Is it still gone?" She began to rub her hands up
and down his torso, gradually moving lower.
Tenchi grabbed her hands. "Uh... HAHA! Yeah... I mean, no! It's, um,
back."
Ryouko: Are you sure? You didn't feel when it was gone before. I
really think we should FEEL to make sure it's back. Here, let
me help you...
Tenchi: Eep!
[...]
Tenchi sighed. "What am I gonna DO? I've got school tomorrow!"
"Stay dry?" Aeka offered with a faint smile.
"In SWIM class?!"
Ryoko: No choice. We'll have to break your leg.
You can't swim with a cast!
Tenchi: WHAT!?!?!
Ayeka: You monster! I won't let you touch Lord Tenchi!
Tenchi: [sighs in relief]
Ayeka: Of course, if he breaks his leg, we'll have to nurse
him back to health... [grins with imagination]
Washu: Did somebody say NURSE?
Tenchi: Help?
[...]
"At least it was *warm* water," Tenchi quipped. Ryouko rubbed her hand
across his damp chest.
"I'll help dry you off, Tenchi," Ryouko said seductively. Aeka was
about to let loose, again, when Mihoshi came jogging out of the
kitchen.
Ryoko: But first, let's get you out of those wet clothes...
"Thanks so much, Sasami, for replacing my soda-- URK!" Mihoshi had
planted her face into one of Aeka's logs, and her arms were stuck
straight out in front of her. Her new soda went flying... onto Tenchi.
Ryouko was now rubbing two very large breasts instead of a masculine
chest.
Tenchi's head slowly lolled back, and he started giving off little
grunts and groans of pleasure. Ryouko was still trying to take in what
had happened and why Tenchi was making such weird noises, unaware that
she was still rubbing.
I think Ryoko's sensors have gone numb...
[...]
Tenchi forced his head up and gave Ryouko a disappointed look. "Why'd
you stop... huh?" Tenchi examined her body. "YAAAH! I'm a girl, again!
How did THAT happen?" <And I suddenly WANTED to be fondled!> "ARGH!"
suggest: <And I actually WANTED...> "ARGH!"
(Don't be too explicit. Better to leave it to the reader's imagination.)
[...]
Hovering in the air a few feet away, Ryouko found herself having a fast
change of heart, sorry she'd sprung away like that. <Damn!> she
thought. <Why do I still feel like boinking him, even when he's a girl?
Hmmm, even though he's a she, it's still Tenchi. That's all that
matters.> Ryouko smiled serenely, knowing she could love him no matter
what. She floated back down into Tenchi's lap.
You're already doing the everyone-even-the-girls-are-horny-for-her
thing in Accidental Goddess, so may I suggest you try something
different, here?
Keep the theme of drawing parallels to Ranma. Mihoshi appears to have
become the water-lady. Sasami cast herself as Ukyo, who thinks the
curse is neat.
How about making Ryoko *jealous* of Tenchi's attributes and *worried*
about her continued attraction to his girl side? She can be Akane.
You can make Ayeka a Shampoo equivalent. Sure, some people might think
she'd be a better Kodachi, but I think this does a better job of role-
reversal. And what could be more appropriate, with the gender-reversal
Tenchi is already dealing with? ;)
What DO the wives do when the Asuza's away? ;)
Azusa: That's A-Zu-Sa!
Asuza: Picolette! Picolette!
[...]
Tenchi trembled in desire. She *wanted* this women to touch her, oh
Kamisama, so much. "Ry-Ry-Ryouko. I-I think you'd be-better le-let me
up."
sp: this woman
or: these women
[...]
"Oh, Tenchi, you poor dear," Aeka said. "If you need to talk about
anything, you know where I am." She literally sang the last part.
Then again, maybe you've already cast her as Shampoo. ;)
[...]
"Aeka? What was *that* all about?" Ryouko asked after a few seconds,
looking at the crown princess like she was a stranger.
Aeka put her hand to her mouth. "I... I'm not sure. I was worried that
she might have, um, felt... violated?"
:)
[...]
Aeka put a hand to her forehead. "I find I have a headache. I do not
wish to speak of this any further. Good night!" She climbed the stairs
to her room.
Very in character. She doesn't wish to deal with the issue, and floats
away, with typical princessly charm.
Still fuming a little, Ryouko looked around at the mess while Sasami
cleaned. Unsure of how to think or feel at the moment, Ryouko bent down
and helped her "little sister" sop up spilled soda. Mihoshi began to
alternate loud "snorks" with regular snores.
Washu: Damn! The Snorks got out of my micro-universe, before it
collapsed!
Sasami: What, Little Washu?
Washu: The Snorks! They'll try to turn the Earth into a water
world! We'll have to stop them. I'll have to bring in the
Smurfs!
Ryoko: What have you been making in that lab?
Smurfette: Wow! I *love* your hair! The color's so smurfy!
Sasami: Thank you!
[...]
In her lab, Washuu had been watching the proceedings, occasionally
falling off her cushion in gales of laughter. At the moment, however,
she had a contemplative look on her face.
Okay, so she *is* watching the action. Unfortunately, that's a
little inconsistent with her earlier actions of having to search
the house for people. She *does* have a surveillance system!
"If I read Tenchi right, just now... hmmm. My little present may
actually do some good. Could break this little amorous stalemate."
Washuu's eyes began to sparkle.
"I AM SUCH A GENIUS!"
I wonder if she would even consider that a Good Thing. After all,
she seems to be in it for the hijinks. If things settle down, she'll
have to find her amusement elsewhere.
Besides, if she wanted to end the stalemate, Washuu would have swept
Tenchi away herself, long ago! ^o^
[...]
Tenchi, male this time, sleepily wandered out of his room and entered
the bathroom down the hall. After taking care of certain morning
necessities, he groggily filled the wash pail with cold water and then
sat down on the stool near the furo, facing the door.
Tenchi: You know, I've decided that Westerners have it right. I'll
just take hot showers from now on!
[...]
"Grrr." Tenchi scooped up a pail of warm furo water and dumped it over
her head. Nobuyuki promptly fainted, a circle of skipping redheads over
his head.
Nobukyuki: [crying on floor] My son's a hottie!
[...]
"OOO-HO-HO-HOOOOO! What do we have here?" *SQUEEZE, SQUEEZE*
And starring, as Happosai...
Tenchi looked down and saw two elderly hands massaging her breasts. Her
outrage warred with the electric sensations flashing through her body,
but she won out.
"She" won out? Seeing as both the outrage AND the sensations are
hers, that doesn't clarify what she did. ;)
"JIICHAN!" Tenchi jerked out of his embrace and spun around.
"Eh?" Masaki Katsuhito, Tenchi's grandfather and resident Shinto
priest, blinked at the redheaded girl in front of him, his hands still
out in their grasping position.
Uh, when did Granpa ever do anything like this in the OAVs? ^_^;;;;
[...]
Katsuhito's eyes swallowed his face for half a second, then he resumed
his normally inscrutable demeanor.
Katsuhito: Yes, I'm so cool! [pose] :)
[...]
Katsuhito stepped out of the utility closet with a broad smile on his
face. Hearing the TV on, he quickly schooled his features and walked
into the other room.
I don't know about this. I don't have a problem with Grampa being
amused by the whole thing, but there's still the issue of doing this
to Tenchi without his permission...
[...]
Tenchi was enjoying the relative quiet engendered by his, er, state and
was enjoying being able to watch television in peace.
Tenchi: EnGENDERed. Oh yeah, VERY funny!
[...]
If Tenchi had been uncomfortable before, she was now mentally writhing
under Ryouko's gaze. The odd thing, Tenchi observed, was that it was
pleasant, in a tingly sort of way. She flicked a glance in the space
pirate's direction. Ryouko had one elbow on the arm of the couch, and
her hand was against her face as she studied the redhead, her little
finger bent and being absently chewed on. Tenchi was almost sorry she'd
looked. She absently rubbed her legs together, feeling the rough cloth
of her drawstring pants against her soft skin. She was also feeling
decidedly warm. Tenchi exerted some self-control and focused her
attention on the television. It was another steamy scene... with two
women. <Oh, great,> Tenchi thought sourly.
So much for family entertainment at the Masaki household!
Sasami: Hey, Aeka, what're those girls doing? Huh? Huh?
Hey, Ayeka, do you want to do that with girl-type Ten--?
Ayeka: [muffles and drags Sasami offstage, blushing wildly]
The were kissing passionately and slowing disrobing each other. The
lighting faded until only silhouettes could be seen. The taller woman
pulled Tenchi's shirt down over her arms, and she kissed the rise of
Tenchi's bare bosom. Tenchi then began unbuttoning Ryouko's shirt, but
Ryouko then pushed Tenchi down onto the bed and out of view of the
camera. Ryouko loosened the drawstring to Tenchi's pants, and her hand
slid in and gently touched-
"AAAAAHHH!!!" Tenchi leapt to her feet panting and staring at a
startled Ryouko. "Don't LOOK at me like that! You're making me horn--
MMMBLGH!" Tenchi had slapped her hands over her mouth... too late. Her
eyes bulged as Ryouko smiled in satisfaction and the rest looked
confused.
You need to make it a little clearer that Tenchi's fantasizing about
himself and Ryoko in the TV scene.
[...]
Well, all in all, I think the idea is sound, but the execution is a
bit off.
My biggest problem would be the characterization of Washuu. I have
no problem with her doing little experimentation, but as I've already
stated, I don't think she would edit Tenchi's thinking processes, even
if she were willing to tinker with his body.
I don't like the preferential treatment Ryoko seems to be getting.
While, I like Ryoko, but one of the reasons that Tenchi works for me
is that all the girls have equal appeal. Here, it's made clear in a
couple places that Tenchi is more interested in Ryoko.
It's much more fun when he's clueless about who he prefers. ^_^
All in all, the fic appears more Tenchi Universe than Ryo-Oh-Ki.
Okay, okay, having said that, let me make some suggestions.
Is it possible for Tenchi to *accidentally* become Washuu's science
project? Mihoshi always comes in handy here. Washuu can create
the simulation, but Mihoshi caused it to actually be imprinted on
Tenchi. Then you don't have any characterization problems, or
blaming anyone.
(You can't blame Mihoshi; she's a force of nature!)
I also see Washuu's sense of aesthetics getting involved, here.
You've already demonstrated it for designing the body, but why
wouldn't she make improvements to the *process*?
Changing forms with cold water is so crude, and somewhat
uncontrollable. Wouldn't it be much better to work with a
simple toggle switch? A remote, of course. With an infinite
range.
Of course, after Tenchi's been "upgraded," Dad stops by to pick
up a co-worker's spare electronic car lock...
This would be more of a comedy of errors type thing, with everyone
trying to find what happened to the remote, while Tenchi undergoes
random changes, and suffers mental breakdown...
Washu: Don't worry about it, I've upgraded it, anyway! Now instead
of a switch, I've got a dial!
Tenchi: Aaah! Give me that!
Washu: Let's try 50%! Tenchi 1/2!
Tenchi: !!!
Looking forward to more of your writing!
Doug
----
Douglas MacDougall "You were nicer when you were evil.
http://www.dougmacd.net/ Cuter, too. Definitely more sexy!"